Humans have been nomads since prehistoric times, over two million years ago. Men and women moved across territories in search of food, most often following animal migrations. Back then, we were hunters and gatherers. Socially, we lived in tribes or small clans, bound by meaningful connections. We've changed a lot since then… or have we?
By mid-2024, the number of people living in a country other than their country of birth had reached 304 million worldwide, 3.7% of the global population, according to the United Nations. And that number is expected to keep growing.
One of the main drivers of migration is economic, encompassing professional growth, education, and financial improvement, though it's far from the only reason. So when we ask: "Have we really changed from our ancestors when it comes to migration?" The answer is: it depends!
We're no longer chasing mammoths, but sometimes we're chasing unicorns!
As humans, we're still driven by that deep urge to improve our circumstances. The motivation is the same; what's different is what we're chasing and how we're chasing it. What do I mean by that? Let me explain…
As I mentioned earlier, during the Neolithic era, we were nomads searching for food, driven by a survival instinct that pushed us to explore new territories. But here's the thing: we didn't make that journey alone. We traveled as a group. Our clan, our tribe, came with us on that dangerous adventure. At night, we slept together in caves because our survival instinct told us it was the safest way to defend ourselves or flee threats, like nocturnal predators. Being part of the group and feeling like you belonged meant protection for every individual and a better chance of survival for everyone.
Today, we explore new territories, looking to improve some aspect of our lives, driven by curiosity or other motivations, but we do it alone. Our little tribe doesn't come with us anymore. We set out on this journey solo, and that's how we face whatever challenges come our way on our own.
This is one of the key differences between how we migrate today and how our ancestors did, and you could argue it's what makes moving to another country even tougher than chasing mammoths.
Chasing unicorns far from the tribe
Moving to another country is a life-changing experience. A great adventure! It broadens your perspective and forces you to grow.
And grow you will, no question about it. But at what cost, and under what conditions?
Far from the land where you grew up, far from the people who were your emotional support system for years, everything can start to feel a little hostile. We migrate alone. Very few animal species do that. It makes sense to do it as a group, but when we go it alone, it becomes a silent loss, one that's hard to put into words sometimes, and that can even go unnoticed by ourselves.
Your family, your lifelong friends, and the neighbors you grew up with make up your little tribe. Your tribe partly defines who you are, gives you a sense of belonging and identity, and meets deep emotional and practical needs. They support you; you support them. They shape who you are, and you shape who they are. This two-way relationship creates invisible support networks and synergies that can endure over time and across borders.
The tribe you belong to is an emotional anchor. That's why, when your tribe is physically far away, the distance can have a profound impact on your emotions and sense of identity. For many expats, keeping those connections alive isn't just a sentimental gesture; it's a deep, vital emotional need that helps them get through each day far from home.
The benefits of still feeling like part of your original support system
Coping better with the cultural, professional, and emotional stress of expat life. Especially during the first few months after arriving, when you haven't had time to build stable relationships yet.
Feeling like you belong somewhere and to someone when you're far from home and don't yet feel rooted in your new country can make a real difference.
Maintaining a sense of who you are: Holding on to personal continuity despite all the changes around you provides emotional security and helps preserve your identity.
Of course, all of this comes with plenty of nuance, depending on each person's personality and life story. There are many different experiences out there. Some that I've encountered through my patients have shown me that, for instance, not being in contact with their own family has actually been one of the best things about living as an expat in another country!
That said, in cases where there's generally a good relationship with your family support network and/or friends, the physical distance will likely change the relationship and how you interact (you can't just spontaneously grab a coffee and catch up on each other's week anymore, but you can keep up a video call on weekends, for example), but it won't necessarily change the quality of the bond. Emotional closeness doesn't depend solely on physical presence; it depends on the intention and care you put into it.
Tips for keeping your relationships alive from afar
1. Create and stick to connection "routines"
A weekly phone call or a Sunday video chat can become emotional anchors. When these routines are consistent, they turn into genuine "social rituals" that help you feel connected to your original group.
2. Share the everyday stuff, not just the big news, the emergencies, or the wins
Sometimes we think we need a major update to justify reaching out, something significant, whether good or bad. But really, what matters is sharing your everyday life: what you did today, what you cooked for lunch, a funny thing that happened. That's enough to keep the bond alive, because you're inviting the other person into your daily world, and that's where real closeness lives.
3. Relationships aren't always symmetrical
Life has all kinds of seasons, right? There will be times when you need more contact, and times when it's the other way around. There may even be stretches when you can't be as available, or when they can't. That's what makes a relationship real. Don't try to make it perfect.
4. Relationships add up, they don't divide
A common fear among expats is feeling like they have to choose: either build a new life or hold on to the old one. In reality, you can bring both worlds together and let them coexist within you. You can build new support networks in your host country without losing the old ones. Deep bonds aren't replaceable, and they don't crowd each other out. The new ones nourish who you are now, while the old ones support the foundation of who you've always been, and still are in many ways. You don't have to choose. They can all coexist.
What if you can't maintain your original bonds, or they're not enough
Anyone who has ever lived outside their home country knows there are tough moments, and it's not always possible to keep family or friend connections going. Or sometimes, even knowing they're there, those bonds aren't enough to get you through certain life challenges. In situations of personal, professional, or existential crisis, when you feel like neither old nor new relationships are enough to keep you emotionally afloat, and you can't even sustain yourself on your own, it's important to seek specialized psychological support. Sometimes individual therapy sessions can be incredibly helpful, as can group settings with other expats where you can share your experiences. In my experience facilitating both individual psychological sessions and group support spaces, a combination of the two can be especially effective.
Conclusion
When we emigrate, we don't just leave a country behind; we leave behind a support system that validated us and made us feel safe. So how can we, as expats, keep feeling like we're still part of our tribe?
Maintaining family and friend connections across distance is an emotional health necessity for expats. Continuing to feel like part of your original support group reminds you of who you are and where you come from, and it becomes a solid foundation while you're building your life in a new country.
Despite the distance, bonds can stand the test of time. They'll shift, fluctuate, and evolve, of course, but their quality can remain unchanged regardless of the miles, the borders, the time zones, or the languages between you.
Moving abroad doesn't have to mean you stop belonging. It can mean that the territories of your identity and belonging simply expand.
