Can you fail at being an expat?

3POSTS

12 years ago

Hi everyone,

I am looking for a little advice from others who are in the same boat as me. I relocated to the Seattle area about 3 months ago after I decided to follow my dream and live and work internationally. In that time I have been very fortunate to secure a job and make some new friends; so it sounds like everything is great on paper.

Except I still don't feel a connection with this city or in fact my new country and I am planning on heading back home early next year, as the homesickness is getting too much and I just feel like I am forcing myself to stay here simply because I made the decision to come.

I just wanted to know if this had happened to anyone else as I feel a bit like I have failed at being an expat. But I keep telling myself that even if I only lasted 6 months; I can always say I followed my dream and that I won't regret not doing this in years to come.

any thoughts??

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ECS Norway Expert

1566POSTS

12 years ago

it can take a while to settle in somewhere! After having done it twice now, I'd say you're right at the point where you're realizing that everything isn't magically different just because it's a foreign country.

a quote I think is great in the context of expat life is, "wherever you go, there you are". So, even if you're in a new place, you're still you. After about 6 months, I think the new/crazy feeling starts to wear off and you see a bit more that it's just daily grind underneath, just like it was in your old home.

Did you feel a connection with your old home? Do you think it'd be easier there now?

Personally, I'd give it at least a year if you want to see if it's just you or if it's the city. Then, you can go back "home", or go somewhere else. Maybe a city in the states with different weather/attitudes would suit you more, or maybe another country entirely.

of course, some people do find that a few months is all it takes to realize that they really belong in their homeland and that it's really not so bad there, or that they would rather be close to their family/native culture. They then go back and are content staying there for the rest of their lives after that one taste of otherness. I wouldn't say that's failure though- it's just a life preference. Your preference is just something you'll have to figure out for yourself.

1 member reacted to this post

usmc_mv ViP

1049POSTS

12 years ago

Vincere_vel_mori,

I know exactly what you are going through. By no means is it possible to 'fail' as an expat. I think that is a harsh use of words. At this point in time I am experiencing the same feelings as you, mainly because I feel like I live in an oppressed and lazy country. That aside it has many great aspects too. In upcoming year if things do not get better I probably will begin to make plans to return home with my spouse. However I would really try to give it a chance a bit longer. It is too early now to give up. I am only 4 months into living in Brazil. Two weeks ago I decided to torture myself and return home for 4 days. It was a very bad idea, I suggest you avoid going home too as it will probably just make you want to not come back and you will not have given it a valiant effort to work out.

Matt-

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

12 years ago

I'd be surprised if most people don't go back home after a few months.

Bob K VIP Member

7675POSTS

12 years ago

I think fail is a strong word. Maybe "just not a good fit" is a better term.
Here in the DR we have lots of folks who come thinking that island life in the Caribbean is paradise to find out differently. A lot depends on your expectations, financial security, health and most importantly you ability to adapt. Because of this many Expats find they just don't fit. We who have successfully made the move always encourage those who think it might be for them to come and "visit" for a few months before making the plunge.
Being a huge vacation destination there is a big difference between vacationing here and living here.

Bob K

Vincere_vel_mori Member

3POSTS

12 years ago

Thank everyone for the advice! It helps to actually have other people who have gone through the same situation help out.
I am still going to commit myself to another couple months over here, and I am hoping that maybe in those months I will have that "ah-ha" moment.

I do think that Bob K made a good point about it might not being a good fit. I lived in Scotland for a year before and had none of these same issues that I am having living in the US, so maybe it has more to do with my expectations and the difference in culture; rather than me failing.

Thanks again guys!

Bob K VIP Member

7675POSTS

12 years ago

You are welcome and good luck

Bob K

Netlet Member

1POSTS

12 years ago

Totally understand. I've been here in Ca with my husbands job since February. The only way to make it work is to GET OUT THERE! Look into Meet Up Groups. Join things even if you don't feel like it. Some days are easier than others but if you want to make it work, it will. I left my 2 grown up sons and elderly parents in the UK. Not easy but then most people don't get this opportunity. I'm grabbing it by the ....... And giving it my best shot! Cooking my first Thanksgiving on Thursday. Good luck!

Bob K VIP Member

7675POSTS

12 years ago

Good luck on the turkey cooking!

Bob K

usmc_mv ViP

1049POSTS

12 years ago

#10

Yes, please! And don't deep fry a turkey unless you want to become a viral YouTube video

Have a great FIRST Thanksgiving!

Gobble Gobble

Moultonian Member

2POSTS

12 years ago

#11

Hi, you didn't say where home is, I relocated from the UK to be with my now husband, but I left him after 8 months because I couldn't deal with the homesickness, when I got back to the UK, I couldn't see what it was I missed, I thought it was my family, but because we skype, it's no different than having a chat at home, except I have to make my own tea, the fact is that where ever you put yourself, that is where you are and you should live every moment, I don't know your situation, but I am now happy here with my husband, and do not get home sick at all, after all I am only a flight away, and I find that life is the same where ever you are, you just encounter different ways of doing things, which is great, my advise is to be happy where ever you put yourself xx

Vincere_vel_mori Member

3POSTS

12 years ago

#12

Hi, Sorry I didn't say that home for me is Australia. So it really isn't that much of a culture shock in terms of language, food etc. I am getting out there and trying many new cool things and the people I have met have been so friendly and helpful but it just isn't home for me and the more I think about it the more I think in a couple months I will be packing my bags once again and moving back.

thanks for all your tips guys, maybe i'll have better luck in another country at a different point in time!!

neveralone Active member

44POSTS

12 years ago

#13

Many expatriates don't feel so.. and don't want to back home. Just look at the new US citizenships... every year: thousands and thousands. Some days you miss your family, some days you miss the old way of life in Europe... and if you get a trip there, what happens??? you don't know what you missed. Life is different, don't try to find your native country in a new country. Go ahead!!! and get involve in your job and your hobbies. Your home is important, try to create a nice interior. I moved with my French furniture, and now I would like to sell them and to create an American way. I did the same in Africa and in Asia.
Happy Holiday to everyone!

stressedmom Serial expat

661POSTS

12 years ago

#14

Seattle truly is its own culture. If you like sports try finding a bar & taking in a Seahawks game. Meetup.com also may help you find people who are into the same activites you are.

Keep in mind winters are hard in Seattle as it is almost always grey, rainy, and or snowy. It is a great city though.

Have you taken the ferries and explored the islands in puget sound or hit up Pikes Place Market???

Tran Hung Dao ViP

1523POSTS

12 years ago

#15

Vincere_vel_mori wrote:
Hi, Sorry I didn't say that home for me is Australia. So it really isn't that much of a culture shock in terms of language, food etc. I am getting out there and trying many new cool things and the people I have met have been so friendly and helpful but it just isn't home for me and the more I think about it the more I think in a couple months I will be packing my bags once again and moving back.

thanks for all your tips guys, maybe i'll have better luck in another country at a different point in time!!

One problem I see is that you're in Seattle. The weather is horribly dreary. It rains like 9 months out of the year. Compared to your sunny Australian weather, you might be in for a climate change shock.

Also the pop culture of Seattle (and of the NW) is like a different country. It's very much like "tree huggers" country there. If you don't feel like you connect with the people, try going east across the mountains for a little get-away. Eastern Washington State is alot different than the Seattle area. You'll probably meet more cowboy types. Visit Spokane a bit and see how you like it. You could probably do a weekend escape by car on the 90.

mugtech ViP

4731POSTS

12 years ago

#16

WHY IS A BANNED PERSON POSTING ON HERE?

1 member reacted to this post

usmc_mv ViP

1049POSTS

12 years ago

#17

I wonder the same mugtech...

Anyways, everyone is right. Seattle an the PacNW is unique in its own way, and it is certainly not for everyone - including me. You really should check out other regions and states. I think Southern California you would probably like. Just remember no matter where you go you will find positives and negatives.

The weather is very gloomy in Seattle. Someone one told me it is is the suicide capital of America - whether true or not I have no idea. It is however the heroin capital, as is Vancouver to its north in Canada - similar climate/weather.

I have been to Australia twice. I couldn't live there because everything in my opinion is outrageously overpriced. The weather is great, the people are great, transport is great but commodities are not. The public transport system has a lot to be desired in the US, so if that's an issue you need to look at LA, Chicago, or NYC. It's pretty pathetic elsewhere.

Priscilla ViP

42358POSTS

12 years ago

#18

Hi mugtech and usmc_mv,

Please note that the member Tran Hung Dao has already posted this comment before he was banned from Expat.com, that is why you are seeing his comment here.

Thank you,

[sorry for the off topic]

Priscilla
Expat.com team