Understanding Vietnamese girls

Interesting contrasts. My LHD has the usual extended family of brother, sister, mum, dad (RIP), BiL, assorted nephews and nieces (who come and stay during the school holidays). Sister is, well, very wealthy and keeps me at arms length, BiL is ok with me. Brother is, well, odd, but in a nice way and treats me like a brother and always makes sure I have a beer in my hand. There are uncles and Aunts all over the place.

However, apart from feeding the nephews, taking them to the pics etc. I don't have to stump up for much else. Apart from tutors when the kids are here that is.

And of course I am an unpaid English teacher for them all. And that drives me nuts because English is taught in the Vn schools simply as a means of passing exams based on the books - and the quality of the resultant English speaking ability is nowhere in sight.

We are of course expected to have a car - no I damn well don't have a car and wont have a car as they are a waste of money. In fact I did a cost benefit analysis spread sheet on owning a car in Vn and, for the cost of a decent car (about 50,000 USD) + servicing, fuel, police ripoffs etc., we could have taxis, hire cars and VIP busses whenever we wanted for 4 years. and not have a heap of crap sitting outside the house going rusty, no hassle parking, no accident damage etc.

I get looked after by LHD like royalty. She always makes sure there is food to eat - three meals a day and the house is immaculate - I am expect to "wash" the floors 3 times a week. The laundry is taken care of and a tailor comes to the house every six months or so to measure me up for new shirts and trousers. She inspects everything with gimlet eyed precision. Hotel and restaurant bills are scrutinised and rejected for the slightest fault. Her favourite thing with bills is to reject any bill that includes tax and VAT, unless it is a red bill and has the businesses stamp on it. Buying a house was done with absolute precision and attention to detail, every single scrap of paper related to the sale was scrutinised, copied, checked and confirmed..

The only downside is that I have no authority and if I say, for example, its too late to go swimming, the kids will got and speak to LHD. Another example was when the nephew was here, LHD and her LHD and her mum would allow him at ten years old to go swimming unsupervised: "he is ten years old, what could go wrong?"

What went wrong was that someone nicked his bag with his clothes, watch and bits and bobs, from the side of the swimming pool, whilst he wasn't watching.

One thing that drives me nuts though is the lack of planning: "Oh I haven't thought about it yet, no need to think about it until the day before". At which point I always ask: "When you studied for your MBA, did no one teach you the importance of PPPPPPP, otherwise known as the P formula?"

To which the answer is usually "KKDD"

Fred :
Yogi007 :

Nothing a new $900 iPhone won't fix. 🤓

iphones are great for filling dustbins with.
I've just bought a Samsung C9.

Have the fire service standing by - or carry a fire extinguisher everywhere you go  ;)


eodmatt has some worthwhile comments.

I will add that a place like Chicago, Saigon etc. are essentially (to be polite) arm pits. When you live out in the country, whether America or Vietnam, you generally find a better quality of people. We are living in Saigon because our Doctors in Liên Hương, Huyện Tuy Phong, Bình Thuận strongly encouraged us to get the best possible Doctors for my wife.

Note, the Liên Hương Doctors cared more about us and our health than selling more medical service to us.

Another point. Avoid English speaking Vietnamese people and stay far away from areas that have a large number of English speaking Vietnamese. 1974-1975 I taught some ESL at the U of Saigon. Learning English requires a substantial investment in time, money and effort. This investment in time, money and effort is expended in order to make a profit.

  Great story. I too have met women since that their families are most inviting and I feel very welcome. I too witnessed the intense scrutiny of meal tabs etc. always thought it far over done for the time it takes. Probably have never found a total of 30k miscaulation. But I understand the mindset instilled if you are poor.
   The way it which they raise a child I find universally terrible though. They protect them by inprisoning them. Whereas in my country we teach them to protect themselves and be aware. I put my son on my shoulders for a hourseback ride and you would think I just threw him off a ten story building. Buy him toys to develope small motor skills and they are all thrown away. His gross motor skills are so arrested for his age I have never witnessed this before in my life. One year old and can not quite yet crawl. But they will not let him out of jail to try. And everyone of them feels they are the greatest in raising a child. We are in the highthh of the Japenese encephalitis season. My son could have and should have had his shot in May. And the refuse to get it. Always gripped by fear. Yet those that contract it a third die. I am glad we split up because I could have never raised a child that way. Here it seem the man has no say in the raising of the child. And no rights in a divorce. It is always great to hear the successful stories though!!!


I can't believe that I am responding with a quote from Hillary Clinton, "It takes a village to raise a child."

Saigon is no Village. My Mom and stepfather were living in Los Angles when we were  unloaded from the evacuation of Saigon at Travis AFB. So we spent our first six years back in L.A.

We had a Motorhome and I took My wife and Kids to visit the hometown in Texas. After the trip my wife informed me that L.A. is no place to raise children and we were to move back to my "home village" in Texas.

I did a quick, "yes mam" and we were soon back in Texas

  I think true enough. But I also think it takes a mother and a father, not just a dominate Vietnamese mother. I would hate to think my child will learn this type of family modeling.

Moderated by Priscilla 11 months ago
Reason : inappropriate comment

Yeah... I think I may be lucky in my "divine intervention wife" as she doesn't seem to come from the same mould as many others that I have heard of. I say divine intervention because how we came to meet is a bit out of the ordinary, but its a 5 beer story for another day.

One thing I have noted though is the better educated the wife is, the better she understands that a Gringo husband isn't just a cash machine.

Diazo :

(her family) has never offered me so much as a glass of water when I am in their home, let alone a meal. I must say I would never do it again.

Funny, my personal experience with my wife's family, which forms my generalization about all Vietnamese families, is just the opposite! They make me feel very welcome. They make it a point to never ask me for or accept money. My wife helps them sometimes as she has always. Sometimes I would like to buy them something but they refuse, even for favors they do. They helped us move all my junk twice. Helped me buy a motorbike. Helped me sell the motorbike for a great price. Wouldn't take 1million that I said is a little commission. Her sister has special dinners for us, and always loads us up with food and Choco Pies when we leave. The only way I can show gratitude is with toys for the 4 year old nephew. This is a quite poor yet proud family in Saigon D8.

eodmatt :

One thing I have noted though is the better educated the wife is, the better she understands that a Gringo husband isn't just a cash machine.

Maybe, my wife is very educated and ambitious. (BTW we are now in Bangkok for 8 months as she works on another degree).

"employees fly between Vietnam, Cambodia, and Singapore"  - vndreamer
Quite right. I would run like hell.... :)

Certainly  great to hear the encouraging stories of wonderful Vietnamese and their extended families from the likes of Gobot, EOD and 70yearold. Gives me hope at least. I truly do enjoy life here in Vietnam. Sure it has its pros and cons, but for me it is my paradise. And I do have a young child and maybe someday that will turn out well also.... I certainly hope so. But I count my blessing, for I am indeed a very fortunate man.
  Sad to see the conversation degenerate to the visceral
comments about people one does not know though. I doubt there is a place or need to call a women a whore just because her marriage failed. I suppose it begs the question what pajoritive can be applies to a man who's
marriage has failed. Seems rather kind to call him simply god's gift to women.
  I do not hate my ex-wife in anyway. We simply differed and I wanted to share my experience with Vietnamese women. Yes it is a trade jaded at the moment. But I have struggled to try and figure out if this is all due to cultural differences or did I just.......!
   And thanks for stepping in Fred it is appreciated.

Hello everyone,

Just to inform you that some posts have been put aside. Please share your personal experience only. Refrain from criticizing others.

Thank you for your comprehension,

Hahaha,  :lol: You put the numbers in context and they wear human face with sense to understand them.

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