Where is home?

I have the same problem. 

I was born in Vietnam and spent my first 22 years there (or rather, here).   After university, I moved to the US,  gave up Vietnamese citizenship to become a naturalised US citizen, and lived there for 25 years.   In my 40s, I sold everything, packed up the essentials, left the US for Italy, lived there for 7 years as a permanent resident, owned a home, paid taxes, belonged to the National Health System.   Then back to the US for another 10 years.  Now back to Vietnam as a "foreigner with Vietnamese roots" (the term issued by the VN government).

If passport is the determine factor, my "home" is the States.  If birth is the factor, "home" is Vietnam although I don't have the rights to citizenship or residency,  only a long term visa that can be renewed unless the government change their mind (they've done that often).  If residency is a factor, "home" was Italy, at least for a better part of a decade. 

To add more tangle to the mess, I also have the rights to live in Canada due to my marriage.  My husband was born in Canada, lived in the States almost all his life as a naturalised citizen, 7 years in Italy as a permanent resident, and now in Vietnam with a long term visa as a "spouse of a foreigner with Vietnamese roots".  He has dual citizenships and holds two passports so his "home" is both Canada and the US.

When people ask me where "home" is, my answer is simply California although I lived in 5 different states in 35 years as a legal resident of all those states.  That answer is given just for simplicity's sake.  It takes too much efforts to explain to people why I feel that half of the world is my home (the half that I've been to, stayed for a while, and every so often, long to return).

Wow, what a great experience of life!
However, I disagree, you should definitely tell the whole story when someone ask you where is home for you. It is so interesting!
Did you move to Vietnam permanently? Are you thinking about moving to Canada?

Our plan is to live permanently in Vietnam but our plans have often changed with little advance notice.  For example, we planned to live in Italy permanently.  We were very happy there, our house was paid for, life was peaceful, and travel was easy.  Then just 2 years before we qualified for EU citizenship, my husband had his first grandchild and wished to return to the States. 

If things change with the Vietnamese government, we'll move to Canada as we have no desire to return to the States although our family is there.

This is an easy question for me. Home is Israel. I was born there, my family was born there, my ancestors were born there. People have been fighting to claim my homeland as their home for thousands of years. It seems crazy to give that up.

I felt at home when I lived in New York, though it is nothing like my home.  It is loud, crowded, dirty, and prone to catastrophic hurricanes, but it was comfortable somehow. The variety of cultures and influence makes it easy.

I do not feel at home in North Carolina. That might be because I only recently arrived, or it might simply be such a foreign place to me. We have a hurricane arriving soon. Strangely enough, that feels more familiar.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

This is an easy question for me. Home is Israel. .

Those expats that are really successful in their life abroad tend to remember their home with fondness but, depending upon the time they intend to live abroad, should try to put down roots and make a home for themselves in their new country.
Of course, if your only there for uni or a short term assignment, that doesn't really apply.

As for the rest about ancestors and fighting - Ouch - politics!

I'm homeless or thanks to the home I have now I have the whole world in front of me to make a home for me. It depends on how I approach the matter.

Unlike me Khalida has a home which she seems very proud of it. When someone has something they really admire and when they talk about it, they emphasise some facts why they admire it so much. That's not politic.

When someone start to lie and the lie eventually become a truth. That's politic.

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

This is an easy question for me. Home is Israel. .

Those expats that are really successful in their life abroad tend to remember their home with fondness but, depending upon the time they intend to live abroad, should try to put down roots and make a home for themselves in their new country.
Of course, if your only there for uni or a short term assignment, that doesn't really apply.

As for the rest about ancestors and fighting - Ouch - politics!

I do not believe there is only one right way to be an expat. Your way might be right for you, but that does not necessarily make it right for everyone else.

I am sure all of our ancestors fought for something. That is not politics. That is history. When an American talks about every generation of their family fighting in one war or another, they are told to be proud. No one ever says, "The war of 1812? Stop talking about poolitics."

finnbo wrote:

I'm homeless or thanks to the home I have now I have the whole world in front of me to make a home for me. It depends on how I approach the matter.

Unlike me Khalida has a home which she seems very proud of it. When someone has something they really admire and when they talk about it, they emphasise some facts why they admire it so much. That's not politic.

When someone start to lie and the lie eventually become a truth. That's politic.

Your home is wherever you say it is. Some will tell you it cannot be where you want to be. Some will tell you it must be wherever you were born. Only you can decide where it truly is.

Many on this website feel their home is wherever they have settled. Some feel it is where they will be in the future. Some, like you, are still finding it. Some of us feel our home is where we were born. All answers are correct.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I do not believe there is only one right way to be an expat. Your way might be right for you, but that does not necessarily make it right for everyone else.;

There are some absolutes, the big one being acceptance of your situation.  If your thoughts are all about missing your home country and how much better it is, your time as an expat is probably going to be a bad experience.
An open mind is nothing short of essential

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I am sure all of our ancestors fought for something. That is not politics. That is history. When an American talks about every generation of their family fighting in one war or another, they are told to be proud. No one ever says, "The war of 1812? Stop talking about poolitics."

Nope. Politics are almost always the cause of problems both in real life and on forums, especially subjects such as Brexit and the middle east.
That's why this forum has a policy of being unwelcome to political statements. It only takes one pro-Palestine member to see your comments and express their point of view and we have a massive, and pointless, arguement.

Fred wrote:

It only takes one pro-Palestine member to see your comments and express their point of view and we have a massive, and pointless, arguement.

There is no risk for that since the forum is bigger than any pointless arguer. According to the forum code of conduct as following all you have to do is click the report button.

"The entire concept of this forum is to promote the free exchange of information and ideas. Therefore, everyone has a fundamental right to form and express their own opinions, provided that they comply with the terms of use of the website. However, it is not acceptable to criticize or abuse another member in any way for simply expressing their opinion or making a personal observation. If you find the opinion expressed offensive you should not take matters into your own hands nor should you make any abusive comments: please use the Report button so that we manage the issue.
The Expat.com forum is dedicated to expat related matters. Topics related to politics or religion won’t be accepted.

The moderation team reserves the right to intervene if necessary."

Which actually you also should have done from the beginning then other than respect to the above you also could avoid to go against this  "Please respect the topic categories: avoid going off-topic and feel free to create a new thread to talk about a new topic."

This is what an expert is according to the forum.

"Experts are volunteer members who wish to get involved and contribute to the community by helping other members. Being expats for a long time, they are able to share information and advice on their host country, from formalities to settling in the daily life.

Experts are not moderators. They make the forum lively and offer to answer the questions and doubts of our members in a friendly atmosphere. They can still help the moderation team by informing them on any problem on the forum."

That means experts are no better people than other members to tell them how to live their lives and what is right and what is wrong in this society. I don't think any hierarchy exist in this forum like in motorcycle clubs where old members can break rules whenever and however they want. If that is the case I will be gone from here in no time. 

With all due respect to you Fred you happened to break many forum rules because of one unintentional line of the 5th post on this thread and forced two other members inclusive myself to break forum rules. (I rather have report this but motivational explanation for reporting had been too long in that little space)

If that line was such an inappropriate line the opening poster who is a team member herself had been taken actions against it or any other moderator or senior members who had been replied before, rather the post had been liked. No one saw that line as the political way as you saw and from that line you forced that member to go further and defend her line which lead to more or less break rules. All because of you didn't follow the rules in the first place.

PS My apologies to Helene for this off topic post.

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I do not believe there is only one right way to be an expat. Your way might be right for you, but that does not necessarily make it right for everyone else.;

There are some absolutes, the big one being acceptance of your situation.  If your thoughts are all about missing your home country and how much better it is, your time as an expat is probably going to be a bad experience.
An open mind is nothing short of essential

This comes across as a lecture, so let me ask you, is my way of being an expat wrong?

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I am sure all of our ancestors fought for something. That is not politics. That is history. When an American talks about every generation of their family fighting in one war or another, they are told to be proud. No one ever says, "The war of 1812? Stop talking about poolitics."

Nope. Politics are almost always the cause of problems both in real life and on forums, especially subjects such as Brexit and the middle east.
That's why this forum has a policy of being unwelcome to political statements. It only takes one pro-Palestine member to see your comments and express their point of view and we have a massive, and pointless, arguement.

I agree completely about politics being nothing but trouble. From what I have seen, you are the only one trying to argue about politics here.

finnbo wrote:

There is no risk for that since the forum is bigger than any pointless arguer. According to the forum code of conduct as following all you have to do is click the report button.

"The entire concept of this forum is to promote the free exchange of information and ideas. Therefore, everyone has a fundamental right to form and express their own opinions, provided that they comply with the terms of use of the website. However, it is not acceptable to criticize or abuse another member in any way for simply expressing their opinion or making a personal observation. If you find the opinion expressed offensive you should not take matters into your own hands nor should you make any abusive comments: please use the Report button so that we manage the issue.
The Expat.com forum is dedicated to expat related matters. Topics related to politics or religion won’t be accepted.

The moderation team reserves the right to intervene if necessary."

Which actually you also should have done from the beginning then other than respect to the above you also could avoid to go against this  "Please respect the topic categories: avoid going off-topic and feel free to create a new thread to talk about a new topic."

This is what an expert is according to the forum.

"Experts are volunteer members who wish to get involved and contribute to the community by helping other members. Being expats for a long time, they are able to share information and advice on their host country, from formalities to settling in the daily life.

Experts are not moderators. They make the forum lively and offer to answer the questions and doubts of our members in a friendly atmosphere. They can still help the moderation team by informing them on any problem on the forum."

That means experts are no better people than other members to tell them how to live their lives and what is right and what is wrong in this society. I don't think any hierarchy exist in this forum like in motorcycle clubs where old members can break rules whenever and however they want. If that is the case I will be gone from here in no time. 

With all due respect to you Fred you happened to break many forum rules because of one unintentional line of the 5th post on this thread and forced two other members inclusive myself to break forum rules. (I rather have report this but motivational explanation for reporting had been too long in that little space)

If that line was such an inappropriate line the opening poster who is a team member herself had been taken actions against it or any other moderator or senior members who had been replied before, rather the post had been liked. No one saw that line as the political way as you saw and from that line you forced that member to go further and defend her line which lead to more or less break rules. All because of you didn't follow the rules in the first place.

PS My apologies to Helene for this off topic post.

While you make some good points, perhaps we should give Fred the benefit of the doubt. He might simply be trying to avoid a situation he would find uncomfortable. This website has been here for many years. The older members must have memories of heated arguments from long ago that they do do wish to repeat. I am new here, so no one knows me, but any assumptions they make about me are just as foolish as assumptions I make about them.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I do not believe there is only one right way to be an expat. Your way might be right for you, but that does not necessarily make it right for everyone else.;

There are some absolutes, the big one being acceptance of your situation.  If your thoughts are all about missing your home country and how much better it is, your time as an expat is probably going to be a bad experience.
An open mind is nothing short of essential

This comes across as a lecture, so let me ask you, is my way of being an expat wrong?

For a short term expat, not really. For a long term expat, it's a recipe for a miserable existence.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I am sure all of our ancestors fought for something. That is not politics. That is history. When an American talks about every generation of their family fighting in one war or another, they are told to be proud. No one ever says, "The war of 1812? Stop talking about poolitics."

Nope. Politics are almost always the cause of problems both in real life and on forums, especially subjects such as Brexit and the middle east.
That's why this forum has a policy of being unwelcome to political statements. It only takes one pro-Palestine member to see your comments and express their point of view and we have a massive, and pointless, arguement.

I agree completely about politics being nothing but trouble. From what I have seen, you are the only one trying to argue about politics here.

Not at all, I responded to your political statement, but didn't argue against it.

Fred wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

Fred wrote:

There are some absolutes, the big one being acceptance of your situation.  If your thoughts are all about missing your home country and how much better it is, your time as an expat is probably going to be a bad experience.
An open mind is nothing short of essential

This comes across as a lecture, so let me ask you, is my way of being an expat wrong?

For a short term expat, not really. For a long term expat, it's a recipe for a miserable existence.

I do not know the ingredients of your recipe. As for my experience, I reject your assumptions.

Thank you all for sharing your points of view and experiences. 

Indeed "Home" can have so many different meanings and definitions for many of us.

So far, I have read "Home is where my family is" or "Home is where I chose to live" or even "Home is where I grew up"
Some people just couldn't really answer the question because they felt at home everywhere they had lived.

Even I haven't figured this out to be honest And even if I had, ask me the same question in 10 years and I might have a different answer.

Helene wrote:

Thank you all for sharing your points of view and experiences. 

Indeed "Home" can have so many different meanings and definitions for many of us.

So far, I have read "Home is where my family is" or "Home is where I chose to live" or even "Home is where I grew up"
Some people just couldn't really answer the question because they felt at home everywhere they had lived.

Even I haven't figured this out to be honest And even if I had, ask me the same question in 10 years and I might have a different answer.

Home is where you say it is. Do not let others try to tell you where it should be.