The Jordanian Husband Will....

It seems like a message for YOUR housband.... Not so long time ago you was very unhappy with your life in Jordan... Things are better now?? I wish you all the best and good luck in everything !!!

post was deleted by mistake.

In any case, women of this world, please learn to respect yourself and not to compromise on what you deserve. Jordanian, European, North American, Saudi... doesn't matter where you are from, I believe the Declaration of Human Rights  is valid for any woman. A guy who expects as much as the one that is being described above and who, once in a blue moon, will clean the floor to show his appreciation to the doormat he has chosen for wife is not the kind of man any woman should want.

Any woman deserves all the things you listed without any pre-requisites or anything in exchange.Your husband should love you/ cherish you/ protect you/ respect you no matter what. Not because you may clean the house everyday, wipe your kids butt and cook for him. But because you are you.  Love and respect in relationships are a given. If they are not, then this is not the relationship you want.

People will only respect you if you respect yourself. Stand up! Women deserve better than that.



http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/

Gourmandise wrote:

post was deleted by mistake.

In any case, women of this world, please learn to respect yourself and not to compromise on what you deserve. Jordanian, European, North American, Saudi... doesn't matter where you are from, I believe the Declaration of Human Rights  is valid for any woman. A guy who expects as much as the one that is being described above and who, once in a blue moon, will clean the floor to show his appreciation to the doormat he has chosen for wife is not the kind of man any woman should want.

Any woman deserves all the things you listed without any pre-requisites or anything in exchange.Your husband should love you/ cherish you/ protect you/ respect you no matter what. Not because you may clean the house everyday, wipe your kids butt and cook for him. But because you are you.  Love and respect in relationships are a given. If they are not, then this is not the relationship you want.

People will only respect you if you respect yourself. Stand up! Women deserve better than that.



http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/

I believe everyones opinion varies. Hence the word says "Jordanian". What if I said Japanese, or Chinese? Does that mean that their cultural beliefs as to what a successful marriage entails is wrong also? So has the UN counted resolutions against the Japanese mother who was raised that men have more value then women in society, who puts more candy and goodies in her son's lunch box instead of her daughers lunch box every day for school--did she also break those human rights laws????

What about the Israelies who go and bulldoze whole entire families that are sitting inside their homes...?? I think that is a more important issue that the UN would be concerned with rather than with how Jordanian men treat and love there wives. SO are you saying that women, who raise children, wipe their butts and clean house are push-over wives? Wow, my mom and grandparents worked for a living...in fact they believed in the importance of raising a family with good morales.

The mature perspective on this is to understand that all cultures are different, and not WRONG. There are bad things that happen in ALL cultures, even in places like Kentucky and West Virginia, you'll find men who beat the living $h!t out of their kids and their wives. So are does that mean that all American Men are human rights abusers? NO.  There is GOOD and BAD in all cultures.

And how can one judge that their lifestyles are wrong. We as Americans see it as horrible. But their (jordanian)kids grow up to be normal functioning parts in society.

I don't think women who take care of their husbands, and give them their conjugal rights when they request, and who consider their men as their Kings--are  wrong. You can only have one captain in a ship. The divorce rate in Jordan is substantially lower than it is in Europe and the United States and that is a fact. So I don't believe we have a right to call women who take care of their husbands in the matter that I described above as door mats. So you are basically calling me a door mat? That's not at all diplomatic, nor tasteful, nor is it an educated way to respond.

Sometimes people need to step out of their comfort zones and actually get "enlightened". A one sided marriage will never survive---that is also a fact. So why do American men Cheat????? Why does any man Cheat??? Hmmmmm.....maybe due to self-centered women who don't understand them.

Women are respected most in Jordan when they are good-mannered, hard-working, educated, and are known to be good to their husbands. When they have learned to really, understand them.

Men are simple creatures. They just want a good meal, a nice time in bed, a pretty face to talk to and look at, and they just want clean underwear, and they want someone who gives them a good time, enlightened conversation and support...without the self- centered loud mouthed nagging. A smart woman knows how to get what she wants and when she wants by basically doing her part and more, and by letting him know in a subtle way. Some people really make this way too complicated.

This isn't a message for my husband, cause my husband doesn't speak English --haha--he only speaks Arabic. But we have this mutual understanding, and getting to that level was not a cake walk--but we did it and he's a very intelligent, sensible guy, thank GOD--most of all, he loves me more then this world itself--and I love him the same way. Alot of the small chores are sooo fun and easy to do when the true love and mutual respect is there.

Respecting your self is when you treat others with respect, and when you stand up for what you believe in, but at the same time, you learn the art of compromising in order to find a middle ground(in a successful marriage).

Otherwise, my advice is just go marry a man of your culture and stay away from what you are afraid to learn or understand. --Freedom of choice is a wonderful thing.

I don't think Gourmandise meant to offend you, FouadsBaby.  I think she was just trying to say that any woman regardless of ethnicity should be loved and accepted for who she is by her husband.  I also know that many women in Jordan stay married to their husbands out of fear of shame from society and their families.  Also some fear loosing  their children.

...Glad you are feeling better and happy in your marriage. That is what matters.  Take care

Thanks for the input .

You are right about that fact that many women do stay in unhappy marriages in jordan simply due to cultural pressures. I have actually seen that myself.

But they were like that in the United States back in the 30's and 40s, all the way up to the 60s. So our grandparents used to live that culture way back when as well.

54% of Jordanian Marriages end of divorce/// 4% of Jordanian Married to None Jordanian end of divorce///So what dose that
tell you ?

Wow, those are some startling statistics.

You know it is a phenomenon that is growing. Like in the village where my husband is from (Kfayr-Jerash)--like it's full of divorced women.

Most of the time I think that alot of the marriages are pre-arranged or men are pressured and literally forced to marry into their family or pre-chosen wives-cousins and what not--and I think with all the Satellite, and soap operas on MBC 1 and more westernized Arab channels, women are starting to learn a new perspective on love. We all want that romantic man who'll come in and just take us away. --( And it does happen-maybe not so perfectly- but it does. But there's always something not perfect in the marriage. It's either 1. In-laws, 2. Intimacy Issues(Personally between husband and wife) and or 3.MONEY issues- sometimes just mere poverty or not agreeing on expenses ect.

There is always a give somewhere. I think just as long as the problem isn't #2, then if a couple really love one another truely, than a marital problems can be worked out. My husband said "The HELL with all people who don't agree with our marriage--even his own MOTHER--and he tried and tried to convince her, but because I just totally disagree to be a maid for her, and she didn't want that, she wanted me to be her maid-ofcourse I NEVER even entertained that-I'll be a maid for my hubby but not his mom!!! (THE NERVE!!) And she tried to break up our marriage many times but my hubby didn't listen to her and did what he knew was right and stuck to his heart and me.

We have both been through many hard hard hard struggles. And I feel that our love has even grown do to those difficult circumstances.

American women generally tend to be more open-minded, and I think they educate themselves more about men and marriage in general .But I know some wonderful Jordanian women, that are just model house wives/mothers/full time employees, and I envy them. They actually put up with all his invitations of Mansaf Guests- sometimes on her only day off until late hours of the night, and wow, some people will just stay at their home drinking tea until like 10 PM at night, when she has to work the next day--WOW-- that is hard. But My hubby in that situation would just let me go to sleep and he'd stay awake making tea/coffee until they leave.

But like I enjoy cooking for my husbands male relatives and army/police friends when they come visit. I enjoy  know hearing the nice comments on how a westerner knows how to cook good  arabic food. But some western women for example might not understand the concept that Jordanian husbands have (honoring guests--and those traditions...) Even if his mom were to come by and visit-I'd still have to accept her in our home--it'd be hard considering I consider her an  arch enemy--but that is another hard thing.

I think the culture needs some time of education in order to marry into it. Because there are just some things that are very difficult for him to compromise on. Proper ways of acting together in public...like her screaming at him in any way outside in front of people wow---that is like the biggest no-no for Jordanian Men, whereas that is okay in a typical American culture--it maybe ghetto or trashy but men usually huddle up to a small heap of nothing if a woman were to do that in the states. Where as in Jordan, he'd probably divorce his wife for doing something so disrespectful as that.  So it just depends on how far a western wife wants to go --how much she is willing to compromise for the sake of her marriage. (It all depends on her love for her husband). I adore my husband and could never do anything that would be seen as disrepectful to him.

WOW ... i found all your comments so very interesting .. Good reading .

What I was trying to say,People in Jordan like any other people in the world,Sometimes they get married Just because it is the Natural things to do in cretin age.Many get divorced even they we are in love but things did not work out,many they get married very tradition way and they stay married forever, some get divorced.
Culture and family they play big part when u get married  traditional way and by family,Because whether u like it or not they will be in ur business and they will be watching u...

Been happily married has nothing to do with their routs,I know so many Jordanian men married American,Russian  and others nationality and they are happier than ever..I asked some if they would merry a Jordanian woman,The Answer was very Clear HELL no ,Thanks god I am married to None Jordanian".Also many Jordanian Couples are very happy and would not change no matter what ..
This is 2010 People don't care about much about old tradition.
So People I would say follow ur heart don't worry about what could happen next.

All I know is that Fouad is the best thing that ever happened, and we are pregnant, and I miss everything about  him, and about Jordan...mostly the south, and mostly the calm of the desert, the calm of the Jerash Forests............

I think sometimes it's all up to Allah---in then end who is destined to be our life partner.....

I think marriage is successful only with the help of Allah and it is only blessed that way as well..
I always pray for Fouad, alll the time....night, and day, when I'm working....always.

Very Good Point "SherriO", Cousin marriage or from the same family is Bad in many ways,Even Islam tells us to merry someone far from the same family but some still do it ..