Loneliness when you're abroad

Its a good thing if you have places to visit whenever you feel lonely. But what if there's no single place to visit. I mean you're in the middle of the desert or you're in a military base working. Life sucks! Being lonely is a price we have to pay to earn money.

I dont know, but if I ever get lonely I dont like to do things like reading, or studying. My best option is to seek people who are funny, or go places like mall, or park or any place which has a lot of people.

i wonder is it intellectual lonliness, i been in many countries and i know its my EXPECTATIONS that get me  cheesed off,.for instance in kenya everyone will be my friend  but its only for their own MONEY REASONS,.so i  end up keeping to my self,.i could not go to the beach with out 100 eyes scanning me,.but i have to say i got used to it and its tough but i got a bit more thik skinned,.am debating will i move to asia,.i like kenya   becaue they all spoke engish,.am thinking of teachignenglish in vietnam,..cheers,.

Hi Mike,

From my reading of Go Overseas, it sounds like the best place for ESL teachers is Korea... government and people very appreciative.

We are retired in St Petersburg Russia. Teachers for Language Link
in Moscow are happy to pleased with their setup, and Russians can be very friendly to expats... the babes particularly!

Traffic is terrible there, and forest fires, climate extremes, food tops, government difficult, sometimes quite corrupt.

Good luck,

Rob MacDonald
American Russia Observations
amrusob.blogspot.com

Friendships develop out of self interest; that's a fact. We want to be friends with people who have something that we seek. But, we tend to forget that this works both ways. The reason we often don't succeed in developing friendship when we do manage to find people that we like is that we may not have what they seek. Thus, A seeks B, but B seeks C, and C seeks D, and so on.

Haven't you often seen some old and feeble person sitting by himself in some corner, terribly alone? Perhaps he would really value your company. But, would you be willing to give it to him? Probably not, right? You are busy trying to find someone to fulfil your own needs, right? You may, for example, be chasing some young and good-looking person, but that person may be disappointed with the size of your bank balance,… And so goes life.

So, we have to do some analysis: what is it that we seek, and what is it that we possess which we can offer in exchange? It works like a barter system for goods and services. If each party has what the other party wants, then there can be a successful exchange. Sometimes the other party doesn't want what you have on offer. Then what do you do? You change your own expectations and try to find someone with whom an exchange is possible even if you don't get exactly what you wanted.

The secret lies in finding out what the people we seek will in turn be seeking, and then trying to acquire or develop those assets if we wish to go ahead.

What would they seek from their potential friend?
A good listener?
A funny, cool guy to hang out with for good times?
A daring, adventurous partner for outdoor activities?
A rich guy to pay their bills without complaining?
A trusty, loyal dog to protect them?
A young, handsome guy to marry and have a family with?
A successful and interesting person that they can show off to their friends?
A guy who is readily available to do their odd jobs?
A gullible fool who can be scammed and tossed aside?
And so on.

Figure out which needs you are able and willing to satisfy. Then figure out your own needs and how much you are willing to compromise on them. That could provide some indications regarding how to proceed. Good luck.

Even after almost a year has passed by, there are still times when i feel like the lonliest person ever. 
It's a new life, new language, new people, culture. 

My old friends are so far away, and it's kind of hard to have a very very close friend in such a short time.  Besides, most are comfortable speaking swedish, and i am still preferring english when i socialize on a regular basis once i get tired of trying to speak swedish for a while. 

Fun and relax time is only spent with my husband and his friends. 

It sometimes gets frustrating.  It's all a matter of time and adjusting.

All i tell myself is, patience is virtue.

I use skype to talk to family back home but have zero chance to be lonely. Almost everyone wants to talk as I pass.
Indonesians are so friendly, it'll blow your mind.

Loneliness when you are abroad?
Ofcourse yes! I feel so lonely without my parents loved ones, and old friends.But still I am going on with the intention of finding new friends.We have to face it any way.I do keep in touch with every body back in Sri Lanka. My job keeps me occupied
and this gives ma something to look forward to.

Hi;

I am lonely most of the time here in Oman. I worked as a company nurse in an oilfield, so that means I'm in the middle of the desert with nothing to go somewhere when your bored and lonely.

I only make most of my boring days updating my blog. Writing anything that get in my mind is the most valuable thing to kill my time.

abroad when Im feeling lonely Im just thinking about how lucky I am to have the opportunity to move and travel usualy just thinking about it, makes me smile
Romain

At times I do. It's kind of "being lost" abroad. Known as "Culture Shock."

Julien wrote:

Do you often feel lonely when you're abroad?

I personaly suffered on week ends while I was in the UK. Even if I had several friends, I often missed my family and friends (from home). So I walked, visited museum, went to concerts, worked more... What about you?

What are you doing when you feel lonely?

when i start feeling lonely i usually make myself busy around the house, i begin washing, cooking and with the time loneliness is drifted away...

How to make yourself busy is the question to be answered by you only

hi!!
Hi im suffering too cauz i have problem to make friends go out ...
im black african girl from Senegal , I speak french, i study in english at UNIBE (universidad Iberoamericana) in International Business. for me i have a special problem and i understand that bcauz there is a discrimination about black people here so in my promotion they litterary talk between dominican , they talk to me too but not like they talk between them , so im a little disapointed bcauz i never live this before and im very friendly, in my country with my classmate is like a family we planned to go out in the week end , keep contact always but here is too different, all contact or discussion is about study but i dont have a choice i just stay at home. Maybe things gonna change!!!!

im french and do feel lonely in shanghai because i live in a middle of nowhere will move soon and hope things will change

Try living in Moscow as a stay at home dad. When I am lonely I blog, surf the web, watch TV or go for a walk with my kid. I am a man surrounded by women and nannies in Moscow! you can't get more lonely than that.

Nyonie wrote:

When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more attractive to other people. We have more to offer others because we are not constantly focused on our own image and reputation.
We become better friends because we don't cling. We are secure enough to spend time with a friend because we want to, not because we need to.

How true. And true for relationships as well as so often people have a partner to MAKE them happy. If you are unhappy alone will end up unhappy in love

I think being a little older does make a difference being abroad. and I found being back in London worst. When overseas people band together and are friendlier and I made more British friends overseas in a year than back here strangely. In London I get on with foreigners more especially European and even the French! Oh no the British government will take my passport away.... (as we are not supposed to be friendly with the French lol)

Anyone living in Ubonratchathani Thailand that speaks english
Im a 23 year old aussie girl living here in issan area of thailand and have found my past 8 months living here has been very lonely, cannot pick up the language and cannot find any english speakers Help would be much appreciated ;D
Thankyou

how peculiar to live in a place with no local language knowledge. i mu7st say youre a brave woman. the best thing to do is to have full immersion with locals so you can learn the language.good luck

Best way to kill loneliness while being an expat is to join a gym, and start buying movies, or books. I am in kuwait and it gets lonely most of the time.

i am now only one month in uk,i have been so home sick in first week,i was so panic,i couldnt sleep,i took antidepressant,sorry ,i am so weak perhaps but first time to be abroad for long time,now i am over it with more work.

good for u

actually working as an expat is usually a sacrifice between your career and your family.Working in the UAE as an expat is really different from other countries.Here the loneliness is really too much and you keep on feeling as going home all the time.But you know we have to do because of the careers we chose.

to make your self busy and run away from loneliness is very difficult as the loneliness is been felt right from your mentality.

ijp21 wrote:

Julien wrote:

Do you often feel lonely when you're abroad?

I personaly suffered on week ends while I was in the UK. Even if I had several friends, I often missed my family and friends (from home). So I walked, visited museum, went to concerts, worked more... What about you?

What are you doing when you feel lonely?

when i start feeling lonely i usually make myself busy around the house, i begin washing, cooking and with the time loneliness is drifted away...

How to make yourself busy is the question to be answered by you only

you have to choose mate

nerostone wrote:

actually working as an expat is usually a sacrifice between your career and your family.Working in the UAE as an expat is really different from other countries.Here the loneliness is really too much and you keep on feeling as going home all the time.But you know we have to do because of the careers we chose.

i can not understand what you meant by saying "have to choose a mate".

am4a wrote:

you have to choose mate

nerostone wrote:

actually working as an expat is usually a sacrifice between your career and your family.Working in the UAE as an expat is really different from other countries.Here the loneliness is really too much and you keep on feeling as going home all the time.But you know we have to do because of the careers we chose.

When the first time I was arrived in Congo, I thought that my life was suck. I had no family and had no friends. I could not go out alone due to security reasons and i didn't have many friends to talk and go out with. I felt soo lonely. I felt like I was the poorest and the most lonely people in the world. But, when I read this topic in Expat - Blog, I realized that I was not the only one who felt lonely. There were many people outside who had same feelings with me. So, after i read all comment for this topic, I could say is Lonneliness is a common problem if you're living abroad. You can read also my writing in my blog about this loneliness thing: http://nurulfitrilubis.wordpress.com/20 … re-abroad/
I hope Julien doesn't mind. I used the tittle of this topic as the tittle of my writing..

cheers,
Nurul

Hi Julien, My name is Sergio ,I'm a brazilian that live in Betim (near Belo Horizonte ) in my opinion you should to choice better your friends around you , some times we need to talk with true friends , I think that some times there are some things that we can tell only to a close friend , when we cant do it , we feeling alone even among a lot of people .
Sorry for my bad english, I'm learning yet, ok,  hugs and good luck,  buy for now

sergio, youre absolutely right choosing right friend is a wise thing to do

Hi All,

I moved in to Riyadh 11 years ago.. Although i'm with my family here and it's has been a decade, i feel like its been a century!

So board in Riyadh..!

Regards,
Trevis

eventually you will get used to it.

@ am4a: That's what they told me when i fist moved here.. "Eventually.."

I'm still waiting for me to 'Eventually' get used to it.. lol

drink

Hi SantJago and welcome to the forum SantJago!

So the bottle is likely to be your friend ?

Armand

Thank you Armand

Yes, it might be the most devoted friend of mine. Quiet, tender, understanding.

I moved to Cairo from UAE since 2008 for marriage purpose , first year I felt so lonely ...so hard to find a friend that u can connect with easily....to say the truth even back in the UAE I didn't have much friends ...only co-workers I guess...but no real friends . Since y daughter came, I believe I am more busy now , however I would love to have a friend or two to chat with , have a cup of cofee , dinner...for now my only friend is defenitely my husband and my little princess...sometimes I enjoy being alone...relaxing...enjoying a book or even going out for a cup of cofee and just being with myself..talking to myself...internally !  at the end of the day,I guess that the best friend one can ever have is first oneself ...

well done you have a fix just dont exagerate talking to yourself!!

When you are away from home for a long time, that's the time you feel lonely. You miss the people and the familiar things you used to see and have.

My approach when I get lonely is make myself busy.  I go out sometimes and explore the city. And If I am just in my place, I watch on-line videos (Korean Drama), writing (I have just started a new blog - (http://clarzrodrigo.blogspot.com), reading, eating, cleaning my house, doing my laundry, etc. 

But still, it's really lonely to be away from home.

you have to meet with new people and make friends before you arrive any destination

Julien wrote:

Do you often feel lonely when you're abroad?

I personaly suffered on week ends while I was in the UK. Even if I had several friends, I often missed my family and friends (from home). So I walked, visited museum, went to concerts, worked more... What about you?

What are you doing when you feel lonely?