Muslim marriage - cultural question

1POSTS

3 months ago

Halo guys,

I’m 32M from Germany, my fiancée is 28F from Indonesia. We’re planning to get married in Indonesia and her family are conservative muslims living in TangSel, while my fiancee herself is very liberal and doesn't live with her parents anymore so she is not under their constant surveillance. I grew up Protestant. Her parents know about our relationship and are generally supportive and it was established early that when it comes to marriage it would be a Muslim ceremony.

She’s Muslim (as per her KTP at least, but doesn't actually practice it), and I’m totally fine with converting so we can do things properly, respect her family and make them happy. No issue there.

BUT her family is also saying I need to get circumcised before marriage… and that’s where I’m stuck. I understand the cultural significance and everybody is free to do what they think is right, but I have my own thoughts about that and decided for me that I don't want to do it as an adult.

It’s a big deal for me, and I just don’t feel comfortable with it at all. My fiancée herself is fine with me NOT doing it, but her family is pretty serious about it.

So I’m trying to figure out what’s actually real vs just cultural pressure:

Is circumcision actually required for adult converts in Indonesia?

Or is it more like “old-school family expectation” thing?

Would the KUA or whoever registers the marriage even care / check this stuff?

Do foreign guys usually get away without it, or is this a hard requirement in practice?

She says the main issue is getting her father's blessing. In the absolute worst case, what can be done about that?

I’m just trying to understand if this is a real rule or just family pressure before things get more complicated.

Any input from Indonesians or people who’ve been through similar stuff would be really appreciated.

Makasi banyak 🙏

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wyngrove60 Serial expat

445POSTS

3 months ago

Just tell them that you are already circumcised. Your in-laws are not going to ask to see your d***. Nobody will ask to see it. Your girlfriend should just tell them that you had it done when you were younger.

1 member reacted to this post

haroldgregg New member

7POSTS

2 weeks ago

@DerKauz

I can empathize with you.

This is just family pressure. It is not a rule that all males must be circumcized.

I went thru a marriage similar to your situation and the subject of circumcision

never came up, nor has it ever come up since.

I suggest that you let the family know that you will *consider* the possibility of

circumcision *after* marriage, and let it go at that. That will let the family save face,

and then the whole subject will be forgotten.

Dooney

Sonnyag6 Member

23POSTS

last week

One i was talking to told me the same thing. I simply say I wont do it and case closed. I'm born muslim but was never circumcised.

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Ryan_chaniago Contributor

150POSTS

last week

As far as I understand, circumcision is an important part of Islam & Muslim men in Indonesia are generally circumcised. It is associated with religious practice, cleanliness & purity when performing worship & it also has recognized health benefits. I also have an aunt who married an American man who converted to Islam & was circumcised before their marriage, although I don’t know his exact reason for doing so. So personally, I don’t see circumcision as something that would harm you, but rather something that could also benefit you in terms of health. I’m only sharing my perspective & personal experience, not trying to pressure anyone. 🙏