Is there a love between a foreign older man and a vietnamese girl

For me, if I want to marrying a man, the first thing I have to consider his income to gurantee for me and my family. It is enough with me.

Yes,I agree with kiku_hana,we have wasted the time giving any advice or trying to give her clearer understanding about love or what this all is about.

Her last paragraph basically tells everything. It is a classic mentality of so many Vietnamese girls (and boys too) who are brought up with only one thing in mind: I was born and raised for the only reason to give back to my parents. This is the fundamental difference between western and so many SE Asian parents: in Asia the kids are INVESTMENT. And this investment is taught from young age by culture,by parents,by everyone that it needs to give back for the fact that parents gave them life and cared for them. It is in a way sad when we look at it in western eyes.

And this is where the mentality comes in, the mentality where love is seen completely different from their point of view. This girl is perfect example. Men need to ask themselves how many times have their heard a Vietnamese woman saying: oh,he loves me and I love him because he takes care of me and my family. Yes,it sounds innocent and you easy misunderstood it for love but it is exactly this: I stay with this (old) man because he financially takes care for me and my family.Nothing less,nothing more.

I will go even further and tell that this is not only NOT love, it is in a way sort of self-sacrificing prostitution. Yes,when we say prostitute we mostly think girls who sit at bars and stay with you few hours or days/weeks(GFE) but this what we see here is the extreme form of prostitution: she is sacrificing her life ,her youth,her plans ,her future to get married some old guy,that she doesn't even need to love, as long as he will financially take care for her and her family. Words "AND HER FAMILY" are the key word that indicate that this is a classic example of a mentality where a daughter was bred from the young age to return the "investment" that her parents had by having her. Sure, the parents may not have forced her into this but there are tons of subtle ways that bring the girl like this to feel so much guilt that she is willing to do everything to bring money to her parents. Everyone who has every been closer to Vietnamese family will know the ways they or even society pressures these girls into things like this.And what is the most tragic: they will do it voluntarily for not to disappoint the expectations. Can you imagine a western person valuing their own freedom,future and life so low? A western girl will run away with their boyfriend if parents would want this from her..Have you all seen the video of this little brave girl?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7_TKgw1To

You can't reason with this mentality that wind1989  has,it is impossible.They might acknowledge it is like this but ,as we see, in the end the inner voice prevails and she will do whatever needed to financially secure her and her families future.. Some women sell themselves for few hours,some travel with expats to vacation and some "rent" their bodies in the form of marriage to someone that they would never marry if they didn't have this mentality in them and if they were financially secure. I am not saying they wont be satisfied in such relationship (because as you see - sadly these girls are happier with the thought of her parents being financially better than their own personal happiness) but it is what it is  - a form of long term prostitution.

I have no advice for wind1989 ,she will do not what is best for her but what is best for her family.It might not be this guy in UK,it might be the next guy of any age who says "I will financially take care for you and your family". She was bred for this from the young age,the guilt in her is way to strong and we know that in Vietnam the well being of one's parent (also the money will go to her brothers etc) is much more important than the well being of your own happiness. It's like trying to reason with a very religious person - he will do what the religious tells him and not reason or heart. She is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the well being of her family back home - this tells us everything.All those questions about love and doubts are empty,just like kiku_hana figured it out. This is not just in this case, you can see this all over SE Asia. Just last week I met a asian girl who is married to 15 year older expat guy and has 3 children with him. All looks great,fun and everything. I know her for longer time and he has good money for western standards. I asked her if he got poor or if he stopped giving money to her family what would she do and without hesitation she told me she would divorce him in instant and find new one. Many older men (and many young get duped too ,of course!) here,even on this forum, are fooling themselves (some know but don't care - the girl is young and they just go with the flow) about how much their wife half their age loves them. It all looks good because they money is coming in one way or another . They say you see who is your real friend once you get in the trouble. Similarly,you see how much such girl loves you once you ran out of money or stop financially helping their family. It's that simple and that is simply how it is in poor Asia.

I am not judging anyone, I am just saying how it is. She can do whatever she feels is important for her,it's her life..no,we are in SE Asia,let me rephrase that: she can do whatever she feels that will make the future of her family and parents better off than before,it is only her life that she is sacrificing.

I agree with you Tito but I am sad to learn this can be the case in Vietnam as well as Thailand? Thailands Northern people (Isaan) have exactly this culture. All stems back to Budhism and earning merit for taking care of the family.As you say they are definitely brainwashed from an early age. Don't get me wrong, I think the budhist philosophy is one of the only religions that make sense to me but Thai people (not all of course) as they do with most things have a way of twisting this around to suit themselelves. I had a Thai girlfriend and it was terribly frustrating. I always do my best to try to understand other cultures particularly where people are poor and have lived hard.
You could never imagine what that was like but I could never understand a family pushing their daughter into prostitution to make their own life easier.

I had a Thai girlfriend and discussed it with her many times.
In the west the parents work hard and do their best to give their kids a good start in life. When the parents pass, they usually leave their children property, wealth etc and everyone wins. In Thailand the reverse seems to be the case where the parents want to stop working at 40 and have the children "take care". So the parents never had a chance to accumulate anything because they probably in turn supported their families and so the cycle continues. Again, maybe easy for me to say because so much easier for us in the west. Like I said, I am generalising here but mainly talking about the poorer uneducated farm people of the north and there are certainly good people there too.
Like you say though, children to seem to be seen as a form of currency. I think that may be why it is almost impossible for many Thai girls to feel real love. They have never known it themselves.

Having said that, a man that fools himself and gets into a relationship like that with a young girl is never going to have a happy life and if he can't see the signs early on possibly deserves what he gets. There are guys in Thaialand are well aware that  the arrangement is that he financially takes care of her and she stays with him and are happy with that. It's not for me though. I still beleive there are good honest girls capable of a loving relationship in VN. I have too many friends (girls) there that I know to be extremely honest and sincere. They're funny, have great personallities and I am sure would be dedicated and loving wives.

... sadly, it took a Vietnamese to read another Vietnamese.
we all dived to help and advise a meek "girl" in distress.
(Lesson in cross culture.)

Be honest with him and tell him you want to just be friends.

Tito12 - It is in a way sad when we look at it in western eyes.


Its just differences between cultures.
Just like its sad to send our parents to nursing home when they are old and/or sick. That, is sad in our slanted eyes.

disappointed is 2 words , dis/ appointed, if we offer our advise to people we can not expest they will listen just express our thoughts we all make mistakes just hope and prey miss wind comes to no harm. Your heart is good always put others first if no harm comes to you

cth wrote:

Tito12 - It is in a way sad when we look at it in western eyes.


Its just differences between cultures.
Just like its sad to send our parents to nursing home when they are old and/or sick. That, is sad in our slanted eyes.

yes, but that is not the point. The point is that no matter how we treat or parent this is not connected on how we feel to our partners. How you treat and love your partner has nothing to do with your relationship with your parents in the west.

In SE Asia it is completely the opposite.It has usually everything to do with their parents. A girl is willing to pretend and fake a relationship, stay with a guy she doesn't love, go with much older guy not because of love or her own feelings for her but because of the benefits her family will get out of this.

In west the relationship is strictly men->woman but in Asia the way woman treats a man is very much connected with her parents. Family-daughter is just like a space-time - they are not two separate entities ,the are one. So man can become "victim" to false relationship not only because a woman is bad,like in west, but also because she is inseparable from her parents. So in west you deal with a person directly but in SE Asia it can be very indirectly ,which means you are out of control,it is out of your reach. Asian girl,who might even love you if she was independent, will do as parents want and she will be willing to risk entire relationship to do so. In west,it is much less likely that a third person has an impact one relationship. So in a way a man can be a little powerless here because there is simply no way he can solve this directly with his gf. We all know the fact that NO one comes between her and her parents,no matter if they want her to do something against her wishes (for example a lot of times it is parents who pressue girl to extract money from husband). In west it can be much different of course,the girl will simply stop talking to parents if they try such bad things.

Also we do not sacrifice our lives for our parents like Asians do. Even more: our parents KNOW this and would never want this. They do not want to burden the lives of their sons and daughter. In SE Asian they have no problems with this. In west we put our children first and in Asia they put their parents first. fender22 said it correctly,we prepare children for life and give them wings to fly away,we do not burden them. In SE Asia they are bred from the young age that they are investment and that the moment they are capable they need to start returning this investment. Parent do not really think about how much burden for a young person that is. Marry an old foreigner in different country? Fine by us as long as you repay your "debt". Is this really so much worse than putting a parent in nursery home? Which one is better is not hard to guess but I different culture interpret it differently.

BTW,this girl (and similar situations in other threads) gets support mostly from older men in forum who are in similar position,which is no surprise

Kudos to Tito12 for a most well phrased analysis of this kind of mentality. It's sad but true to the core! Can we then conclude that this practice of brainwashing a child while young to feel guilty years on is a devilish and extremely selfish way of so called 'parenting' wherever it's practiced. Such parents, on their death beds should realize the BIG blunders they have made. What is the reason to have a child and NEVER care about their happiness but that of you 2 old folks- or mainly the male, probably. Such fathers also never realize, again because of low education and poverty how they utterly ruin their children's lives by projecting what they want from that child, sometimes in sons, as if its a inhuman thing to be made use of. The educated girls may eventually realize all these but will be too weak to stand up for themselves by then. I just pray that, someone, somehow will get them to see the light just before such kinds of inhumane parents pass on...

I am in a relationship with a much younger wonderful lady.  There is no doubt in my mind that she loves me & it has nothing to do with her mother.  She doesn't want a ticket to America, in fact, she doesn't want to leave Vietnam. 

I think some young ladies like & respect the maturity of an older man.  It seems that some of you younger men assume it's something other than a loving relationship.  I know in my case, I don't worry for a second, what her true feelings for me are.
Stop trying to assume you have all the answers as if you know everyone else's business more than they do. 

Get a life!!

danhask,you show a classic delusional thinking (right down to a "she doesn't even want to go abroad" argument) that a nicely described here:

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 49#1382044

I think some young ladies like & respect the maturity of an older man

yes,sure,the usual excuse that such men use. You show your maturity nicely by dating so much younger girl and being unable to bond with (western) woman you age. Maturity is not guaranteed with age. Heck ,would you say your wife is childish? Or is she mature for her age? Mature? You see, young people can be mature too. More,I think I am mature more than you because I am thinking about future: What will happen to your young children once you die? What happens when you get sick due to your age? I don't know how old are you but the age gap will catch up pretty quickly once you get in your 60ties. If you love someone don't you want them to be with you for decades? Being in 60ties or 70ties there is not much time. You will shift all the burden on her. The girls get burdened by their parents all their life and what you did is exactly the same: for few years of caring for her you will then soon burden her with your own age related problems. Kinda sad isn't it, these girls don't get any break in their lives.YES, they do it voluntarily for their own reason but in reality,the are steered and taught to do this form the young age.

So first they get cared by parents and instead of having a chance to live their life they have to repay parents for what they did for her. So they marry a guy like you,sacrificing their youth. And the circle repeats. For few years she is taken care of and  parents are repaid but then it is all over again: taking care of you at old age,taking care of parents, taking care of the kids..and once you die it only get's worse unless you leave a lot of money.

edit:I found your video on net and you seem to be santa claus looking man in sixties playing with (your?) kid that is maybe 3 years old. Way to go, you sure are mature. Widowing your wife in decade maybe, fatherless child and who knows what. Just last week I met a young girl with small child whose old foreign husband died of heart attack and now she is left with nothing an a kid. Maybe she should think about this before she married such guy and maybe he should thought this out too?But you got your young piece of ass before you time runs out and that is all it counts ,right.Because all Vietnamese middle aged or women your age are not acceptable ...I would love to hear the reasons

I tell you what - go into any bar in PNL and I can assure you that older men are much less respectable to women (including waitresses) than a younger men. Groping and sleazy talking to women working there.  Read some stories here and you will see that lots of older men post stories that even young men would be ashamed to commit in west. I actually know a lot of male foreigners here that are not yet middle aged and more and they respect and treat their girlfriends and wives better than older men. Sex tourist are also much more likely to be middle aged. I have met tons of middle age married men who travel to SE Asia and the cheat on their wives. So much about maturity. Your arguments might be ok in west but not in SE Asia.

Calm down Toti12, don't jump to conclusion when you are not in their shoes. What you have seen/heard doesn't represent all.

And don't believe in the pity situations that girls tell to make excuse just for their laziness. Poor family? No money for schooling? Parents in debt?...Such reasons are mostly fake that girls make them up to easily get money from men or sympathy from others. I feel sorry for the nice parents who turn out to be very bad in people's eyes because through their dear daughters' stories, they are the ones to have pushed and forced their daughters to bring home money.

Sorry to be off topic.

kiku_hana,I'm not upset and I write pretty quickly so no worries

Sure, it is not always parents,lots of bad girls who do it for their own or boyfriends profit. There are different kinds, for sure: some parents are downright greedy and push girls, some parents don't say it directly but the girls have been taught by young age by everyone around them and will do anything by themselves to get money to their parents and of course some girls are just bad girls, they just love money and go against their parents wishes. You also have this in west but to muuuuch lesser extent - we are mostly the creators of our own fate and life.

Still, I don't think that why they do this is comforting for men who are in relationships with such girls. Some men don't care, some delude themselves like this danhask guy,some refuse to believe it,some are simply happy they get at least some female attention they can't get at home due to their age or other personal reason etc .

You have to admit though that parents play much higher role in SE Asian than in west and this can be very unfortunate for their daughters (personal wishes) in many cases.

Dear Tito12, I can feel you have a negative view about the relationship of the foreign older man and the younger girl in Asian. People often say the age is not important in the love but I agree with you all risks when they married but you should think when the younger girl agree to marrying the older man, she have agreed all risks in the future.
You have to know one thing that the girls in Vietnam can leave you but they never leave their parents. It just the culture difference between the western people and the Asian people. The parents in there have to make money many ways to take care their children, we do not receive any subsidies from the goverment like the the money to eat, to study...And when they are older, they do not have any pension so how can they live when they use all the money that they make everyday for their children. The children have to take care back for the parents, it is the rule in the social life that nobody in there do not know it. I do not think it is the invesment, it is the obligations and the responsibility. In the western country, the goverment give the resident many benefits like they take care your children....
I am sorry but do not put me with the cheaper girl. The girls are not uneducated but they are beautiful have to sell the body to make money. But the educated girl, a nice face, she have a traditional family, she is not cheap like you think. You also see the nowaday life style, the man choose the girl based on the material and the girl too. The poor girl is just the lover but the man will never marry her,he will choose the other girl if that girl have more benefits. I used to love and I see the truth. Do not blame all of the fault with the girls, please look at the social life. The girls in there need the safety. Besides, you have to marry a girl, after that , you can sleep with her. But before you marry her, you have to give their parents an amount of money that it can buy for them a house or build their house better. The older man who want to marry an youger girl is the rich man. If the older man have over 50000 USD, he can marry, just that.
Ps: I can tell with you one thing that I have a warm heart. Certainly, I know 500 pound in Vietnam is not the big  money but I wonder what happen with the life in UK with this money and the true love between the older man and the younger girl. I can see many people say No with two question. Thank you for many peoples who are taking their time and give all the answer for me.

wind1989,you confirmed every single thing about how the Vietnamese society and mentality works, how the children are investment for their parents (they invested money and time to have you so now you have to pay it back in some way),how the financials are of utmost importance in this case. I have not seen you once saying what you would want,what you would wish for with your life.All we hear is obligation this ,my parents that,I have to this,I have to that. This is very often so in SE Asian mentality where a girl completely disregards her own wishes and just does what is good for her family/parents. This is why most of these much older/younger relationships are possible mostly in SE Asia.(luckily for these men).

So you see this man as a solution to not your own personal wishes,problems and not your own feelings - you see him as a financial solution that will improve the lives of your parents. I mean with every sentence you confirm it that it is not about the love,not about you but it is about taking care for your family - what to do to give back what parents gave me by having me.

I am in no way trying to change your mind,it would be impossible even if one tried, and I don't even want or care too. We are discussing though, that is why the forums are all about   We only have one youth and life, we can choose to spend it for what is best for us or ,like you mostly see in SE Asia, for the benefit of your parents.

If you choose to spend it with some older guy in some other country just so your parents will get some, completely disregarding your wishes, well, go ahead. I personally never understood how thee girls can disregard their own happiness,youth or life for the sake of others, even if they are her own parents. But this just shows us how strong this brainwashing is from the young age.

No, I don't thin you are a bad girl in a classic way of the word. In a way I feel pity for you that you want to sacrifice yourself even for something that your parents don't want you to do!The product of the Vietnamese mentality where you are unable to think with yourself in mind. Maybe I'll offer at lest one advice: if you have already decided to marry a old foreign guy so parents can get some money then at least marry someone who has more money. 500p is nothing, this is little even in Vietnam,let alone in UK. You may end up in worse situation than before and then what? He can send you home and get a new girl very easily and you? I guess there is always some lonely old fella who is looking for girls like you somewhere in the world.

Hi Ms. Wind,

Everyone has own thoughts and decision. I do not supposed to  criticize or comment you. Just want to say that on your words, concerning about love that i feel you do not love him. Just like him a bit more than a friend and as he is foreigner who can bring you to UK. If you think that you can get married and live together with him well without love, that's no problem. But please remember nobody is secure marriage without love is happy marriage for both. UK, US as other countries is the same with Vietnam, also have good or bad people. So please do not think Vietnamese youngmen like that because you will make them sad much ...

You are a good girl that you love your family much and ready to scarify to them. You can do everything for them but I am sure that they will be very sad because you exchange your happiness with finance or material to support them. It is proved that they did not agreed your matter with this man. I guess you are a smart and young girl, there are many chances for you ahead. Standing by your feet and do everything it by yourself. Your value will be increased then good things will come to you.

All we know a heart to heart love is required for long term relationship. So wish you have a good choice without regret later. Do the best thing for your family as you wish but for yourself too. As Mr. Tito, all we are discuss the matter you have raised, just help you pick up some reference if you feel necessary. So please take a break and make time to think about it. Oh god ! I should stop here because i talk a lot

Good luck ^^.

What the heck. Whatever happened to pure love, romance and eventually a real binding relationship leading to a real marriage. One where there is a intertwining of souls and emotions. Coming from Singapore, most parents do not expect their children to repay back the famiy  in any way. if they do take care, its a bonus. They just want their children to be happy in life. Too influenced by Western ways, perhaps? I suppose for a Vietnamese girl, it's too much a luxury too think like that.. Was there ever truly a 'debt' to repay, in the first place? Just as Sidney Poiter said, 'I did not ask to be born, you brought me into this world- so you jolly well take care of me, and you are obliged that I secure a good and happy life, too'. Isn't that the wish of every dutiful parent, to see their children be happy in life? Rather than asking them to just be making sacrifices for others and then forcing oneself to say that 'I am happy too' mainly because others are happy. That is the crux of the Western mentality, it's not the family that counts; but as Confucious said' where there is a famiy, then only there is a nation.
The Western stance is purely 'individualistic, me and my happiness only, after all, it's my one and only life'.
We are born only to die one day.
However, there are enlightened parents locally too.
What my spouse told me was that her mother told her to just study hard, get a University education, secure a good job, and do not depend on a man for a living. No mention was made of any future revenue stream from someone else. Anyway, the topic thus far is really about the different way a child is brought up via Asian and Western cultures, and cultures take generations to form..or change...

Jesus Tito, Ms Wind came to this Expat.com for some advise, in a very difficult and confusing time in her life… Many people, have contributed some varied and sound, quality advise.
Where you, have concentrated on personal attacks on people, that are just putting forward their life experiences here in Asia, to help and gently guide Ms Wind, toward a wise decision.
In your last post, you have belittled, berated and totally slammed, this young lady.

Also, with your other comments, on other threads… It’s difficult to work out, if your serious, or a troll???  I personally, don’t have time to punch out, several 1000 word essay/replies, just to make myself look better and or, wiser than others….
I’m very happy here in VN, I have a great circle of VN and expat friends (and none of them are racist, as you claimed, they all are)…. You said, “I must be living under a rock” not to see this… Well mate, you are welcome, to camp in the house, I’m renting here in Hoi An, free of any charge… Mix with my VN and expat friends, then you can judge me, and my friends…. Not, from behind a keyboard, if you have the balls…

Put all of your enormous, writing skills into helping others, and not shitbagging everyone, who is trying to help… Plain and simple

Metta
Greg

Here we go again, telling the locals mine is better than yours and I am more correct!
There is a guy called Charles who had an old girl friend. She was married to another. He had to marry a young virgin to ensure his line. He married a young 21 year old and they had two sons! Both having DONE their DUTIES, parted. He went back to his old girl friend and eventually married her.
For those who think that marriage is from love, Royalties marry as a duty!
So whose is more correct?

PS There is another thread about the meat market in Thailand and Vietnam! So is it wrong for the other to look at you as walking ATMs?

hELLnoi,

Yes, no right or wrong here. Each person has his own decisions, which are either from love or duty to get married to someone. However, back to this topic, it confuses me as what the girl asked and said is not clear to me.

First, the topic question was about love possibility between a girl and a much older man. All people, including me, analyzed the issue on the love and emotion basis to give her advice.
But then I felt my advice was completely a waste when I understood what she mainly concerns is the man's financial guarantee for her and her family, not love. If she raised this question right at the beginning, the answer should have been much clearer and simpler.

There is no love between a young woman and an older, foreign man.  Love, as I know it, is a special feeling 2 people (a man and a woman) have for one another.  It is this special feeling that generates a certain bond between them, which enables them to go through the peaks and valleys of life, together.  They laugh and cry together; and they age and die at about the same time.

Now, you put 2 people of 2 very different cultures and generations together, aside from 2 self-serving individuals, you have nothing.  Cut it, and bake it however you want, there is no love here.  Except for their 2 different sets of self-serving prophecies, they have nothing in common, nothing special, and nothing to bond them with.  They experience different joys and feel very different pains.  Then, when the old-geezer goes to face God, the young mistress is left ill-prepared to go through life on her own.  God forbid, if they have children...  I would hate to be her kid.

Then, there is a matter of intimacy.  How is any good man going to hold someone who is young enough to be his daughter or grand-daughter and call it love?  How is any woman, with any degree of decency, hold a man who is older than her own father or grandfather, then call it love? 

Make what you want out of this, but I have gotten to stop here.  The thoughts gross me out.  Generations of people have considered this taboo for a reason.  You may be good, but don't think that highly of yourself.

Panadol,she did not really come here for advice.Just like kiku_hana told you,the advice is wasted. The more advices she got, the more she revealed that the question "Is there a love between a foreign older man and a vietnamese girl" is completely off topic because this is not what she wanted to know. I mean have you read her replies? Her intentions have simply nothing to do with love between her and this guy. I actually gave hera good advice - if you are marrying old guy so he will give you money then at least marry a rich one,not some guy on the welfare.

It is good she gets different responses - if she would listen to old geezers with much younger girlfriends here only she would get only one kind of replies - we know what kind and she might make a terribly wrong decision.

Why are you so upset about my opinions?Are you one of those old geezers with much younger girlfriend too? (Hoi An or Vung Tau are almost like a give away). I mean look at the thread,several people have much harsher view than mine. I've been in Vietnam for quite a long time, why give some bullshit advice when we all know how the stuff goes here?

You are a white guy and the racism for white guy is nonexistent here. It does not mean that they are yelling the n-word like in USA, the racism is more subtle and in actions. Younger people are far less racist than older ones,who can be very vocal,  especially when it comes to who is their daughter dating. I have dozens of non-white expat friends and almost all of them have a story to tell.

There is nothing wrong with marrying for money. They are marrying for the financial security. I'm not 100% correct on this but I think they the Vietnamese believe love develops after marriage.

My fiancee prior to knowing me had numerous guys ask her out. She turned them all down on the spot. Why she chose me over them? She flat out said because I provide her the financial security and her family approved of me.

So we chatted online for a couple months. No real love. Than I flew into Vietnam for 10 days so we both can have a chance to get to know each other on a more personal level. I proposed to her before I left Vietnam. Our love has been strong ever since talking for hours everyday not one single did we not communicate. And it's been a year since I proposed to her. Yes we only met face-to-face for 10 days but I do think this is real love. For one our age is the same. We're both born on same year in our mid 30's. We both have strong feelings for each other when we're not talking. And I don't think the financial security is any more important but just a step into the doorway.

  Yes she has the same mentality as most Vietnamese girls wanting to give money to her parents. I think it's just a cultural difference that if we are to embrace the girl we need to embrace their culture too. Luckily for me she asked me if it was ok for her to give part of her working monthly salary to her parents. And asked me I should do the same give money to my parents. I chuckled and said my government has my parents covered no need.

Tito12,
But the way you label all relationships between an old man and a young girl as bad is not fair and really hurt persons who really love each other.

Khanh 44,

yes no wrong but it is risky if later the husband, for some reasons, can not support or take a good care of the wife. Will love stay when money goes?

kiku_hana wrote:

Khanh 44,

yes no wrong but it is risky if later the husband, for some reasons, can not support or take a good care of the wife. Will love stay when money goes?

Is this question directed at me or in general? If at me it be pretty difficult since my money is illiquid and she's the only one working. If in general than yes you are right which is why it's important to make sure she truely loves you. And I know that can be difficult since it can be a challenge reading what Vietnamese girls think.

That's why I've told my fiancee if the neighbours ask why I'm always home say because I'm poor. Better to be poor when starting out a relationship. You discover love in the dire of circumstances.

khanh44, you don't live with the in-laws?

nope why? Just me and her.

Tito, there you go again??,
If your old, retired, live in Hoi An or Vang Tau, you are automatically, a young wife/girl predator…. You are a fucking idiot, you need to stop drinking cheap piss, and get on with life, and do, what ever you do??? Whatever the fuck that is??

My beautiful wife, in Australia passed away, in a car accident.. After 26 years of marriage, and so many great times, we had together… I miss her everyday.

I’m not interested in a VN ‘young lady’… I am happy here in Hoi An… Being a single old expat, doing my thing.
Everyday I ride my bicycle to the market, and haggle with the beautiful old ladies, for a cheaper price, for vegetables…. But , the ladies who sell the fish, are a bit more ‘hard arse’….This is my new life, I love it…
Because I’m Australian, I’m old, I live now in Hoi An
You may be surprised, some expats come here, for a new outlook in life.
And really enjoy themselves , there are many 

You’re a total fuckwit.
Cheers big ears

My sincere condolences to your beautiful wife.

I'm looking at Hoi An for my honeymoon since my fiancee has never been on a plane before and I heard it's a beautiful city. Hopefully we can hook up some time for a beer. I like your outlook on life and hope you can share your experiences with me.

Khanh,

So where is the rest of your harem? 

Poor Ms Wind1989 keeps reading this post and now find the comments hurled among men having different views about how man should treat life in their thirties, fifties and beyond.
I humbly request that she reads the following and hopefully the idea grips her firmly:
'Man's love. Is of man's life a thing apart,  'Tis woman's WHOLE EXISTENCE.'             By Lord Byron

We learn good things from the Western world and this is one of them. May I add that love is Action and not just feelings..

This is joke. Basically she doesn't love him but so she says she feels sorry for him. But the biggest sticking point is the money and not the huge age gap or not knowing for very long. I'm sure if she didn't care about age or love she could find a rich old man to marry pretty easy.

Wild_1 wrote:

Khanh,

So where is the rest of your harem? 

shhh that's a secret thankfully my fiance doesn't know how to use a computer.

You need to chill, Greg and continue "doing your thing" in Hoi An,whatever it is that you are doing.

kiku_hana,I'm not here to make friends,I just share my view and experiences that I gained while staying here for years

I think most here have come to conclusions that the only thing that she is focused on is how to secure some financial so she can "repay" the parents for upbringing her so giving her advices or what is love and what is not is really pointless. She knows it's not love,it's not what she is interested in. She would not even open this thread if the same guy in UK,that she now wants to marry, would tell her. "Yes,I will marry you but we can't send any money to your parents,I have none and you will have to earn your own money,we are sharing expenses...".

I think by coming onto this forum and asking she's trying to gain insight and help.

Whatever her notions before seeking advice from this forum it may have changed. Her outlook on how she views this fellow may have changed also. Yes she may have married the dude if she did not ask the question on this forum. But now she has the knowledge and experience of others to draw upon.

What she does with it is totally up to her. We can not force her to accept what we want. I myself can only wish her the best going forward in life whatever her decision may be.

I know everything always complicated. I am sorry because I also do not tell more about this relation. Truthly, I like him but I think the gurantte of the financial problems is the most important, like or dislike is not important.
My house is the small business family so I do not suprised if the old man choose me. He tell with me that he want to live and have a business in there many times but he is still do not more in Vietnam and maybe I will be his bridge if he come to Vietnam and I aslo agree this.
He still negotiate with me everyday and make a plan to achieve this purpose.

wind1989 wrote:

I know everything always complicated. I am sorry because I also do not tell more about this relation. Truthly, I like him but I think the gurantte of the financial problems is the most important, like or dislike is not important.
My house is the small business family so I do not suprised if the old man choose me. He tell with me that he want to live and have a business in there many times but he is still do not more in Vietnam and maybe I will be his bridge if he come to Vietnam and I aslo agree this.
He still negotiate with me everyday and make a plan to achieve this purpose.

OK, it is now a business transaction with heavy negotiations!
Negotiate on. Marriage is optional!
What is the OLD man offering?
AND will you accept?
May be it is easier to start a joint venture with him putting up all the capital. Which means... you will be STAYING and LIVING in Vietnam!
Otherwise, wait for the next proposal. You may get to live OUTSIDE Vietnam.
(PS you will get more attention if you have an attractive photo)

"My special frienld" still ask me my value, what I want many times  and he want to negotiate with me, a veture of what he want and what I want in the future and I aslo consider him. I do not tell my wishes with him, I have the cation with him now.