Hi Everyone~
I figured since the topic about teaching salaries got changed (probably by me) to about my husband that I would just start a new thread. However, this will not be more of my sad situations..but rather what happened after I posted my last "troubles." AND THIS IS EXCITING...so please read on!!
Many of you wrote me private messages expressing your concerns and offering advice and comfort. I just wanted to say thanks so much for reaching out to help, I know it can be rather uncomfortable to read about such abuse..and really, what I experience is NOTHING compared to what the majority of women and children experience on Earth each day. I hope I can help that.
Many of you are also probably wondering why I would write about something so personal...and really it is because I have nothing to hide. And I KNOW that there are those who have had similar experiences. My point is not to blame my husband or to play the victim. It is quite the opposite..it is to take back my power!! Somehow I've let this all happen...and it just drives me crazy trying to figure out WHY!!! I'm a questioner...why why why..so.. just for the record..I feel I have a good head on my shoulders..I just feel the need to get this out in the open...it can never be healed if we all pretend everything is always good.
In addition, I don't want to be known as the woman with the terrible husband...and really the only reason I even wrote about a few of the recent and ongoing problems I've had...is really only to just get it out...see if anyone is in the same boat..as well as to enlighten other women on all the different possibilities that MIGHT happen when being a foreign woman married to a Jordanian man living in Jordan. You see, MANY of our issues are the same...but MANY of mine are not. So I just wanted to be clear to all the women out there who may be interested or are involved with a Jordanian man...everybody is different!! I know of many men who are nothing like my husband...and many of them are on this forum...so a little note to you guys...you're not all terrible lol I actually think I got a pretty extreme guy...although I know a couple others that have had it worse...anyway that's not my point...the point is...I THINK I FOUND A RESOLUTION!!
After bearing my soul on this website I had another situation with him which lead me to a really good cry. It was probably one of the biggest ones of my life..it was almost like a complete upheaval of sadness...of which during, I prayed to God and to my angels for help. I pleaded with them...I demanded, almost..it was a strong force that basically told the universe, "NO MORE!!! YOU MUST HELP!" I asked to please find a way for us to live apart at this time. I kept asking...please please take him away...I cannot breathe freely anymore..this is just too much too often!! And then I offered gratitude for their assistance and let it go. I have faith...something has GOT to change!
The next day he came to me announced he was going to move back to the US!
I was speechless..but it only took a minute for me to realize that my prayers had been heard. I felt so happy...so relieved..so loved...so NOT ALONE!! I am so grateful for my connection to spirit/source/ my soul energy and all Divine Beings of Light...I just can not imagine my life without God. When I was crying I really felt as if I was huddled in the wings of Archangel Michael.
But..this is not where I want to go with this...what I realized..and this is a lesson I think many can benefit from or to look into for themselves...my husbands anger, and misery etc...was and still is trying to help him understand that where he is now is not working., it is not right..it is not where he needs to be now. As Abraham teaches...if there is resistance in your life or if situations and emotions do not feel good..then you are swimming upstream...you're on the wrong road. Our emotions are our spirit's way of letting us know which way to go..which path to take. My husband kept resisting his emotions....burying them down deeper and deeper..and looking at his situation to not find a lucrative job here as failure...when in fact it isn't. And BTW...if you bury these emotions they will manifest into physical pain and then finally disease. So, everyone...let it out!!
You know...life is changing so much each day..new energies are constantly coming to Earth...if you are feeling REALLY emotional on any given day...check the solar flare reports on spaceweather.com...chances are there was a big flare 72 hours prior...now I subscribe so that I am prepared for the potential onslaught of emotion. Although obviously not always
Many people are finding themselves questioning everything in their lives at this moment in time...including where they live and what they do. My husband was trying to make it work here...but the fact is...he just can't. His professional skills are American and still too new for Jordan. People do not appreciate him at all here...where as in the US he had a waiting list of clients!!!
So...all this time has passed, 3 years...he has had this burning feeling that he just doesn't want to live here..and he kept fighting it, because I do. Well, it just got stronger and stronger and stronger...finally escalating out to a point where he was pissing people off everywhere he went...and then blaming everyone else.
It took our fight..his cruelness to me..to push me to my limit and SAY NO MORE, I WANT OUT OF THIS!!! When I did this..it forced him to stand back...and really take a good look at everything...and then he realized he wants to be in America...his energy is not meant to be in Jordan at this time. I reminded him...that just because he feels the pull to leave..and he has no idea for how long...it could be a very short time...he is very nervous to go back and fail...but I say to him...what do you have to loose? You are failing already and you are driving people crazy with your negative energy!!! If you don't try something different...we might all tie you up to a tree and throw rotten potatoes at you, you see!! I always hear the Madonna song..that says..."we're all just traveling down this old road watching the signs as we go..think I'll follow my heart, it's a very good place to start." SO SO SO TRUE!!
So..really my lesson in all of this is to just pay attention..don't take things personally..and to look for answers, the signs and to not get all caught up in the dramas of someone else's emotions that they are projecting...As Shakespeare says...to paraphrase, "Life is like a stage and we are all actors playing characters in this play of life. Some of those actors in your life will play the good guys, the drama queen, the victim, the lover, the liar, the troublemaker and some will play the really terrible guys that no one wants to be friends with...but in the end...I believe, when we all return to heaven..we are one...we all come from GOD...we are all going to pat each other on the back...and say good job!! I will go to my husband and give him a big hug and tell him, "You really did a GREAT JOB!!! You were the biggest a-hole for so many years..your really gave me an opportunity to grow. Thank you"
Now I know I am in Jordan...but in case you haven't noticed I am not Muslim...this does not mean that I don't believe in the same things that you do... I was just means I was raised differently...due to a conflict of religious upbringing in my home...my parents left it open for me and my siblings. I have always gone to pray with God...since I was in kindergarten...I'd just go with my friends to their church or synagog or temple or mosque..and so, I have a multi-religious view..but it all boils down to one thing for me and that is LOVE. I haven't had the opportunity to read the Qur'an...so if any of my thoughts are the same as the Qur'an, please let me know!!! I love to learn!
I have been on a path to enlightenment for over a decade..(that is when I formally announced to God that he may use me where I am needed)...hence me being in Jordan now, I am sure...but one of the biggest lessons for me, so far is to love someone unconditionally. I am great with everyone else it seems, but when it comes to my husband and my mom...ah...let's just say, both of them really know how to push my buttons and so sometimes I argue with them...but I am learning that..."It is easy to love someone who is nice...but can you love someone who harms you?" And so...for me..this is the great gift my husband is giving me (although, from a human level..it really sucks..) I can proudly say that 90% of the time I can tell him I love him and I always ask God to Bless him...
Ok..so one other thing...in case you haven't read this, I am going to post a link...but when I was researching about pain and how to deal with it..(this whole situation really has shaken me up)...I found Ekhart Tolle's writings about the "pain body"...what it is and how to deal with it.
I can tell you this was a major discovery for me...so many times when I have experienced pain or hurt...I do what I can to process it and release it..yet it just comes back..and when it does, it usually blind-sides me...everything will be great for so long and I will get comfortable and keep a happy attitude..and then WHAM!!! My husband will throw something at me that is SO ridiculous and so angry...I just get sucked into the drama and allow myself to react (The Kabbalah speaks of this as well)....well...NO MORE!!!
I am just curious if there are others out there who are in the process of looking at their life from outside of the box...to heal the deep seeded and often unconscious beliefs that we unwillingly attract to us...if there are...we can help each other to figure it all out and then we can teach others. I know of no one who does not have something in their life that needs healing.