How to find a roommate abroad safely

Expats are usually more "exposed" when it comes to a roommate search. We are navigating unfamiliar systems, a new real estate landscape, we don't know which neighborhoods are good, if the price is too high… And we don't have a local safety net to rely on. We have a very limited idea of what "a good apartment" and "a good deal" may look like.

And the roommate search gets even more complicated. You have the language barrier, you are not particularly sure what red flags to look for – and even if you do, you may not know what questions are okay to ask.

So, where do you begin?

Let's say you already know what you want. You have your budget, you've picked the neighborhood, you know more or less what you want and what you don't want. How do you actually go about finding a roommate?

There are two standard scenarios here. 

The first one is that you already have an apartment or a house you've rented, and you are now looking for someone or a few people to share it with.

This puts you in the position of freedom, so to speak. You are the one setting the conditions, interviewing roommates, and managing house rules. You will write the ad to find a roommate and detail exactly who you are looking for. 

In the second scenario, you don't have a place to live yet and you are looking for both: an apartment or house and a roommate or roommates to share it with. This makes you the "applicant". You will be the one answering the ad with requirements and house rules already set.

So, the first thing you should do is decide who you want to be because this will dictate how you will go about your search.

You have a place and are looking for a roommate

Here, you are the decision maker. But this is not necessarily easier. It means that there are a lot of things you need to figure out.

If you are the one with your name on the rent contract, you are responsible for it all: the timely rent payments, the deposit, and the condition of the rental. And this is something you will need to take into account when looking for a roommate. 

The safest place to start your search would be through references. If you already have acquaintances in your new destination, for example, colleagues, it's probably best to ask them if they know anyone looking for a room. At the very least, they can give you recommendations on the best places online to start your search.

If you will be looking for a roommate online, you will need an ad. These can be quite a pain to write. On the one hand, you need to be as specific as possible. A vague ad will attract vague people, and you definitely don't want that. On the other hand, you don't want to be overly specific either. Because then you run the risk of not finding anyone at all.

What you will want to include, though, are the basic responsibilities you want your roommate to share. Keep in mind that what is obvious to you (quiet hours, guest rules, use of shared spaces, etc.) may not be obvious to someone else, especially in a foreign country. This doesn't mean anyone is wrong. It just means that you need to be very clear. 

Let's see what your roommate search ad may look like:

Hi all!

I am looking for a roommate to share the apartment/house I rent in (name of the neighborhood), starting from (move-in date) up to (move-out date).

The place:

• Size/type of apartment/house: for example, a two-bedroom one-bathroom apartment
• Fully furnished/unfurnished common areas
• Well-connected location (close to public transport, shops, cafés)
• Quiet, residential building
• Shared kitchen, bathroom, and living space

The room

• 20 m²
• Private, unfurnished/furnished
• Big window, lots of natural light

The costs:

• Monthly rent: how much per roommate?
• Bills: included? paid separately or split?
• Deposit: required/not/how much?
• Minimum stay: how long?

About me

I am a female from the United Kingdom working at Shenzhen University. I speak English and a little bit of Chinese, just enough for daily exchanges. Clean and quiet, I work most of the week and prefer simple relaxed weekends. I value a tidy home, tranquility, and open communication.

I am looking for someone who is:

• Comfortable in shared spaces
• Responsible, tidy, and respectful
• Is a working professional or student
• Non-smoker
• Pets welcome :-)

House rules:

• Pay rent on time (non-negotiable)
• Keep your space and shared spaces clean
• No overnight guests
• Not a party apartment

It's really worth spelling out your expectations early to avoid trouble in the future. Some things may be a bit awkward to write out in the ad; in this case, you may explain them during your first roommate interview. The key thing here is to make sure that you and your new roommate are on the same page and know what to expect from each other.

Questions you may want to ask your potential roommate:

• Have you shared an apartment before? Was it a good experience?
• What worked well in your previous shared place, and what didn't? Why did you move?
• Are you comfortable with the rent amount and payment schedule?
• Do you think there may be issues paying rent on time? If so, how will you handle them?
• Are you okay with sharing cleaning and maintenance? Do you prefer to hire a cleaning service and share the expenses?
• Would you be okay discussing guests in advance?
• What does your typical working schedule look like?
• Do you have any references from your previous roommates or colleagues?

Here we run into another question. Are you looking for expat roommates or someone from here? And does it even matter? Including these very specific details in your ad probably feels strange. But sometimes you may be guided by very practical considerations, such as a language barrier. And in some locations, even if you don't mind whether your roommate is an expat or a local, you probably should mention that you are an expat yourself.

Where you look for a roommate is important. And this will most likely be different in every country. Sure, you can always start with the standard Facebook post. But there is probably a much more effective alternative in your new location, some version of a local Craigslist. So it's always best to ask someone you know locally about how they would go about their roommate search.

Another thing to be aware of is urgency. If you are renting a place that you can't afford on your own, you will need to find someone to share the expenses quickly. This means you probably won't have to screen your candidates properly or even find someone who is a good match. This is why it's a generally good idea to start your roommate search as early as possible. Once you've signed the lease (which can be a few months ahead of your actual move-in date), you can start looking for roommates.

You are looking for a place and a roommate

In this scenario, you are the applicant and potentially a candidate. And instead of writing a roommate search ad, you will be answering one. You don't set the rules here,  but you will need to assess if the rules that have been set actually work for you.

Once again, the best place to start here would be to ask your colleagues or other acquaintances for references. These could be references to people looking for roommates directly or to the best places to look for roommate search ads. 

When you answer the ad, resist the temptation to oversell yourself or agree to too many compromises. In a new country, it can be tempting. 

You can be in a hurry to find a place. Plus, you don't really know how things work. So you may want to close your eyes to some potential mismatches. But you may regret these small compromises later. So if you feel that the rules of the house are incompatible with your way of life, you need to take these concerns seriously.

Try looking for an environment that works for you rather than a good apartment deal. Sure, a nice place in a good neighborhood is hard to pass up, but if it comes with a shady roommate or just someone you may not share similar lifestyle values with, it's most likely better to keep looking.

When you do find a suitable offer, asking the right questions is very important. It's just like with the scenario we've discussed above: you may not be the one with your name on the lease this time, but the interview process is mutual. Make sure to ask the right questions, even if they feel uncomfortable in the moment, to get all the information you need. 

Double-check if you understand everything correctly about responsibilities, bills, deadlines, guests, etc. Do not leave any important questions to “figure out later”. Most conflicts that happen in house sharing don't actually come from bad intentions, but from simple misunderstandings.

How to screen potential roommates

The word "screen" doesn't really have the best connotations. But in this case, it has nothing to do with suspicion – and everything to do with caution. And a new person in a new place, you have every right to be cautious. 

“I was really scared to get a roommate when I first moved to Thailand. I am not sure what I was scared of exactly. But I asked a lot of questions, and I didn't feel bad about it. I even asked a colleague to meet everyone who replied to the ad and help me pick. I felt more comfortable this way. At the end of the day, yeah, you may feel like you are overdoing it. But it's still better than being stuck in a home with someone you are uncomfortable with", shares Julia, a Ukrainian expat in China.

Start with a simple conversation. Pay attention to what the person is saying and how they are saying it. Are they answering your questions directly? Are they consistent? Are they being specific about payments, move-in dates, and house rules? 

Whenever possible, make sure to meet your roommate candidate face-to-face. At the very least, set up a video call. And if something feels off, trust your instincts. 

One of the best screening tools available is references, even if they are informal. Asking for a reference is a pretty standard roommate search request. And it will b/pace with.

Another important thing to assess is financial reliability. This may be tricky, as you can never really know how responsible someone will be with their rent payments just from having a conversation. But you can ask a few questions about their employment, income stability, and previous rental arrangements. This type of "prying" in this case is easily justifiable, as you need to make sure that everyone will be meeting their commitments. 

If you want to run a more profound background check on someone, you can use online tools like BeenVerified that let you check for digitized criminal and bankruptcy records of a person by their ID. But keep in mind that most such tools require a one-time payment or subscription.

Where it all comes together: A roommate agreement

“Good fences make good neighbors."

And when it comes to sharing a home, this is what a roommate agreement does. It's not about adding a useless piece of paper with no official power. It's about clarity. When you are already in a new country, trying to speak a new language, dealing with new systems and culture, the last thing you want is ambiguity in your own home. 

"I don't like small apartments; I like comfort. I also like to live in a good neighborhood, a good gated community. So I rent out a three-bedroom apartment in Peninsula (a highly rated apartment complex in Shenzhen, China). But I am also reasonable, and the price here is very high. So I have two roommates. I've lived like this for over ten years, been through many roommate situations. One thing I always do — sign a simple contract. You need to have what you talk about on paper. It just makes things easier. And when someone signs something, they feel more serious about it too." shares Bernard, a Filipino expat in China.

Writing things down simply removes guesswork. 

Here's what a roommate agreement may look like (to get you started):

This roommate agreement is made between:

• Name of the main tenant:
• Name of the roommate:
• Address of the property:

Start date: DD/MM/YYYY

End date: for example, minimum 6 months/open-ended

Rent payments

• Monthly rent: how much?
• Due date: for example, 1st day of every month
• Payment method: transfer/cash/etc.
• Late payment policy: is there a grace period? Late fees? Other consequences?

Deposit

• Deposit: how much?
• Conditions for return: for example, the deposit is returned (number of days) after move-out. Any unpaid rent, bills, and damage to property (not including the normal wear and tear) are subtracted from the deposit amount. 

 Bills

• Included in rent: for example, water and electricity
• Split separately: for example, property management fees

Shared space

• Shared areas: kitchen, bathroom, living room, hallway, terrace
• Storage rules: will you have assigned shelves in the fridge? Special storage areas?

Cleaning and maintenance

• Cleaning responsibilities: shared/each roommate responsible for a specific area/cleaning schedule?
• Damage reporting: all damage needs to be reported immediately

Guests/overnight visitors

• Overnight guests allowed: yes/no
• Maximum nights per week/month: 
• Parties or events: alllowed/not allowed/allowed with conditions/allowed upon discussion/etc.

Noise and lifestyle rules

• Quiet hours: for example, after 10pm
• Smoking: yes/no
• Pets: yes/no

Move-out

• Required notice period: for example, 30 days in advance
• Early termination: are there fines/other consequences?

Any changes to this agreement should be made in writing, discussed, and agreed upon by both parties.

Let's sum this up. Sharing a place abroad can be a very rewarding experience. The people I used to share my apartment with in China are still my good friends, and this was over ten years ago. But for flatsharing to be a good experience, you need to make it one. When picking a roommate, don't feel shy about asking questions, being specific, and setting your boundaries. This is what will create the potential for you and your roommates to have a good relationship even after they move out.