How to deal with stress when moving to the Netherlands

People say not to write something when you're stressed 😊, but my experiences as follow as input or lesson learned for others
I've decide to move to Netherlands 4,5 years ago with my family. Unfortunately, without detailing the due diligence, which I still bear the consequences.

Unless one is a single, self-centered individual who is very flexible and adaptive (there is person like this), I would say the only two ways to manage stress every now and then are:
-By ensuring your safety net (for most is family or extended family or very close friends who got your back) are within reach
-To retaliate with your comfort zone every now and then e.g. your country (Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Vietnam, Indonesian, students only, etc.) group which still hold the similar value as yours.
For sure money cannot buy anything in Netherlands, you have fancy car but the tax will be outrageous and speed camera is everywhere. Beach is so so, museum is everywhere, you need to adjust your schedule with opening time of most (if not all) stores

Live in Netherlands is quite simple officially: Register yourself and play by the rules until the end (pension/move abroad, etc.)
How to live it, that is a different story:
People are generally helpful, if ASKED. And will they help? If only they are entitled and capable to do so.

For example:
-Home country to the day one register in the city hall. Please note that in most occasion they will not help outside their scope, but they may refer to other people
Relocation assistance --> will only help you with hotel option and let say ticket booking
Relocation makelaar --> 3rd party that will assist you in the city hall
Mover --> bring your stuff from home country to designated house to be

-Day to day
Ask menu to waitress, not the one behind the counter (some of them reluctant to do other people job – waitress-ing)
Dutch people like to chat and take time to do things. Don't get me wrong, they are fast in cycling and walking, but other than that, they will take time
Don't get offended if you are in the cashier but it took extra minute since a person or more talking to the cashier about any topic until finish

As an engineer (only can give black and white feedback), colored (I am not Caucasian), with family (kids of two – not so loud), and come from country which endorse helpfulness, things that stressed us out are summarized as follow:
- Don't know / hesitant to give feedback / playing dumb --> shrugging shoulders
- “Sorry/apology” is a rare word
- “Thank you” word is not so rare, (as normal gesture)
- Do wat je wil (do anything you like, the way you like) as long as not against the law. By the way, what is law??
- No right or wrong. You can say sky is blue, but Netherlanders will say it is not white. Same thing?? Not
- You may be right, but locals have a different way to say the other way around. This is the way they were taught, to be assertive and always no absolute right and wrong. Can be a challenge if you are working in let say engineering or exact science, and may faces continuous challenges.
- Challenges / uitdaging is the other way that say you may and can be wrong
- If asking for general help (for free) can be translated to shift responsibilities to other people, expect No for an answer. For example, to guard your unaccompanied house, to take care your kids for half day, etc.
- (not all but quite common) Fundamental / unspoken stereotyping. Can be widely interpreted as race, career, course of study, family with kids, family without kids, etc.
- “They don't need you, you need them” mindset. Helping you or not helping, the salary of certain public service employee is remained the same (also for another sector), so why bother the extra mile

Don't get me wrong, I like Netherlands (the country) for mainly two things: fresh air and neatness. Most people that I enjoy with are Netherlanders who have experienced abroad, and a few nice open-minded Netherlanders.
In most occasion, yes, only Dutch who understand other Dutch.

Regards,
Danlap

I highly recommend following book to get insights on the Dutch cultures:

The Unduchables

I have recently moved to the Netherlands from South Africa. The most stressful part for me has been finding a job and getting used to going from a senior executive with an MBA degree to being told that I am not qualified to do a minimum wage job because my Dutch is not fluent yet

Deb13 wrote:

I have recently moved to the Netherlands from South Africa. The most stressful part for me has been finding a job and getting used to going from a senior executive with an MBA degree to being told that I am not qualified to do a minimum wage job because my Dutch is not fluent yet

Yep; that's the reality of moving to Holland; many people refuse to believe that the ability to speak Dutch is really important to get that decent, well-paid job.

Have you tried the multi-nationals in Holland?

Cynic
Expat Team