Dating an Algerian man

I would also advise you to give up. He's using you.

He is interested in marrying me and living together in Canada.

Correction: He is interested in living in Canada.

He's only after a visa to Canada. Simple. He isn't interested in you, but the country.

Give up and don't be one of the thousands of victims who fall for their words and get exploited by these scammers for visa purposes. Accept the advice given to you, and move on.

When someone is telling me that he loves me, knowing me only through daily Internet contact and never spend time with me; I will seriously think he's lying.

Until he proves otherwise to pay your tickets, hotel etc and he introduces you into his family and friends.
At least to begin with.

While I understand the concern of those around you, there are always exceptions to the rule, and secondly remember that nobody really knows him personally except you.

I would advice you to look at what YOU really want, and if you want to give it a chance between you two then you can arrange a meeting with him in Tunisia.. but don't make any decision before meeting him. And then even if it doesn't end up with you two, then at least you got to have a nice holiday (Tunisia is a beautiful country, you will enjoy staying there).

Best wishes

Khaz wrote:

While I understand the concern of those around you, there are always exceptions to the rule, and secondly remember that nobody really knows him personally except you.

You're completely wrong. She does NOT in fact know him personally. NOT AT ALL. He is a COMPLETE STRANGER. All she knows is what he has TOLD her ONLINE. He is just a person sitting on the other side of the screen in another part of the world typing whatever he thinks she wants to hear...clearly so far it's working and she's happy to read what he has been typing...such as he apparently loves her and accepts her son....hmm of course he does(!)... They have NEVER met. NEVER lived together. How can she know him personally...

Look IsletIsland, I've advised many people on this topic of marriage, particularly to a younger man from that area of the world. Some have ignored my advice and have come to regret it! Here is someone a year on, coming to tell us she has been used, after ignoring my advice NOT to get married:

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 04#3357405

If you want to ignore my advice and go ahead, no problem. Enjoy being his victim.

I have nothing more to say. Please read the link above as proof of what happens. They do NOT GENUINELY marry older women, particularly with a child!!! This is a FACT. Like it or not. He is ONLY after a visa to Canada. But go ahead if you wish. Waste your money, waste your time, and don't be surprised to wake up to find him gone when he thinks the time is right and is satisfied he has got as much out of you as he can. Do not become his victim. It doesn't matter to any of us. It's only your loss.

Do you really trust love via internet? It's virtual, otherwise nobody could give you the best advice, you're better to know it.

Just take your time and try to find a way to test him to avoid being used as many stories and plans that I've heard here in Algeria.

What makes you think he is using me for status?

Actually I am more interested on your thoughts of these comments since you are the initiative of this thread. You never reacted on the posts from members who tried to enlighten you.
Did it helped you to make up your mind?
Are you still struggling?

Every time I hear a negative response it makes me feel fearful. The notion that my boyfriend could be using me for citizenship is painful. I wish there was a way to find out if he has good intentions or bad ones.

I don't have time to waste on a marriage that could potentially be harmful to myself and my son.

The problem is that I trust him and love him. I think instead of visiting him in his country I will ask him to come here on a travel visa. Maybe I will not marry him considering he could be using me.

Honestly this is frustrating and seems so risky.

I feel you and I understand you.
The problem is, and I don't want to generalise,  is when you are still in a courtship he will be nice, charming, helpful, kind,  the whole thing.
You don't know how he is in the morning when he just wakes up,  how he react when something goes wrong or when other men talk to you. Or when you give more attention to your son, just to name a few.

If you let him come to you, you don't know how he lives  (poor area, housing?) , how he's treat his family and how he treated by them (lots of arguments, how do they treat you, are you going to introduce his extended family, friends ). If he's poor than you know he can't offer you much and he ( and maybe his whole family ) will depend on you.
I think it is not a bad idea to visit him in his country to see more of his background. You'll get so much information, much more than only trough daily Internet communication.  If, of course, you're able to. See how he react when you suggest to come. If he's not very keen on it than you know that something is wrong.

I don't want to give you the illusion that this relationship will fail but I heard and see so many unhappy women that it really breaks my heart. In these cases the husband change in a negative way and the difference in cultures, believes, way of thinking is too big to overcome the differences.
But there are also good marriages and they were able to deal with this and let the other in their values and respect the differences.

I don't know you or your boyfriend and I don't want to tell you what to do.
You know what it's best for you and your son and I hope you do the best and make a wise decision.

You have made some very good points and I am so happy I decided to express myself on this forum. I've already been feeling happier and more grounded since I've read some of the feedback from people such as yourself. I agree that there will be cultural differences and that I should meet his family. He would like me to meet his family so I am guessing that is a good sign.  I had only subconsciously been concerned about how he would react if I talk to other men, or if I spend time with my child. Now I realize that these could turn out to be serious issues if he is a jealous guy. I was so in love with him in the beginning that I wasn't thinking rationally but now that I have had some time to think my logical mind is taking over.

The guy I am seeing, I will call him 'Abe' has been a perfect guy from day 1. He showed interest in knowing my son. He said he would show him lots of attention and be like a brother to him. I told him he would be more like a stepdad eventually.

I fell head over heels for this guy because he showed me so much attention and love just over the Internet in a very short period of time. He is very attentive and always knows the right thing to say.

The interesting part in all of this is that I made a request to the universe. I don't pray because I am not religious, but I finally came to terms with what I wanted in a man and using the law of attraction I made a list and I expressed my desires out loud that I am ready to be and give love to the best man for me. I said this man has to love my son and myself. I said 'universe send me the absolute best man for me.' I realized that In the past I was attracting the wrong type of man because I felt unworthy of the right kind of man. My son has special needs and I have been raising him on my own for many years. He spends time with his dad as well, but mostly the responsibility has been on my shoulders.

I have always felt that since he has intellectual difficulties that no man would ever embrace us as his own family.

To top it off my family ties have been very weak for many years. I have a very small family who I have never felt accepted me.
I have chosen to forgive them and things have surely gotten better over the past few years. I now have a healthy relationship with my grandmother and I have made a few new friends. In general my life is looking a lot better.

The other reason I have felt 'less than' is because I live in a one bedroom house with all second hand furniture that I don't like much. For years I have been living below the poverty line but just recently I have managed to secure myself a great job with benefits. Yay!! Life is great, but still not where I want it to be. I need a new car and I have student loan debt to pay off.

I have read online that Algerian and Moroccan men take advantage of women who are disadvantaged in one way or another, whether it's financially, mentally, or emotionally.

Abe knows I have no money and he is happy that I have accepted him not having any money. He has expressed his relief in the fact that we can build a life together and that I do not want him for his money.

I have always taken care of myself and never had any help. Yeah it would be nice to marry a wealthy man, but at the same time I would like to be wealthy myself and earn my own money.

I have been single for many years because I chose to work on myself and take control of the direction of my life without the distraction of having a man around. Well I have to say I have come a long way, but there is something missing: love, companionship, affection, and support.

I am a strong woman but I crave companionship more than ever. I am a human being and I have needs.

I have been so open and honest with him about who I am at it has been so refreshing to have someone to talk to in an honest way. I am surprised he hasn't run away after hearing the truth about who I really am. I am not so bad, but I do have my insecurities. We all do, but time makes us all better!

So yes the truth is that I am hopelessly in love with him for the man he is. However it would be pretty foolish of me to completely ignore all the warnings I've received even from complete strangers.

The sad part in all of this is that it feels like this relationship is over before it even began. How can I possibly love and trust him if I am constantly bombarded with the idea that he could be using me?

What kind of a man would take advantage of a single mother?

Abe is educated and his father has a decent job and provides for the family. He has said many times that he does not need to come to Canada and that he would have a good career in Algeria as a teacher. He would have a place to live with a fairly good income.

I really feel I need to protect my son because if it turns out Abe is using me it would break my son's heart. I can't imagine how torn up he would be if Abe decided to leave us one day.

All in all this is a complicated situation that should be easy. Falling in love should be easy shouldn't it?

This will be my second marriage if I decide to eventfully go through with it. I have asked him all the appropriate questions that should be asked BEFORE marriage. The problem with premature weddings is that the couple does not get a real sense of who their partner really is. It's important to live with your partner for atleast a year to see how they react to certain situations.

By rushing into marriage there is too much pressure. Being in a relationship is about companionship and support. I know too many unhappy couples and I refuse to be one of them. I want to be in love for the sake of being in love. Marriage is not to be taken lightly in my eyes. I would surely get a prenup if I married. It makes things much easier in the end if the couple decides to get a divorce.

Abe was looking forward to me coming to Algeria, but now I have decided that he will have to come to Canada first. I don't feel
Comfortable going to a dangerous country by myself to stay in a hotel where the two of us cannot express our love in public at all.

I know when I see him I will feel the desire to hug him and kiss him. Women in my country fought for equal rights, nobody can tell me not to be affectionate with my man!

I say I love him based on out video chats and many conversations we've had. Yes I agree that I have to meet him in person to see if he is who is portrays himself to be on the camera. I have seen his grandmother on the camera and his brother.

Honestly the guy seems perfect and I know people are different onlin compared to in real life, so I will surely take this into account before making any decisions about being with him. Thank you for your response. I am looking forward to future conversations.

I have decided that he should come to Canada for a visit. He has never asked for money and I will never give him any money because I have my own financial life to take care of. He understands that I have no money and he is happy that I have accepted that he has no money either. He is working on his masters degree and has expressed that he does not need anything from me. His father has a great job in Algeria and supports the family very well. They are building a second home for the children. I have done a lot of research online regarding this issue so I know what to look out for. I admit when we first met I was so head over heels in love with him that I wanted to give him the moon and stars but he would not let me. I wanted to send him gifts as a token of my love and he refused. He said that a man takes care of the woman financially, and that he wants to take care of me instead.

He knew from day one he would not get any money out of me because I told him I don't have any. Even if I did it would go towards my son and my own life.

I appreciate you warning me against marriage as I agree that it would be a bad idea at this point.

Thank you for your response!

Btw..

I am older but look like I am in my 20's.

Yeah this is a good point.

If he is hesitant to introduce me to all of his friends and family then he is hiding something. This so awesome advice!

Can unmarried couples be affectionate towards one another and stay in the same hotel room in Tunisia?

We discussed that if I choose to travel to him that he would pay my hotel cost and I would pay for my flight. He said that it's really hard to make money in Algeria and they get paid monthly there.

How can you say every Algerian man is the same?

Isn't there acceptions?

What if he is willing to pay for everything and come on a study visa?

Is there some other way he can acquire citizenship other than through marriage?

test him !! so you will know if he truly loves you or nope, tell him that you really interested to marry him and you want to convert to islam and you want to live the rest of your life in algeria as well ! and lets see what he will answer you back !

He already knows I will do none of that so if I said it he would know I was lying.

He has expressed that he would be happy if I moved there to live with him. Ultimately I can't live in Tunisia since I have a child who's father lives in Canada.

Also I would never restrict myself by living in a country that discriminates against women and love. I am the biggest romantic and need to express myself openly if I feel the desire to do so. Moving to Algeria would be like going backwards. North American's and Europens etc. have come so far culturally that the thought of living in Algeria is completely out of the question.

Religion is not my forte either!

IsletIsland wrote:

Can unmarried couples be affectionate towards one another and stay in the same hotel room in Tunisia?

Men from Arabic or Islamic countries have different opinions about being affectionate in public.
I can say that at least out of 10, 9 men will not showing it. Not sure about the 10 out of 10 part because there will always be exceptions.
I never saw couples kissing or hugging in public and in rarely cases (maybe five times in all the years I live in Jordan ) I saw them walking hand in hand or the man give his arm.
By breeding they are taught to be "shamed " (and I hope that I used the correct word in here) and learned that it's a taboo to do so.
In Arabic there's a word for it: عيب.
Eib in English and you can translate it as taboo.
So, even he comes to you in Canada, he might be feel embarrassed to show his feelings for you in public. Or worse: he have no problems with it until you are in Algeria.

About being in a hotel as an unmarried couple.
Some countries are very strict and it's against the law. Both parties can be fined for this.
Other countries are less strict,  Jordan for example, specifically when you come as a tourist.

IsletIsland wrote:

He has expressed that he would be happy if I moved there to live with him. Ultimately I can't live in Tunisia since I have a child who's father lives in Canada.

Also I would never restrict myself by living in a country that discriminates against women and love. I am the biggest romantic and need to express myself openly if I feel the desire to do so. Moving to Algeria would be like going backwards. North American's and Europens etc. have come so far culturally that the thought of living in Algeria is completely out of the question.

Religion is not my forte either!

You can take someone out of his culture or traditions, but you can never take them out of someone. The culture can even be more richer than Western ones but on other levels.
You call it backwards  (and it is true at some point ) but I call it living in a different way.
Family bounding is very important: not only to gather but to share and help in many ways.
The way of live is so much different, less stress, rules can be intrepet in creative manners that you can't compare with western countries.

Religion is one of the most important issues in a relationship. I strongly advice to know where you both stand and how this can be affected in daily life or in major events.

Yeah I can see how Islam has greatly affected and influenced the romantic lives of Arabs. Honestly it saddens me greatly to know they are shamed for showing affection to their partner in public.

According to my Algerian boyfriend Tunisia is a free country so I might visit him there if my research proves it is a free country for foreigners to travel and express their love to their partner.

Based on everything I have read on the Internet and warnings from friends I would probably never meet him in person.

Most of the feedback I have heard has been super eye opening and even harsh at times.

It takes a a very strong woman to travel to an Arabic country by herself to meet a man she has only met online. Marriage is not something I take lightly either. I would like to know my partner thoroughly before making the a life long commitment like marriage.

I think i may know this man 😬 is his name Abdellah from chlef or Algiers?

What happened eventually to this love story??? Good or bad ending??

You're not only one this has happen to. The sincere ones are far and in between. 9 times out of 10 he is using you. Don't risk that 1% chance because you may regret it the rest of your life. You can responsible for him up to 10 years even if he leaves you. He won't have medical insurance and he needs medical attention and don't get it, he can sue you. I know from experience. Please I know this has been over a year but I pray you walked away! All the best to you!!

By Allah, I swear I know that man you speak of as well. Loves children, says Allah showed you to him in a dream and that is why he contacted you and wants to marry you, tells you there are no pious religious women in his country and that is also why he is seeking a wife outside the country? If any of this rings a bell he has tried that game on me as well. I recognized that game a mile away. He immediately started calling my kids OUR kids, talking about how he wants nothing from me financially and how he will treat me like a queen and blah blah blah.

I've followed this thread and read all the comments and I can't believe no one has asked the obvious question. You say you are not religious at all and refuse to live in a country that discriminates against women and so on. You are not religious even in your own country's religion and all about women's rights and yet you are considering marrying a MUSLIM. Seriously? You've been "dating" for so long and you never thought to maybe research Islam?? If you are all independent and take care of yourself and all about women's rights and such, marrying a Muslim is not going to end well for you. I'm Muslim myself and I'm not saying I have no rights and have to be a slave to my husband, that could not be further from the truth. But, there are certain rules and things expected of me as a woman. The whole thing sounds like a scam to me for one reason specifically. YOU ARE NOT MUSLIM AND DO NOT PLAN ON CONVERTING TO ISLAM. That right there is a huge red flag. The fact that he wants to marry you as a non Muslim and doesn't expect you to convert is a big No No. We don't marry outside our faith. I'm sure some do, but we are not supposed to. If he really loves you and truly wants a marriage he would at least talk to you about converting or ask you to eventually convert. Marriage is part of our deen and you cannot complete it being married to a non Muslim.  Which means the rewards for sex and everything else are off the table. I'm not telling you that he is 100% scamming you, maybe he is just not a religious man. But that is a huge red flag. If he is religious he would want to marry a Muslim. If he's not religious that says a lot about his character. He was born and raised into a strict religion that is a complete way of life and he is going against it. That makes me seriously question his morals and values and if he is the person he portrays himself to be. How can he be such a good caring man if he turns his back on his own faith? Is that really the type of man you want raising your son? That's just my personal opinion. I've been in your shoes. I've met genuine men and I've met scammers. True online love does exist but so many scammers exist that it makes the good ones hard to find. He may be a truly decent man that really loves you, but unless he leaves Islam or you convert, it doesn't matter. It will never work and that's IF he will even be allowed to marry you and that's probably not going to be possible. As a Muslim, he knows this and shouldn't even waste his time with you if you will not convert. No offense, that's just our religion. It's not personal.  A devout Muslim will not bother with a relationship that they know is forbidden and will never flourish. If you haven't made your intentions about conversion clear yet, now is the time. If you tell him you will never convert and he still wants to marry you, he's using you. I know it's going to be painful to hear, but for your sake and your child's it's a necessary step. You owe it to yourself and your child to find out.

I don't mean to come off harsh and make you feel like you aren't worthy or there is something wrong with wanting to keep your rights and independence. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I have respect for you as a single mother of a special needs child. I know how hard that is because I'm a single mother of a special needs child too. As much as you go through caring for your child you deserve true love from someone who is a decent man. You don't need nor do you deserve the stress and heartbreak of being scammed into a marriage that doesn't really exist. My advice is ask the tough questions and go with your gut. You know whether or not this is the right choice, you just don't know that you know. If you are doubting it and questioning it, you have your answer. If it was mutual true love, there would be no doubt in your mind and heart. If everyone's comments can make you doubt yourself or his feelings for you, those doubts were already there to begin with. No one should be able to make you doubt your true love. If they can, he's probably not your true love. You may love him now but that doesn't mean it's forever love. These scammers are well versed on preying on the heart. And they are very very good. You deserve better.

Hello
As an Algerian let me tell you, people here would do anything to get a western passport, enough said.

dcompton0003 wrote:

I've followed this thread and read all the comments and I can't believe no one has asked the obvious question. You say you are not religious at all and refuse to live in a country that discriminates against women and so on. You are not religious even in your own country's religion and all about women's rights and yet you are considering marrying a MUSLIM. Seriously? You've been "dating" for so long and you never thought to maybe research Islam?? If you are all independent and take care of yourself and all about women's rights and such, marrying a Muslim is not going to end well for you. I'm Muslim myself and I'm not saying I have no rights and have to be a slave to my husband, that could not be further from the truth. But, there are certain rules and things expected of me as a woman. The whole thing sounds like a scam to me for one reason specifically. YOU ARE NOT MUSLIM AND DO NOT PLAN ON CONVERTING TO ISLAM. That right there is a huge red flag. The fact that he wants to marry you as a non Muslim and doesn't expect you to convert is a big No No. We don't marry outside our faith. I'm sure some do, but we are not supposed to. If he really loves you and truly wants a marriage he would at least talk to you about converting or ask you to eventually convert. Marriage is part of our deen and you cannot complete it being married to a non Muslim.  Which means the rewards for sex and everything else are off the table. I'm not telling you that he is 100% scamming you, maybe he is just not a religious man. But that is a huge red flag. If he is religious he would want to marry a Muslim. If he's not religious that says a lot about his character. He was born and raised into a strict religion that is a complete way of life and he is going against it. That makes me seriously question his morals and values and if he is the person he portrays himself to be. How can he be such a good caring man if he turns his back on his own faith? Is that really the type of man you want raising your son? That's just my personal opinion. I've been in your shoes. I've met genuine men and I've met scammers. True online love does exist but so many scammers exist that it makes the good ones hard to find. He may be a truly decent man that really loves you, but unless he leaves Islam or you convert, it doesn't matter. It will never work and that's IF he will even be allowed to marry you and that's probably not going to be possible. As a Muslim, he knows this and shouldn't even waste his time with you if you will not convert. No offense, that's just our religion. It's not personal.  A devout Muslim will not bother with a relationship that they know is forbidden and will never flourish. If you haven't made your intentions about conversion clear yet, now is the time. If you tell him you will never convert and he still wants to marry you, he's using you. I know it's going to be painful to hear, but for your sake and your child's it's a necessary step. You owe it to yourself and your child to find out.

I find your reply quite disturbing and not everything what you wrote is true. Specially about the convert part. A Muslim man is allowed to marry a woman from the "accepted books " which means a Christian or a Jew. A female woman isn't allowed to marry outside her faith as the religion goes through the father. Unless he wants to convert, whether just as a ceremonial act or want to be a practising Muslim. Not any woman should forced to convert and it totally depends about the agreements they make.
A mixed marriage in religious beliefs and culture is a big challenge but not impossible.
I know many examples that works wonderful but also I know many that don't. It comes down to respect each others differences and willing to learn  from your partner. Every relationship is to give and take and never take anything for granted.

Any update on this story ? What did you decide to do ? How did things work out ??

Hello,

Don't listen to people, just try to meet him in Algeria ( not another country) you should see him in his own environment to make a true judgment ( Algeria is a safe place).  Give your story a chance, otherwise, you will live all your life with a frustration.

This is sad to read such a comment, personally I know many mixed couple..so as an Algerian man too, please talk just for your self.