It's pretty common to move abroad to strengthen the bond between a couple. Through shared experiences and adventures, they forge a unique journey together. However, it's crucial to recognize the potential impact moving abroad may have on a couple's dynamics, particularly if they're unfamiliar with this lifestyle. While divorce rates in expatriate communities don't significantly differ from other cases, it's essential to adequately prepare your relationship well before the move, as life overseas often brings about distinct challenges.
In this article, I'm providing three tips for preparing your relationship for a new life overseas. By preparing in advance, the couple will be more informed and ready to decide whether moving abroad is right for them. Remember that prevention is better than cure.
Don't move abroad if your relationship is already struggling
It might sound obvious, but adding extra pressure to a relationship that's already shaky isn't wise. Just like some individuals may consider having a baby to fix their marriage, deciding to move abroad in hopes of revitalizing a romance isn't necessarily a good idea either. While there are instances where a drastic change helps reignite a fading spark, for many, relocating only minimally affects their issues and sometimes even makes them worse.
Apart from the relationship dynamics, it's crucial to recognize that divorce as an expatriate can be significantly more complex and expensive. Issues like jurisdiction, the habitual residence of children, and international relocation arise, compounding the already challenging process of divorcing in a foreign country with different legal systems and languages and far from the support of family and friends. While some break-ups may be unforeseeable, if your relationship is already strained, it's wise to avoid adding unnecessary complications in case separation becomes the choice.
Be ready and have realistic expectations
We tend to imagine expatriate life as glamorous and adventurous, especially when it's in a sunny, distant country. However, it's crucial to realize that relocating abroad isn't always smooth sailing despite its uniqueness and demands an adjustment period. Firstly, there's the stressful task of planning the move: securing schools for the children, searching for accommodation, sorting out administrative matters, and the logistics pertaining to the move. In addition to the practicalities, adjusting to a foreign culture, a new home, and a different lifestyle can be challenging for everyone involved, whether it's children or parents. This challenge is especially pronounced for trailing spouses, as it can hinder social integration without the support of a professional network. These factors can make the adjustment period lengthy and occasionally difficult. While it's typically a temporary phase, it's important to anticipate feelings of disorientation and being out of place.
My advice would be to conduct thorough research to gain a clear understanding of what to expect. If you're moving abroad for the first time, reach out to other expatriate couples and inquire about their experiences. If you're fortunate enough to have connections with families who have previously lived in the country you're planning to visit, talk to them to learn about the challenges they faced and how they navigated their arrival. Dive deep into understanding the local climate and culture, and make an effort to grasp the basics of the local language if it differs from your own. The goal is to be as prepared as possible for the transition, arming yourself with valuable insights to prevent any unpleasant surprises, frustrations, or disappointments.
Communicate effectively before and during your time abroad
Lastly, but certainly not least, as I mentioned earlier in this article, embarking on a new adventure in a foreign country should be a shared project for the couple (or family), where each member can thrive and grow. Therefore, it's crucial to consider the feelings of both parents and children when making the decision. Moving abroad inherently involves leaving certain aspects of life behind, whether it's a career, friends, family, or familiar surroundings. Sacrifices are inevitable when pursuing new experiences. Thus, it's vital to ensure that everyone in the family benefits from the decision. For instance, if one spouse has to give up their job to support the other, it's essential to prevent any potential resentment or discomfort arising due to loss of financial independence.
Even after making the decision, it's impossible to predict how everyone will adjust to the new life abroad. One approach is to establish a regular meeting schedule for the family (or couple) to assess progress and determine the next steps. This allows for pre-departure discussions on logistics and establishes criteria for potential return home triggers. For instance, agreeing to reassess if one partner isn't happy after a year in the new country, or if the children struggle with adaptation. Some families opt for a predetermined duration for their stay abroad, with the condition that an extension will only be considered if both parents agree.
Besides these scheduled check-ins, another crucial aspect is for the couple to maintain ongoing communication and actively pay attention to each other's experiences. Both partners need to empathize with the other's perspective and acknowledge that each person may not be experiencing the change in the same way. Recognizing that this project is only meaningful if it's enjoyed together, being open to adjusting plans if needed is necessary.
There's no foolproof method for safeguarding your relationship from life's uncertainties, whether you're at home or abroad. However, considering the aforementioned suggestions and adequately preparing your couple (or family) for the upcoming change can provide them with additional resilience in the face of challenges.
