Intercultural relationships in the Philippines

samangelevski wrote:

I will like to talk about this topic, but find it at no use, why? because someone will remove my topic here, if it is  honest and truthful topic it will be removed, but if I talk about all how great things are then it will stay, this are double standards, I will say only if good for one good for all,

It will be removed if it's racially offensive and discriminatory. Do not generalize that whatever negative opinions you have about a few will apply to most, if not all, Filipinos. I think if you write in a manner that is not insulting, your post will not be removed.

Peter Clark wrote:

I smile when I ask my wife what she chooses about things because she will always say what she knows I'll like. Think its great because of no arguments or "told u so" but wait to find out that things are not what you want and no one to blame but yourself !        From my expat meetings it is obvious that we marry beneath us and do not take that unkindly please.  If we want a "meaningful conversation" you have to do without and wait for that expat meetup next week, sometimes its not important but the difference when retiring here is that you are with your wife 24/7 and life can become an island. Sometimes meeting a sales assistant who is very kind (purposeful) I find myself a real chatterbox and later feel foolish.                                                                                               The last aspect of retiring here is to do with Libido and the effect on your relationship abroad is easy to cope with BUT here in the Philippines your are surrounded by young attractive ladies looking at you for a date ...even with your wife present? I find the situation effects my daily  thoughts. My manner and behavior changes to being easily irritable and argumentative over silly things in daily life with me realizing it and having to  make an effort to be "Nice". 
My ordinary nature is a friendly one and its very easy to fraternize with ladies we meet in the town without realizing it and I find it upsets my wife so must be careful.
We have lived here for 11 years and been married for 15 years.

An interesting observation from my perhaps many others perspectives. You appear to see the follies outlined with mature perception, Hope I can do the same and prosper.

Cheers, Steve.

Morgacj2004 wrote:

Not sure I understand the comment from "expatsteve48" regarding it being unacceptable for his wife to be working full time. I have been married now almost 13 years to a Filipina and both of us have been working full time ,sometimes more than one job. All of the Filipinas I know who are married to foreignerss work (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THOSE ALREADY RETIRED) and I have never heard or seen a sense of shame attached to this.

I think what expatsteve is saying is that his marriage is up in the air. When expatsteve met his wife, she was working full time as a school teacher. And she still does up to now (perhaps from expatsteve's urgings). But the family does not look at this kindly. They were expecting that once they get married, his wife will quit her job, and expatsteve will support her and her relatives financially.

Expatsteve wants to keep it real. As a result, the wife is now shamed by the family for not fulfilling their expectations, that she has not  acquiesced to a relationship of dependence to her and to her husband by her relatives. Expatsteve now wonders whether the reason why they're still together is because the wife still loves him, or is it because a divorce would be even much more embarrassing for her. But for sure, they're together because of their daughter.

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Expatsteve said, "She [the wife]'s been working full-time since we met (elementary teacher) and I've learned that's unacceptable in her culture." I truly believe that in that statement, "culture" should be replaced with "family."  If I had a slacker attitude and behavior, my parents would be the first ones to tell me to stop being lazy and work because they don't want to give my husband the impression that Filipinos are lazy.

Well, they don't need to do that. The reason why we moved to the Philippines back in 2008 was because  I  needed to work, I want to work. I lost my well-paying job in SF back in 2007. In 2008, the prospect of finding an 8-hour job that would make the cost of 10-hour daycare worth working for was nil. So we moved.

So far, things have worked out here in the Philippines. I am at work 6 days a week, Monday through Saturday (at least 60 hours / week), as compared to 5 days back in the US.  But that's absolutely okay. We've given up on hiring a maid. My husband and I do our fair share of chores, like we did back in the US. On Sundays, I still do a lot of cleaning and ironing. I need to because we have a big house. 1-2 hours doing chores in the morning on weekdays and Saturdays is just not enough.