How to be happy as an expat in Dominican Republic

Oh my this is like  5 different topics.

First is that happiness comes from inside. No one or  no place can give it to you.  You figure it out.

Manage stress -   learn to adapt.   First lesson - learn to adapt.  If you constantly struggle to make everything the way you want it to be, it will be an endlessly frustrating experience.

Find your outlet for stress. For me its dancing. So right now, no dancing, its killing me.

Dominicans can be happy anywhere at anytime with  almost  nothing. We can learn a lot from this! 

Some of us have everything by comparison and still are not happy. Its not about stuff.

If retired, find something to do.  Socializing can get old.  If working, enjoy the journey.  Business owners - yikes, its an adventure.

What Planner said!

Acceptance is one of the key things for happiness! Whether that means accepting that things don't work here the way they do wherever you came from, accepting that you can't always depend on the internet or electricity (our Kindles are always charged and loaded with books!), or just accepting the change in pace (mañana, mañana), without that first step, you'll never be happy!

Finding something to do is key! Especially while we are still in the midst of a pandemic! I have my pod of people here in LT that I'm comfortable with indoors or in cars, and we're fortunate to have so many open-air venues where we can safely socialize, but things are still limited. I got a little bored and started a little side gig to keep me busy! I'm sure once we're in our own home I'll be busy with projects around the house and gardening, but for now, I have a lot of time on my hands!

We have covered this before - start here

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=829475

Lots of reading/learning here -

https://www.google.com/search?client=fi … at+fatigue

How to form meaningful connections - good luck! 

Don't integrate into the domininican social system.  You'll be miserable.

Yes acceptance.  You won't change them.  Therefore do not integrate.  These people are not like you.

Wow  begs the question of why you live here?  Sounds like you hate it.

Conifer wrote:

How to form meaningful connections - good luck! 

Don't integrate into the domininican social system.  You'll be miserable.

Yes acceptance.  You won't change them.  Therefore do not integrate.  These people are not like you.

Wow!  That is the exact opposite of what you should do.  How are you supposed to embrace and understand your new home if you keep yourself isolated??!!  That is a sure-fire way to burn out and become miserable very quickly.  I understand being cautious, but without making an effort to befriend and understand the locals, you will forever be fighting the feeling of not belonging here.

Conifer wrote:

How to form meaningful connections - good luck! 

Don't integrate into the domininican social system.  You'll be miserable.

Yes acceptance.  You won't change them.  Therefore do not integrate.  These people are not like you.

Yikes! That is not at all what I was talking about with acceptance!  Why would you want to change the culture of the country you have chosen to live in?

I walk down the street here and I see so much happiness, people taking pleasure in everything, and no one is stressed out! These are all things we should aspire to, not try to change. I wish that in the US, people took care of their families, friends, and neighbors the way Dominicans do.

Oh goodness who said I hated it here?  I looooove it here. 

I have built a great community of foreigners.  Russian, Spanish, Puerto Rican, Serbian, Colombian, American, Italian, Iranian, Canadian, even a guy from Aruba.  None of my friends are Dominican.  Acquaintances, sure.  But no real friendships.  They ALL failed us.  Sorry if my truth and my experience hurts anyone's feelings.  It is, my truth.

I have never wanted or tried to change anything.  I just observe.... and decide not to become.

If they are getting on rafts and fleeing to PR, there is a reason.  Overstaying visa in NY, there is a reason.  Stealing from each other all the time, sad way to live.  Borrowing money and never paying, uncomfortable.  Not able to trust local brands or anyone's promise, or the loyalty of your partner amidst legalized prostitution... is this happiness?  Or tolerance when faced with no.other.choice?

Don't confuse a smile with showing your teeth.

We were burned one too many times ... until finally figuring out that our way to happy was knowing who we were and not pressuring ourselves to “belong” or “blend in” with the people.

You came across as clearly not liking it here.  Glad you set the record straight.

Sounds like you have simply created your own world in thIs country.  In fact it could be anywhere with a beach and sunshine.

The truth has a way of ruffling some feathers at times, but as it has been said time and time again "The truth shall set you free" 

A Bahraini mentality perhaps. Surrounded by desert. No need to understand much about where you live and the people you live amongst.

planner wrote:

You came across as clearly not liking it here.  Glad you set the record straight.

Sounds like you have simply created your own world in thIs country.  In fact it could be anywhere with a beach and sunshine.

Could be other places, but not “anywhere”.

Being able to speak and understand the language has been a must.  Understanding the culture enough to decide ... when and when not to partake, also a must.  I learned the hard way.

Don't we all create our own world everywhere we go?  Don't you all?

Don't we all wish we could find the perfect place... and then finally see...  that the perfect place is within?

lennoxnev wrote:

A Bahraini mentality perhaps. Surrounded by desert. No need to understand much about where you live and the people you live amongst.

Oh, I understand. 

Try me 🤓. ?

PARADISECAT wrote:

The truth has a way of ruffling some feathers at times, but as it has been said time and time again "The truth shall set you free" 

Thank you!

Conifer didnt say he wasnt happy.  In fact most happy gringos dont really integrate. Usually their friends are other gringos.

Conifer, you may be new here, so be careful. This, just like so many of such groups mostly prefer 'rose tinted glasses' views.  They only tolerate so much realism, and ban people for it.

Cheryl, what constitutes happiness is too subjective to be of much use as a question here.  You can only expect personal anecdotes. Here are some I regularly hear: I'm happy in the dr because:  I dont have to deal with my family at home....I got away from my wife.......I can have servants here......I can still date here..........I can smoke most places.......theres no winter.......my sanky-really does love me, etc, etc.

Not true at all.  Carry on!

Jwj absolutely it's subjective.  And no one can say for others, only for ourselves

I'll contribute my five cents...
Came to DR 11 yrs. ago, fluent Spanish, my father was Venezuelan so, spent part of my youth there but traveled, studied, and lived around the world. Love this island, its beauty and the people.

Their mindset is different from other Latinos in many ways. Education is sorely lacking both at home and in school, the enterprising ones go make it in NY, Santiago and "la capital". There you can find a different breed, professionals who are harder to meet bc they are working, not in tourist areas.

Adjusting was difficult, delivery services have made it simpler. Try ordering online to save yourself time and hassles dealing in store. Same w banking online, etc. Avoiding possible conflicts at all costs w help, clerks, others is best bc they don't understand anyway, even in Spanish!!!!

Enjoy the island for what it has to offer, accept them as they are and if can't find a way or a place to be happy, then you need to look inside,

I thought I would inject into this thread this article which is being hammered and politicised on another DR forum.

I have read the article a few times and it does resonate why at times I felt uncomfortable during the time I spent in the Cabarete area. I would call myself a seasoned expat but not a typical expat these days - yeh a westerner who has lived working in many developing countries - and I admit there were instances of having been too insular as a foreigner sticking together with other foreigners and I began to realize this devalued the expat experience.

It would be interesting to hear views from others. Or perhaps will the article get hammered here too?

Living in the Dominican Republic? Here's How to Be a Better Expat

https://www.dominicanabroad.com/living- … lic-expat/

I understand how this article will be perceived by many. 

Thank you for posting it here.

This is an interesting and eye opening article.  I could pick apart minor points but in reality it hits the target for me.  I agree absolutely in principle!

Blanket statements are never useful. They are nebulous and often send the wrong message. They seed doubt and mistrust and are usually intended to make a grand point about how right the person making the statement might be. They tend to be self-serving even when outwardly it doesn't appear that way.

Thanks for sharing! In addition to the content in the article itself, there is a lot of good information in the many links within it.

ok, my turn...

To me, happiness means having free time and some money, so you can make choices. Then nobody can tell you what to do. Without money, you lose choices. Lucky for me, I learned how to give up some things in the present so you can have freedom in the future. And now I have alot of happiness. Happiness means making a nice meal, with or without a friend and maybe a cool beverage (lately, a gin fizz).  Wow, those are good (gin, egg white, fresh lemon juice, simple syrup, and a maraschino cherry, chilled and shaken).  Happiness, is having the time and money, to go shopping for the groceries to cook that meal or make that drink, and the time to prepare it, without rushing around like a mad woman after work.  Happiness is waking up without an alarm clock, and not having to rush because your late. Happiness is having a shower with hot water and a toilet with running water.  Happiness is having garbage collection. Happiness is having good health, without many aches and pains. Happiness is seeing the ocean, a sunrise or sunset, some nice flowers, the sunshine, and a smile on someones face. Happiness is a good joke, a fast internet connection, and a cool room. To me, happiness is having the freedom to state your own opinion, to have a voice, and to help someone if they need a hand. 

I have been around the Dominican Republic for the last 10 years, coming and going. Its a beautiful country and the people are kind and hard working. But very poor. So this place is dangerous. People lack education and wealth, and it really hurts them.  Dont let this bother you, just be aware, because its just a fact of life. Dominican people are not like expats, even if your a poor expat. 

I want to share observations about the people of Dominican Republic and their happiness.

In my experience, the people lie and cheat and smile to your face, as if they love you and your their best friend. They cant help but resent you, because you have much more than them, starting with a car they saw you arrive in. And what you have, they can never have.  They are oppressed, and they are kept this way (in my opinion). They are the future hotel workers, who must do as their told, work for little money, work like slaves. Educated people would never do that. If you invite them to your house, a modern condo or apartment, you will see their eyes pop out of their head, because this is not how they live. Have you seen most Dominican style houses?  They have metal bars around them, like they are in a prison. Its not a show or a style of living, its called safety and security.

Happiness is subjective. Dominicans say they are so happy, and maybe they are. They can get by with nothing much, eating rocks is an expression, yet they keep making more babies, thanks to the Catholic church, who needs birth control and who cares if there is another mouth to feed. Everyone likes to say how religious they are, how important it is to take care of everyone in the family, especially your mom (didnt you know, she is just like the virgin Mary, the mother of Christ, worthy of your affection and all the money in your pocket). I find there are alot of mothers who cant take care of themselves, never mind their kids.

Once I bought some furniture for family members. Their house was flooded by a river, everything was covered in mud. I felt a need to help them. So I replaced their TV, living room and dining room furniture and a bunk bed. Later, I saw the old bunk bed was there, not the new one.  The old one was not destroyed in the flood (like I was told). It seems they returned the new bunk bed, and kept the money ($20,000 pesos). I asked for the money back. Nope, the money is gone. I was told, one of them became gravely ill and had to use the money for a doctor instead.  When I asked for the doctor report, they gave me a report that said they were in good health (not gravely ill). How stupid is that?   

Everyone likes to sing and dance and drink and have a good time. Be stupid for a little while. Yes, this is being happy for a couple hours, and this is how to forget about your troubles, and how more kids are made! Nobody has money for birth control, infact, its a sin. 

Like everything, there are sterotypes and not everyone falls into them.  Happiness to me is not the same as your happiness.  These are some of my observations. Keep your eyes wide open, dont get fooled by a happy face or a well dressed person with clean shoes.  Thats all part of the Dominican Republic culture.

There are plenty of generalizations in the last post and a concept of happiness that many would like.

It made me reflect how being an expat has changed since I first ventured into this lifestyle 40 years ago. Then, international foreign travel was for the few, retirement overseas was far less common or encouraged, and in my case I was fortunate to have had a good education and my qualifications allowed me to be recruited for well paying overseas work. Being an expat was a unique experience in countries where foreigners were a rarity, putting aside where military presence and oil exploration existed. It made you appreciate, and more so want to appreciate different cultures.

Now we develop our opinions of different cultures and races from what we read on social media and develop pre-conceived opinions.

Fast forward to today and the professional expat working overseas has diminished as local populations and those from developing countrues take up the intermediate management positions. And in parallel people wanting to retire in a different land has ballooned along with the tourists. Also you have the people who want to immigrate to a different country for economic and other reasons with illuminated ideas of a new life. Many of these new expatriated people do not want to integrate and appreciate the culture, the good, the bad and the day to day realities of their new found home with consolidated ideas of a country such as DR being third world, banana republic, totally impoverised, unsafe and not 'my type' of people.

They want to realize their idea of happiness largely in exclusion of the local population.

Is that a problem?

For me it is irrelevant because I have seen in the past and here how foreigners together mould into their newly found communities- a semi isolationist approach -  and do not wish to live that way. I have found my ideals living in deep rural campo. Las Terrenas being the exception  here, where different cultures seemed to blend together better in the few years I lived there.

Lots of interesting comments!

The article is mostly a grab bag of the same old stuff we see about tourism and immigration to most third world countries. It does add in some nonsense specific to the dr though, like "in Cabarete gringos reign supreme",  and "extreme capitalism", "barely survived colonialism and slavery, etc.   We see the usual blaming of foreigners past and present, for current bad governance and bad customs burning trash and strewing garbage about.   So many gringos just plain feel guilty that they're usually so much richer than the locals they tend to meet here

Developing nation.

There is simply not enough research or even reflection encouraged on the negative social, cultural and political impact of expats throughout the world and especially in developing countries.

These are quite significant words at the beginning of the article posted above.

The person who wrote the article was writing about her town Cabarete and generalizing for the whole of the country. I can understand her opinions in relation to the 'negative' impacts of expats in those small communities on the North Coast and now those communities have been moulded into something that is not typically Dominican.

Elsewhere in DR, on the East Coast, Dominicus and Playa Nuevo Romana for example, new communities have been developed with expats in mind and as such have not changed the existing landscape and communities. The impact is minimal and Dominican society benefits.

Samana is different with a large expat community but they were mainly from Europe initially and blended in well throughout the peninsula. But they were far outnumbered by wealthy and middle class Dominicans that bought into that province heavily so the impact has been small and restricted by the sindicos and regional councils.

I don't think the North Coast resorts will ever recover properly to the way they were from what they have become, and that will limit development even with a new road from the south and government support. It is hard to remodel what is already built to something fresh. There are just too many new options in DR that can be developed with relocating expats in mind.

But for many residing there they are happy with what they have and don't care for suggestions of change especially those on the North Coast as demonstrated by the kickback.

She was just plum wrong in many ways, and I gave some examples of how, like that grongos "reign supreme". I challenge her to try to do some that the city fathers dont want, or the provincial government or national ones dont. They will find out real fast that the locals reign supreme.

It is a complcated subject but for sure expats have changed these small North Coast towns to which she refers.

For sure many expats are happier as a result but I bet many more Dominicans less so.

Perhaps it is better to brush the expat changes 'under the carpet' or reject strongly rather than face reality?

Drop the American style. Just look around Dominicans not matter how poor they are always come out with a joke, cafecito  and music.
Do not apply the American standards here, do not try to compare countries. It will not work. I live in many countries while working. I just saw Tunis, South Africa, Haiti and other for what it was....another country, different cultures took the best and kept going.

Ok this conversation had veered off. Get back on topic ease.

If you want to have this discussion move it to its own thread please.

Mvilla50 wrote:

Drop the American style. Just look around Dominicans not matter how poor they are always come out with a joke, cafecito  and music.
Do not apply the American standards here, do not try to compare countries. It will not work. I live in many countries while working. I just saw Tunis, South Africa, Haiti and other for what it was....another country, different cultures took the best and kept going.

I do get your point I guess, but I am not sure why you are singling out Americans. Most of the ex-pats on the North coast are European. And I don't see anyone comparing the US with the DR. Yes, we live a different lifestyle here than the locals, but I am certainly not on a mission to change the culture here.
Sorry for drifting off course, but I do get tired of the stereotypes.

The main comment I hear from Ameicans is, "You aint in Kansas anymore".

WOW !!!
As a person who has never been to the DR , but, absolutely intends to explore the possibility of relocating and whose only exposure is through Dominican friends and coworkers in NY, I must take this article to heart. On the one hand, being an exploiter is CERTAINLY NOT what I wish to be.
I don't haggle, on my own turf, I have no interest in doing it elsewhere. Quite the opposite, I am usually rather generous, but, don't appreciate being played as a fool.
Who does ??
I don't consider myself a victim of "white guilt" nobody ever gave me what I have, I earned it. True, my opportunities were more abundant than, what may be available in a place like the DR.
Until my Spanish becomes fluent, I would probably be forced to seek out English speaking Expats. Hopefully with a Brooklyn accent ?
The notion that I may contribute to a native being neglected in his own country, seems a little.....
I don't know what I would call it.
I'm pretty sure, I would be walking on eggshells to begin with. So, I was actually contemplating hiring a local to show me the ropes, take me around etc. The author, I thought, made that sound like oppression.
I considered it a good days pay with lunch. IDK.... I do know, I have a lot more than Spanish to learn.

Donny, dont worry, dominicanos arent so, 'woke', unlike the article writer and many of the gringos here.