Understanding Vietnamese girls

Fred wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Nothing a new $900 iPhone won't fix. 🤓

iphones are great for filling dustbins with.
I've just bought a Samsung C9.

Have the fire service standing by - or carry a fire extinguisher everywhere you go 

@Diazo

eodmatt has some worthwhile comments.

I will add that a place like Chicago, Saigon etc. are essentially (to be polite) arm pits. When you live out in the country, whether America or Vietnam, you generally find a better quality of people. We are living in Saigon because our Doctors in Liên Hương, Huyện Tuy Phong, Bình Thuận strongly encouraged us to get the best possible Doctors for my wife.

Note, the Liên Hương Doctors cared more about us and our health than selling more medical service to us.

Another point. Avoid English speaking Vietnamese people and stay far away from areas that have a large number of English speaking Vietnamese. 1974-1975 I taught some ESL at the U of Saigon. Learning English requires a substantial investment in time, money and effort. This investment in time, money and effort is expended in order to make a profit.

@eod...
  Great story. I too have met women since that their families are most inviting and I feel very welcome. I too witnessed the intense scrutiny of meal tabs etc. always thought it far over done for the time it takes. Probably have never found a total of 30k miscaulation. But I understand the mindset instilled if you are poor.
   The way it which they raise a child I find universally terrible though. They protect them by inprisoning them. Whereas in my country we teach them to protect themselves and be aware. I put my son on my shoulders for a hourseback ride and you would think I just threw him off a ten story building. Buy him toys to develope small motor skills and they are all thrown away. His gross motor skills are so arrested for his age I have never witnessed this before in my life. One year old and can not quite yet crawl. But they will not let him out of jail to try. And everyone of them feels they are the greatest in raising a child. We are in the highthh of the Japenese encephalitis season. My son could have and should have had his shot in May. And the refuse to get it. Always gripped by fear. Yet those that contract it a third die. I am glad we split up because I could have never raised a child that way. Here it seem the man has no say in the raising of the child. And no rights in a divorce. It is always great to hear the successful stories though!!!

@Diazo

I can't believe that I am responding with a quote from Hillary Clinton, "It takes a village to raise a child."

Saigon is no Village. My Mom and stepfather were living in Los Angles when we were  unloaded from the evacuation of Saigon at Travis AFB. So we spent our first six years back in L.A.

We had a Motorhome and I took My wife and Kids to visit the hometown in Texas. After the trip my wife informed me that L.A. is no place to raise children and we were to move back to my "home village" in Texas.

I did a quick, "yes mam" and we were soon back in Texas

@70
  I think true enough. But I also think it takes a mother and a father, not just a dominate Vietnamese mother. I would hate to think my child will learn this type of family modeling.

Yeah... I think I may be lucky in my "divine intervention wife" as she doesn't seem to come from the same mould as many others that I have heard of. I say divine intervention because how we came to meet is a bit out of the ordinary, but its a 5 beer story for another day.

One thing I have noted though is the better educated the wife is, the better she understands that a Gringo husband isn't just a cash machine.

Diazo wrote:

(her family) has never offered me so much as a glass of water when I am in their home, let alone a meal. I must say I would never do it again.

Funny, my personal experience with my wife's family, which forms my generalization about all Vietnamese families, is just the opposite! They make me feel very welcome. They make it a point to never ask me for or accept money. My wife helps them sometimes as she has always. Sometimes I would like to buy them something but they refuse, even for favors they do. They helped us move all my junk twice. Helped me buy a motorbike. Helped me sell the motorbike for a great price. Wouldn't take 1million that I said is a little commission. Her sister has special dinners for us, and always loads us up with food and Choco Pies when we leave. The only way I can show gratitude is with toys for the 4 year old nephew. This is a quite poor yet proud family in Saigon D8.

eodmatt wrote:

One thing I have noted though is the better educated the wife is, the better she understands that a Gringo husband isn't just a cash machine.

Maybe, my wife is very educated and ambitious. (BTW we are now in Bangkok for 8 months as she works on another degree).

"employees fly between Vietnam, Cambodia, and Singapore"  - vndreamer
Quite right. I would run like hell....

Certainly  great to hear the encouraging stories of wonderful Vietnamese and their extended families from the likes of Gobot, EOD and 70yearold. Gives me hope at least. I truly do enjoy life here in Vietnam. Sure it has its pros and cons, but for me it is my paradise. And I do have a young child and maybe someday that will turn out well also.... I certainly hope so. But I count my blessing, for I am indeed a very fortunate man.
  Sad to see the conversation degenerate to the visceral
comments about people one does not know though. I doubt there is a place or need to call a women a whore just because her marriage failed. I suppose it begs the question what pajoritive can be applies to a man who's
marriage has failed. Seems rather kind to call him simply god's gift to women.
  I do not hate my ex-wife in anyway. We simply differed and I wanted to share my experience with Vietnamese women. Yes it is a trade jaded at the moment. But I have struggled to try and figure out if this is all due to cultural differences or did I just.......!
   And thanks for stepping in Fred it is appreciated.

Hello everyone,

Just to inform you that some posts have been put aside. Please share your personal experience only. Refrain from criticizing others.

Thank you for your comprehension,
Bhavna

Hahaha,  You put the numbers in context and they wear human face with sense to understand them.

My girl friend is vietnamese she is younger and very beautiful.  We live in different countries but plan to meet soon for a while.  I am just learning about culture . What should I know  .  She contacts me every day. She is so sweet.

Meeting my fiancee who is veitnamese is the best thing to happen to me.

Yes it sounds like a great family

Kjoseph wrote:

My girl friend is vietnamese she is younger and very beautiful.  We live in different countries but plan to meet soon for a while.  I am just learning about culture . What should I know  .  She contacts me every day. She is so sweet.

Make sure you are her only boyfriend.

Vietnamese girls are more loyal, I guess you will find out when you go to visit her the first time

@ jlgarbutt: They are loyal to a fault, hard working, family oriented. But go slow, slow , slow. They, in general love you for a fee. Many want that fee paid up front. 10 million vnd seems to be the going rate for “ I will love and care for you the rest of your life”. And they will. Tell them you will plan for their fture and insure that have a good retirement upon your death and they will dismiss it out of hand , generally speaking. The word “handsome “ man is tossed around here like it is a morning greeting. So I would suggest you do not take it literally. I still do not know what they mean. I hit a good golf shot and they say                      “ handsome “man. As the round is about over and tip time approaches the “handsome's” start flowing. But the same can be said for “ yeah”. They will “yeah”every question you ask. And you stand there and stll nothing happens. I think “ yeah” might mean “ yeah, I see you standing there you big dumb S.O.B.”.
But there is no rush to fall in love here and rush to the alter. Go slow, ask loaded questions, tell them your so poor you need their financial assistance, and you never want to live in your mother country again. Then see if they still are madly in love with you. And there ate many that still will be. Many will move on to tge next guy. When you get a good one they are hard to beat. Weth is a very relative term here when measured against other countries. If you have linited means and want a frugal lifestyle and can live that way then they can squeeze a lot out of nothing.
  Happy hunting and I hope it works out for you

Thank you I needed to hear that. I am not the jealous  kind but it is something one needs to know.

I hope I am

From my view point as a Vietnamese lady, I see that lots of good Vietnamese ladies lose their money as being cheated by foreigners:

https://vietnamnews.vn/society/372275/s … zLHMXer.97

Lots of Vietnamese who are well educated, nice and caring but still looking for true love .... It is really hard to understand people ... really hard to find the one you care and love for the rest of your life.

Anyone can give me the answer why some people really want to find the love but can not find true love?

Thank you so much.

It has been over two and half years since I met my girlfriend, and it was a year before we met in person.

Wedding plans for next January and have to say a lot of the negative comments are not true.

Im sure like some have said here are bad experiences to be had, but there is no rush take things at a comfortable pace and it's very relaxed and easy going.

Friends and family have been met, no one seems money orientated or even possession orientated. Her family only ask that she is happy.

Maybe I got lucky, and I do mean lucky because at no point does she ever ask for anything or demand anything apart from my time

Jlgarbutt wrote:

It has been over two and half years since I met my girlfriend, and it was a year before we met in person.

Wedding plans for next January and have to say a lot of the negative comments are not true.

Im sure like some have said here are bad experiences to be had, but there is no rush take things at a comfortable pace and it's very relaxed and easy going.

Friends and family have been met, no one seems money orientated or even possession orientated. Her family only ask that she is happy.

Maybe I got lucky, and I do mean lucky because at no point does she ever ask for anything or demand anything apart from my time

Maybe once you have spent a few years living here you will see reality for what it is. Do you honestly think people make this stuff up.

LittleHanoiDreaming wrote:

From my view point as a Vietnamese lady, I see that lots of good Vietnamese ladies lose their money as being cheated by foreigners:

https://vietnamnews.vn/society/372275/s … zLHMXer.97

Lots of Vietnamese who are well educated, nice and caring but still looking for true love .... It is really hard to understand people ... really hard to find the one you care and love for the rest of your life.

Anyone can give me the answer why some people really want to find the love but can not find true love?

Thank you so much.

Most of those scammers are Nigerian, nothing to do with the average expat that resides in VN.

Having read Mos to your comments I must say it appears you are only interested in posting negative comments?

Begs the question, do you live in Vietnam? If so where are you form originally? It would help a great deal to understand from your experiences

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Having read Mos to your comments I must say it appears you are only interested in posting negative comments?

Begs the question, do you live in Vietnam? If so where are you form originally? It would help a great deal to understand from your experiences

There's a bunch of us who just can't help rolling our eyes when reading stuff like you wrote. How can you really know what they are saying to each other or thinking? After a few years I could start picking up what some Vietnamese people would say to each other around me and it kind of opened my eyes. I used to bring some Vietnamese guy who was working at a hotel I was often staying at for a few beers and occasional movies with his friends and he was "super nice", until I realised that he was telling his friends (in Vietnamese) that "he found a great ATM with 2 legs that was sprouting free money". That's just an example. I'm not even talking about dating women, which also makes great stories. The more I'd interact with locals the more I'd get the real vibe of what was happening. If I would have seen this only once or twice, I could have told myself that person was a bad apple, but after a while you realize it's pretty standard and start looking for the "good apples" (of course there are). I'm not even blaming them for this, I'm sure I'd pretty much have the same mentality towards Westerners if I were born in a poor developing country.

So yeah, good for you to think you found the perfect Vietnamese woman who doesn't care about money but hopefully you're not one of these people who think they know their partner deeply with a few Skype sessions and 4-5 three weeks trips to Vietnam.

Bitter and twisted seems to be your mentality. Ever heard the phrase can't tar everyone with the same brush?

Sure there are bad people in very society and leta face it most western countries are prime examples of greed, selfishness etc.

I notice you didn't mention where you are from or where you live now.. But I'm guessing from a lot of your comments you got mugged off by someone. Was it their fault or your own??

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Bitter and twisted seems to be your mentality. Ever heard the phrase can't tar everyone with the same brush?

Sure there are bad people in very society and leta face it most western countries are prime examples of greed, selfishness etc.

I notice you didn't mention where you are from or where you live now.. But I'm guessing from a lot of your comments you got mugged off by someone. Was it their fault or your own??

I don't even think you read my text as I specifically mentioned that there were definitely good people. But I'm not going to waste more of my time, I just wanted to explain why some of us thought this way about people like you, it's not about arguing who's wrong or right, just explaining why you'll sometimes get eyes rolling with such comments.

PS: Actually had good experience with my "main" Vietnamese woman and she would be the first one rolling her eyes reading what you wrote, I guarantee you.

I've been married to a wonderful woman for 47 years, who happens to be Vietnamese. But women are women and men are men, some are great people and some are horrible people and most people are somewhere in-between.

The woman that I married was working for my military unit's Medical Officer in Vietnam as a nurse/interpreter. I did get a chance to see what she was like in a combat situation. I was impressed. Anyway, I married my war-buddy. She happens to be Vietnamese.

I think it is a horrible idea to marry or even get serious with a woman because she is Vietnamese. But, if you find a wonderful woman and she happens to be Vietnamese, congratulations.

Oh the stories I could yell that align with WillyBaldy. They say that the Vietnamese have two faces. The novice here who have learned all about VN with their Skype girlfriends or short interludes with the ladies will find out an entire different thing when they come here or have stayed awhile. And I am not even speaking of that type of relationship. The envelope money for medical care, traffic stops, school for the child and everyhing you can imagine. The men in black. The house you bought that was not theirs to sell. The monthly snitch meeting for every neighborhood is why there is no need for police. There is a file on you and everyone in Vietnam in every ward. Vietnam is not the sleepy paradise you envision. Heck not even the locals want to go to the police. Then when your honey decides its over, you will learn a great deal more. Yes, there are wonderful great people here of all sexes. But it is much much different than what your use to in your mother country. But close your eyes to what we tell you. No, it may not be that way with your lover that just likes old men. And that is great. But you better hope it stays that way. Because they will go after you witha vegence if you decide to leave. But, having said that, it seems from what I have observed that those who marry closer to their own ages have done very very well. It seems the new breed of VNese have a different aproach and goal. All those who have had problems in marriage that I know have a wide age gap.

Diazo wrote:

Oh the stories I could yell that align with WillyBaldy. They say that the Vietnamese have two faces. The novice here who have learned all about VN with their Skype girlfriends or short interludes with the ladies will find out an entire different thing when they come here or have stayed awhile. And I am not even speaking of that type of relationship. The envelope money for medical care, traffic stops, school for the child and everyhing you can imagine. The men in black. The house you bought that was not theirs to sell. The monthly snitch meeting for every neighborhood is why there is no need for police. There is a file on you and everyone in Vietnam in every ward. Vietnam is not the sleepy paradise you envision. Heck not even the locals want to go to the police. Then when your honey decides its over, you will learn a great deal more. Yes, there are wonderful great people here of all sexes. But it is much much different than what your use to in your mother country. But close your eyes to what we tell you. No, it may not be that way with your lover that just likes old men. And that is great. But you better hope it stays that way. Because they will go after you witha vegence if you decide to leave. But, having said that, it seems from what I have observed that those who marry closer to their own ages have done very very well. It seems the new breed of VNese have a different aproach and goal. All those who have had problems in marriage that I know have a wide age gap.

"The house you bought that was not theirs to sell."
At least in the big cities, Vietnam now does have something that works something like escrow. Use it.

"There is a file on you and everyone in Vietnam in every ward."
Depending on who your friends are, and how high up your friends are, this can be helpful.

"Heck not even the locals want to go to the police."

This depends on a lot of things. Note, if you are hiring a policeman for a specific job that is legal for the policeman to do off duty, just like in America, this is legal and can be a very wise thing to do. Like in America, small town police operate a lot differently than police in big cities here in Vietnam.

Also note, speaking useable Vietnamese will make things much more pleasant during the time you spend in Vietnam. In fact, learning a basic level of the local language is a huge help in any country.

Keep dreaming. Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy. You can be in and out of escow and the true owner will never know his house or land has been sold.
I have seen tve men in lack in action. And all over an old lady that complained about paying fees to sell her lettuce.
The point is, Vietnam is not, at times, the wonderful paradise we would like it t be. That said, I love living here and the people of Vietnam. But I am cautious, but often not cautious enough. Like any country it has its pros and cons. Many who have not lived here do not know many of tge problems they will face. And most do not want to know. Live is blind still is alive and strong.

I remember a guy in Saigon who was advised by his good friend to keep away from a certain girl. The guy being advised had been here a short time, the guy giving the advice had been here around 5 years. He eventually found out that his little princess had four guys as boyfriends. 😂

Years later I saw him and he said how foolish he was to think he knew how things worked here. He eventually found a nice lady and things worked out for him.

Diazo wrote:

Keep dreaming. Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy. You can be in and out of escow and the true owner will never know his house or land has been sold.
I have seen tve men in lack in action. And all over an old lady that complained about paying fees to sell her lettuce.
The point is, Vietnam is not, at times, the wonderful paradise we would like it t be. That said, I love living here and the people of Vietnam. But I am cautious, but often not cautious enough. Like any country it has its pros and cons. Many who have not lived here do not know many of tge problems they will face. And most do not want to know. Live is blind still is alive and strong.

I have bought and sold a large number of properties in America and some here in Vietnam as well.

"Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy." Is a totally and absolutely false statement.

What escrow does, in America and many other countries, in real-estate is have a well bonded company hold the money until the owner and buyer are both completely satisfied with the title search and that the title insurance policy is completed. Vietnam is more complicated.

I have never stated that Vietnam has an escrow process that works exactly like it does in America.  I have used terms like 'escrow like' and similar to escrow. Note, this improvement is, to the best of my knowledge, something that has happened in the last few years.

I have absolutely not said that Vietnam has American level of protection of real-estate sales. I have said that the process is improving. I have also strongly suggested than no foreigner buy or sell real-estate  in Vietnam with out hiring a good lawyer.

While my first real-estate ownership was a gift at birth, I have spent roughly 40 years buying and selling real-estate as a sideline to my work and military service. I have both made and lost money. All in all, I am comfortably ahead.

70 years old wrote:

Diazo wrote:

Keep dreaming. Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy. You can be in and out of escow and the true owner will never know his house or land has been sold.
I have seen tve men in lack in action. And all over an old lady that complained about paying fees to sell her lettuce.
The point is, Vietnam is not, at times, the wonderful paradise we would like it t be. That said, I love living here and the people of Vietnam. But I am cautious, but often not cautious enough. Like any country it has its pros and cons. Many who have not lived here do not know many of tge problems they will face. And most do not want to know. Live is blind still is alive and strong.

I have bought and sold a large number of properties in America and some here in Vietnam as well.

"Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy." Is a totally and absolutely false statement.

What escrow does, in America and many other countries, in real-estate is have a well bonded company hold the money until the owner and buyer are both completely satisfied with the title search and that the title insurance policy is completed. Vietnam is more complicated.

I have never stated that Vietnam has an escrow process that works exactly like it does in America.  I have used terms like 'escrow like' and similar to escrow. Note, this improvement is, to the best of my knowledge, something that has happened in the last few years.

I have absolutely not said that Vietnam has American level of protection of real-estate sales. I have said that the process is improving. I have also strongly suggested than no foreigner buy or sell real-estate  in Vietnam with out hiring a good lawyer.

While my first real-estate ownership was a gift at birth, I have spent roughly 40 years buying and selling real-estate as a sideline to my work and military service. I have both made and lost money. All in all, I am comfortably ahead.

Can't imagine the average VN handing over money to a neutral party, their trust in each other is very low as you know. Many still dont trust banks, not sure how this would work.

Something needs to change to reduce the amount of bad transactions. One of the biggest problems is the fake paperwork issued by the sellers friend at the local government offices.

colinoscapee wrote:

70 years old wrote:

Diazo wrote:

Keep dreaming. Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy. You can be in and out of escow and the true owner will never know his house or land has been sold.
I have seen tve men in lack in action. And all over an old lady that complained about paying fees to sell her lettuce.
The point is, Vietnam is not, at times, the wonderful paradise we would like it t be. That said, I love living here and the people of Vietnam. But I am cautious, but often not cautious enough. Like any country it has its pros and cons. Many who have not lived here do not know many of tge problems they will face. And most do not want to know. Live is blind still is alive and strong.

I have bought and sold a large number of properties in America and some here in Vietnam as well.

"Escrow has nothing to do with a title search or title policy." Is a totally and absolutely false statement.

What escrow does, in America and many other countries, in real-estate is have a well bonded company hold the money until the owner and buyer are both completely satisfied with the title search and that the title insurance policy is completed. Vietnam is more complicated.

I have never stated that Vietnam has an escrow process that works exactly like it does in America.  I have used terms like 'escrow like' and similar to escrow. Note, this improvement is, to the best of my knowledge, something that has happened in the last few years.

I have absolutely not said that Vietnam has American level of protection of real-estate sales. I have said that the process is improving. I have also strongly suggested than no foreigner buy or sell real-estate  in Vietnam with out hiring a good lawyer.

While my first real-estate ownership was a gift at birth, I have spent roughly 40 years buying and selling real-estate as a sideline to my work and military service. I have both made and lost money. All in all, I am comfortably ahead.

Can't imagine the average VN handing over money to a neutral party, their trust in each other is very low as you know. Many still dont trust banks, not sure how this would work.

Something needs to change to reduce the amount of bad transactions. One of the biggest problems is the fake paperwork issued by the sellers friend at the local government offices.

"Can't imagine the average VN handing over money to a neutral party, their trust in each other is very low as you know. Many still dont trust banks, not sure how this would work."

Excellent point. We had to bring the agreed cash payment personally for all three meetings. They had to have a proven valid 'red book.' On the second meeting, we had to have the cash and they gave us their 'red book.' Third meeting, we paid the remaining cash and they handed over our new 'red book.'

The 'sort of escrow people' did count the money and sign that the correct amount of money was there and sign that the other side's paperwork was good.

As to trusting banks, what makes me nervous is that Vietnamese buy these huge safes and have them delivered to their homes. The sight of a serious safe being loaded into someone's house, to me, seems to shout, "ROB ME!!!"

There is no ability to do a title search or get title insurance bere. You can very easily set down here with 3 or more parties, one being a neutral escrow officer and have absolutely no protection that the buyer is the current title holder. Yes, a third party escrow can hold the funds in trust. But not even in America do escrow companies issue title policies. To me the fact remains that Vietnam is an unregulated frontier where you better be very cautious as to what you do. Not even the courts can protect you here. The berdict goes to who pays the highest
“ lobbying fee”. I still feel the giy setting in “X” country falling in love on Skype to the sweetest gal on earth needs to proceed with caution, escrow or not. I can buy a red book or get a loan on anything here . Just pay the required fees.

Diazo wrote:

There is no ability to do a title search or get title insurance bere. You can very easily set down here with 3 or more parties, one being a neutral escrow officer and have absolutely no protection that the buyer is the current title holder. Yes, a third party escrow can hold the funds in trust. But not even in America do escrow companies issue title policies. To me the fact remains that Vietnam is an unregulated frontier where you better be very cautious as to what you do. Not even the courts can protect you here. The berdict goes to who pays the highest
“ lobbying fee”. I still feel the giy setting in “X” country falling in love on Skype to the sweetest gal on earth needs to proceed with caution, escrow or not. I can buy a red book or get a loan on anything here . Just pay the required fees.

Yes. But, you can verify the seller's 'Red Book.' If the 'Red Book' is valid, you can't be 100% sure. But, the likely-hood of the sale being valid is very close to 100% after you get your new personal 'Red Book' issued to you.

Agreed, Vietnam doesn't have 'Title' or 'Red Book' insurance. But, once the Vietnamese Government issues you your personal 'Red Book' . . .

Note, the Vietnamese Government doesn't, to the best of my knowledge have an Imminent Domain system like America. So this is my biggest chance for loosing my investment. But, from a USD $50,000.00 investment standpoint. I have saved USD$ 6000.00 in rent in the last year and the Condo now sells, when available, condo's like mine for USD$ 70,000.00.Still, I could loose my money through the Vietnamese equlivent of, 'Imminent Domain.' 

But, I've lost money before. No guts. No glory. At least I do not have professional Vietnamese Soldiers trying to shoot me like was true in the early 1970s

legal definition of Imminent Domain
https://legal-dictionary.thefreediction … ent+Domain
The Fifth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution requires the government to provide just compensation to the owner of the private property to be taken. A variety of property rights are subject to eminent domain, such as air, water, and land rights. The government takes private property through condemnation proceedings.

Well I can assure you 70 Year Old there are several here holding bogus red books. I have a good friend who has been tied up in court trying to get his property back. You can buy red books, drivers lincenses, loans, visas, court rulings etc. But I am happy you feel good about it. But those nust landing need to know that your exerience and mine might be different and to use caution. I hope you do not try to convince people the if the “ government” issues you sonething here it is 100% vaild. You can purchase a red book that is never recorded. You can purchase a DL that is never recorded, a visa as well. Cirrently we have many people blacklisted because thet “ bought” a visa.
But we are way off topic and I apologize.