Why every expat needs a work buddy

Why you need a work buddy

A work buddy is not exactly a friend. It's not a passing acquaintance either. It's something steady and often essential: a workplace ally you can always turn to. It may be for laughs, to air out your frustration, or to eye-roll with at an overly long meeting. I am sure you know what I mean. 

I think ten years ago, this article would have been unnecessary. Workplaces were "closer" back then. We all had our tight-knit groups at the office and colleagues often transitioned into lifelong friends. But things are a bit different now. Despite being so much better connected through technology, we are also more disconnected than ever, from each other. It can feel liberating. But it can also feel lonely. 

But you know what didn't feel lonely? The Office. Yes, I am talking about the series. Sure, the Jim and Dwight antics may have been exaggerated, but that workplace felt fun. Human. And this is why you need a work buddy.

A work buddy can be there for you in many different ways. Hey, you don't even need to have that much in common. It can be someone you grab lunch with when you don't feel like eating alone. Someone with a similar sense of humor. Someone to run your pitches to the management by. They can be someone to have a reality check with after a tense meeting. Nothing too dramatic, just a quiet human connection. 

And here's an extra perk for expats. 

A work buddy can be your bridge to a larger social network outside of work. And they can also help you better integrate into your new world.

Say you get invited to a birthday dinner outside of work, or a housewarming party. This is not an expat event labeled "networking". It's a real-life moment where you get to meet people and be part of real everyday culture. This is something exceptionally valuable, especially if you feel stuck in the expat bubble.

At work, they may help you understand social cues better. Can you be this direct? Does this email sound right? If you have any questions about why things are organized in a specific way, they will probably give you the most honest and practical answer, something no email from the HR team can really explain.

For many expats, having someone like this at the office can be a turning point. It can make an entirely new city suddenly feel familiar and easier to understand. You may start feeling more confident at work, more eager to participate in company discussions, more enthusiastic to meet new people, because your work buddy will have your back, or at least listen.

By now, you are probably thinking: "This sounds like a very one-sided transactional relationship." The expat here is just a passive recipient of help. But this doesn't have to be the case, and you may actually be bringing to the table more than you realize.

First, you can be a source of perspective. You may see things that your colleague no longer notices: minor inefficiencies in daily work, unofficial hierarchies, things that happen just because "this is how it's always been done". If you don't have a friend to share your thoughts with at work, these insights will never see the light of day.

Culturally, you can bring texture to the office. You have a new way of thinking, working, problem-solving – even taking a break. This creates an exchange – sure, this may not lead to any major changes. But it can spark curiosity, reflection… And both of these are great, both inside and outside the workplace.

.. There's a more personal side to this, too. As an expat, a newcomer, you are probably a great listener. You don't have any preconceived ideas (because everything here is new), you are eager to learn about your new reality, and you are genuinely happy to connect. This kind of energy is very rare, and your work buddy may really appreciate it. 

Finally, let's not underestimate emotional reciprocity. Being "chosen" as a work buddy feels good. It builds an extra sense of purpose. 

How do you get a work buddy?

Finding a work buddy can be tricky, especially abroad. It's not like you can just announce it. And building secret strategies to "befriend" someone also sounds slightly creepy…

So, the best possible way to find a friend at work is…surprise, surprise…to let it happen naturally. What you probably shouldn't do is try to pre-pick who you potentially could be friends with. This will lock you in a scenario where you are gravitating towards people who are more like you. But work buddies often come from simple proximity. It could be someone you work on a project with or someone whose cubicle or office is next to yours. Communication comes naturally, and there is nothing you have to rehearse or practice.

But what if you are shy?

As an expat, you have a great social weapon at your disposal - curiosity. You naturally have a lot of questions, and your newcomer status allows you to ask them a lot. This unobstructed ability to question opens a lot of doors. First, a lot of people will be genuinely eager to help you out. Second, they, in turn, will be curious as to what seems unusual to you.

While creating strategies to make friends can be counterproductive, developing a few simple habits can make a big difference. One of such habits is simply saying "yes" when you are being invited somewhere: for lunch, a party, after-work beer, or mid-work coffee. You don't have to be everywhere at once – being open to new things is often the fastest way to make friends abroad.

Once you feel a bit more comfortable, try initiating an interaction. It can be something really simple like: "I saw a new coffee shop around the corner, want to check it out at lunch?" or "I've made way too much food for lunch today, want to try some home cooking from X country?" Because these conversations feel natural and almost routine, they have very little social pressure. You may find it easier to start this way – and your colleagues may also feel less intimidated to say "yes".

Finally, a great way to attract friendships at work is to simply be human. Let your coworkers see that under the veil of professionalism, you are a person like everyone else. You feel awkward sometimes, you make mistakes, you laugh, and you get frustrated.

And if you want to have a work buddy, don't forget to be one first. Check in with your colleagues, offer help, share your ideas and thoughts. Remember small details others share. It often happens that the moment you quietly become someone's work buddy, you realize that they've long become yours.