Homesick

Hi Lizzykim,

maybe you should have a look to this topic? https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=2144

Do you feel in "step two"?

Julien

I possibly dip in and out of step two. Don't miss things so much as my whole life in England. I miss my career, my financial independence etc. It's more complicated to get a fulfilling job when I know it will be a long time before I can speak anything like good French. I am going to teach a bit etc but just don't have the options I had in the Uk, obviously because I didn't train here and gain qualifications here, and I am thinking that maybe I can't live with that. I never hate the place or people, there's a lot here that I love but feel I am just living on the surface of it. Thanks for your reply.

Hello Lizzykim!  It was interesting to read your post as my husband and I are on the other end of the spectrum from you as we are not yet expats but hopeful that we will be in France very soon.  We have tried to avoid being romantic in our decision to leave the United States, but without knowing the realities in store for us, what else do we have?  Not that you weren't practical in your decision to leave everything familiar behind, but there are so many unknowns in making such a huge move, we find that the "romance" of the adventure is sometimes all we have to go on until we get there and find out about all those things not mentioned in documentaries, travel brochures, Rick Steve guidebooks, or even in blogging with others who share their experiences.  I think it really is like a committed relationship in that after the initial romance wears off, you have to work to remember why you made the choice in the first place.  If you still believe in your decision, then this will pass--just a matter of time.  This is what we keep telling ourselves while we prepare to move across an ocean to a language and culture for which we have no frame of reference.  SCARY!!!!!  You are very brave and I hope all works out for you.  In spite of the old saying that you can't go home again, well....sometimes you just have to.

Helllo potatohead
Thanks for your reply. I really think that too about the possibility of going home. You can. When I left England, everyone said .."you won't come back, it will be so fantastic, it's living the dream"... etc etc. To be honest they are just platitudes that don't mean anything and I even thought that before coming. If someone really wants to live here and they really wanted to change their life in that way I think that it can be a wonderful, different, life. It certainly isn't the answer to everything. Things become familiar and routine and people are sometimes nice and sometimes not, just like at home. It becomes your normality. I think the thing for me is mainly the job question. You can't have the career you have in your own country and if that's not an issue for you then it won't be a problem. Some jobs I expect are the sort that you can do from anywhere. Mine wasn't.Do you plan to work here?  I think I thought that if things here became so life 'changingly' different it might take the place of feeling fulfilled in a career. That's what I am hoping to do for the next few months, take an English teaching job in town (for hardly any financial reward just the experience) and see how it feels going into the city more and making my own friends and not only those of my partner. Otherwise I do have a job to return to, I am on a years sabbatical. I know you have probably thought all these things already as I know I did. I do wish you well in your move. Where are you going to be living? France is a beautiful country, it's exciting (and painful) learning the language and it is good to change where you live in this way...it wakes you up to lots of things. (One lovely thing is we find all these tiny cinemas in the countryside where we live that show V.O. films. We love film. They are always in the most unexpected places and it's nice to discover them and then find a lovely restaurant in the same tiny village)  Much luck to you.

Greetings Lizzykim! 

I very much enjoyed reading your reply and I hope that perhaps things are looking up on your end.  I was curious to know what you meant by V.O. films and then I found out it means 'version originale'....we are film lovers as well, although we're not huge fans of current American film, but this may be in our favor since we love foreign film......your life sounds so charming---I know, the grass is always greener....but it really does sound like what we are looking for.  My husband is a software engineer so he is applying with a tech company outside of Paris.  I may try to get a job teaching English but I've heard that I may not be allowed to work  as I am just accompanying my spouse and this is what allows me to be in the country in the first place.  No matter, I'll take advantage of my free days to explore.  We found a great little book recommended to us by someone on this site called "French in 10 minutes a day", it has been great fun as it has  lots of bright pictures and is likely meant for children, but that's just fine as we need it to be broken down as much as possible.  All I know of Toulouse is from a film we watched a few weeks ago about Henri Toulouse-Latrec, the artist responsible for making the Moulin Rouge famous through his paintings of Paris nightlife.  What a lovely, tragic film.  ---Caroline

Hi Brie

Thanks for your message. I hope you do manage to convince those you are applying to for work that you can do your work in French. Or rather I hope they realize that they will be lucky to have you. I'm sure speaking another language gives you an enhanced insight and perspective and also a wider range and understanding of the way people communicate.

I have had a difficult week as I have to decide either to go back to my job in UK, I had a sabbatical, or stay here. I think I am going to stay! I can always go back and get a different job at a later time.  We are looking to move into Toulouse. I want to live in the city which I think will enable me to get involved in things more easily.

It is hard and I hope you make the right choices for you and for your career if that is important to you (and I understand that a career is very important if it's what you love). If you are younger I think it's easier and building things up in a new country can take some time I think. You can also go back whenever you want. For me it's a bit more risky but I feel like I want the challenge and I'm not finished trying here, not yet anyway!

Thank very much  for your mail, I also feel less alone. We can wish each other well across France!
Good luck with the job hunt

Kim