Dating Vietnamese Girl

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?

- @Bill2014

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?

- @Bill2014

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?

- @Bill2014

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?

- @Bill2014

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?

- @Bill2014

I had knew a few girsl from countryside such as nui sap, long xuyen.. what shocks me are their mindsets of thinking about $$$ ..how to earn$$ go which country to work for $$$ , hunting well off man.. in short its like a trade. Then settle down in a place and Bring in family along. Of course im not in position to comment on that but its a boundary that i must be well aware. As they can go as far as being an escort or Had been an escort which u will not know. However my wife is from hcmc phung my hung area. Really simple person, excellent house wife being she is. I think... well this is my personal opinion, education plays a huge role in their social circle and also way of thinking. Being an asian chinese, the risk of being walking ATM is much bigger as the sporean and malaysian folks spending power in hcmc is no joke. Hence its good to stay humble. Not because of scared being marked but to avoid unneccesary expectations😅

@An Zhen

Not all Viet women are gold diggers, these types of women are void of any real emotional connection as its just about the money for them. Some people want transactional relationships regardless of gender. So men have seen many woman as a walking ATM as well.

There are plenty of Vietnamese women looking for men for their humanity, potential and emotional makeup.

Real world is much more different and complex. You need money if you want honey in life.

No money = no security of future

No money = no friends

If people don't see your future they will push themselves away from you, doesn't matter how good friends you were before.

No money = no family

No woman will marry you if you are unable to earn essential needs of daily life. All the big talks like love, soul mates doesn't lasts long if you can't fulfill your partner basic needs.

We are not living in 200 BC or something like that, you can't live without money, it became the basics need of human beings.

Some people might argue “more money doesn't give you happiness”. One thing i want to ask them. How much money have you earned to speak this sentence?

When you have found the right woman , You will share your wealth with her, as long as its not a one way street!

"We are not living in 200 BC or something like that, you can't live without money, it became the basics need of human beings."

A person has always chosen their mate to improve their situation (or their family's). In fact you chose your friends the same way. In all cases it does not have to be money but they need to enrich your life somehow. Until the last 100 years or so the concept of marrying for romantic love did not exist. You bring something to the table and your mate does. Enjoy it and do not overthink it. Just my thought.

@An Zhen
Not all Viet women are gold diggers, these types of women are void of any real emotional connection as its just about the money for them. Some people want transactional relationships regardless of gender. So men have seen many woman as a walking ATM as well.

There are plenty of Vietnamese women looking for men for their humanity, potential and emotional makeup.

Real world is much more different and complex. You need money if you want honey in life.

No money = no security of future

No money = no friends

If people don't see your future they will push themselves away from you, doesn't matter how good friends you were before.

No money = no family

No woman will marry you if you are unable to earn essential needs of daily life. All the big talks like love, soul mates doesn't lasts long if you can't fulfill your partner basic needs.

We are not living in 200 BC or something like that, you can't live without money, it became the basics need of human beings.

Some people might argue “more money doesn't give you happiness”. One thing i want to ask them. How much money have you earned to speak this sentence?

When you have found the right woman , You will share your wealth with her, as long as its not a one way street!
-@VN Expat

If she is poor what she will share then?

Love,  Loyalty, a partner to help with your troubles, someone to have fun with,  someone to help with big decisions, someone who makes you smile, someone to care about, someone who cares about you, affection, a family.  When I married my first Vietnamese wife I was maybe worth $50,000 US dollars. I had a good career and made lots of money but I did not spend money wisely (and I am an accountant so I should have known better).

When my wife passed on from Cancer 20 years later I had a net  worth of $3,000,000. My wife did not work during that time but absolutely contributed to our success.  In the three years she has been gone I have continued to grow my net worth based on what I learned during our time together. I would not be where I am if not  for the many wonderful things she brought to our marriage and I miss her every day.

@An Zhen
Not all Viet women are gold diggers, these types of women are void of any real emotional connection as its just about the money for them. Some people want transactional relationships regardless of gender. So men have seen many woman as a walking ATM as well.

There are plenty of Vietnamese women looking for men for their humanity, potential and emotional makeup.

Real world is much more different and complex. You need money if you want honey in life.

No money = no security of future

No money = no friends

If people don't see your future they will push themselves away from you, doesn't matter how good friends you were before.

No money = no family

No woman will marry you if you are unable to earn essential needs of daily life. All the big talks like love, soul mates doesn't lasts long if you can't fulfill your partner basic needs.

We are not living in 200 BC or something like that, you can't live without money, it became the basics need of human beings.

Some people might argue “more money doesn't give you happiness”. One thing i want to ask them. How much money have you earned to speak this sentence?

When you have found the right woman , You will share your wealth with her, as long as its not a one way street!
-@VN Expat
If she is poor what she will share then?
-@narcrepellant2525

This really and sincerely makes me sad to see you write this.

A woman from a very poor family with very little money to her name looked at me one day and said, "I want to take care for you because I believe you really want to take care of me".

Now she's my wife.

Something like that may be worthless & devoid of "wealth" to you, but it's priceless to me.

You just totally misjudged me. :-)

"No money = no security of future

No money = no friends

If people don't see your future they will push themselves away from you, doesn't matter how good friends you were before.

No money = no family

No woman will marry you if you are unable to earn essential needs of daily life. All the big talks like love, soul mates doesn't lasts long if you can't fulfill your partner basic needs"

I am just irritated by this simp blabbing. How the the heck people few metres away from gas chamber without knowing they survive very day they  fell in love? What kind of friend is the friend who will judge you by your status?  So screw these "friends" if they left it is actually good thing and etc. 

Love, Loyalty, a partner to help with your troubles, someone to have fun with, someone to help with big decisions, someone who makes you smile, someone to care about, someone who cares about you, affection, a family. When I married my first Vietnamese wife I was maybe worth $50,000 US dollars. I had a good career and made lots of money but I did not spend money wisely (and I am an accountant so I should have known better).
When my wife passed on from Cancer 20 years later I had a net worth of $3,000,000. My wife did not work during that time but absolutely contributed to our success. In the three years she has been gone I have continued to grow my net worth based on what I learned during our time together. I would not be where I am if not for the many wonderful things she brought to our marriage and I miss her every day.
-@tomshooter

You were blessed.

I agree but 20 years is too short time to spend with someone you truly love.

Many of  of us never had and will never have  your experience so feel blessed anyway.

@An Zhen
Not all Viet women are gold diggers, these types of women are void of any real emotional connection as its just about the money for them. Some people want transactional relationships regardless of gender. So men have seen many woman as a walking ATM as well.

There are plenty of Vietnamese women looking for men for their humanity, potential and emotional makeup.

Real world is much more different and complex. You need money if you want honey in life.

No money = no security of future

No money = no friends

If people don't see your future they will push themselves away from you, doesn't matter how good friends you were before.

No money = no family

No woman will marry you if you are unable to earn essential needs of daily life. All the big talks like love, soul mates doesn't lasts long if you can't fulfill your partner basic needs.

We are not living in 200 BC or something like that, you can't live without money, it became the basics need of human beings.

Some people might argue “more money doesn't give you happiness”. One thing i want to ask them. How much money have you earned to speak this sentence?

When you have found the right woman , You will share your wealth with her, as long as its not a one way street!
-@VN Expat
If she is poor what she will share then?
-@narcrepellant2525

This really and sincerely makes me sad to see you write this.

A woman from a very poor family with very little money to her name looked at me one day and said, "I want to take care for you because I believe you really want to take care of me".

Now she's my wife.

Something like that may be worthless & devoid of "wealth" to you, but it's priceless to me.
-@OceanBeach92107

Yep,

OB, gotta say spot on again. We have been living in VN for a little over a year now, bout same as you OB. We just returned from Central Highlands, from working with e poor. So, home again, washing clothes, from a wonderful time of giving back.  I come here to Expat.com to share life, life in VN. Thanks again OB, pray this helps re-center conversations beyond money and 'women.

MAc

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?
-@Bill2014

As westerners, what we consider "dating", a local might consider "courting". Certainly not all locals, but many. It's important to recognize this.

I've observed (observed, not experienced)  many times over the years that local women/girls desperately want to believe whatever is told to them.

It's easy to hurt a VN lady.

Don't do that.

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?
-@Bill2014

As westerners, what we consider "dating", a local might consider "courting". Certainly not all locals, but many. It's important to recognize this.

I've observed (observed, not experienced) many times over the years that local women/girls desperately want to believe whatever is told to them.
It's easy to hurt a VN lady.
Don't do that.
-@Aidan in HCMC

Ah, the perceived virtues of finding a box to lump real people into. Especially that of what men may believe of women. When we as men treat women as equals, as in how we would like to be treated, maybe, just maybe there is progress that 'may' be made.

However, as I observe, and continue to progress over time here in Viet Nam the quest of some men here, bringing their own experiences, cultural bias's, self perceptions, ...does not contribute their own person growth, but does provide fuel for their own building of walls around their own past to project the future.

MAc

...as I observe, and continue to progress over time here in Viet Nam the quest of some men here, bringing their own experiences, cultural bias's, self perceptions, ...does not contribute their own person growth, but does provide fuel for their own building of walls around their own past to project the future.
MAc
-@Mac68

Their behavior would totally change if they could just have an easy & cheap retirement visa...

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ?
-@Bill2014

As westerners, what we consider "dating", a local might consider "courting". Certainly not all locals, but many. It's important to recognize this.

I've observed (observed, not experienced) many times over the years that local women/girls desperately want to believe whatever is told to them.
It's easy to hurt a VN lady.
Don't do that.
-@Aidan in HCMC
Ah, the perceived virtues of finding a box to lump real people into. Especially that of what men may believe of women. When we as men treat women as equals, as in how we would like to be treated, maybe, just maybe there is progress that 'may' be made.
However, as I observe, and continue to progress over time here in Viet Nam the quest of some men here, bringing their own experiences, cultural bias's, self perceptions, ...does not contribute their own person growth, but does provide fuel for their own building of walls around their own past to project the future.

MAc
-@Mac68

Had same opinion just like you  how to deal with woman. But looks like for the majority of the woman these days if we treat her as equal  with respect, love we are after some time very boring, utterly useless in their eyes. Look at the youtube advices how to deal with woman, it is more "advice" about how to go to war, not to treat closest person to you.

Their behavior would totally change if they could just have an easy & cheap retirement visa...
-@OceanBeach92107

Are you saying that if the retired could have some type of long term retirement visa they would not seek marriage to local women, particularly single mothers over 40.     At the very least, I hope your wife does not have that understanding. 

Their behavior would totally change if they could just have an easy & cheap retirement visa...
-@OceanBeach92107
Are you saying that if the retired could have some type of long term retirement visa they would not seek marriage to local women, particularly single mothers over 40.   At the very least, I hope your wife does not have that understanding.
-@THIGV

Not quite. Maybe I should have attached an appropriate emoji.

In my anecdotal experience, some of the worst behaving expats are crying out the loudest for a retirement visa.

Maybe there is a connection between thinking that a woman is put on Earth for a man to take advantage of her and thinking that there is some sort of  entitlement to take advantage of this country.

Their behavior would totally change if they could just have an easy & cheap retirement visa...
-@OceanBeach92107
Are you saying that if the retired could have some type of long term retirement visa they would not seek marriage to local women, particularly single mothers over 40.  At the very least, I hope your wife does not have that understanding.
-@THIGV

Not quite. Maybe I should have attached an appropriate emoji.

In my anecdotal experience, some of the worst behaving expats are crying out the loudest for a retirement visa.

Maybe there is a connection between thinking that a woman is put on Earth for a man to take advantage of her and thinking that there is some sort of entitlement to take advantage of this country.
-@OceanBeach92107

OB: Thankyou, oce again.

MAc

@S. Johnson City girls are different? I wouldn't generalize. Why do you think Saigon becomes a ghost town at Tet? Because of all the province people who moved here for jobs, go home.

Also, I claim that all wealthy Vietnamese come from powerful families. You know what they say about power. I would avoid. Educated is good, rich and educated nah.

@jayrozzetti23  Correct. My wife had interviews like that. Like there was a guy who needed a mother for his daughter ... kept hounding her.

Summa sumarum: the father of modern Psychology Sigmund Froyd did not understood what the woman wants - how can we average fellows get that?

@narcrepella

If she is poor, she would share with you the drive for a better life. She would cherish with you the fruits of her hardwork.

Most of the poor in Vietnam was lack of opportunity, not lack of work ethic.

97% Vietnamese in the West are doing well, almost all came to US peniless, hope to is enough convince you the Vietnamese women characters.

I am Vietnamese, grew up during and after the world, seeing these characters dedication, self-sacrify, family above all else from the women from different background.

Yes not all, but majority of them are, if she been loved. the return will be 100 times more.

@Rollingbroak

You lost all credibility when you stated 97 percent of Vietnamese are doing well in the west.

If she is poor, she would share with you the drive for a better life. She would cherish with you the fruits of her hardwork.
Most of the poor in Vietnam was lack of opportunity, not lack of work ethic.
97% Vietnamese in the West are doing well, almost all came to US peniless, hope to is enough convince you the Vietnamese women characters.
I am Vietnamese, grew up during and after the world, seeing these characters dedication, self-sacrify, family above all else from the women from different background.
Yes not all, but majority of them are, if she been loved. the return will be 100 times more.
-@Rollingbroak

That's a bit heavy for "dating" a VN girl.

As I said earlier...

"As westerners, what we consider "dating", a local might consider "courting". Certainly not all locals, but many. It's important to recognize this."

The OP's question was not about "marrying", though many of the responses addressed that instead of "dating".

What are the cultural expectations for a foreigner dating a Vietnamese girl ? -@Bill2014

@Aidan in HCMC

Pay for everything.😁

@Bill2014

****

The gospel according to Bill! He's absolutely right. It's all of Asia. Same in Latin America. To tell you the truth, I only date women that have their own stuff already.

Good looks isn't nearly enough to attract me.

@Guestposter103 Not too sure about your thoughts, I was invited to phan Thiet to visit the family of a female friend, things were going pretty well and I was introduced to her mum ( divorced ) a couple of days later as we sat down for dinner the friend started accusing me of blaming her for a small incedent at the hairdressers, she wouldn't calm down even at her fathers attempts.this was from a lass who was living in Sai Gon but parents from the countryside

@charmavietnam Not sure about that, I've only met 2 gold diggers, all the othe female friends have shown much generosity to me and real friendship

I'm surprised that the female admins of this forum allow threads like this to devolve into bashings of Vietnamese women.

If a poster has had one or two or more bad experiences with Vietnamese women and the cultural expectations they encountered in those relationships, then by all means, share your experiences.

But it's simply tiresome and offensive to read the bar talk of guys painting ALL Vietnamese women with the same scarlet paintbrush.

Own up to your own failed relationships, but don't imply that those of us in wonderful, healthy relationships with Vietnamese women must be fooling ourselves about the real possibility of having a successful marriage or cohabitation with a good Vietnamese woman.

You do a real disservice to the casual forum reader and Vietnamese women in general when you tell the world that your experience inside expat bubbles represents cultural expectations nationwide.

Besides, all foreigners are snakes...

What? How dare I paint all foreigners with that brush??

It's essentially true that foreigners coming to Vietnam are not generally considered to be great candidates for lasting matrimony and assimilation into Vietnamese society.

Historically, foreigners come to Vietnam to exploit the country and the local population:

The average Vietnamese woman is taught this from childhood as she learns about how first the Chinese and then the French, the Japanese and the USA (and allies) have all come here and exploited women, promised them the moon and then discarded them.

If some Vietnamese women prefer to get their security up front and not trust that pie-in-the-sky promises will come true, who can blame them?

Essentially, the answer to Bill (who didn't write that "gospel") is that you are probably going to need to rise above cultural expectations in order to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship with a Vietnamese woman in Việt Nam.