Intercultural relationships in the Philippines

GuestPoster170 Guest

0POSTS

8 years ago

#41

Well there is a complete censorship of the posts of Sam, and mine are redacted so now it makes no sense at all

So the best is that Expat.com would eliminate my posts from this thread...

GuestPoster170 Guest

0POSTS

8 years ago

#42

I think it's easier to blame problems in marriages with Filipino women on differences in culture, than on this even more important factor: the big age gap.

So, to those who are critical to the point of being offensive and insulting, how big is the age difference between you and your wife? What were your ages when you first met? From which generation are you and your wife?

Your wife might act like that African bride from the movie Coming to America where she would say that what you like is what she also likes (when deep inside she does not) to please you.

Poster Peter Clark said" If we want a "meaningful conversation" you have to do without and wait for that expat meetup next week, sometimes its not important but the difference when retiring here is that you are with your wife 24/7 and life can become an island". When a couple have a big age difference, the marriage can get boring and turn sour in a few years.

Then there's another big factor: the financial status divide. Many years past, an elderly expat on this forum said that he wonders what his low-income wife from a poor family and with a kid with a learning disability saw in him. He asked, "Why would she marry me when I wouldn't marry me? It must be love." So, don't accuse the begging relatives of putting wool over your eyes before you got married, when the most likely motivation is glaringly in front of you.

Whether the wife is a mail order / internet Russian bride, Brazilian bombshell, a Filipino country girl or some young hottie from a foreign country, one should not be surprised that she would entertain the advances of a younger man her age or reunite with her young "ex"-boyfriend and leave you once she sets her foot in your first world country, or has a house under her name, or got that kidney transplant for her poor distant cousin twice removed (who turned out to be a not-so-distant "ex"-lover).

I think it's not about culture that turn marriages into a success or a failure. It's more about how we handle the all-culture encompassing issues.

Peter Clark Serial expat

242POSTS

8 years ago

#43

We are helping out a new UK chap with Filipino wife who wishes to settle here in the Philippines. Similar to many marriages here there are financial liabilities that creep out of the woodwork when you least expect them. Jacks mother-in-law is ill and came to stay when she went into hospital. Many many visitors to their small bungalow was not expected and sleeping arrangements went to pot. All the visitors need to eat and Jack paid for it all. Jack has saved all his life and worked hard to enjoy his retirement but sees the future very daunting. He loves the large motorcycles and is trying to buy his dream machine but its not available in the Philippines .....importing is over 100,000 pesos. He would love to tour the country but is frustrated over availability of his bike. He is thinking of returning to the UK . Jacks wife has worked in the UK for many years and knows what life can be like in care homes, she wants to stay here and grow old with relatives around her. I compare the weather in UK with here and the suitability of touring on a motorbike in a chilly but safe climate. There should be lots of "Give and Take" in cultural associations and compromises on both sides. As an overseas worker Jacks wife has lost touch with her daughters, one of whom has begun an association with a another girl she met at college and not popular with the family, settling here gives the wife the chance to reunite with her family members. CHOICES ?

samangelevski Banned

292POSTS

8 years ago

#44

I do not get it why my post was removed, all I said is the truth here, and then few things about French that is it, but there was no need to remove it, but when other talk about just full on crap there are ok, double standards here too, well done.

samangelevski Banned

292POSTS

8 years ago

#45

I see so you are saying Foureneres should stay here with their wives, when they return back home with them, then all is over, this cross my mind many time why foreigners like to live here with Wifes but not back home, most say it is cheap here, I do not buy in to that, nothing cheap here if you keep your life styles as it was, but I guess if you eat rice then is ok it is cheap and do without Aircon and Car, maybe is ok then, so I need to be scared then, I am going back home as here is to hot and to humid for me, you right every thing I have here is on my Wifes name, but this is as i see it investment for one, never was for two, or ones family is more like it, what happens back home I can not be to sure, I feel confidante every thing will be fine, deep down we can not read people's mind, what we feel at the moment is maybe not what we think, but lets say she decides enough is enough we all know nothing last forever, and I am realistic person for me is ok and I say to all enjoy your life with who ever you like to be, but when it is over remember yourself, and move on.

GuestPoster170 Guest

0POSTS

8 years ago

#46

samangelevski wrote:
I do not get it why my post was removed, all I said is the truth here, and then few things about French that is it, but there was no need to remove it, but when other talk about just full on crap there are ok, double standards here too, well done.

@ samangelvski, this was what you wrote which you directed at two posters:

"Well ***** and ***** you both lost your pride, your culture, your well being and more importantly you lost your way of life, you both forgot where you come from and who you were before Philippines, both of you are not grateful to country that give you life . . . you both are sick people, most in the world I hate is terrorists, but you both come very close to this."

Personal attacks have no place in this forum. I have no doubt that the admins and moderators of this site, as well as most, if not all, of the members of this forum would agree that your extremely offensive post should be removed.

And to other posters, please do not generalize. It would be like me saying that samangelvski's manners represents the manners of all Australians. Would you agree to that statement?

samangelevski Banned

292POSTS

8 years ago

#47

That post was offencive you kidding me right, what are we now all turning into feminine side of life, where is real Man in this world ??? I think you all need to get down on this earth, and stop living in some type of fantasy world, where you all think everything smells beautiful.

expatsteve48 Active member

36POSTS

8 years ago

#48

Looks like I missed all the fun here! haha I disagree with those who say giving money is a part of marrying a Filipina. It all depends on who you marry, and what besides a fat wallet you bring to the table. But, I would certainly never look down on anyone who has more of a financial arrangement than a real marriage, because I might be to that point someday.

I had a long talk with my wife and in-laws prior to marriage and we were all on the same page about giving money. They do very well, and don't need me for that. But I don't think any of us realized how much shame they would receive for their daughter marrying a foreigner for love. They could be a little bit stronger about that....or maybe I need to be more gwapo...haha

JMO

gbdermid Active member

39POSTS

8 years ago

#49

I have have learned Pinay, are quite shy, they don't want to argue in public, but will explain what you did wrong in private, and don't tell family if you have problems, because they will always blame the Filipina

gbdermid Active member

39POSTS

8 years ago

#50

Not always about money in cash, but just help, my wife cousin worked three weeks running electric wire on poles, was paid 2900 PHP, forman took half everyone's pay for letting them work!, We are building house in the mountains on Bohol, older family is working for free, but I pay for four family members to work ,only because they need to support their family,,they charge me 28 dollars a day, for all four of them, only charge me what they need to support family, I own a Caribou, that I let family use on farms, it is a good deal for all of us

gbdermid Active member

39POSTS

8 years ago

#51

You have said it all, I have embarrassed my wife and her family many times, they never say anything to me, but people at the market will tell me what I did wrong and how to correct it, I walk into a business, and they tell me I'm Aunt Carmen family, and I say yes, I get local price, not kano price

Big Mad Wolf Active member

53POSTS

4 years ago

#52

Most Filipinos I think are Americanized so culture is very much the same which is why I am choosing Philippines as major candidate for retirement.

Food is very much different though so that can be a struggle at times.

Btw, do they have Progresso soups there?

coach53 ViP

1564POSTS

4 years ago

#53

Big Mad Wolf wrote:
Most Filipinos I think are Americanized so culture is very much the same which is why I am choosing Philippines as major candidate for retirement.

Well. The Philippines have no divorces and there are some ridicilous laws still since colonial period protecting them with POWER against the poor!!!
And it can be a huge difference between different Filipinos, some are still as it was100 years ago in north Europe, asking partents for permit to go to a date.
According to law, permit to marry is demanded from parents up to 25yo for moderniced families too.

Big Mad Wolf Active member

53POSTS

4 years ago

#54

I have no problem with that Coach53 because all my friends there are 25+.

They just look teenagers.

Michael P. Carter Contributor

102POSTS

4 years ago

#55

"Btw, do they have Progresso soups there?"

please check the labels on the can, it has over 800mg's of salt, it not good for anyone. Try the fresh made soups here, they are very tasty and you can make your own soups with fresh ingredients. Good Luck, peace and love

Peter Clark Serial expat

242POSTS

4 years ago

#56

We have TESCOs products here in SM and I enjoy them very much, specially the biscuits yummy.
Allow me to have a moan about the cultural differences. My wife has lived with me for 25 years and 10 of those are in the Philippines. At meal times she eats with her niece and sister etc. using her spoon and fingers.
Mila enjoys doing all the cooking and we eat well and when I see her family with fingers in her prepared dishes, it gets to me. I know we do use fingers at picnics or from fast food stalls but sitting round a dinner table I feel is different.
The family have lunch earlier than I would do normally and so I delay my time until the table is empty.

How do other members feel about this?

coach53 ViP

1564POSTS

4 years ago

#57

Peter Clark wrote:
We have TESCOs products here in SM and I enjoy them very much, specially the biscuits yummy.
Allow me to have a moan about the cultural differences. My wife has lived with me for 25 years and 10 of those are in the Philippines. At meal times she eats with her niece and sister etc. using her spoon and fingers.
Mila enjoys doing all the cooking and we eat well and when I see her family with fingers in her prepared dishes, it gets to me. I know we do use fingers at picnics or from fast food stalls but sitting round a dinner table I feel is different.
The family have lunch earlier than I would do normally and so I delay my time until the table is empty.

How do other members feel about this?

In European messure eating Americans dont eat correct neither ( =Knife in right hand and fork in left hand during WHOLE eating when its something to cut, Except put down one when drink. When put down both it mean you are done eating.)
((But I eat as Americans myself when its by myself, family or closest friends. But otherwice when any others see me, even alone at restaurants I eat with knife and fork and not as unciviliced Americans Although I almost never eat alone at restaurants, except when traveliing alone some days.))

Daytripper Active member

65POSTS

4 years ago

#58

I don't know about the rest of you guts, but I am not being with a Filipina long-term, if she cannot grasp anything beyond Facebook. It is never-ending! I will deal with it, as an understanding man, but I will end a relationship fast if she doesn't slow down. I don't care, I am not submitting to a phone. Duh...

Daytripper Active member

65POSTS

4 years ago

#59

I get so tired of tired 'politically correct' "tip toeing".

I have traveled extensively, done business in almost every Southeast Asian country.

I'm going to probably get banned for racist comments or something, by some 'woke' person. Of course, people will 'pile in' with their outrage. People who have no life experience, and couldn't find Asia on a map.

Prejudice exists every where.