Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner

Walk softly but always carry a big stick.

Cheers, Steve.

@wanderingsalsero hey I have a niece looking for a partner she is a nurse just pure honest person who wants to settle down can you help?

Omo....Just like bigpearl says:

Best is to thread lightly.

it is a matter of trust and especially GOOD and understanding communication .. that has been my experience..

Nine years ago, there was this story about a girl who married a foreigner. For some reason the girl contracted an illness which was later coined "affluenza". You follow? Wind got in her head.

I hoped the girl came back to earth and faced reality.

This is honest to goodness trust me msg her on

Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner

Interesting title

Perhaps it's not the development of a poor attitude but their expanding horizons -  they have been exposed to a culture where the routine things for the most part not only work, they are expected to work. Things like, clean water, sewage treatment, reliable power grid, streets free of diseased animals, secure windows, competent trades peopleand more.

I don't doubt they come across as whiny (immature) but the message  ( Why can't we have nice things) is still valid.

Too often, this culture in deed or word tells them NO.

I tell my nieces and nephews with college degrees, ( the ones in their 20's who still have a chance) to Get Out of this country. Pick your first world country of choice and go there, do any job - just go.

This place will always be here and you can always come back.

Best,

Joe

Only my opinion/observation (You know guys, OMO) but I think the bigger problems come from westerners with their own expectations and unable to assimilate and absorb different culture/s no matter the country and expect everything to be the same as the home country,,,,, not going to happen.

Like where we live in our home country or any relationship no matter the nationality it is give and take with rational decisions/choices reached together.

Cheers, Steve.

I think it depends very much on the Filipina, and there are as many types of Pinay as there are Western women. Having failed at marriage and then remarried, I've learned to be a better partner, because I don't particular want to go through it all again.  But here's what I've concluded - OMO as you lads say.

Getting with a younger partner from a poorer country there's a power differential. Usually the wealthier, more experienced party (who holds the purse strings) has greater control. If you decide to stay together for the longer term, this won't last.

Remember, Filipinas come from a matriarchal society, and in time she'll grow more opinionated and assertive, and will naturally want to have more control. If you take her to a Western country, that's her prerogative. She won't "need" you anymore. So, treat her right from the beginning, because in years to come she'll remember every slight and indiscretion, trust me. Give her a reason to be grateful and not bitter.

I'm not claiming my relationship is "all that", and over years we've had some tough moments, but still i'm contented and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I met Analiza as a poor girl from the province, she was naïve about almost everything, except climbing coconut trees. I put her through University where she got a BSc, and she got a job in IT for a while. We've travelled the world, and now living in the UK we have two teenagers. She pays the bills, drives everywhere, does hours of homework with the kids. She's also fiercely loving and loyal, and hardworking but in the home Analiza holds her own and will take me to task when I'm out of order (sometimes when I'm not). Saying that, I believe when I'm old and useless, she'll be by my side.  On the balance I'd say it's the early years of treating her right that made things good now.

Kudos to you gsturdee.

I do believe if you make her happy in many ways, you'll reap your rewards.

Keep it up. Keep it up.

Hello. I am from Norway and my english wraiting is terrible. I have been married to a philipian lady for 9 years. Her anger and screaming is insane. It dont matter for her if she is screaming at night, day or in front of our kids or nabours. When we have an argue she will stay in the bedroom and only come out to scream and then go back for 2-5 days. It is so hard to deal with. She dont want nothing to do with my friends and only talk about them in a bad way eaven they are very good people. She only want to be friend with other phillis and she puts on her fake smiling face around my family. I am so tired of dealing with her and i have tried to devorce her since a year after marriage. Im to much of a nice guy and when she starts crying i just try and let it pass. I am having a working relationship with her. She have a job and take care of buying food, making it, clean the house and clothes while i do also other choires with house, cars and pays bills. At the end of the mount she will have more money then me. I live my life pleasing her so she dont start screaming. There is absolutt no love from me i cant stand her. She is an awefull person to be married to and i am hoping i can be free from her one day, it is my dream. Unless you are a very strong person i would strongly advice you not to marry someone from that country atleast if you do, make sure you have a way out.

@norheim88

Wow, sounds like you married my first wife!

You said you tried to divorce her, why was that not successful?

Have you tried marriage counseling? My first wife had mental issues that were diagnosed by the marriage counselor who was a licensed psychologist. She was subscribed medication on the psychologist's recommendation that worked fairly well, as long as she took the meds. When she wanted to punish me she would stop taking her "crazy pills" and horns would grow out of her head. Moving across the country and divorcing her long distance was my solution.

I'm curious to hear her side of the story and learn what her problem is. You say she locks herself in the bedroom for 2-5 days and that doesn't sound like normal behavior.

I would get out of that marriage, soon.

Norhiem claims he is from Norway, but his profile says he is a Philippines citizen living in the Philippines .  If that is the case divorce is not in the cards.  Good luck with that one, guessing she will not submit to mental health treatment, not sure what else is available.

Going on the information in your synopsis, all systems appear to be running hot and normal.

I find it somewhat absurd but not surprising that it appears the problem is you.

That is correct Y-O-U.

Seems doomed to me only because your WIFE is super insecure because she knows she is married to a dullard.

Something's wrong in Denmark. Every man that takes a Panay for a wife gets to cherish her her from that day forward or is doomed to fail.

The Filipina wife is a ‘Strativarious' in the hands of a seasoned musician.

@norheim88
Wow, sounds like you married my first wife!
-@Moon Dog hahaha

Mental illness plays a large part in a dysfunctional marriage as noted by Moon Dog. I went through the same thing hanging in there for years. Mental health problems overrides the idea it's a Pinay thing.

I'm older than most, so the norm back in Old Days (In sickness or health. . . . till death us do part) was mostly the norm, this was a learned tradition past on by our parents. In my parents day I never knew of any of their friends getting divorced.

The big question is if you have any Children, I hung in the marriage till my kids were 9 & 11. After the divorce the kids stayed with me (their choice) because they knew Mom was Looney Toons.

When they were in their teens, they confided in me, that I should have divorced sooner, because it was hard on them.

In lieu of divorce, just walk away.

If you decide to leave, apparently she has no inkling to do so, she seems financially able to take care of herself, so what's the problem?

Is it insecurity on your part?

Going on the information in your synopsis, all systems appear to be running hot and normal.
I find it somewhat absurd but not surprising that it appears the problem is you.
That is correct Y-O-U.
Seems doomed to me only because your WIFE is super insecure because she knows she is married to a dullard.
Something's wrong in Denmark. Every man that takes a Panay for a wife gets to cherish her her from that day forward or is doomed to fail.
The Filipina wife is a ‘Strativarious' in the hands of a seasoned musician.
-@mrlugubrious

Just imagine if she'd married a Swede

mrlugubrious said. . . .The Filipina wife is a ‘Strativarious' in the hands of a seasoned musician.

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This Stradivarius is a Tasmanian Devil in the hands of a Danish Zookeeper.

There is always a possibility of hormone imbalance along with other issues that point to leadership skills.  Some key points in your post touch on the end of month money balance issue also.  Remember, menopausal symptoms may include: anger and irritability. You may consider reading this:  https://balancewomenshealth.com/wp-cont … opause.pdf

So, unless you are just very fearful to return to your country and end the marriage (or for some legal reason you can't), the best answers and solutions are always under your control......  and should come from deep within.  The experts say that fear, anxiety, depression and anger are emotional warning signs. 

A set of blog posting are unable to teach either spouse how to respect and or for the head of the family to recover from "spinal stenosis";  where family leadership is defaulted to a person that has increased periods of what a reasonable person would consider actions depicting extreme mental or emotional stress. 

You must learn to practice self-care; where caring for yourself first keeps you able to make the best decisions possible.   Best wishes....

@Guest9272 Touche Guest9272. Even though I made great money in the US (Enough to care for a family of 5 and not feel the pinch.), my Filipina wife made more. Yet, she always cared for me, washed my clothes, cooked, and tended to me when I was ill. I always wanted to hire help to assist her, and she would always refuse. "I can do this myself!" She would say. I try to help with the chores, but it makes her feel I am stripping her from her wifely duties.  So,  If you marry someone that expects to be taken care of, you will be caught in a financial crisis. However, if you marry someone independent who prefers to buy her stuff and comply with her wifely duties, you better treat her right because she is the one.

@tpiro totally agree with this.

Without the Lord being the primary focal point of a marriage I don't see how any could succeed because it's a miracle if it does. But putting into the principles of confessing to one another daily, communicating grievances and hurts in a respectful way, and then unconditionally forgiving is the only way and I mean every day. The Bible also says don't let the sun go down on your anger is something else I want to live by. I'm in love with a great Filipina young woman and we plan on marrying. I just keep talking and talking about things like this and although she is agreeable she doesn't talk much ! But I already see a great change in her and I'm so proud and I'm also really trying to be a better person and a better husband than I was the first time around. The adage: “familiarity breeds contempt unfortunately can be true but it doesn't have to be if you both have the desire to change and work on the flaws that bring about resentment. I'm very optimistic! Incidentally I've been watching a lot of Filipina Pea a young lady on YouTube with a show about the culture and women (mostly) of the Philippines and I'm learning so much and it really explains a lot of the questions I have with the woman I love who is from a COMPLETELY different culture! She may as well be from Mars because of all the differences but in general I've learned by watching that the women seem dedicated and loving appreciate and basically kind and that's also what I find with my own woman as well and I can't wait to marry her! Thanks for listening! I feel like Dr Phil!

@cristine090585    I didn't agree with anything.. sorry!

"Without the Lord being the primary focal point of a marriage I don't see how any could succeed because it's a miracle if it does."

A very condescending and hateful statement to those who believe differently or do not believe at all and a perfect example why religious discussion is prohibited on this forum. To me it is worse than the guy who said finding a good girl on dating sites is like winning the lottery.

As an atheist who is successfully married since 2007 to a girl I met online I must be a lottery winning miracle man!

Moon Dog said. . . . To me it is worse than the guy who said finding a good girl on dating sites is like winning the lottery.

As an atheist who is successfully married since 2007 to a girl I met online I must be a lottery winning miracle man!

******************************************************

I think your Filipina won the lottery, not you.

I have come across the term "expanding horizons" with regard to foreiger/filipina relationships many times on  various blogs and UK/Phil forums and it usually refers to a Filipna who has met and married a foreigner and who have eventually moved to the USA, UK or OZ etc. It usually means that what was originally their ultimate dream is no longer a big enough dream once they have reloctated to the west. Once living in the west they see opportunites they could never have even imagined or aspired to when they lived in the Philippines and so they become discontented.

@michaelcohen717

I'm in love with a great Filipina young woman and we plan on marrying. I just keep talking and talking about things like this and although she is agreeable she doesn't talk much !

That's probably because she can't get a word in edgeways and has come to the realisation that she is engaged to a pious dogmatic bigot.

@Moon Dog

As an atheist who is successfully married since 2007 to a girl I met online I must be a lottery winning miracle man!

Another successful match brought to you by the Cherry Blossoms Corporation

***

@Moon Dog Marriage itself is historically religious in civilized societies but I will not disagree if you consider it to be just a ceremony of a fundamentally civil contract. But there are a sh!tload of atheists who still participate in church weddings and I would like to find out why. Just because the spouse is supposedly religious is not a good answer because the atheist betrays him or herself to be a hippocrite when asking a God he does not believe in the bless the marriage.  It is just for show, trying to convince others he is what, "normal"? I don't get it

danfinn said . . . . But there are a sh!tload of atheists who still participate in church weddings and I would like to find out why.

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My wife and I are two different religions. When we moved into a new apartment in Las Vegas there was a church close by. I attended with her for about a year, during the service I used the time for dreaming. I was going nuts with rising & sitting so many times, so I sat when everyone was rising. Then at the end of the service everyone saying Peace with you, God bless you, bla bla bla and all the shaking hands and I decided that was enough for me.

So from then on in, sometimes she walked to the church, about a 10 minute walk or if she was running late, I would drive her. This worked out fine for her because when I drove her she was dropped off at the door.

The best thing about picking her up after the service we would head out to the Garage Sales.

**So I conclude the atheists participate in a church wedding for two purposes (1) To please their wife (2) For the reception that the wife has always dreamed of.

Dan, insecurities are rife for humans within all doctrines/life and politically. If not sure of yourself or your lot in life it's easier to latch onto an excuse to exist. A strong and positive commitment in ones own life and direction does away with the need for a placebo.

To FindlayMacD, While possible and only my experience my better half of 12 years spent 6 years in Australia working and living and saw from his workmates/friends and me the cost to live in a first world country, sure saw plenty of good things but he is happy to be back in PH, 4 years living here and we still love each other and nothing has changed in our relationship, suppose research and do it well rings a bell.

Cheers, Steve.

@danfinn The marriage to the girl who found me on that amazing dating site Cherry Blossoms was performed in the backyard of our house. It was a totally secular event but if she wanted a church wedding I wouldn't complain but I may wear some garlic around my neck just in case.

My first wedding was in the famous little wedding chapel in Elkton, Maryland. That was a very sinister event IMHO.

I say Merry Christmas and bless you if someone sneezes, nothing bothers me unless it is a rude statement like #182. My parents were religious and my mother was a Sunday school teacher and neither one would make a statement like that in a million years.

Most religious people disbelieve virtually all of the thousands of gods in recorded history. Atheists aren't that much different, we just go one more so we agree about 99.9%.

@danfinn Not hypocrisy. Just consideration. Most atheist aren't against others worshipping a mythical being so if the other party wants them to get married in some religious setting they don't care. It means nothing to them but they are happy to please the other person. Water off a duck's back.

@michaelcohen717

Religion is not a prerequisite for love, caring and understanding. I'm ashiest and have been married to a beautiful Filipina for 33 years.

@Enzyte Bob exactly true Mr.Enzyte

I'm reading that many atheists do not get married. My daughter is an atheist and married to an atheist. They have been together since high school and have a great relationship. My son in law has his own business and does very well. Early on he kept his money in a safe because he didn't trust banks but the safe got to small so he was forced to open a bank account. He paid his own health insurance until premiums got to expensive so they were forced to get married so my daughter could add him to her health insurance. They were married at a JP court.

According to "The Knot" only 22% of marriages were performed in a church in 2017. That is down from 41% in 2009.

"Religious institutions like churches hosted only 22 percent of weddings in 2017, according to The Knot, a major wedding planning website. That's down almost half from 2009, when 41 percent of weddings were at religious institutions.

In 2017, 15 percent of weddings were at barns, farms, or ranches. Fourteen percent were at historic homes. Seventeen percent were at a banquet hall. Hotels (12 percent) and country clubs (12 percent) were also popular.

“Additional popular nontraditional reception sites include beach houses, wineries, rooftops, museums, and parks,” says The Knot.

And pastors now have competition when it comes to officiating at weddings.

Forty-three percent of couples had a friend or family member officiate at their wedding in 2016, according to a previous study by The Knot. That's up from 29 percent in 2009."

@FilAmericanMom well you should know the person you about to get marry with

especially in the Philippines since you don't have the luxury to get a divorce

@arty5987 Just walk around BGC to see entitled Filipinos all over, whilst foreigners are just going about their business. Except the "help", they are still down to earth.