These "not so friendly" cities
Cities like Paris, Tokyo, Seoul, Yangon, Zurich, Nairobi, Beijing are regularly listed among the least welcoming cities in the world. Of course, you are not supposed to only rely on these studies since there are many others factors to consider for quality of life and a better experience. Still, some will tell you that they feel at home in Tokyo or have found a new family in the friendly people of Nairobi.
Lost and stressed about making new connections (which is quite natural), we often fail to realise that the locals might have similar issues. For example, Parisians sometimes regret their hectic lifestyle, making it difficult to bond with new people. In Seoul, people have a pretty competitive mindset, so career is prioritised over social life. In Japan, friendship seems to be an issue for the Japanese themselves. To help the Japanese create new bonds, there are free apps like "Tomodachi tsukuri" (building friendships) or "shumi chatto" (hobbies and chat).
However, you shall be your best ally in your quest for new connections. Be natural, open-minded, curious, attentive, empathetic, rea to receive, willing to learn and be taken back, smiling, positive and sincere. This will definitely help in building solid friendships.
Assess yourself
Reflection begins with a focus. Are you rather the lonesome type or open to others? Are you introverted or extroverted? Do you basically have a lot of friends? Do you create new bonds easily? Are you able to enjoy solo time, or do you frequently feel the need to be surrounded? Is your expat city a personal choice or not? You will better understand your needs and have a well-defined action plan by answering these questions. For example, randomly approaching a stranger on the street is no big deal for some people. For others, prior integration into a group makes it easier to speak up. Still, others prefer getting started on social media.
Learn the local language
Do you speak the local language yet? Contrary to popular belief, English is not enough when you're moving abroad, although it's a universal language. Learning the language is perhaps the first way to connect with the country. It also shows your interest and willingness to interact with the locals. Language is not just an accumulation of grammar rules; it is above all a history, a culture, ways of expressing a particular emotion. Leaving with a minimum of cultural background also helps to avoid misunderstandings. You are, of course, free (it is even recommended) to improve your language skills once you have settled there.
Observe your surroundings
Observe your new surroundings as you would do anywhere else: the neighbourhood, shops, markets, your workplace, popular spots, etc. Where do people in your age group hang out? Then, filter your searches by areas of interest: yours to begin with, before expanding to activities you want to try and the country's typical activities. In short: start thinking local and get immersed in the way of life.
Get your bearings
Get the most of every space (sharehouse, neighbourhood, workplace, etc.) to create new contacts and extend your circle. Your housemates, neighbours, colleagues, etc., can be great companions for a start. Avoid surrounding yourself with expatriates only. Locals (even the local merchant!) can be of great help. By discussing with them regularly, you will learn more about popular events, activities and outings taking place in your new city. Be curious and open so that the locals can guide you.
Adopt new habits
Perhaps you had your regular bakery, café, market or gardener in your home country? It can be the same abroad as long as you're ready to pick up new habits. Try to get into a new routine. For example, go jogging in the park, spend some time at a local café, visit the local pastry shop, a family restaurant, the neighbourhood mini-market, etc. Over time, you will be known, and this will help you interact with the locals.
Join a club
Whether you're more into sports, culture, singing, etc., there's something for every taste. It's often easier to meet people in small groups. Consider having a look at the municipality's website. It's very likely that it has a list of local clubs or associations (and there might be discounts for subscriptions to local clubs).
Register to meetup groups and social network
Don't limit yourself to expat networks. You didn't cross the ocean to meet expats at an Iowa cafe. Again, think local and use the popular instant messengers: in Japan, everyone uses Line. In South Korea, Kakao Talk is a popular networking app.
Go to events
You might like going to concerts, festivals, karaoke evenings, hiking trips, etc. But very often, the groups are already formed. So it's obvious that you'll feel more at ease once you have integrated a group (on social networks, for example).
Keep in touch and be patient
The aim of all this is not to stress yourself on expanding your network but to make real and lost-lasting connections. For example, if you enjoyed your new friend's guided tour, let them know. The locals are not tour guides, but they will happily bring you into their world through interaction. But keep in mind that you have to contribute to making things work. Relationships usually differ from one person to another, so be patient and keep a positive mindset.
