Slow December: Letting go of New Year pressure as an expat

The lights are brighter, calendars fill up, and it feels like we are slowly moving towards some almost tangible finish line. Soon, social media will be running on posts of the going year's accomplishments and New Year's plans. And let's be honest—this alone can be quite stressful. And if you are an expat, stress levels often tend to climb even higher. You are already dealing with a new country, a new language, a new social circle, and the inevitable expectations of people back home of how well you are doing abroad.

And now here comes the New Year. You can almost feel it tugging at your sleeve and demanding conclusions and new resolutions. But what if, in the middle of all of this commotion, all you want to do is stand still? Maybe, just maybe, what if there is absolutely nothing wrong with planning absolutely nothing for 2026?

This is when the idea of Slow December may resonate with you. It presents an attractive alternative: instead of using this month to map out the next year in a color-coded calendar, we could just let it … be?

Slow December gives us back the right not to be more productive, not to enter into an abstract competition of ambitious resolutions, and even not to become a better version of ourselves.

Slow December is about daring to do less.

Why do we feel the need to make New Year's resolutions?

Long before the social media pressure, people felt the need to make personal vows at the beginning of a new year. Even the Babylonians greeted their new year by making commitments to their deities. And the Romans turned to Janus (the two-faced god who looked both backward and forward to guide their intentions.

So, we can't really blame modern-day "go-get-it" culture for pressuring us into busy Decembers. It looks like we have a natural internal longing to make self-improvement promises to ourselves.

According to some psychologists, this is how we manifest our need to exercise at least some control over our lives. This need may be even more pressing for expats, who often find themselves in unpredictable situations when living abroad, and generally suffer from a lack of stability in their lives.

Why do we feel this way specifically in December? The beginning of a new year works as what psychologists call a “temporal landmark”. This is something we perceive as a clean, resonant break between the past and future. This so-called fresh start makes us look toward the future with hope. We think of the new year as a completely blank page where everything is possible, and we feel the need to feel this possibility with very specific possibilities.

In short, even though there is definitely increasing social pressure we may experience this December, a lot of the stress we feel during the holidays comes from within. And this also means it's absolutely within our power to change this.

The expat upgrade trap

This may not be the case for everyone, but a lot of people note that once they move abroad, their life gets stuck in a constant upgrade mode. Suddenly, it feels like every little aspect of your life needs improvement. You need to learn a new language. You need to find a new apartment. At work, you need to prove to your employer that you are worth the complications of hiring a foreigner. At the same time, immigration rules keep changing, and you always need to be ready to fill in more forms, provide more proof, and prepare more documents. And even after you've handled most of this, there is the ever-lasting task of building a social life from scratch, one awkward Meetup event at a time.

And then December hits. The world around you seems to speed up. It may start to feel like one big Christmas letter you can't stop reading: promotions, engagements, babies — everyone has done something big or is planning to do it next year. It looks like everyone you know has it figured out, and you are still struggling to order your morning coffee right in a new language. This contrast can sting, and even if you used to think that you've done a lot this year, your brain may start to kick you in the unpleasant cycle of wondering "But shouldn't have I done more?"

Now, there is nothing wrong with self-improvement. In fact, your desire to be more, see more or do more could be the reason you are now in a new destination. But the perpetual need to keep upgrading can place you in a state of emotional suspense. There will always be something to fix, one more new habit to adjust to, one more version of ourselves we'd like to try out. Instead of appreciating who you already are, you may end up feeling … unfinished. Year after year.

And here's the paradox of it all. When you treat everything as an opportunity for improvement, there is very little space left for rest or simple quiet contemplation. When you are always trying to stay productive, you may end up fast-forwarding through important moments. And when you live abroad, there are lots of moments that you may miss out on and never get back. Taking a walk through a new neighborhood (without checking your phone), trying a new hobby, taking that trip, or simply being alone with your own thoughts are not what you may think of moving forward. But they can actually be great ways to reset, recharge, come up with new ideas, or simply create memories that last.

What Slow December can give you (and why it doesn't really matter)

There's a quiet strength in slowing down. And expats may feel it more than others. For instance, it could help you build stronger relationships. When you stop rushing from one obligation to another, you may see that it becomes easier to notice people. We may believe that meaningful relationships are built through big moments—but cross-cultural psychological studies actually show that it is small repeated interactions that help activate our sense of belonging.

This slow December, you can try:

• Allowing yourself time for casual small talk in everyday situations: coffee shop, bakery, catching up with a neighbor.
• Paying more attention to minor cultural cues that you usually miss.
• Noting random social interactions around you that may help you understand your new environment better

Instead of making very specific plans for one December weekend, leave it intentionally free. Go outside with no agenda, explore a few new streets, and pay attention to smaller details that you never had time for before. You may notice a new seasonal market or a coffee shop you've never tried. Stop by, browse, and see what people around you are doing. Maybe you will see a poster for a community event, maybe you'll run into someone you know, or maybe you will finally allow yourself some free time for small talk with a shop assistant. You never know where these small interactions may take you.

In a strange way, slowing down can actually bring you more opportunities. Not all opportunities come via some big announcements, work rivalries or incessant job hunting. Sometimes, it's as simple as being in the right place at the right time. Research on attention and cognitive load shows that people notice more opportunities when their mental “bandwidth” isn't overloaded.

Try something new this December:

• Consider a "yes" to small invitations around you that you rarely have time for.
• Explore new, less obvious opportunities: attend a local Meetup or a language exchange event.
• Spend some time with your thoughts: go to a quiet cafe with a view and give in to an uninterrupted flow of thought.

Imagine sitting quietly with your morning coffee. Maybe somewhere new, with a view. This time, instead of rushing through work assignments, simply do nothing. With no task to focus on, your mind will start to wander. Maybe you'll realize that a personal project you've been putting off has more potential than you thought. Maybe you'll come up with a better way to organize time at work. Maybe you'll think of a new area of interest that makes you excited. Anything is possible when you let your mind roam free.

Slowing down can make you feel less lonely. And for expats, loneliness can be a real concern, especially in December and during major holidays.

Ironically, loneliness isn't always about being alone. Sometimes it can be about feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated or when your nervous system is simply stretched too thin.

Here's how a Slow December can help:

• Focus on one holiday errand instead of managing them all.
• Allow yourself a full day to talk to friends and family back home or cook a holiday meal you miss the most.
• Give in to feelings of nostalgia for a while, if you have them.

In the spirit of Slow December, maybe you want to skip traditional holiday hassle and, instead, give yourself some time to be with… just you. Stay home or go out. Take your time, savor each moment, and just explore your own wishes and concerns.

Slow December can be a great time to learn more about your new destination. When you are constantly wondering about how well you are doing in a new place, you may accidentally miss how interesting life around you may be. A slower pace can help bring that into focus.

You may start to notice:

• The natural and social changes that take place in the wintertime.
• The foods that may only become available at this time of year.
• The way people celebrate (or not) the coming of a new year, etc.

The best thing about Slow December is that it favors as little planning as possible. Sure, you can book a package tour or take a trip. But you can also give yourself a break and simply try a food you've never tried before from a street food stall by your house.

These are just a few simple ways in which slowing down can actually help you make a leap forward. But here's the thing: it doesn't really matter. Ultimately, Slow December is about slowing down and expecting nothing in return, at least in the short term.