Navigating friendships as an expat in France

@Cheryl

Hello Cheryl,

An interesting topic and, I think, very influenced by one's choice of career and the vagaries of modern life. The traditional concept of lifelong friends and neighbours has to a large extent been overtaken by worldly circumstances.

We are now both in our 80's and have been resident in the UK (as children and young adults), France (for the first time) as a result of obligatory work relocation, South Africa (for 38 years) again searching for continuity of employment, then early retirement, Panama ( a big mistake) and now finally back in France. We may be slightly unusual in that respect but life in the 20th and 21st centuries often mandates regular relocation.

We maintain some friends in all of these locations but many have either died or moved on to new partners or lifestyles.

We came back to France in early 2024 and chose to buy in the Gard region for both financial and practical reasons. We are not 'City People' so specifically looked for and found a modest sized village to make our home. We do not actively seek out fellow ex-pats as it seems to us, if live somewhere you need to make friends with the locals, not neccessarily people of your own nationality or background. We specifically have avoided English 'Ghettos' for these reasons.

Making friends in our new village was not easy but, why should French families that have been living here for years or even generations have to make the efforts to get to know you when YOU are the interlopers? We did make the neccessary effort and went out of our ways to (gently) become friends and good neighbours in our new location. Fluency in the language is important but being quietly present but not intrusive is, we found, equally important. It seems to have worked and now we share garden tools, invite and are invited to neighbourhood social functions and, in emergencies, are there to help and be helped. So, so far so good!

Hello Robert Hopkin,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. 😊

Your journey highlights how important it is to make the effort to connect with locals and become part of the community rather than staying only within an expat circle. I really like your point about being present, respectful, and remembering that as newcomers, we also have a role to play in building those relationships.

Thanks again for your insights!

Cheers,

Cheryl

Expat.com team

@Cheryl

Hello Cheryl, Thanks for the acknowledgement. I see that you reside in Mauritius where I have visited many times for my work in the 1980's and 1990's. Perhaps I can amuse you with a little story from one of those visits (that. as moderator you may chose to either pass on or delete!!) I was there with a colleague over a weekend with time to kill so we decided to explore the island one Sunday and get lunch along the way. We headed down through Black River then found a sign to a Chinese restaurant called ( I think) 'Panorama' where we decided to get lunch. The place was perched on a volcanic peak with magnificent views everywhere. We were greeted by the owner and a delightfully pretty waitress. We each ordered aperitifs, then two Chinese courses. The strange thing was that whatever we ordered, what we received was quite different! Instead of a gin and tonic we got whisky and soda, instead of chow mein we got crispy noodles - etc,etc. and this continued throughout the meal. We didn't mind as all the food was so good but, at the end when we came to pay the bill the manager came over and asked if we had enjoyed the meal. We said "yes of course" but also mentioned as nicely as possible about the fact that we had never got what we had ordered. He said " Yes I know about that and it happens all the time with (??????) - name of the waitress". " Unfortunately she is deaf so doesn't understand your order but we keep her on as all the clients love seeing her so much that nobody cares!"