Children tend to make friends more easily. They don't need to talk about the weather to break the ice or even have that much in common. Just being at the same playground at the same time is often enough to build a connection that will last for years. But moving abroad can complicate things. They will be in a new environment, maybe a new language, surrounded by kids with different habits and behaviors. So, what can you do to ease the transition and help your kids socialize abroad?
Kids are different. As Alina, a Russian expat in the United States, shared in our article Where is home for expat children?: “It all depends on your kids. I don't think there is any generic advice here that would work for all. My son, he doesn't really mind that we move. He is five, and he makes friends really easily. He just walks into a room, makes everyone laugh, and that's it, he has new best friends. My daughter is very different. She needs a system and schedules; she's more like me. She likes things organized and similar. And she told us point blank that she doesn't want to move again because she has a “boyfriend”. Luckily, we are not planning more relocations in the next decade.”
Kids that are "social butterflies" will often look at new places as opportunities to make new friends. To them, going to a new kindergarten or school may be a happy occasion and a chance to shine. Language barriers can temporarily get in the way. But surprisingly enough, some parents see their kids thrive even with limited language knowledge.
“I was really worried about how my son would do our first year in China; he is four and didn't speak any Chinese. We thought we had some time before he started school to catch up at least a little bit. But on his first day in kindergarten, he came home talking about having a best friend", shares Dan, a British expat in China.
For children, especially at a young age, language can often be secondary. They meet and get to know each other through play—and much of it can be non-verbal. Plus, for many children, meeting someone who doesn't speak their language can spark more curiosity and interest than discomfort (which is more common with adults). This is why a young child from a foreign country may actually quickly become the center of attention and make friends easily.
While some children are very open to social interactions, others are more reserved. It may take them longer to integrate, but that doesn't mean they are unhappy in the process. As a parent, you may naturally want your child to fit in right away, but if they are slower and more selective in making friends, this is not a bad thing. The friendships they end up making may prove to be more solid and long-lasting.
A parent's role here is to know who their child is and give them space to make new connections naturally.
An expat on Reddit wrote: “I moved internationally (a couple of countries, including in the Middle East) with my daughter, who initially was 2. She loved that sort of lifestyle so much that she dedicated her career to working internationally (UN) and subsequently raised her two kids in Africa, the Middle East, and is now living in Latin America. Your children will benefit greatly from this experience, so don't be concerned.”
A lot of expats who relocate with younger children note that adapting and socializing came naturally for their kids. There was not much direct input needed on their part. It all came down to creating opportunities for meeting other children.
“I moved to Switzerland with my kids when they were 2 and 4 years old. Been here for 2 years. It's been great! So many fantastic opportunities, they've made friends, done amazing things, picked up the language incredibly fast", shares another expat on Reddit.
Then there are teenagers. Here, many expat parents openly admit defeat and mention the futility of having a strategy. By adolescence, friendships are no longer just about having someone to play with; they now become part of their identity. Social connections provide comfort, validation, and security. Leaving this network behind for a teenager will feel like starting over.
This is why many expat parents describe the teenage years as one of the most difficult times to relocate. Online expat communities are full of stories of parents who say that moving with a 14- or 16-year-old was the most challenging experience of their lives. Some who have been through the ordeal advise to just reconsider. “14 is just the wrong time to move abroad with a child. Earlier or later, when they are in college, would be much better.”
Others stay more optimistic but do note that relocation at this age comes with a lot of work. Some teenagers will eventually look back on the experience positively, appreciating the opportunities and broader perspective it gave them.
“Moving with teenagers is tough. What worked for us was just being honest. We told them that we were thinking about living in a new country as soon as it came up — and gave them time to do their own research. They started chatting with other kids in the school chat and found places they wanted to visit. They liked being part of the process. I think they adapted quicker because of that", relates Paula, a Polish expat in the United States.
This is recurring advice from many expat families: involve their teenage kids in the decision-making as much as possible. This gives them back the sense of control, helping them see this change as a choice they make rather than something that just happens to them.
Socializing would remain the most complicated part of moving with a teenager. At this age, adaptation is often unpredictable. It's important to take the time here to observe how your children are doing, with subtlety, and encourage dialogue.
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"Just keep them busy"
"When we landed in Phuket, on day two I was already meeting other parents at our school and seeing what the kids were doing. We then got them swimming, football, even a Thai cooking class for kids. I find that this works best; it is a distraction, yes, but a productive one. Just keep them busy. When kids find something they like, they get excited; they make friends easier; it all gets better. You just need to find that something they like", says Aylin, a Turkish expat in Thailand
This strategy seems to work in a lot of families. Rather than just telling your children to make friends, you would be creating natural environments for them to do so.
A good place to start would be to make a list of all the fun activities a kid could do in your new destination. If their age allows, your child can even help you pick the ones they would be most interested in trying.
Rhina, a Polish expat in the United States, tells us how her children made new friends through people they already knew: "Our kids are older. And when we moved away, we sort of made sure they kept up their friendships from back home: regular video calls, chat groups. When they went to their new school here, they started calling their friends a lot, sharing stories, talking about the new kids they met, laughing; they asked for advice too. Kids know kids; they can be the best help here. So, we used old friends to make new ones. "
Moving abroad doesn't have to be about losing connection. There are so many ways to stay in touch, and kids are better at using them too. The parents' role here may be to explain the importance of maintaining these connections and encourage regular communication.
"They respond to your energy"
Children are generally very perceptive. If you are stressed, scared, or angry, they will read off what you are feeling and probably feel the same. Relocation is often complicated and emotional for everyone. But if you manage to focus on positive planning and talk to them from a calm state of mind, they will draw from your confidence.
An expat on Reddit shares that: "My feeling is that they just respond to your energy. If you're excited and explain how cool it will be, they will be excited. If you're worried and scared, they will be as well."
“For us, it's all about family. We are moving as a family. We share the fun and the struggles. We told our kids that we will need to start at new jobs and meet new people too. We made it very clear that this was something our whole family will be going through, and we are all there for each other to help at any time. Our boys are 9 and 11, and at this age, I want to teach them that they can come to us if they have questions or problems. If they feel lonely, they will know that it's okay to let us know. And we will solve it together", shares Valerie, who recently relocated from France to Hong Kong.
Creating a safe space to discuss problems, including socializing, is something you can do before the move. Even if the new environment first appears unfamiliar and challenging, having a reliable support network at home can be invaluable for a child. And understanding that they are not the only ones dealing with adaptation can curb the feeling of loneliness quickly, before it even starts to set in.
How to help your children socialize abroad
When it comes to actually helping your child socialize, a parent's role can get tricky. You feel guilty about complicating their life with the move; you want to help, but you also don't want to micromanage them. In a lot of ways, a parent's input here comes down to creating favorable conditions for your child to build and maintain friendships.
A 2021 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies looked into how moving affected friendships for children aged 8 to 14. One key finding was that digital communication (messages, phone calls, social media) helped children maintain the quality friendships they had before relocating. Researchers also found that children who communicated more online also had more interactions offline. In other words, old friendships didn't prevent them from forming new ones.
For parents, this means that giving your children the tools to keep up relationships back home and encouraging them to do so can be very beneficial.
Some psychologists advise parents to master emotion coaching. Instead of being a problem solver for your child, you teach them to understand what they are feeling and why. For example, if your child comes home and says "nobody likes me", your first instinct may be to immediately comfort them with something like: "of course they like you". But instead, you should try helping them examine the feeling:
"That sounds lonely. How are you coping?"
"It must be difficult being the new kid."
"I know how you feel, I don't have any friends at work yet, too."
Research shows that validating a child's feelings can help them learn better emotional regulation and resilience.
Focus on effort, not popularity.
If high school movies taught us anything, it's that popularity doesn't really matter. It's not about how many friends you have, it's about how comfortable you feel being who you are. If you see that your child is not afraid to put themselves out there, initiate dialogue, participate… let them enjoy the princess and don't stress too much about the outcome. True connections take time. You've given them a unique opportunity to see and experience the world beyond what felt familiar – and this is an exceptionally rewarding adventure to be on together.
Natallia holds a degree BA (Honours) in English Language and Simultaneous Interpreting and worked as a writer and editor for various publications and media channels in China for ten years.
