getting married to a Dominican girl

I have read all the posts in this forum so far and I value the opinions given here.
I have a familiar story but I am thick headed so I would like to get some more insight.
OK, I'm an American and I met my Dominican bombshell on vacation in Santiago 5 months ago. I'm not going to lie, I was in Santiago, looking for sex, but also looking for a long term relationship. I wanted to find the girl who had to make money with sex, but also wanted a committed relationship with the right person.
Alright, maybe I should stop right here, I realize that I'm looking in the wrong places, but I thought I could find the exception. Save the girl from her tough life and at the very least, enjoy her company when I come down to visit or she comes to the US to visit. Supposedly this has the temporary Visa.
Now I have been back to visit Santiago 3 times since we first met 5 months ago and I have been texting her every day, and now I fell in love. Or lust. Yes I have been buying her things and the last expense was her birthday party in Santiago this past November when I was there last. When the birthday cake cost more than $100, I wasn't expecting that. When I got back to the US and I questioned her on the expensive birthday, she turned it around on me, told me it was my fault, I shouldn't cause trouble, she's not asking me to pay all of her bills, etc….I was shocked at her response, but I really like the girl so I apologized and a few hours later she started talking to me again. I got the silent treatment for a few hours. Everything goes back to normal with us, we talk every day, making plans to see her again in the DR and now 2 months later….I send her a text acting like a jealous boyfriend because she went partying all night at the LLovero Bar and she didn't text me until the next afternoon. She texts me every morning. I was a little hurt and tried to lay a little guilt on her. Well that didn't work. She responded by texting that she doesn't want to argue and let me go. "Let me go". Again I was shocked. She wanted to say goodbye, just like that. She has been giving me the silent treatment again for a week now. I didn't say anything so awful. I pleaded with her for 5 days with the usual, forgive me, I will never accuse you again, don't throw away our good times, you told me I was your corazon, etc…I came to my senses, stopped texting on Thursday so it's been 2 days since I stopped. I have feelings for this girl.
Now I read the posts, I know that I didn't meet the girl in the best circumstances, I've been the sugar daddy gringo since the beginning, but I like the girl and I don't want to lose her. So the advice is??????

a-RUN and consider myself lucky I didn't marry the girl or spend more money
b-wait a little while, text her back like nothing ever happened, see if she responds. Take it from there…
c-go back to the DR, find another girl and start all over again, meet them at the university, supermarket, etc
d-change my way of thinking since I'm looking for love in all the wrong places……
I like choice b, because I like this girl, regardless of how we met, the money, the partying so I am not very objective at this moment. Please take this into consideration when offering your advice.

Thanks for any input….
-Flowguy

Well first welcome to the forum.

You have done everything wrong! Not a chance in hell with her. She is a prostitute! You need to act like a client!!!

Want a good girl, you are going about it all wrong!

So now I am at my laptop and will answer more at length. What is it with men that you need to "rescue" a prostitute? I thought only women  watched "Pretty Woman"!    Do you really want a lifelong partner that you rescued?  Bloody hell.  And then you get upset when she acts like a prostitute and you get jealous.  What is that all about???

You suffer from DDD............definitely different Dominican. You thought yours might be "different". She isn't.  She is a bombshell you say. Darlin they are a dime a dozen down here!  She is a prostitute with  attitude!

Birthday cake costing US 100!!!!   Well you shower her with gifts, take her all over,  give her money, come down 3 times in like 5 months and you are complaining about the cake?  Really!

If you want a woman who does not behave like a prostitute don't date a prostitute!   And yes they can turn stuff around on you in a heartbeat and make it ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! And then you get to apologize and make it better.  They are passive aggressive at a bare minimal and outright hostile if needed!  They are masters in manipulation!

You want a woman for life,  someone to settle down with and be serious???  Don't date prostitutes,  strippers or girls who make themselves agreeable to sex the first night! 

I love this country and the culture! My comments in no way reflect how I feel about Dominican women in general.  Most of them are warm,loving and caring and will treat a good man like a king!!! Go find yourself a good woman!

Hey Flowguy!
Run fast.
Run far!
Run now!
When you stop, go to Dominican Cupid.
I was you 10 years ago.
It was fun for a while.
5-6 years ago I went to Dominican Cupid.
I met 150 ladies on line.
Met 20-30 in person.
100% Ladies.
No hookers.
Now, 5-6 years later, I am married to the best Lady on this Island!
& that's the TRUTH!
Good luck buddy!

At Flowguy, all I can say to you is what the fellows say up here in N.Y. You Can't turn a Ho(prostitute) into a Housewife! It has been tried before and it very rarely works. In Jamaica they say: if you met her wearing slippers, don't buy her shoes! I guess the one thing these Phrases have in common is: You can't change people! What you see is what you get.  Leave those chicks alone, and try to meet a good woman through friends or family if you have any reliable ones on the island.  My girl is Dominican and I met her through a friend and have met her family. She works, does not ask me for a dime, and treats me like a king, plus she is always available to chat or Skype when I'm not in town. I have been with her nearly 3 years.  I will tell you one thing.  If you meet her family, and there is no Dad around or simply a lack of respect for the father in the household, that is a bad sign.  Leave that one alone! Good Luck I hope you find a good woman, there are plenty around.

Wow where is your head man, and I mean the big one. It is obvious your little one is running the show.
From your choices you should pick
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and run fast
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD start using the big head for a change before you find yourself in deep shi*

Bob K

All I can say is thank you planner, Tomas, Massagewiz and Bob K. I asked for your advice and you gave it to me.

To planner, I'm a hopeless case. I have watched Pretty Woman, I have a few people tell me I look a little like Richard Gere. I should only be so lucky. I believe that not all prostitutes fit the usual stereotype and I found one. I agree with you, there are many warm, loving and caring Dominican women, and maybe I fell for 1 of them, albeit in a prostitution form at the start….
I suffer from DDD..….definitely different Dominican. I believed that my little 24 year old bombshell was different, a nice, sweet single mother, a law student at the University. She was just introduced to me for sex because she needed a little extra money like they all do. I didn't think she was a prostitute, just an occasional do what you have to do kind of thing. The three times I returned to Santiago, I was treated like a king. Like family. Like a boyfriend. And I loved it. When I'm back in Florida, we're texting every day and I'm getting the Te Amo, Te Quiero, Yo quiero a estar con tigo todo el tiempo and I loved it. My problem is I still love it and she cut me off a week ago with the silent treatment and now I want her back. I miss her. I know I'm not thinking clearly but I do appreciate your sincerity.

To Tomas, you're funny with the run fast, run far, run now. I have a lot of friends here in the US, and they all tell me the same thing as you have. And I have seen Dominican Cupid on the Internet, I like the idea of meeting numerous woman as opposed to just falling for the first girl that shows me a little interest and the big booty and breasts. I'm happy for you that you found Miss Wonderful and still feeling that way all these years later. I get myself fixated on 1 girl and right now I'm fixated on this one. I don't see her as a hooker, even though I met her in that way. I really like her and I can't stand that she stopped talking to me. I can't stop thinking about her and how I can see her again. So right now I'm not running very far…..But I appreciate your thoughts, experiences.

To Massagewiz, I like your name. I am a Massage Therapist in Miami for the last 20 years, the majority of my clients are obese women, 250 lbs and up. And they are lonely, depressed and in pain. Some times I'm massaging a client with one elbow and texting my Beautiful Dominican girl with the free hand. I guess that's my own therapy.
Anyway, your phrases you used are very accurate, especially the New Yorkers talking about how you can't turn a ho into a housewife. I am originally from Brooklyn, I should know better. I don't see this woman as a hooker. Of course I met her in that way but I choose to believe she's a 24 year old beautiful girl who has sex on rare occasion, and that she would like to meet a nice guy. Like me.
I have met her 10 year old daughter, it's strange to me that she could get pregnant at 13 years old but that's what happened. But she says her father is very strict, pays for the nice house she lives in, her car, her school and at the same token she doesn't seem to like him very much. Red flag???? I think that I have met a good woman, just a misguided young woman that needs a stable, mature man to lead her in the right direction. I'm also happy for you that you have found a nice girl, I think I have found one too. I hope I don't find out the hard way that I was wrong…..

Now to Bob K, I figured you might respond with the Where's your Head at? I have it coming to me based on my story.
I'm not quite as shallow as you've implied. I like this girl for the chemistry I think we have together. The love of music and bachata, the laughter and all the usual things that any 2 people love to share in a relationship. I did not have sex with this girl the first night because I liked her and I wanted to wait. It's not just about thinking with the small head. I met my ex-wife at a bachelor party as she was an escort. We were married for 5 years so I don't think I am all about using the small head. I believe in love. I do have this habit of falling for women who seem to be selling sex, but that's who I seem to like.
I might not like what you said but I understand why you assume what head is running the show…Appreciate your observations……

Any other thoughts for a hard headed, maybe even delusional guy here in the US looking for love in the wrong places???

Good luck. It is obvious you have a plan and are sticking to it. In my humble opinion you have a ZERO chance of making this work, but that is just my opinion.  I have yet to see this situation work in the 7.5 years that I have been living here.

Bob K

Greetings Flowguy. I'm also a massage therapist 15 years practicing and also from Brooklyn.  If you are originally from Brooklyn, then you would have also heard the expression: CaptainsaveaHo. We as men want to be hero's, even I have put on the cape once or twice :-) As a former N.Y.  not even you are immune to the mermaid song that draws us in, the few that avoid them are usually those who are there with their wives and have been in a long term comitted relationship with a good woman, it only takes one.  We are all looking for love so I can relate to your story.

     I will share my story with you in hopes that you will reconsider dealing with this chick.  Planner said it best: Those chicks down there are a dime and a dozen! And as that famous R&B group Bell, Biv, Devoe said in their song: Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison........!!! I first visitted Sosua in 2010 for the first time, a few months after my divorce that same year, on the advice of my brother and a friend who has been going there for at least 10 years, a seasoned veteran.  I decided to take the plunge and went.  I must say I was not impressed at first with Sosua, it just had a strange feel to it, felt like fresh meat in a vampire town; but fortunately for us the hotel owner where we stayed schooled us on Sosua the first day we arrived.  He said he wanted us to have a good experience and that way we would return, which translates to repeat business for him. 

     The owner and a few seasoned veterans took us out clubbing and schooling.  These guys pointed out which girls were cool and which ones were not, they even warned us about not getting too comfortable around these chicks since for the most part, many of them have no real interest in you and are simply looking to give you the "girlfriend experience" in hopes of having you Western Union them checks from all over the world. I have seen how on certain days of the months, the working girls fill the Western Union offices collecting their cash sent from their numerous clients who think they are the one and only.  I will be honest and say that I have helped out some of these girls on occasions, especially when you look around you and see the level of poverty some of these girls face, but it was done on my own terms, not because I felt pressured.

     I had mantained a few connections back then and on their birthdays once a year I would send a little something, but once they started giving me the sob stories, I would say:  if you keep requesting money, I would simply make myself unavailable for further conversations, or in other words: once I leave Sosua, so does my wallet.  I think what makes these chicks so alluring to us foreign guys is that they are the complete opposite of many women back home.  It is like going back to the 1950s in America when gender roles were much clearer, not like now where women feel like a competitor rather than a partner.  These women will cook, clean, do dishes, pamper you, carry themselves in a ultrafeminine manner, no sweat pants, baggy jeans, T-shirts, in other words, they look like women; you have seen some of the girls on the subway out here, so you know what I mean, and of course please you in every way possible and enjoy doing it; but of course there is a price to pay :-) they offer a lot of what we wish we could get back here.  I know I will probably be crucified by some of the females who read this, but I'm only repeating what most gentlemen who are there say to me in general conversations; ladies you got to step up your game! We are in halftime and the rest of the world is kicking a$$ and taking names!  If this were not true, why would they travel to the caribbean looking for love? Plenty of women available here, but the fellows are simply tired of half hearted efforts in the looks department and of course all the bitc#n and complaining.  I guess boys just want to have fun! So flowguy I feel your pain, you are not the first or the last to fall under the spell of the mermaids.

      To make a long story short, not all of these girls are out to take you for your money, I even gave one a massage table to start her own little business in a nail salon after she graduated school, and she is doing pretty good.  She did not ask for money, but a tool to work, and her kids thanked me profusely for helping their mom add a key piece to her nail salon and help her make an honest living.  Like I said before, I have had the pleasure of dealing with a few of these working girls on some of my earlier trips and came close to falling for one of them, but I guess since I had good mentorship, I did not allow myself to get to carried away.

       Once you find a good girl, you will not need more than that.  If you just want to play the field and have fun, then that's cool, but keep your heart in your chest, and your wallet in your pocket.  Keep in contact with them if you wish, but if every other conversation eventually leads to money requests, simply give them excuses as to your personal financial woes back home and watch and see how fast they dissappear, the legit ones have their own money and too proud to beg.  Many of these girls will only entertain your conversations in exchange for cash, it is like a N.Y. cab, once you get in, the meter is running! Good Luck with your girl, anything is possible, just take it slow and be alert, because if she has a chulo or side Dominican boyfriend, you do not want to be set up in any way, shape, or form, to any number of negative scenarios, remember, down there you are a gringo with money and many times even the cops are on the take or shakedown, so be careful.

       If she is true blue, she will continue to conversate with you even if you can't send her money, my favorite thing to do was to switch up the roles and ask them to send me money, just to give them a taste of what it feels like and to see what they would say, :-) needless to say, they would either stop calling or stop asking.  Don't take this the wrong way, but "Captain Save A Ho" is the one super hero that get's no appreciation after saving the day :-(  As a massage therapist, that tells me you are a giving person and that is the kind of person I am as well, but if you still choose to pursue this connection, consider her level of maturity, it can ge very hard to try and talk sense into some of these young people today.  You must consider if you want to invest all that time into raising 2 kids, her and her daughter, which can be a bit frustrating in times when you need a partner and not a child, but if you up to the task, then just be patient and keep your eyes open for red flags. Remember: trust is earned not given, that is the best advice I can give you.  I would also suggest that you spend some time talking to some of the men who actually live there to see if anyone knows a bit more about her and just get a bit more info on what goes on. Visitting every so often is not enough to understand what is truly going on around you.  Let some of the vets school you and then you will be better prepared for combat. Here is another website you can check out, lots of stories on there and a bit more raw as to the opinions on the culture. DR1.COM

Namaste.

Massagewiz  a GREAT post.  Hopefully he listens or he will become another sad (and poor) statistic.

Bob K

By the way it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY  her dad is paying for her apartment,  car etc. IT is HIGHLY LIKELY the baby daddy is paying for that.  Pregnant at 13 she might have been "given" to an older man who took a liking to her!

This is not uncommon here.   

honey I think you need to listen to all the other people  who are reading this with no emotional attachment! 

There are many many  good Dominican women and a few expats (wink wing)  here who are worth your time and effort! 

By the way,   Maybe Dominican Cupid has changed but there are many many prostitutes on there now!!!  You might want to try. www.ayi.com

MASSAGEWHIZ -  wow,  I think you said it very well. If you are coming here to get laid, then do so. IF you are coming here to find a good woman, then do so.  Just do not confuse the two. One does not necessarily lead to  the other.

Actually  the first rarely ever leads to the second.

But the second can lead to the first!!!! LOL

Well said!
Bottom line, all hookers aren't ho's.

hello everyone, Id like to offer my 2 cents, I don't mean to offend anyone but dude give your head a shake, are you friggen serious? I am with a Dominican girl and she is a wonderful person and I have met many girls here that are not only beautiful but kind and hard working, not everyone is a prostitute or looking for a sugar daddy, I think you really are looking for love in all the wrong places, like planner said find a nice girl first, everything else will fall into place...

well said!

Hi everybody,

Please note that some off topic posts have been removed from this thread.

Thank you,

Priscilla
Expat.com team

I was reading Frostbite's story... and wondering if the DR men are the same.. looking for sugar mommas.......

welcome Anne and yes some are - they are called sankies.  You can read lots about this and be aware if you are coming to visit!

Welcome Anne and the answer to your question is YES!  Especially in the tourist areas.

Bob K

Hello Anna and hello everyone else, a little up date on my situation, ive decided to end my relationship with my Dominican girlfriend, we were together for almost three years, I found that living where I was proved to be very challenging, no tourists and no English and it was clear my girlfriend would never leave her family and I just wasn't happy so ive moved to the north coast and things are great, lotsa gringo's and lotsa fun. There are many Canadians here and a very laid back atmosphere. I don't know that I am anxious to just into a relationship with another Dominican girl, people need to understand what they are getting into, this country is very poor and they have no social programs like welfare, if you hook up with a Dominican girl you be responsible for feeding a lot of people one way or another, I have 3 years experience and I don't like to think that I was takin advantage of but when I met my girlfriend she was working and supporting her mother, 2 brothers and a niece so when I came into the picture I became responsible for feeding the family, that wasn't a big deal at first but as time went on more brothers and uncles and cousins start coming out of the wood work and before too long I was feeding 12 people daily. it was only supposed to be temporary until my girlfriend finish univ. but I had enough so I moved on, im doing fine and enjoying the fantastic weather, take care, frostbite

Sorry to hear about the situation!  Yes we all have to experience things our own way.  Think of it as your 3 year internship to real life DR style!!!!  Make sure to think twice before jumping in again, but you already know that!!!! 

For Anne - read his story - it is not uncommon!  Bob sent out the warning 3 years before and it still applies today. If you take on a Dominican, in most cases you are taking on the whole family. And there are ALWAYS more of them then you thought! 

I will be on the North Coast again next weekend if anyone wants to get together!

What about the Haitian men who live in DR?

What about them?????? Did you have a specific question on Haitian men???

Bob K

Also pardon  my bad manners  forgot to add:
Welcome to the forum!

Bob K

Some fall into the same types of behaviour!  There is no rule that is is Dominican or Haitian, The same behaviours can be found in many other places, Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico just to name a few!

Hey Vince!
Sorry about your situation bud!
Been there & done that a few times.
Well, after 4 years with Catalina, we got married 3 weeks ago
here in Cabrera!
Wonderful wedding!
She has a great family & good friends.
I am a very lucky man. Catalina has her own accounting business.
Keep looking Vince, I looked all around this beautiful island
for 5-6 years before finding the perfect match.

Tomas congrats.  Seems like you went about it in a correct, planned and slow going manner.

Bob K

hello bob, everyone, you did try to warn me but I guess I thought that my girl is different and I am too smart to let anyone take advantage of me but it wasnt too long before I realized how poor some of  these people really are and you may be looked upon as the only source of income for many people. at first I was seen as a bit of a hero and a new family member and everyone liked me and I must admit I was very generous and tried to help out the family but soon I realized how many mouths I was feeding. everyday every brother,sister,cousin and friend was stopping by my house at least once a day for a meal and every time some was sick I had to buy the medicine and it was always someones birthday. it all became too much. Beware, I don't feel that I was takin advantage of so much as this is reality, you may be the only person in the family with any money at all.
  my advice would be come here, enjoy the beautiful weather and meet wonderful people from all over the world but  be very careful, don't rush into anything and take the advise of people that know, there is a lot of information available. 
    Now im on to my next Dominican adventure, im single and  going to be living in caberete, ive been here a short time and so far I like it very much, take care everyone, stay safe and remember, all Dominicans are not bad people but they all want your money... chow for now frostbite

An expensive lesson but a lesson that was well learned.  Good luck...neighbor!

Bob K

congrats, enjoy the future

I have met a girl that works in the DR--she seems nice and I like her a lot ---there is a big age difference but she tells me that it does not matter --I asked her to marry me and she was very happy -she introduced me to her family --big family --she never asked me for money --one day I asked her if we could go for a walk on the beach and she told me that she can't mix with guest on the resort --mean while she has pictures of her on face book walking around with other tourists --she keeps saying that she loves me and wants to marry me ---like I said she never asked me for money but unfortunately I sent her $400 ---she never turned it down --many times I have told her goodbye but she keeps saying that I hurt her and that I am her life --I have only known her for 5 days and I am her life ? I do have feelings for her but please help me --I think that she is a scam and I want to finish this relation ship --I want to go back her and report her to the resort management --HELP!!!

First off welcome to the forum.
Second... you have got to be kidding.  You know her 5 days, asked her to marry you, gave her $400 (over a months salary for her), big age difference ( I assume you are 30 or more years older than she is)...do you have  a screw loose??????
My advice..... RUN, RUN FAST, Run!!!!!!!  Don't waste your time "reporting her", just run and end this gold digging relationship before it costs you much more than the $400 you have lost so far.

Bob K

Welcome to the forum. My advice - return to the airport to see if you can find your brain  And start using it.

You have known her 5 days and you propose??? You don't know her. You don't know her culture. You don't know squat!!!

Report her???? Takes 2, seems she really hasn't done much YET! No she doesn't love you and you don't lover her. Stop reacting.with the wrong body parts.

Bob has it right - run fast - straight to the airport and get yourself home. then figure out what would cause you to behave this way!

hello nick, I met my Dominican girlfriend on a resort too, and your story sounds similar to mine but I don't understand why you need help, if you don't want to be with this girl just end contact and go to a different resort next time.
Just listen to what others are saying, DONT RUSH INTO ANYTHING, if you are interested in a Dominican girl the first mistake is sending money, a lot of these girls will do or say anything for money and are searching for a gringo that they can take advantage of.  Be very careful, would you marry a North American girl after knowing them for only one week? There is a say over here, How do you get a million dollars in The Dominican Republic? Start with 2 million and marry a Dominican girl... good luck, frostbite

Listen to frost bite.  He has first hand experience in this.  Learn from his mistake.

Once again my advice....RUN!!!

BObK

Hi Niclolas!
You sound Canadian!
Next time, when you visit us, don't
forget to take your brain off the plane!
Then quit thinking with your little head.
You are correct, Dominican women don't care
how old you are. They seem to know & believe
us Canucks treat their women well.
I spent over 5 years looking all over the island
for the right one!
I found her on Dominican Cupid.com.
5 years ago I finally found her.
We got married her 4 weeks ago!
It has been wonderful, all that time.
Keep looking with the big head chum & good luck!
Don't report her. Who knows how big her family is.

Niclolss
Are you listening.  You are getting advice from several folks who have "been there".  Time to start using the gray matter God gave you in the big head.

Bob K

Thanks for the responses --she did never asked me for money --it was me that sent .I did not sleep with her -I am taking everybody advices --I am planning to go back there in May ---Just wondering .......call me stupid ....but I am trying to test her if she is really a scam ( estafa ) give me a way to test her please