Why living abroad can shake your confidence

In my practice, I regularly meet expatriates who experience this. When you are far from your home country, your language, and your familiar reference points, something inside can begin to waver. This is not a weakness. It is often a deeply human reaction to a major life upheaval.

What exactly is impostor syndrome?

You may recognize yourself in some of these thoughts:

• You have “succeeded,” but you believe it was mostly luck.
• You minimize your skills and accomplishments.
• You worry about being “found out.”
• You tell yourself: “I'm not good enough” or “I don't deserve to be here.”
• Even when people congratulate you, a part of you struggles to believe them.

People experiencing impostor feelings often have difficulty acknowledging their own achievements. Even when they receive praise or clear recognition, something inside them prevents them from truly accepting it.

A simple psychological perspective

A psychoanalytic perspective helps not only to name this feeling of imposture but also to understand it as a tension between who we are and who we believe we should be.

Often, this feeling is linked to fragile self-esteem, an old fear of judgment, a very demanding internal ideal, or a strong need for recognition.

From a psychoanalytic point of view, these doubts can often connect to deeper psychological dynamics, such as:

• Narcissism, in the psychological sense: the ability to acknowledge one's own success, which can be blocked by internal or external standards that are too demanding.
• Fear of failure, not only personal failure but also symbolic failure, linked to what we represent for our loved ones or what we once expected from our own lives.
• Primitive shame, a deep-rooted feeling of being fundamentally flawed, which can reappear in new situations where we feel exposed, for example, when speaking a foreign language or navigating unfamiliar cultural or social norms.

These dynamics are not pathological in themselves. However, when they become overwhelming, they can be exhausting and make the expat experience more painful, more anxiety-provoking, and more isolating.

Where does this concept come from?

Impostor syndrome was first described in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. They observed that highly competent and successful individuals could remain convinced that they did not truly deserve their achievements. According to their research, this doubt often begins early in life. It may develop in environments where personal value was strongly tied to success, or conversely, where individuals felt insufficiently recognized.

Today, psychologists tend to speak more about the “impostor experience.” It is not an illness, and it does not necessarily last forever.

In fact, around 70% of people experience these feelings at least once in their lives, especially during periods of transition. So if you feel this way, you are far from alone, and you are allowed to feel it.

Why can living abroad intensify these feelings?

Because everything around you changes. The language, social norms, ways of working, humor, cultural references, suddenly, the environment you once mastered becomes unfamiliar. Even if you are highly competent, you may suddenly feel awkward, slow, or “behind.” But this often happens simply because your usual bearings have disappeared.

In your home country, you knew who you were. You spoke the language fluently. You understood the implicit rules. Your place felt clear.

Abroad, many of those markers are no longer there. And when external reference points shift, your sense of identity can begin to wobble.

People's gaze may also pressure you, such as colleagues, managers, other expatriates, and family members back home. You tend to say to yourself: “I have to succeed.” “I can't afford to fail.” You may feel you have a lot to lose.

For those who have moved abroad for work, it is common to question whether you truly deserve the job, the salary, or the opportunity you were given. For some people, this doubt becomes a powerful driver. They push themselves to work harder and harder, sometimes until they are exhausted.

Living abroad tends to amplify your emotions in many ways. It brings into life the doubts that may already have existed, but have been hidden.

When do these feelings appear most often?

The impostor feelings tend to intensify at different moments during your time abroad, and each stage may come with its own emotional challenges.

Before departure

Excitement mixed with anxiety, fear of not being capable

Procrastination, questioning the whole project

During the initial settling-in period

Doubt, impostor feelings related to language, work, or social interactions

Isolation, exhaustion, overworking to compensate, constant self-criticism

After several months

Ongoing comparisons with locals or previous expatriates

Excessive perfectionism, fatigue, stress, anxiety

Professional projects or starting a business

Fear of exposure, fear of failure, fear of judgment, feeling unable to meet expectations

Procrastination, stagnation, fear of others' opinions

Return home or major life changes

Identity confusion, nostalgia, fear of no longer being the person you once were

Adjustment difficulties, feeling like a stranger to yourself

Is this mainly a women's issue?

Impostor syndrome is often associated with women. However, more recent studies suggest that men experience it just as frequently.

The difference lies mostly in how the doubt is expressed. Many men still struggle to acknowledge vulnerability in a social model that expects strength and confidence from them. Women, on the other hand, may speak more openly about their insecurities, which can create the impression that they are more affected.

At the same time, women today often face a particular kind of pressure: to succeed professionally, to be independent and high-performing, and to do it all without faltering.

This environment, sometimes described as neoliberal feminism, can reinforce a very demanding inner standard. Many women become extremely hard on themselves, rarely satisfied with what they accomplish, and comparisons between women can intensify the feeling of never doing enough.

Ultimately, though, impostor syndrome is not about gender. It is more deeply connected to how we relate to success, to others' judgment, and to the ideal of perfection that modern society often promotes.

What can you do about it?

Here are a few simple approaches that I sometimes suggest during consultations:

• Put words to what you feel. Naming the doubt makes it less overwhelming.
• Limit comparisons. Everyone experiences expatriation at their own pace.
• Acknowledge small achievements, even the ones that seem insignificant.
• Accept that you won't master everything right away. Not understanding, making mistakes, and learning are part of the process.
• Connect with other expats. You will likely discover that these feelings are far more common than you imagined.
• Seek support if needed. A therapeutic space can help explore these doubts more deeply and strengthen your inner stability.

Impostor syndrome can be exhausting and difficult to live with, and it may even lead to symptoms that make everyday life harder. Rather than seeing it as an enemy to fight, it can sometimes be viewed as a signal worth listening to. It may offer valuable insight into deeper questions: our sense of identity, our relationship with others, and our need for recognition.

With time, self-compassion, and sometimes professional support, this doubt can become an opportunity to learn to recognize your own worth beyond the gaze of others, and to truly inhabit your place in the world, even far from home.