Is there a love between a foreign older man and a vietnamese girl

MIA2013 wrote:

hELLnoi

I really don't know why you reference me and my family with "boat people". You don't know me, so you shouldn't make that statement. FYI, I came by plane with a visa. The rest is none of your business. Besides I don't think you really read the young lady's dilemma. Do you have any daughters her age in her situation? Tell me if you do, then maybe I will listen closely to what you have to say. I was simply stating my opinion as a woman and mother.

Have a great day annointed one!!

I am sure you meant well.
You are correct. I DONT know you just as you DONT know the girl.
You are a person who has everything and should be more understanding to those less fortunate. There are 80 million here. How many will even have a chance to ride in a car? What car is your son driving?
You are stating your opinion at a way different level to a destitue girl who has nothing except a dream that she can get out of the poverty trap, and help her family with only her limited English and body!

hELLnoi wrote:

We have choices when we can afford to choose.

If I remember correctly she mentions that even her parents are against this so she has choices,it's more her mindset and mentality that keeps telling her that is the only choice she has.

MIA2013 also raises an interesting question that I am sometimes tempted to ask such men - how open minded would they be if their 18 year old mixed race daughter would be followed by men in 40,50,60ties? I have a feeling they would be far less tolerant than they are in their own case. At least I'm hoping they would be, just like every parent that loves their child should.

Solo1 wrote:

However, younger women are not yet jaded compared to most older women. They have not experienced a list of failures and disappointments that come with life. Consequently there personalities are fresh, open minded and full of excitement. They also laugh much more easily and more often. They are not set in there ways and can be more open minded.

I call that youth; and, for better or for worst, I believe that it should not be tainted.

Furthermore, in the States, there are a lot of these "not yet jaded" women; and they come in much wider varieties as well.  Hit up on one and see what she, her families and the rest of the American public, tells you.

MIA2013 wrote:

Tito12

I have a niece in Vietnam who married a foreigner to financially support her family. She regrets it now, but she has a child with this man and she stays for the child's sake. Her husband is so much older than she. The rest is so sad I can't even begin to explain.




Cheers to you!

Sad you niece "sold" herself for a hope to better her family's lives. What are YOU doing to help her?

MIA2013 wrote:

hELLnoi

Help her??? She lives in Taiwan! She is married to a business man. I don't think that she needs any financial help from anybody!!! She is miserable because she is married to an old man whom she does not love or is happy with, that is it.

Remember, I said people make choices in life. She made hers. I didn't have a say so. That is on her and her family. I didn't know until after the fact.

You still don't get it do you?

You are perfectly correct. I DON'T get it. You can advise her to leave IMMEDIATELY since she is unhappy NOW. There is such a thing called divorce. You can always correct a wrong DECISION, especially when you can easily afford to help her today.
You know the fact NOW so take the appropriate action NOW.
Sorry, I stopped alchohol, but ca phe any time

PS By the way, your niece achieved what she set out. Her family benefited. Next generation will not have to experience what she went through.

MIA2013 wrote:

hELLnoi

Help her??? She lives in Taiwan!

That deserves a whole new topic on it's own. Very sad what's happening there with those men physically abusing the wife. At least with the older Western men they don't physically abuse their wife or gf.

I guess it's just too late to say respect each other's opinion because no one person has the same opinion. Yes it's a forum to debate differences of opinion but we should leave out personal attacks as it doesn't really accomplish anything other than hurting each others feelings.

That deserves a whole new topic on it's own. Very sad what's happening there with those men physically abusing the wife. At least with the older Western men they don't physically abuse their wife or gf.

where did you get the idea that he is physically abusing her? Maybe he is ,I don't know but I seem to have missed where she mentioned this. Did you mean in general? In that case yes,I too have read and heard several stories where men (and their mothers) abusing wives in Taiwan and Korea. She probably made the wrong decision,she might be financially better but she is regretting it, wasting her youth like that. It might have not even been only her own decision,parents might have pushed here. Once the money  situation is resolved the reality of the decision can sink in.

There is such a thing called divorce

I don't know why do you think aunt can do something from the distance ,I am sure the girl is aware of this option without the need of aunt telling her this. Yeah ,it's easy to say divorce but in reality it is much harder,there comes a shame with this and much more. Vietnamese traditions can be very unforgiving in such cases. There are stories of women having their passports taken away and much more. Not knowing the language they have little chance filling  for divorce and sadly her parents don't help in many cases because the money is still coming in and the shame would be too big. Even in the west we have so many women staying in unhealthy relationships, even when they are beaten,yet they do not file for divorce. There are lots of Vietnamese girls from southern Vietnam (I forgot the name of the province,it's south of HCMC) marrying old Korean or Taiwanese men,that area even became famous for this and many times it's parents pushing it once they see shiny new things that their neighbors got after pimping their daughter to some old Taiwanese men. Do not (in my opinions stupid) forget the importance of face in Vietnamese culture,it is a powerful force causing a lot of bad things in Vietnam.

PS By the way, your niece achieved what she set out. Her family benefited. Next generation will not have to experience what she went through.

Ouch,and I thought my remarks were insensitive in some posts;) This way you can excuse even worse things like prostitution,abuse in marriage and so on so this is a bad argument.

I will want what is best for my daughter, and I will RESPECT her choice and decision, whether I agree or not.

Those two things don't necessarily go together but you don't seem to make this connection. If you had a real daughter you would say otherwise,just like any responsible parent would. I know that you speak hypothetically and want to give the impression that as a great parent it would be entirely up to her but that is not responsible parenting at all. Not when she would want to marry some dopehead,some guy 40 years older than her,some guy who mistreats her and so on. A 18 year old girl can ruin her life with some stupid decision without parental guidance and even restrictions in some cases.

Wild_1 wrote:

As a man, I wish misery and poverty upon no one, let alone my own daughter.  So, if I learn that my little daughter is heading toward such perilous waters, I will do all I can to stop her.

and I wish you never have to.
I also wish everyone in Vietnam can afford to as well.

Tito12 wrote:

I will want what is best for my daughter, and I will RESPECT her choice and decision, whether I agree or not.

Those two things don't necessarily go together but you don't seem to make this connection. If you had a real daughter you would say otherwise,just like any responsible parent would. I know that you speak hypothetically and want to give the impression that as a great parent it would be entirely up to her but that is not responsible parenting at all. Not when she would want to marry some dopehead,some guy 40 years older than her,some guy who mistreats her and so on. A 18 year old girl can ruin her life with some stupid decision without parental guidance and even restrictions in some cases.

if you had been a responsible parent, you will hopefully never come to this.
this is not a 2 second decision when the girl turns 18.
In Vietnam, a girl becomes an adult when she turns 18.

lostsouls wrote:

In my opinion, many VN girls would wana marry foreigners to get out of poverty & get a ticket out of VN. This is not wrong as they wana provide the best for their families.

Never force yourself to do things you dont like just because of gratitude, repay his good deeds, etc.

Fortunately, many girls HAVE a chance to got to universities today.
Unfortunately, not all get to complete their studies.
Lets hope things improve with each generation.

hELLnoi wrote:

lostsouls wrote:

In my opinion, many VN girls would wana marry foreigners to get out of poverty & get a ticket out of VN. This is not wrong as they wana provide the best for their families.

Never force yourself to do things you dont like just because of gratitude, repay his good deeds, etc.

Fortunately, many girls HAVE a chance to got to universities today.
Unfortunately, not all get to complete their studies.
Lets hope things improve with each generation.

Very true...............

hELLnoi wrote:

lostsouls wrote:

In my opinion, many VN girls would wana marry foreigners to get out of poverty & get a ticket out of VN. This is not wrong as they wana provide the best for their families.

Never force yourself to do things you dont like just because of gratitude, repay his good deeds, etc.

Fortunately, many girls HAVE a chance to got to universities today.
Unfortunately, not all get to complete their studies.
Lets hope things improve with each generation.

Things will improve. That's why I want to live in Vietnam. I've seen so much growth and devlopment in Vietnam just in the last 11 years alone. And not just the infrastructure and economy but their way of thinking too.

khanh44 wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

lostsouls wrote:

In my opinion, many VN girls would wana marry foreigners to get out of poverty & get a ticket out of VN. This is not wrong as they wana provide the best for their families.

Never force yourself to do things you dont like just because of gratitude, repay his good deeds, etc.

Fortunately, many girls HAVE a chance to got to universities today.
Unfortunately, not all get to complete their studies.
Lets hope things improve with each generation.

Things will improve. That's why I want to live in Vietnam. I've seen so much growth and development in Vietnam just in the last 11 years alone. And not just the infrastructure and economy but their way of thinking too.

It may take 1-2 generations to change.

Belsteak wrote:

Thank you.
I see we share common experience... ^^
Sometimes distance is difficult...
But in the end, love wins... ^^

Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.