Divorce after 4 kids what next to do?

hello there,
I am out here to seek advice on what to do after a divorce with 4 issues (4 children).
I am a foreigner in Malaysia, after being married to my Malaysian wife for 6 years. She decided that she needed a divorce reasons that she doesn't feel the love she needed.
I have being working to support the family all these years all alone she hasnt been helping out as well as she chose to be a housewife and now this is what i am getting in return. her family are all in support of her since i am a foreigner, but i really love my kids and they all cant do without me as well so please instruct on what could be done..

hi boestrous
i have seen many wives who get carried away, when their husbands place them on a pedestal
since your children are very young, i dont think there is much you can do except sit down with your wife and work out something for both of you
just my 2cents

thanks Caesar,
She is threatening me with deportation without my kids and i found that so ridiculous... after all my labour and hard work this is really unacceptable.

hi,from  a woman`s point of view (im a divorcee myself) best thing you should do is to calm down, let her speak her mind ,listen and don`t say anything (even if u want to~it will not make you less a man),just nod and say okay.Be receptive but still show the appearance of strength. Be in her presence with relax disposition and breathing,because she can sense if you`re agitated and frustrated.If so,it will just make her defensive and destructive ( and you don`t want a hostile wife). You have to calm her by calming yourself. Agree with whatever solutions she presents even if you don`t but indirectly suggest your ideas. This is not a winning strategy but it will buy you time so you can plan your next course of action which would benefit both sides,esp the children. Having said that, don`t plant any anger towards the mother of your children. Save your energy for planning the next step. Its not that bad to be single again.

I hate to say this but you could point out the hard truth. If you are deported NO money from you for the kids. Then point out you accept it is over but want access to the kids and will be reasonable and help support them. Life is hard here for a woman with kids so when she calms down you can get an agreement.

Obviously try reconcilliation first, but play hardball if you have to. In any break up BOTH sides did wrong. It is always true that

just forget her and start your life with new partner .

its very easy for you to say to 'forget'
what about the kids?

Sit down & talk to her without threat or provocations without drama.
Children influenced by their mother.
She can turn children against you.
I am divorced,although I gave my ex paid off house to look after the only child & not to interfere my relation with my son she agreed but as soon as she has received the title of the house she took intervention order.
After many times  trying to access to the boy she would not let the boy see me, eventually I gave up, boy study had two degree and recently ex passed away the boy informed me than I went back to Australia,I could not recognized my son and because of the dead of his mother he has now clinical depression and he can not functioning normal,still staying in my house and he seen psychiatrist and psychologist still he has issues trusting me because of his mothers brain washing.

This is truth and I hope you can get some ideas whats waiting for you in the future.
Calm down,try to talk to her and wait and see what she will do.
Only this way you might get somewhere.
maybe she sees another man and she does not wants to tell you.
Only God knows.
Time will tell if she knows what's she is doing,mean time play calm down.

Thanks alot sharond,
I really do appreciate your advice, all i have done in life is for my kids, i know what it takes to bring up kids in a foreign land and how they accept them also guess you know what i mean? so to this extent i will heed ur advise and see what happens next. thanks a lot

Hello Aaysh,
The problem is really not her the problem are my children i dont want to stay off form them... i am the only means of survival for them and getting married again could pose a problem here in Malaysia as i am a foreigner and might bee restricted from doing such or with stricter immigration laws pounding on me...

Sorry to hear your ordeal too... I'll give it a trial.


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