The life of a diplomatic spouse in Berlin

Can you please introduce yourself and tell us about your background?

Hello! I am Alexandra Paucescu, born and raised in Bucharest, Romania.

Former SOROS Foundation exchange student in the USA, I studied management and have a Master degree in business. I worked in sales and marketing for ten years. I speak Romanian, English, French, German and Italian and completed studies in Cultural Diplomacy and International Relations, with a special interest in intercultural communication. I am an active NGO volunteer and have worked with United Nations Women's Guild in Vienna and UNICEF in Berlin.

Inspired by my diplomatic life, I wrote ‘Just a diplomatic spouse' (published in 2020), a book where I talk about our diplomatic postings and day-by-day diplomatic life realities.

I also started freelancing and published articles in a few magazines in Europe and the USA. Occasionally, I do online webinars on intercultural communication. I try to keep myself busy.

This year I have published a children's book, ‘Boni goes around the world', a magical journey to different corners of the earth, a motivational and emotional bedtime story.

What made you want to leave Romania?

I've left Romania following my husband's diplomatic career abroad. 

What brought you to Germany? For how long have you been there?

Diplomatic postings usually last for about 4 to 5 years. We have been living in Berlin for almost 6, so it's time to move again. 

Is this your first experience overseas?

I have lived in USA, Austria and Germany so far. Who knows what's next?

Did you find it hard to adapt each time you moved, especially with children? What were the main challenges, and how did you overcome them?

Each new move requires new skills, but you learn in time to become more patient, more tolerant; you test your resilience and understand that you are, in fact, a lot stronger than you thought. 

Gradually, the whole family develops a set of skills that help with any new relocation, we build a strong bond, and we evolve. The kids, TCKs (third-culture kids), are exposed from an early age to an amalgam of cultures and languages, so they will become international citizens of tomorrow, mastering the art of integration in an increasingly global environment. 

Moving is hard, it is rated as the third most stressful situation in someone's life, after death and divorce. But you learn to deal with it, look at the bright side of life and what diplomatic life and these frequent relocations offer in return.

What does the life of a Diplomatic Spouse in Berlin look like?

Berlin is one of the most important capitals in Europe, politically speaking. So, consequently, diplomatic life used to be quite active and extremely interesting: diplomatic events, exhibitions, luncheons, conferences. I say ‘used to be', because ever since the Coronavirus pandemic started, things froze. Sadly, most of the diplomatic events where I was involved got cancelled, so almost no more social life for me… a tough reality, which I tried to overcome by concentrating on my writing.

What are your views on the role of women in the European diplomatic sphere?

People often assume that diplomatic wives have a life full of charm, with refined parties and elegant clothes. But our life is much more complex. Few know all the sacrifices, all the inner struggle, loneliness and the continuous search for meaning and a professional activity. Portable careers are these days possible, but not easy to achieve. All these are part of my book, as I intended to present life as it is, honestly and with no exaggerations. Nowadays, diplomatic spouses have a stronger voice; they can open doors, promote their countries and even settle conflicts, combining grace and diplomacy with intelligence. 

How do you cope with your different roles as an author, freelance writer, event coordinator, intercultural communicator, and that of Diplomatic Spouse and mother of two?

In my life so far, I have worn many hats, and I tried to make the best out of everything. It is not easy, but it is possible. I have learned to relax, to take things as they are, to be more optimistic and to understand that things always come in your life at the right time. No need to rush them!

Is there anything that you miss from Romania, your home country?

I miss the nice warm weather in Bucharest, the long walks in the forest just behind our home, some incredibly tasty traditional Romanian food, but, above all, I miss my friends and family.

Do you have any messages for other diplomatic spouses and expat women around the world?

We all live similar lives. We all try to support our partners and try to bring our contribution to their long term careers. But we must never forget about our passions and dreams! Dreams come true. You just have to focus on what you wish, work for it, make it happen. Don't give up your own aspirations and ambitions, as you will only feel regrets later. Make your own path, a name for yourself. If you are in the position to do it, help others, too. 

And, as my life motto says: ‘Be kind, it's free!'