Was he trying to use me for a green card or am I being prejudiced?

Member since 16 July 2018

Eugenie101Member16 July 2018 21:25:53

Hello! I am a 22-year-old American, and I would appreciate any advice/perspectives on this quasi-romantic relationship and friendship I have with a 24-year-old Moroccan man.

I’ve known him for six months, meeting him in Morocco where we lived right by each other for a month and a half and became friends. He was very kind and respectful to me and everyone else around us. I found him to be very trustworthy as well, and he often took care of me when I needed help without expecting anything in return. We communicated in French (neither of us are fluent, so there is still a language barrier). He was dating someone else at the time. He mentioned he wanted to get married in the near future, but seemed unsure about her as his future wife.

We kept in casual touch since I returned to the States, but then he suddenly told me he loved me and asked me to be his lover (his former gf married someone else). I agreed, since he seems like a good person (not to mention he’s quite handsome ). But then our “relationship” was just sending a few text messages each day. This, coupled with the fact that I know I am not particularly attractive (I get probably a little less sexual/romantic attention than the average girl my age), made me paranoid, wondering if he just planned on marrying me for my green card (he hadn't discussed marriage yet, though). When I asked him about the lack of communication, he said he was not experienced with sending love messages and then said he would die for me (?!!!).

I told him I couldn’t be with him romantically anymore because we are too far apart, and that I still wanted to be friends. To see if he just wanted me for a green card, I added that I couldn’t realistically move to Morocco for another two years (to see if he would insist on his moving to the US). He replied, “As you wish, but I love you from the bottom of my heart.” I said I was sorry, again emphasizing the distance to see how he would respond, and he just said there was no need to apologize.

Do you think I am right to be suspicious, or am I letting prejudice/bigotry get in the way of a friendship with a lovely person who had genuine feelings for me? I know we cannot be together romantically, but do you think I can still trust him as a friend, or was he trying to use me?

Shokran BZEF!

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Guestposter23 Guest

Guestposter23Guest16 July 2018 22:39:34

He might use you for your green card , he might be pretending that he cares for you , because if the man falls in love for real , he will discuss with you about the future , for example : he would say i want to marry you and have a lovely wedding , and then a perfect honeymoon , after a years i wish to have a children ...
Look if he didn't say all these things , just don't be with him , as you said maybe he just using you
You shouldn't trust someone so quick , he can acts very well in front of you like it's real , after marriage he would go to usa and leave you
So be careful miss
You have the right to be suspicious
Because there is some guys who pretend that they are in love and after marriage they show what they want from you
I have a solution for you : say to him , i wanna live with you in morocco forever , and go to america only to see my family in our vacation
If he said no , he definitely want the green card
I hope you will end up with a honest guy who wants you only not anything you have
Good luck young lady , wish you the best
Xoxo

Eugenie101 Member

Member since 16 July 2018

Eugenie101Member17 July 2018 00:43:15

Karima18 wrote:
He might use you for your green card , he might be pretending that he cares for you , because if the man falls in love for real , he will discuss with you about the future , for example : he would say i want to marry you and have a lovely wedding , and then a perfect honeymoon , after a years i wish to have a children ...

Wouldn't it be more suspicious if he brought up marriage early on in our "relationship"?

Karima18 wrote:
I have a solution for you : say to him , i wanna live with you in morocco forever , and go to america only to see my family in our vacation

This is no longer an option since I broke it off with him romantically, but thank you for the idea anyway

Guestposter23 Guest

Guestposter23Guest17 July 2018 00:49:05

Yeah , it will be more suspicious , but i mean he would just talk about it sometimes not always , you are welcome

Nebraska Girl Contributor

Member since 04 June 2010

Nebraska GirlContributor21 July 2018 14:01:03

174

Not all Moroccans are wanting to scam foreigners for visas. Some are, so being cautious is genuine. But dont over think things based on an unfounded suspicion. I think you should apologize to him and discuss this further and honestly with him. You may have been over thinking the situation with YOUR FRIEND. As he had not been asking you for a visa, you should not have been quick to assume that was his interest in you. There is nothing wrong with talking about this concern with him. It is far better than asking uninvolved strangers.

Your suspisions may be founded, but it is just as likely He may have truly enjoyed being with you. He might have his own awkward relationship ideas too. Friendships between men and women are not encouraged in Morocco. The pressure to marry any person of the opposite sex is so great that many people often choose to avoid mixed gender friendship all together. Many Moroccans end up married to people they really don't know because there they are not allowed to date normally as we in the west do things. Being friends with a girl on the internet is often a very safe way for a man to have a low pressure friendship with a nice girl.

Romance over the Internet is all about a fantasy that involves interactions between real people, but it should never become overwhelmingly analyzed until the people involved in that fantasy relationship can become real by physical proximity. If sharing a intelectual friendship that may involve a few romantic moments over the internet is enjoyable, then letting this destructive ideas about visa fraud interfere with your friendship is sad.

Even the most beautiful people have self-esteem issues, and a handsome man may be wanting an honnest emotional and mental connection with a real woman that he cannot find with a cute little girl who is lost in her own physical attraction to him. I understand your self-esteem issues leading you to suspicions that are counter productive about someone you find attractive. I have some similar issues. I don't think that I am a beautiful woman. I think my husband is far better looking than me. He is also a bit younger than me and that compounds my insecurity even more. It also adds to the cruel cliche other people like to direct my way because I let them foster my own doubt in myself. But I can't see through my man's eyes. To assume the worst about a man who is interested in you is an easy way to sell yourself short in life.

He may not be the love of your life, but what is the harm in sharing a few conversations and intimate moments via chat.

I had a long distance relationship with my husband for about a year before I physically met him. After moving to Morocco, that relationship blossom into a normal romance that continued for over a year before we married in 2011. He was not interested in me for a visa, yet everyone (friends/family both his and mine) assume he was. Most of our marriage i lived in Morocco. I had to convince him to try for a visa only after I needed to return to America over a family crisis.

I will not kid you, my life and marriage is far from perfect. Life has ups and downs. My martiage is no different. We are currently experiencing some very hard times. I don't know what will happen. But I won't regret taking the chance on him.