Dear all,
Hope you are all fine and well!
I just wanted to write this as I'm in an emotional turmoil. About three days ago, my partner whose training to be a teacher saw adverts to apply to become a teacher for international schools in Germany. As both her and I have a good grasp of the language and both visited and loved the country, she wanted to apply for it and seemed 100% to go through with it and I would love the idea of living abroad for at least a year to experience a different culture.
However, I'm in my last year at university and there is no possibility for remote learning and so I suggested for her to apply next year and during that time she could get a temp teaching job to gain experience and we both could save money and brush up on the language. She seemed to be on board with this suggestion until this morning when she said she didn't want to do it anymore and that she didn't want to put our lives on hold just to move abroad for a year. We are in our early twenties and we aren't tied down in any means possible and it would be quite easy to move to Germany.
But she said that she didn't want us to have to wait to start a family and get a house and she would be worried about getting a teaching job back in the UK.
I understand all her worries and have since said that it's fine, we'll stay. But I can't help but feel broken hearted about not going anymore and possibly missing out on an amazing life experience together. I love her dearly and would never part with her. I just can't stop feeling upset about it.
Sorry for the long post and if my sentences don't make sense
Wanting to move to Germany
Hello,
You have no reason to be embarrassed. The situation you are currently experiencing has already happened and will still happen to many of us. It is the eternal "fear of adventure or fear of tomorrow" for some.
You are young and you want to try something different than the basic path that people think you have to go. And your partner wants to do the normal circuit.
Which puts you in front of a difficult choice:
- Either try something that can be fantastic or fail
- Either ask yourself the question over the next few years "why didn't I try"
This situation will repeat itself regularly throughout your life. Unfortunately no one can answer for you.
One day I made this decision. And I'm happy about it. Left side for me
I didn't catch if there isn't a question implied here or not? Things are so complicated with the Corona situation that the idea of trying to get jobs and move internationally if not necessary seems questionable if even possible. From the post I don't see what would keep you from trying to come to Germany in the future when your situation is clearer. If you seriously think it is doable then putting it off for a while should not behave to be a deciding factor. Plenty of people the world over are having to replan their lives. Maybe you should just be content to be healthy and to have options in front of you.
Any relationship includes situations where both partners' expectations and dreams differ from each other. In good relationships, both partners manage to sort it out and come up with a plan that fits both - even if that often means one or both have to compromise somewhat.
In your case it seems you are the adventurous kind who wants to venture out into the world, while your partner prefers to settle down and have a more sedate lifestyle.
Not knowing both of you, it is difficult to advise what is the right course in your case. It could be a shorter foreign adventure together (say, a six months internship), or a temporary separation (you go, she stays), or a delay of any foreign plan for a few years, or anything else.
Usually, an all or nothing solution (meaning you both either fully follow your wishes, or hers) is not good, because one of the partners will resent it.
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