Canadian married woman in abusive relationship

Member since 23 March 2011

zbarliciMember23 March 2011 02:25:28

I need some advice on what steps i need to take to help my sister, who is a canadian citisen & married to a Mexican who recently started abusing her in drunken stupors(ok been going on for a few years now). They now live in Cancun.

My sister has some children with this man. Thing is that he does not know that i know about it, so i`d like some advice on what i need to to how i should advise my sister to proceed in a manner where she will not lose the children. The children are born in Mex (under 10 years old all) but they inherited canadian citisen status because the mother is Canadian.

Now i know why he refuses to move his family to Canada... because the government here won`t take his shit lightly. She has been hoping for a few years now that he would turn around but soon i will press her to leave him; but before it gets to that i must have a gameplan in place.

Could someone in the know-how please reply.

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keno Active member

Member since 26 April 2010

kenoActive member23 March 2011 02:41:19

i would advice her to go to Canada on holiday with the kids (and pack a little extra) and maybe get help there?? NOt suggesting she takes the kids illegally, get all the permission etc.... BUT just saying that maybe in your home country they can advise. I know in South Africa you need a police report where you have claimed that you have been beaten. You also need a medical report and photographic evidence of such beatings. The photos taken by a doctor or signed off by a doctor explaining the cause. Just someone to vouch for you other than his word against yours scenario. Also try get a good lawyer to be involved in the early phases so that she doesnt make ANY mistakes. It is so easy to do something emotionally that can mess everything up. Keep to the book!!

zbarlici Member

Member since 23 March 2011

zbarliciMember23 March 2011 02:59:32

Thank you for the advice, Keno, it sounds about right!. Much appreciated. If there is anyone else with other knowledge please?

swsl Member

Member since 27 February 2011

swslMember23 March 2011 19:44:09

keno wrote:
i would advice her to go to Canada on holiday with the kids ...NOt suggesting she takes the kids illegally, get all the permission etc....

....Also try get a good lawyer to be involved in the early phases so that she doesnt make ANY mistakes. It is so easy to do something emotionally that can mess everything up. Keep to the book!!

This is so typical. Nearly every couple in this configuration ends this way. Gringa women with Mexi men are a recipe for abuse. the women have no family present to protect them nor experience nor experience in defending themselves. Anyway, many Mexi women accept a certain level of abuse, it's still somewhat "normal" here, as is having multiple "wives" and families.

Yes, get her out of there. Getting all the permission is the big issue. First, check what is required for her to enter Canada with her kids. Is husband's permission required? Probably, I think it's international law now.

The big question is if the father is on the birth certificates.

So, here's the approach;
1) Get her out of Cancun. Far away from him, Oaxaca, Chiapas or further.
2) Get a lawyer at the new place to file for her to have sole legal custody. They have another name for this.
3) When he files, the reason for sole custody is going to be that the father has disappeared and cannot be found. Use a nearby false former address for the husband (coordinated with residents at the address) that the judge can send his investigator to. There, they will say that the man left long ago and has not been seen. The investigator and judge will likely accept it with no concern.

Yes, this is deception - sometimes, especially in Mexico, it takes deception to get justice.

4) If the lawyer is good enough and the judge is causual, as they usually are, she can get sole custody and leave the country.

An alternative would be to live in a marginal area for a bit and try to take out late birth certificates for the kids that have only mom's name. This is still typical in Mexico, as poor people (and hippies) don't always register the birth right away. Two, three years late is not unusual. Need a midwife to cooperate, perhaps.

If none of this is acceptable or workable, the laws in Mexico are now very protective against battered women and children. Problem is that the system is so corrupt that she might end up in jail before him. Depends on his power, connections, money, the area, the judge etc. I would only pursue it like this as a last resort.

Good luck,
Steve

zbarlici Member

Member since 23 March 2011

zbarliciMember24 March 2011 00:38:07

thank you so much, swsl. I will have to talk to my sister... perhaps he has expressed in the past that he would be okay for her to leave with the children. That would me least troublesome.

onpizz Guest

onpizzGuest20 April 2011 18:27:23

OK. ZB, this is a topic that has generated some interest here in Mazatlan.
Strange as this may seem but the laws on spousal abuse are very similiar to Ontario's. There is a mini consulate in Cancun, as in all major cities, and it would be best to contact them. The first response that you'll get is: "what can we do?"
You can ask then to contact the policia or the social services network.
Here , we have new help group named "CICOVI", and Doctora America Torres speaks English. She may know of a similiar group in Cancun,
Dra. Torres: 52-669-180-48-75
hasta luego, Allen