LETS HAVE A LAUGH BUT NO FILTH

I'd decided to change the password on my computer, and I chose "incorrect".

That way, If I forget it my computer will remind me, "Your password is incorrect".

Saw two blind guys in town today having a fist fight.

Wanting to break it up, I yelled, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

They both ran away.

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire... I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school some 35+ years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the same school as I...

"Yes. yes, I did,'' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1987. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I happily exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that

ugly,

old,

bald,

wrinkled faced,

gray-haired,

decrepit,

idiot,

asked me,

"What subject did you teach?"

Oh my, now there's a cheeky lass!

Those ancient Sumerian statues always remind me of me and my friends back in the early 80s, asking each other before heading home...

"Do I look high?"

It's midnight and a woman awakes to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of the night!?"

The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met." She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15", he said solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears because her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

A priest, a politician, and an engineer are condemned to death and are queued up by the guillotine.

The priest is slated to go first and the exchange goes like this:

Executioner [to priest]: Would you like to go face down or face up?

Priest: I want to face the heavens as I meet my maker.

(Lies down face up. The blade comes down, but inexplicably stops a millimeter from the exposed neck. The crowd goes wild, people shouting, "It's a miracle." The priest is released unharmed. Next up, the politician.)

Executioner: Would you like to go face down or face up?

Politician: Well, face up seems to have a certain "je ne sais quoi." I'll go face up.

(Lies down face up. The blade comes down, but inexplicably stops a millimeter from the exposed neck. The crowd goes wild, people shouting, "It's a miracle." The politician is released unharmed. Next up, the engineer.)

Executioner: Would you like to go face down or face up.

Engineer: I'll go face up.

Engineer [lying face up under the blade]: Oh, I see the problem!