Divorce with threatening and adultery

Hello, I'm seeking an advice as I'm in a sticky situation. I'm a foreigner divorcing with an indonesian wife married under islam nikah resmi with buku nikah.
First of all my wife threaten me that she will report me to the police and can fine me or put me in jail because I wasn't paying her every month. However I was always paying rent, food etc. and everything for her. But under islam law I'm suppose to be sending her money every month.. not sure how it will go in the court but I will rather put her in jail first then risk getting there especially as a foreigner and the chances are the judge will be on local side rather than a foreigner side.
I have evidence and can file a report against her due to adultery. I'm still thinking if this is the best choice but I don't want to be waiting whether she is going to report me first, especially since I always cared for her but indonesian law can be unfair..

The second thing is that she wants to take all of the property that we have together and also we have a debt/loan together that she refuses to pay (it was made in other country). I'm also not sure how that will work as she has all the documents and certificates and I don't have any

Maybe someone here was through a similar situation or know a really good lawyer please let me know.

Hi Robert, if u are married under muslim nikah and u have evidences of her adultery, divorce with her Is very easy, muslim law Is thery severe with women who commit adultery.
About property and loan, u need a good lawyer, I hope someone here can suggest a good one, better u say where u live in Indonesia.
Good luck mate.

Yeah I know the divorce would be easy with such evidence the thing is that she is threatening me and doesn't want to discuss anything so I also want to report her to police about adultery

I live in Bali and thank you for your advice

Hey Robert.

I saw your sticky situation post.

Sounds very similar to my own situation a few years ago, to the point where she wanted me to sign a letter agreeing to 40 million rupiah.  I refused, and I started proceedings for divorce. Which my lawyer later told me how i should have handled it which leads me to advice below.

Unfortunately there are a number of woman out there that see the bule / westerner as a long con, take as much as you can whilst they are with us, get as much as they can in their name, make a demand for as much as they can, dig as much dirt as they can, then threaten to take us to court to sue us......

From the sounds of it she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
The law actually states also, if you do not support her for a period longer than 180 days, then she is entitled to divorce you for not supporting the family. Not sure on the exact days. The only serious issues will be if you have been cheating or caught with another woman, or she has evidence on your doing anything illegal. If you have been an honest husband, supported to the best of your ability, and been 100% faithful, then you have nothing to worry about.

The long and short of it, if anything is in her name, she owns it, if the loans etc are in your name they are your responsibility. I lost 2 houses and a car and land. But eventually divided it up into the kids names.

Are there any kids involved? if not, then i would relax. Don't say anything, don't do anything stupid and let the situation take its natural course. I would even go as far as getting a lawyer involved even at this early stage to explain your story... and to communicate with her on your behalf, and walk away!

Happy to open dialogue if you wish to!!

Thank you for the reply Steve. There are no kids involved so that makes the situation a bit easier. As you are saying the fact that she can take everything that's on her name (which is all) and I still have to pay the loan all by myself is quite frustrating. Does that mean I can't really do anything except get a divorce and I will not have any problem but she will get all?
Shouldn't all assets be divided 50/50 in the court?

Hi Robert.

In an ideal world yes that would be the case. But if everything is in her name, then unless she is prepared to agree to give 50% of everything then, it's in her name. The only road would be to get a very well connected lawyer, and see if in some way they can influence the judge to seeing the case to a fair conclusion. Unlikely!

As sad as it may be, we enter into these situations with eyes wide shut. As a foreigner were unable to own anything until recently, however i think it's getting easier, i think know we are allowed to own an apartment above ground floor over 2.5M and maybe they have widened this to other property recently, but am not to sure...  I been through a similar situation, and it tends to be very cut and dry!

Don't divorce her is my advise, that could cost you more in the long run! Let her divorce you!

Also another bit of advice... is... make sure you limited what you pay for her....

First of all my wife threaten me that she will report me to the police and can fine me or put me in jail because I wasn't paying her every month. However I was always paying rent, food etc. and everything for her.

Immediately start pleading broke, down turn in work, not as liquid, if you have an offshore bank, put all income into that bank.....  I am hoping she doesnt have a joint bank account, and / or have access to any bank statements, as this will be another angle she will come at you from......

I think if you are divorcing her, then there is an entitlement from an Ex Wife point of view, that you must support her until she remarries. The amount that you must support her with, is deemed by the courts after assessing your income / assets in your bank.... if you have money in the bank, and have a considerable income, start working on getting this offshore.... 

My advise would be, if you are divorcing her, stop, let her divorce you for not supporting her!! plead poverty / financial problems due to Covid!!

On the safe side, also, Robert, do note down EVERYTHING from her point of view on the content of threat.
If you do nothing wrong, there is nothing you have to be afraid of.
She probably assume your position as a foreigner and having the impression you are clueless over the rules and regulation.

Gathering information will help you, and seek direction and understanding on what a spouse can or can't do to you on legal terms.
Given that if she were to cheat on you in the first place, she will be desperate to push you to the corner of submission.
Do be prepared that it is unlikely you will be getting anything compensated from the money you already put into property.

May the outcome be in good favor for you.

Rules when marrying an woman in an "exotic" country :
- Don't invest anything that you can't afford to walk away from with a smile. This of course includes everything that, for the sake of convenience (or delusion), you have put in her name.
- On your Balance Sheet, write off 100% of what you have "invested".
- Never trust 100%
- Have your personal money offshore in an account she don't know the existence.

But to start with, except if you plan to have children (which wisely you should wait a few years for), DON'T MARRY.

I am living together with my companion since over 3 years in Bali, before that 3 years in HKG, and the rules were made very clear before we started this.  She being the youngest (well, 43 at the time) of a family of six, she told me "not sure my family will accept". My answer was clear, if they don't agree (whatever the reason, religious, culturally, reputation..), it's end of story.
Note : she is from Java, but Hindou religion. Not that any other religion would have changed anything.
And yup, I have been married before, a Thai, married 15 y, 3 kids (all over 20 now and independant). Never bothered to divorce her.
My only loss, a 80,000 usd house (written of the day I paid it), which anyway would over the years have been the rental cost for a roof for my kids.
Here in Bali, I own nothing. Not even a motorbike. A bank account with xx M, that she knows will be her's if I leave, breakup or simply die.

Keep life easy.....
PS : Age 68 / 50, together since nearly 7 years now.

Good luck anyway, but money is not the nr 1 thing in life. Freedom and happiness are.

Edit :
I know it's not very romantic, but romantism has very little value in "exotic" countries
I can walk away from Bali anytime I want. Plenty other places with sun, nice beaches and exotic women in the world...

Thanks all for the advice. I'm not sure what's the difference whether I start the divorce or if she starts the divorce, shouldn't that be the same?
And why would I have to pay her until she remarries when she cheated on me?

Also I did not actually wanted to marry her yet but she told me either we marry or break up, should have seen that as a warning sign...

The last last phrase in your post....

That should have been the reason to run....

Robert, u should read this artcle about regulation for divorce in a muslim marrisge.
https://www.mondaq.com/divorce/754770/e … -indonesia
This what the law state about division of assets

"According to Article 35 of 1974 Marriage Law, any property acquired during the marriage becomes joint property of husband and wife. Property acquired prior to the marriage remains separately owned by the parties unless so otherwise specified.
Property acquired prior to the marriage remains separately owned by the parties unless so otherwise specified.
If a divorce occurs, the joint property shall be split in half between the husband and wife. This is applied for non-Moslem couples and Moslem couples."
And others important aspect u have to know.

I just got a little straight about the Islamic marriage law.  True Islam doesn't require you to send your wife money.  More precisely, you are obliged to provide for it (MENAFKAHI or Give Nafkah).  Support it doesn't have to always send your wife money every month.  By giving your wife a decent life, for example, such as providing food, shelter, helping with housework, etc. In Islam it includes supporting (MENAFKAHI).  I've said to some friends here, be careful if you want to find a wife in my country.  Because it's not all good, but it's not all bad either.  As has been explained by some friends here, Indonesian women or men in my country, many think that foreigners must be rich.

My advice is that apart from finding a lawyer, it's a good idea to ask Islamic scholars (Ustad or Kia'i) for help.  Because your wife carries Islamic law.  In fact she has abused Islamic law.

Hi Ryan than you for the advice. How has she abused islamic law?

And islamic scholars would give me some advice and where would I find them? In masjid/mosque?

First, you said that you took good care of her.  If you look in the Qur'an.  Actually what you have done (according to your story) as a husband is correct.  You can confirm it with the scholars.  Where do you live?  You can ask several mosques, ask to meet with trustworthy religious leaders.  The true religious leaders will tell you according to the arguments in the Qur'an and complete them with the arguments in the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad.  For the explanation, you can ask the scholars & read the Qur'an to confirm what the scholars say.  Regarding your property problems, I think you must consult to the lawyer.  I think your wife will win, maybe because legally she is the name of the official holder of all the documents on your property.

@GuestPoster171  It amazes me how people get this far in and don't know about that law, then start waffling on about "exotic" countries, giving blanket statements about entire populations of people based on their experience, and  complaining about 40 jt. It's unbelievable. Go back to a Western (let's call it a "nonexotic" Country) and see how much a divorce will cost a man.

I wonder what her side of the story is. Bet you left a few details out.

Sort your family affairs out in private, save us all the drama and hire a lawyer.