expat spouses - the route to happiness

Here's my one main tip:

Make sure there is or negotiate for adequate transportation for yourself as the expat spouse. If you don't live in a city with decent public transportation or you live in a country or rural/isolated area where you are discouraged to drive (or aren't permitted to drive) then either your spouse's company pays for a family car/driver or you pay for it yourself--and then try to renegotiate your spouse's contract to get the company to pay ;-).

Not having the freedom or ability to get around easily--to a part time job, to go grocery shopping, etc etc, I've learned the hard way, is very isolating and frustrating.

Now there's a solid point I never even considered.  Imagine if you had no internet access too.  Gak.

I could be an expat spouse anytime
Just give me my computer so I can keep on writing and Internet. I'll be happy, even in the North Pole... although, I need a hell of a heater up there for the matter

oreneta wrote:

One friend says that no matter what, the most important thing is for both of the partners to do a preview of the city and the stay at home partner gets the most say in where they live.  If not the only say....they have to be there most...

I too enjoy very much being an expat spouse. I still have my moments but I believe my husband and I have finally struck a balance in our chosen lifestyle. I very much agree in empowering the spouse in the decision-making process.

I have sole discretion as to living arrangements - taking into consideration my family's needs (yes, there are inputs from my husband and son), our son's school and our domestic situation (domestic help, budget, lifestyle, etc). We employ a democratic process in agreeing where we are going to be posted next as his job will be practically the same wherever we are.

We normally have 3 choices to apply for and it is my job to research relevant info (security, schools, cost of living, etc.) about each country that will affect us in our post - we sit down, talk about it (including our son), make our arguments and finally make a vote, making us all responsible for being where we are.

A participative and democratic decision making process in our situation makes me feel empowered and therefore less helpless and feeling like I'm being dragged around against my will. His got his domain, I've got mine.

A long answer but in essence, I believe certain rules will have to be agreed on before-hand.

It's my first experience of expatriation. But it's my husband who is transfer. So the decision was hard because i have my own professional carreer and i was very afraid, to not be able to work. So the condition for me to move was have a work permit and all the freedom to do it. I'm not a great house full time manager !
It's very important for not being frustated... and come back to france very quickely.

Sorry for my english it's my first message in this language and i haven't practise since a lot of time ! Bye