Close

Meeting a vietnamese girl for the first time, what should I expect ?

Hi there, I am a vietnamese american guy living in the united states. I am being introduced to a vietnamese girl by my relatives in vietnam and I want to know what should I expect when I meet them. She is my potential fiancee and I want to be able to make a good first impression. I am also wondering if I should bring some gifts when I go to meet her and her family. What are somethings should I expect and should I bring along any gifts ?

Bring some red roses + a perfume for her, some chocolate/a perfume/ body lotion for her mother/sister, some wine for her father (if he drinks), a T-shirt or shirt for her brother... then invite them for dinner (if possible) --> you will get good impression. Good luck.  :)

Hi,
I agree with Miss Thanh. You should bring those presents. Dont worry too much. You must be yourself. Every relationship in this world needs sincerity, respect and love
Cheers,
Jenny

Hi,

Just buy some normal things which arent expensive to present his family and see how they react. Sometimes it is better to be thought that you are poor.

Regards

If you buy all that expensive stuff, I fear you will be seen as a resource to be bled dry. Unless they are a good humble/ honest family.

To be honest, it depends on the girl and her family.  The best bet is to ask people that know her and her family.  Based on my experience, I was fortunate enough to have time to get to know my vietnamese girlfriend for many months prior to meeting her family and visiting her home.  When the time came for the introduction, of course i asked her what i should offer her family (obviously this tells you alot about her and her family).  She insisted I keep it simple, it is the thought, not the cost that counts.  Therefore, I bought them candies and their favorite drinks (basically good coffees). 

Yes, I thought of flowers, but I was told no.  Why?  Her and her mother love flowers, but they love real flowers that are natural (which means they love to see them still on the bush and not removed).  Is why I say, ask someone who knows her and the family.  A little gift can say alot more than something big or expensive.

If you visit her house, just buy some fruits. It's enough for all family, no need to buy for everyone. Just respect people and always polite, every where you go with her. I really like polite person, I will stop help/date if I feel he is not polite enough. I know, sometimes I can't know if he is really good like he try to be polite always... But I can't change that, hihi.

Everything will be fine! They won't eat you!  :D

Bring them a basket of fruits as Ngatt suggested maybe best idea. When I first time met my wife's family, I brought nothing. If I only I had known this blog 10 years ago !

1/ just expect that her family welcome you
2/ ask her about the gift is the best answer
3/ Just be yourself

Good luck!

You should better bring some fruit, that's all.
Like dejavu.dot said, you will understand more when they think you'r poor.
Rose, perfume, wine, lotion...These stuff are the mostly favorite things of a kind of lover and lover's family who love your money than you.

bring Nothing.  you are an American. You are not a local.

your intentions are good but i fear you will be used. bring nothing but show you have table manners.

you will be naturally be invited to a dinner anyway. do not worry too much.

remember again you are an american.

expect the normal interviewed questions.
what do you do?
what do you study?
how much money you make?

they will ask you alot of personal questions.

if you really must bring something just bring chocolates.

I think the minimum manners of a bottle red wine when dining or box of chocolate for the lady.

Local snacks of where you are from is a good start. Such as prunes if you are from California or Chips from Cape Cod etc.
:D
Nothing expensive will be my advice. Just enough for a courtesy call.

I vote for fruits, candy or beverage if it made from your country.

when you are taking her to dinner, plan on taking the whole extended family!  all 30-50 of them!  (of course you pay for all of them.  what a stupid question)... and keep doing this for as long as you are there... they generally like their beer, (bia).. and will be drinking at least every 2nd or 3rd night or so... nearly all the men smoke.. most women will drink some beer or maybe a lot, but women seldom smoke, not considered lady like... probably they want some rice liquor too... and at least some chicken to go with it... they'l probably have a few chickens running around the yard they will catch, clean and cook... this aint KFC ok?  they like to bring a couple geese live from the market once in awhile too...

Thanh 84 :

Bring some red roses + a perfume for her, some chocolate/a perfume/ body lotion for her mother/sister,

I wonder if it is a generational difference but I have had older Vietnamese tell me that giving perfume can be considered an insult.  Sort of like saying "you smell bad."

To the OP, as a Vietnamese-American, you should perhaps consult with your own relatives first.  Quries on this type of subject on this forum can elicit somewhat cynical replies.  If your matchmakers did their job, your potential bride's family should be fully aware of your financial situation.  If you are a young man, expectations will be lower.

The OP's first arranged meeting was 2.5 years ago and he disappeared after his one and only post.  He's either married the girl already or the whole thing was a bust and he's back to the States, putting in overtime to pay for the trip, the gifts, and the dinner.

Still, even though the point is moot, I strongly disagree with the suggestions on showing up the very fist time with over-the-top gifts. 

@Thanh and HuongJenny:  Red roses, perfume, and body lotion for someone whom you meet for the first time?  Are you out of your collective minds?  I've received red roses many times in my life, but never from a stranger.  It would have creeped me out if someone whom I've never met before showed up bringing me, my mother, and my sisters something so intimate as red roses, perfume, and body lotion.  You do know that red roses mean passion/love/desire, don't you?  And do you know that a man should give body lotion only to his wife/girlfriend/lover?  What kind of message do you think those inappropriate gifts would have conveyed?

I'm flabbergasted reading those suggestions, especially when they're from two women.

Well said. Just be yourself, be real. The world is already too full of fakes. I went empty handed and still got the perfect girl of my life.  More to do with opening your heart than anything else.

Yes, this is superb advice for the village type folks but not in modern families in a city environment.

I was having the same feeling... it sounded more like he was already proposing marriage when he hadn't even met her yet!..

Ciambella :

The OP's first arranged meeting was 2.5 years ago and he disappeared after his one and only post.  He's either married the girl already or the whole thing was a bust and he's back to the States, putting in overtime to pay for the trip, the gifts, and the dinner.

Still, even though the point is moot, I strongly disagree with the suggestions on showing up the very fist time with over-the-top gifts. 

@Thanh and HuongJenny:  Red roses, perfume, and body lotion for someone whom you meet for the first time?  Are you out of your collective minds?  I've received red roses many times in my life, but never from a stranger.  It would have creeped me out if someone whom I've never met before showed up bringing me, my mother, and my sisters something so intimate as red roses, perfume, and body lotion.  You do know that red roses mean passion/love/desire, don't you?  And do you know that a man should give body lotion only to his wife/girlfriend/lover?  What kind of message do you think those inappropriate gifts would have conveyed?

I'm flabbergasted reading those suggestions, especially when they're from two women.

Reminds me of my interpreters advice when I was in Taiwan. I had to meet an elderly female judge for advice on a complex contractual matter. The meeting was only semi formal as it was a Sunday and I was to meet her at home. My interpreter suggested that I take her a present of some face cream!

My interpreter had spent some years living in Australia and had an interesting Chinese Australian accent. Anyway, one day I asked him to take me to the biggest pharmacy in Golden Gate city. He wanted to know why. I told him I needed some nail varnish remover*.

He immediately assumed that I was taking the ghey and counselled me against turning gay and wearing nail varnish. "Look here, mate" he said, "I know it ronery for you out here, but no need to go with the gay men, you can have my wife's sister, she never marry cos she a bit ugly, but you a bit fat anyway so I think no ploblem."




*It was for dissolving some explosives from certain landmines that we were finding - nail varnish remover contains acetone, a solvent.

New topic

Expatriate health insurance in Vietnam

Free advice and quotation service to choose an expat health insurance in Vietnam

Moving to Vietnam

Find tips from professionals about moving to Vietnam

Travel insurance in Vietnam

Enjoy stress-free travel to Vietnam