The Taboo: WHY MORE THAN 45% OF ADULTS IN EUROPE AND USA ARE SINGLES?

16POSTS

12 years ago

Per statistics, there are 46% adults which are singles! This is wild! And more wildly, in Brussels, I can say the percentage goes much higher ... maybe even to 55-60%!

As human beings, we have a super social character. In our lives, we enjoy having 'live' conversations with others, we love touching and being hugged and nursed, we love talking and listening to those we are fund of and we LOVE to HELP!

So, why are we not addressing the one thing which is really bothering us! That we are alone! That we are single! That we keep 'failing' on our 'relationships' - either in starting one or in continuing one!

What taboo is going on around the subject which makes it so OK to constantly 'try to swim against the flow' - the flow of our nature and urges and pleasures?

Who is really behind this? Who is trying to destroy our culture and society ...for the future?

As every one knows, the family unit, is the building block of the society. Without it, there will be no children who will be raised in loving, caring families who will care for the future of Earth. Who is really interested in destroying our culture and society by destroying its building block??

Or are we so afraid of future loses that we can not afford another loss! Are we already so 'old' mentally that we can not afford to take another heavy wind??!

I think and believe its a combination of all the above plus the major factor of not having the correct workable knowledge and tools to reach what we set to reach. What are these tools and understandings: Well, I must say that you already know many of them! The basics such as: How to communicate to another being. How to improve our relationships. How to not roller coaster in our emotions. How to keep our own integrity and values up. How to care for another and show it. How to.....

So, what is the solution: Look in the mirror ! There is the solution The best and most important and effective solution ever was --You!

And then....: Decide to say 'Now is the end of being a single, being alone, being the 'only one'!'; ' Now I want to change it and I will do all in my power to do that.'.

I have been investing in myself for the last 20 years and I feel really good. My body is 51 years old, but I feel like 35! I became mentally strong and young again and that affected my body as well. I have studied and gone to courses and received counselling and sessions for the last 20 years. Do I consider this worth my time, energy and money! Yes, absolutely! I got my energy back! I got my enthusiasm for life back! And I am very happily married to a wonderful man who is my friend, my lover and my teammate:-) It was not EASY, nor was it a walk in the park. Sometimes I felt down, to give up, to stop. But fortunately had enough guts to carry on and arrive to higher levels

So my advice to you:
Start investing in YOURSELF! In You! In your abilities and competences! Not in your clothes! Not in your shoes! Not in your makeup! Not in your haircut! Not in your car! Not iin your AV system! Not in your Iphone and Ipad and belt! In you!

What investment will give more back to you than investments in your self???

Money and possessions and jobs can be taken away from you. But your abilities and competences are the only thing no one can take away from you .

You can be invalidated, made nothing out of, but no one can kill your ability to rise again, your ability to start again, your ability to make it again!

Remember that! Decide to invest your time, energy and resources in the most important part of life - which is you! And may you never be the same again!:-)
I want to hear your voice, your ideas, opinions and questions on the above :-)

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Carolinna Member

3POSTS

12 years ago

Being single is not the same as being alone. People are more demanding nowadays and don't settle for less than what they need. There is ofcourse also people that just don't want to make a commitment. In my case, I simply haven't met someone I can be myself with and that's why I'm single. And that's just it - I'm single. I'm not lonely or feel less happy than other people just because of this. I'm happy as I am, and hope I'll be as happy when I finally meet someone! ;-)

stumpy Laos Expert

18031POSTS

12 years ago

Some people these days prefer to stay single for financial reasons. Busy work schedules often means people do not get the time to look around for a partner.
Carolinna said it all when she stated that "she is not lonely or less happy, but happy as she is until she meets someone".

I am of an older generation and I would not like to be single these days. Am quite happily married but can see why people these days prefer not to hook up until they are settled financially and emotionally before taking the plunge.

Homeira Kroone Member

16POSTS

12 years ago

Thank you Carolina :-)
I am happy to hear that you are looking forward to be as happy as you are when you find your partner :-) From my own experience, I can tell you that, when you find your partner, you will be exhilarated and your power and energy will just double! Your happiness and enthusiasm will just soar up ! And you would be super happy to have someone to share your life and dreams and problems and purposes with :-)

Homeira Kroone Member

16POSTS

12 years ago

Good :-) And .....

Homeira Kroone Member

16POSTS

12 years ago

Thank you stumpy :-)

Setare74 Member

2POSTS

12 years ago

This is an interesting topic, but I guess there might be as many possible reasons for this situation as people affected by it:)
I think each case is different, but it would be interesting to start a survey on this, maybe some reasons prevail on others or are so "universal" so they could serve as a "collective reply on behalf of the majority".
I find it also interesting that you feel this question is a "taboo" whilst it is constantly discussed on all available media or at least it can be openly approached in our society (...or, at least, at many family events where people openly "wonder" about gentle "him" or "her" not yet being "finally married" :-) )
In my case, it is very simple: I have met the "man of my heart" (who, by the way, lives at the other edge of the world) some years ago whilst I was together with somebody else who lives closer. Despite from the geographical distance, my family obligations (I have a wonderful child from a former relationship) and so on, the real reason for not being able to "cope" with this relationship is that I wasn't used to the amount of happiness which I have been able to share with this man who was a real soulmate to me. I thought it was "more normal" to have a life which wouldn't question my main assumption on the world, that life is a little "average", mediocre etc and that relationship have to be unsatisfying because that's "how the world is like". A wrong assumption, for sure, but I have learnt out of my mistakes, I have lost the man as a partner but could get along with a good friendship. However, I will keep my eyes open and hope to find another soulmate which I won't let "escape" any more. Summarizing, my main problem at the time was probably related to lack of self-esteem and the idea of not having deserved a happy life.
So, now you have got "one story" of one among 45% of singles around Europe.
While trying to meet someone, I often notice that conversation among people remains superficial which makes it difficult to get to know really someone. Maybe this is the real taboo: everybody is doing or consuming plenty of things, but if you ask somebody WHY he/she is opting for something or how he/she FEELS, which are constraints and contradictions of his/her life, you need to be far advanced in conversation and you need to invest time and attention in your interlocutor...and have the will to interact. Starting by myself, I often notice how much I am distracted by stress and how difficult it is sometimes to slow down and really focus on the other person...

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Homeira Kroone Member

16POSTS

12 years ago

Thanks a lot for your extensive response Setare :-) I appreciate it and I understand what you say. Yes, probably a survey would be a good idea. I have also thought about it and have it on my plan for this year.
What I see, mainly from my coaching experience, it seems a combination of stress and the 'mask we put on' as to how we are 'suppose to be and act' makes a big difference in our attitudes towards others - including the opposite sex.
It takes courage, self confidence and abilities, such as good interpersonal communication skills, to throw the masks away, to throw the ideas of 'I have to act in a certain way to be accepted and liked'. It also takes the need to know where you are going? What you want to achieve with your partner? etc....
Per my experiences, as soon as these pressing issues are properly and expertly handled, in Q and A conversations, then its much easier to deal with stress, contacting, understanding and creating a positive life with a partner which we can admire.
What do you think?

Setare74 Member

2POSTS

11 years ago

#10

Hi Homeira, thanks for your interesting reply and your views from your coaching experiences. To come back to your taboo

, I very often wonder why there are so few serious wedding agencies even in big cities in Europe...I intend to say good old wedding agencies, like they existed in the 70s or 80s...where people were personnally taken care of by a wedding coach who tries to carefully merge candidates of a similar profile who have also similar ideas, projects, life plans and who want to sit down seriously to see if they could fit. Sounds a little like the arranged weddings at grandparents' times, but they were often quite stable as "coached" by the advice of experienced relatives who could feel if the couple would have chances to fit on a longer term. Today the internet can be useful for that purpose, but it is also a huge pandora box for all sort of people...normal ones, but also psychopaths and criminals...and it is still more anonymous and less care-taking than a serious agency...what do you think?

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Homeira Kroone Member

16POSTS

11 years ago

#11

Hello Setare,

Thank you for your response and sorry for delay in answering you. I would actually prefer if we could be on email lines as I am not on Expat-blog often.

As to your idea re wedding agencies: I (and this is my private idea) think the main reason these agencies do not flourish and expand, or close down after a short while, is that they, like you and many others, are faced with the human beings who have personal problems, concerns regarding relationships, are filled with false information and are not any more themselves, but try to fit into a 'box' of what they believe is the right way to be to find the ideal partner. And unless one has the spiritual technology of how to help and how to find the real problems and how to help the candidates be able to better handle their own considerations, then there will be no real results.
The wedding arrangements of the grandparents times were more successful as people were more themselves and did not have access to all types of false information being bombarded in the society by vested interest to create 'individuals' who have to fit in a 'box' in order to be approved. The same with the internet and mobile and apps. No body really is in contact with others, but mainly view a device and that creates real problem. Can you see this in real life?
(send your answer to my email h.kroone@agora-tcc.com) See you

Best, Homeira

Carolinna Member

3POSTS

11 years ago

#12

Interesting point Homeira.
I have realised fairly recently that I sometimes 'scare' possible partners because I try to be myself. It's not that I'm an unpleasant person ( I like to think that I am!) but the fact that people nowadays pretend to be someone they are not.
They try, as you say, to fill certain boxes and that for me is not a good start. I just have no patience for the this 'game of pretending to be'.
I also believe that's also the reason why many relationships come to an end very quickly. If you're not honest how do you get to know each other? The mask does eventually come off.
As you can see there arr many many reasons why people remain single ;-)