Laying the groundwork before the move
Organizing effectively begins with the right starting point. This isn't about the standard expatriate checklist, which we'll get to later. First, assess your and your children's current situations:
- How did you become a single parent?
- Is your ex-partner still involved? What custody arrangements are in place?
- What is your current employment status? How much do you earn? Do you have savings?
- How much do you and your children spend monthly?
- How long have you considered moving abroad? Why?
- How many children do you have, and how old are they?
- Do you often discuss travel plans with your children?
- Have you traveled with your children before? If so, how often and to where?
- Do you currently own or rent your home?
- How close do you live to your family? How strong are these relationships?
- Do you have a close circle of friends?
- How are your children performing in school? Do they have a strong social network?
- Have you secured a job in the country you plan to move to?
- Why did you choose this particular country?
- Do you and your children speak the language of the country you are moving to?
- Is this move temporary or permanent?
- Are you organized and adaptable?
- How do you manage administrative tasks?
Add any additional questions that come to mind regarding health, training needs, etc. Take your time to flesh out these answers. Moving abroad alone with children requires careful planning, emphasizing the need to strategize your expatriation well before initiating any administrative procedures.
Prepare yourself
Make sure you have a clear understanding of the expatriation project before introducing it to your children. While a fully fleshed-out plan isn't necessary—as your children and loved ones should contribute—the clarity of your vision is crucial to reassure your children. For instance, you might be deciding between a few countries; discuss the positive aspects and potential challenges of each candidly, keeping any uncertainties for discussions with your friends or family. If you're feeling overwhelmed, delaying the debate might be better rather than rushing into decisions.
Prepare your children
You need not finalize the destination country before discussing the move with your children, especially if they are older. Children in elementary school and beyond can understand and adapt to significant changes and should have the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings. Consider their input seriously—older children can be particularly insightful, even if they don't always show it. Avoid sudden announcements like, "Guess where we're moving next month!" Children, like adults, require time to adjust to the big news. They have their academic commitments, friendships, and activities to consider, making expatriation a potentially stressful and disruptive experience if not managed with care.
Prepare your relatives
There's no set order for informing your relatives or your children first—it's your call. Consider discussing your plans with family and friends first to gauge their reactions and receive support. Being a single parent can sometimes feel like carrying the world on your shoulders, so a little support can go a long way. Avoid springing the news on them at the last minute; they are an integral part of your support network, even if they aren't moving with you.
Project your children into their new life
Children need tangible details to grasp changes: What will happen to their toys? Where will they live and go to school? How will they maintain their friendships? Will someone be available to take them to their extracurricular activities?
Children understand that you are doing your best in the absence of the other parent. Whether you work full-time or are cutting back on expenses to provide for them, they may worry about the unknowns of moving abroad. Involving them in the planning process and helping them visualize their new life can alleviate some of their fears.
Be realistic to stay motivated
As a single parent, the initial months abroad will be challenging without the support network you had at home. You might have previously relied on grandparents to help the kids over weekends. Recognizing and planning for the absence of this support is crucial.
Make contacts in the host country
Ideally, connect with people who have already moved to your new country. Nowadays, it's easy to find expat groups on social networks and associations that help foreigners settle in. Engage with these communities well before your departure to help smooth your transition during those first few months.
Play fair with your employer
Discuss your situation openly with your potential or current employer. Whether you intend to work full or part-time, explain your circumstances. Consider asking for flexible working arrangements, like adjusted hours or partial remote work. Many employers value the well-being of their staff, which can enhance productivity and overall job satisfaction.
How to manage custody with the parent who stays
Your relationship with your ex-partner and the type of custody you have are crucial in planning your move to a foreign country. Keep them informed about your plans, particularly if the move will increase the physical distance between them and their children. Depending on the nature of your relationship and custody arrangements, maintaining a strong co-parenting relationship is essential for your children's well-being.
Maintain the connection with relatives
Staying in touch with your family and friends back home is vital. Involve your children in creating ways to keep up regular communication, such as through an online family journal, social media groups, or weekly video calls. Sharing the details of your new lives can be as enriching as hearing about the ongoing lives of those you care about. This connectivity is also a crucial aspect of adjusting well to life in a new country.
