Ecuatorian/American cultural differences
Mostly, we just don't see eye to eye in terms of standard of living. Every place he wants to move to is dirt cheap, and substandard in my (albeit limited) view. Every place that I look at is funny furnished, and electric and hot water are included. And then I'm accused of trying to live like a rich American who is trying to just throw around money. This is a little tricky for both of us to navigate, and is just one of the (I fear) many such disagreements in which one of us (probably me) will likely to have to give in and sacrifice.
Has anyone else dealt with this - or a similar scenario? What compromises did you find yourself making, any other scenarios I should keep an eye out for, or does anyone have any earth-shattering advice for me? Bi-cultural relationships are hard!!!!
- Leisure activities in Ecuador - Guide
- Black Americans - 248 Replies
- What to expect as a Black American in the Andes? - 11 Replies
- Just for fun: Unusual cultural habits in Ecuador and around the world - 1 Reply
- Cultural Issue of lack of trust in others in Ecuador - 12 Replies
- Your experience of culture shock in Ecuador - 81 Replies
- American Airlines Planning to Fly DFW-UIO - 10 Replies
Good luck!
Is this security a problem in large cities and small towns?
Lehnertm1980, are the places that your fiance want to move secure? Does he know people in that area? IE... does he know enough of the community people to ensure that you would be safe?
Otherwise, I like the concept of dirt cheep...
I am a minimalist and like the idea of living with less "stuff"
But... who am I to judge... maybe you used to live in this kind of places, maybe that's your adrenaline source.
I, personally, prefer to live "tranquilo" and get my adrenaline some place else.
Your fiance has low standards of living and he will bring you down if you stay with him.
Our neighbors in our brand new North Quito condo are ecuadorians,
we moved in first, so we can see how our neighbors moving in with new applainces, nice furniture, calefons(hot water).
They(neigbors) are not rich americans and I am sure they count their money - but they have standards.
I am from Minneapolis, my children (25 and 30y.o.) live there.
There are a lot of nice single guys in Minneapolis who wouldnt scold you for having hot water in your apartment.
montyloree wrote:Interesting... I can see that being a gringo would attract that unwanted attention: IE.. "he's a gringo.. so he must have money"..
Is this security a problem in large cities and small towns?
Lehnertm1980, are the places that your fiance want to move secure? Does he know people in that area? IE... does he know enough of the community people to ensure that you would be safe?
Otherwise, I like the concept of dirt cheep...
I am a minimalist and like the idea of living with less "stuff"
In Ecuador person can be poor:
you can find food(lunch) for 50c, $1, $1.25
transportation for 25c
room or apartment for $100 -$200 per month
there are medical clinics for poor people with min charges
you dont need winter clothing, car.
if you are young(ish) and gringo and no money, honey - possibilities to have relationship with girls much better then in States.
the question is - can you handle your poor surrounding?
some people on a forum have problem handling middle class surrounding.
Lehnertm1980 wrote:does anyone have any earth-shattering advice for me? Bi-cultural relationships are hard!!!!
I have lived a long time and yet I probably know only one thing about relationships. If you expect someone to change, then you are in for real disappointment. If you have big differences now, down the road you will still have big differences. Are you okay with that? It doesn't have to be a problem. People who get past this look at each other and think: this person is very dear to me and I deeply, with all my heart, wish for their happiness. Don't feel that way? That's okay, but don't expect this relationship to be easy. Also, realize that this is not easy for him either.
BTW, this is not a cultural difference, it is a human difference. All Ecuadorians don't think this same way. Sometimes, when you really get to know a person and why they think and behave the way they do - this is referred to by some as "walking in another's shoes" - compassion can arise and then these things bother us less. I mean, don't we all have some potentially irritating (to others) habits. For the record, I have more than I care to mention. Examine your own and then see how you feel. I wish a good outcome for you.
I guess I'm not surprised that people would want to duplicate their standard of living in ecuador..
One of the questions brought up here is: "what can't you live without?" That brings up some good points...
I guess I couldn't live without internet connection (since my business is online), and running water & electricity...
I can do without a car, shopping malls, constant advertising, credit cards etc...
I would like to see what people are like where they haven't been bombarded by consumerism to the point where their health & families are destroyed
I may or may not want to live in Ecuador... but I am really curious about how they are as people.
We as north americans are pretty cocky and arrogant... we think that everyone who steps in our country should become "Canadian" or "American".. I can't imagine that it would be different in another country...
I would hate to think that a person would go to Ecuador and try to make them into Canadians or Americans... it's kind of like what we're doing in Afghanistan... trying to change their thousands of year old culture.
If I moved to Ecuador, I would first resolve myself to fitting into their culture.... which would probably be difficult, however necessary...
Good points here!!
Joseph K wrote:Lehnertm1980 wrote:does anyone have any earth-shattering advice for me? Bi-cultural relationships are hard!!!!
I have lived a long time and yet I probably know only one thing about relationships. If you expect someone to change, then you are in for real disappointment. If you have big differences now, down the road you will still have big differences. Are you okay with that? It doesn't have to be a problem. People who get past this look at each other and think: this person is very dear to me and I deeply, with all my heart, wish for their happiness. Don't feel that way? That's okay, but don't expect this relationship to be easy. Also, realize that this is not easy for him either.
BTW, this is not a cultural difference, it is a human difference. All Ecuadorians don't think this same way. Sometimes, when you really get to know a person and why they think and behave the way they do - this is referred to by some as "walking in another's shoes" - compassion can arise and then these things bother us less. I mean, don't we all have some potentially irritating (to others) habits. For the record, I have more than I care to mention. Examine your own and then see how you feel. I wish a good outcome for you.
montyloree wrote:lol... i guess I should have said "cheap" not cheep!
I guess I'm not surprised that people would want to duplicate their standard of living in ecuador..
One of the questions brought up here is: "what can't you live without?" That brings up some good points...
I guess I couldn't live without internet connection (since my business is online), and running water & electricity...
I can do without a car, shopping malls, constant advertising, credit cards etc...
I would like to see what people are like where they haven't been bombarded by consumerism to the point where their health & families are destroyed
I may or may not want to live in Ecuador... but I am really curious about how they are as people.
We live without car - and very happy about it, move around by taxi ($8 per hour), bus or trolley -25cents
there are considerably much less adv here, may be small % of volume of adv in states.
Ecuadorian people are friendly and not aggressive.
they have and pros and cons of course, for us we see more pros.
I love my fiance and we've always known that we are horribly mismatched (we come from such different cultures). Love him like crazy and I am determined to make this work. He has no money, no security, no anything in Ecuador and I need to come and pay for both of us to live. I believe in paying more for safety. I believe in paying one flat rate and not dealing with any unexpected bills. This seems to be a completely non-Ecuatorian way of thinking. Am I completely off-base here?
Why not just rent a furnished apartment since you will be returning to the states in 3 months time?
Relationships are hard enough, especially coming from completely different backgrounds and cultures. The "opposites attract" theory has been talked about forever and its great for "magnets"..just not sure if it works with relationships and people in general. Change and difference is exciting at first but can become very frustrating. It is difficult for people to completely change their ways and to really see other points of view and make changes (sacrifices) for the good of someone else in the first place. We are all basically selfish when it comes to looking out for ourselves (not necessarily a bad thing, just the way it is). If you are determined to make it work and can live with the fact it may only be you making all the changes then it will probably happen for you. I believe relationships are a work in progress for the entire journey and when you stop trying, things change. With that said, this could be one of the greatest adventures of your life. If you can embrace the changes and different cultural scenarios you will make wonderful memories you will share for the rest of your life.
I wish you all the best and I hope you take my writing the way it is meant.....I encourage you to follow your heart but with a level head.
P.S. I have heard about many apartments in Cuenca from as little as $300 a month in great areas. Please do research and I am sure those in Cuenca will be more than willing to assist you. I have not met one expat that didnt go out of their way to help me and I have made some wonderful friendships and try to return the favor to others. Good luck and good adventure!
Larry
that's why i intend to spend some time researching the topic.. I'm sure that most of my research will be visiting Ecuador and spending time there...
While the grass is perceived as greener on the other side of the fence, most times when you get to that other side of the fence you see the real grass color
It's best to take things with a level head, especially if you're making a long term commitment...
Lehnertm1980 wrote:I love my fiance and we've always known that we are horribly mismatched (we come from such different cultures). Love him like crazy and I am determined to make this work. He has no money, no security, no anything in Ecuador and I need to come and pay for both of us to live. I believe in paying more for safety. I believe in paying one flat rate and not dealing with any unexpected bills. This seems to be a completely non-Ecuatorian way of thinking. Am I completely off-base here?
Once again, this is not "different cultures" - this is class(income) difference. Ecuadorians around us live pretty well.
I loved my first husband (we were very mismatched) and was determined to make it work. Five years and one kid later it didnt happened. Sad part - my son inherited his father addictions.
Loved my second husband (extremely mismached) and was determined to make it work as well. Three years later, a lot of crying and heartbreak- it didnt happened either.
How many years of your life, how much money you are willing to waste?
He didnt even made effort to be good during your two weeks visit!
---- few times I was finding the need to escape from my significant other and freak out (or cry, depending on my stress level!) to realize that I was having problems that there are simply not solutions for.---
My fiance is returning to Ecuador for the first time in ten years, and has never really needed to find work in Ecuador before. Is it extremely hard to find work there? I ask, because your comment on this is an income class level. From when I was there, I really didn't see an upper middle class, but I suppose I don't know where to look, or what to look for either. I want to be sure to settle in one of these areas, any suggestions?
(We did JUST finally decide to settle in Quito, as of this morning.)
Lehnertm1980 wrote:All good points Liliya, but I need make one clarification. Although my fiance is (what I view as) a very hot-headed Ecuatorian, he is good to me. My "freak-out" moments were on me not him. Culture shock, to the core! (My fiance lives on a farm in the mountains. No electricity and no running water.) It was a hard adjustment to make.
My fiance is returning to Ecuador for the first time in ten years, and has never really needed to find work in Ecuador before. Is it extremely hard to find work there? I ask, because your comment on this is an income class level. From when I was there, I really didn't see an upper middle class, but I suppose I don't know where to look, or what to look for either. I want to be sure to settle in one of these areas, any suggestions?
(We did JUST finally decide to settle in Quito, as of this morning.)
You saw poverty and it was shock, to the core!. Poverty is scary and in Russia,and in USA and in Ecuador. People who bring you face to face with poverty and "freak-out" moments are more scary then poverty itself.
Culture is totally different story.
Culture differences (one of them) is when in your home country people asking you "how are you?" and you actually can really tell how are you, even if it will be long story. But in your second country it is just formality question, in your third country you just dont have enought vocabulary.
Luckly enough there are a lot of russians in USA and Ecuador, so this difference is easily solved.
I am not an expert on upper middle class areas, middle is good enough for me.
montyloree wrote:All good points JosephK...
We as north americans are pretty cocky and arrogant... we think that everyone who steps in our country should become "Canadian" or "American".. I can't imagine that it would be different in another country...
I would hate to think that a person would go to Ecuador and try to make them into Canadians or Americans... it's kind of like what we're doing in Afghanistan... trying to change their thousands of year old culture.
If I moved to Ecuador, I would first resolve myself to fitting into their culture.... which would probably be difficult, however necessary...
Good points here!!
I agree with you .
Can someone let me know how to explore any Russian/Ukrainian communities or contacts in Cuenca.
Thanks,
Rich in Tucson
Moo wrote:montyloree wrote:All good points JosephK...
We as north americans are pretty cocky and arrogant... we think that everyone who steps in our country should become "Canadian" or "American".. I can't imagine that it would be different in another country...
I would hate to think that a person would go to Ecuador and try to make them into Canadians or Americans... it's kind of like what we're doing in Afghanistan... trying to change their thousands of year old culture.
If I moved to Ecuador, I would first resolve myself to fitting into their culture.... which would probably be difficult, however necessary...
Good points here!!
I agree with you .
Does it mean you guys will be peeing and pooping on a streets?
It is however necessary to fit right in the culture.
richphillips wrote:I'm interested in moving to Cuenca in about 14 months with my wife. She is a native Russian/Ukrainian, and I noticed a post that said there were Russians in Ecuador.
Can someone let me know how to explore any Russian/Ukrainian communities or contacts in Cuenca.
Thanks,
Rich in Tucson
russians in ecuador community online
russianecuador.com
Diary of russian woman living in Cuenca
cotopaxi.livejournal.com/
LiliyaBykova wrote:Does it mean you guys will be peeing and pooping on a streets?
It is however necessary to fit right in the culture.
I don't think I would go that far... however I would hope to not be arrogant enough to think that I'm Canadian, and that I should impose my lifestyle on the local people...
Do people actually do their bathroom business on the streets? That would be something to get used to!!
Women with little kids would make them(kids) to pee (in a middle of the street)
You dont see it often, but it exists, it is part of their culture.
Few questions for montyloree
what is better, to be arrogant or to pee on a street?
How would you impose your lifestyle on the local people?
Ex.. in Saskatchewan , currently it's -20c... houses must be made to work in that cold temperature..
When I go to a store, or call the plumber.. I can expect a service at the time promised at a reasonable price..
With high standard of livings comes well developed expectations..
I'm not sure that that's arrogance, however, it seems like it would be futile to have these expectations in a country that wasn't as highly developed.. it would be frustrating for all concerned..
Where as I don't think I would pee on the streets, I would probably not freek out if I saw somebody else doing that
montyloree wrote:well..coming from Canada which is pretty well developed, we've grown to expect a high level / standard of living..
When I go to a store, or call the plumber.. I can expect a service at the time promised at a reasonable price..
With high standard of livings comes well developed expectations..
I'm not sure that that's arrogance, however, it seems like it would be futile to have these expectations in a country that wasn't as highly developed.. it would be frustrating for all concerned..
Where as I don't think I would pee on the streets, I would probably not freek out if I saw somebody else doing that
I love Ecuador and ecuadorians, they are very friendly/non agressive people. Just be yourself, as much as your money let you be yourself and let them be too.
They don't care about your "well developed expectations.."
They give you nervious breakdown when you buy furniture(happened to us and our friends) and do remodeling. Luckly you don't buy furniture and do remodeling often.
forget about - "expect a service at the time promised at a reasonable price.." - you will get service sometimes, hopefully, at some price very different from initial estimate.
Life is still good in Ecuador, because there is another side of the medal - you can relax and not to be in a hurry(and on time), just like locals!
and (from another topic) for people who want to live in mountain setting near Cuenca - start saving for the huge fence, for iron bars (all windows and doors) and few German shepards.
montyloree wrote:LiliyaBykova
LiliyaBykova wrote:Does it mean you guys will be peeing and pooping on a streets?
It is however necessary to fit right in the culture.
I don't think I would go that far... however I would hope to not be arrogant enough to think that I'm Canadian, and that I should impose my lifestyle on the local people...
Do people actually do their bathroom business on the streets? That would be something to get used to!!
All I would like to add to this conversation is that wherever you go in the world there is good and bad.
If we all took notice of all the negative in life then we would never enjoy and see the positive side of life.
I must agree with the previous speakers that Ecuadorians are essentially non-violent. It is extremely difficult too pick a fight with an Ecuadorian (good thing, eh?). Most Ecuadorian criminals are pityful, homeless/pennyless bums and only complete carelessles on the victim's part makes their moves a success. Same negative things that were said before prevent them from developing any kind of significant criminal enterprise.
So, you would not have to worry about the same things as you would in Mexico or Colombia.
mango7 wrote:I think we all exaggerate the negatives in Ecuador. Cultural differences? Try India or China for a change, see what you say then and who's gonna listen...
So, yes, they pee on the streets... that was the reason why I suggested some upper class areas to live(see my post: where would I buy properrty in Quito): no peeing on the streets there.
I must agree with the previous speakers that Ecuadorians are essentially non-violent. It is extrememly difficult too pick a fight with an Ecuadorian (good thing, eh?). Most Ecuadorian criminals are pityful, homeless/pennyless bums and only complete carelessles on the victim's part makes their moves a success. Same negative things that were said before prevent them from developing any kind of significant criminal enterprise.
So, you would not have to worry about the same things as you would in Mexico or Colombia.
Darling, you missing a lot of entertainment in your upper class areas - waching taxi to pull over, taxi driver come out and pee.
and for Moo
while you " enjoy and see the positive side of life" in Ecuador
watch your steps...
again, we love Ecuador and Ecuadorians. Life here is good for us, but we keep our eyes open and stay ourself.
i agree... i WOULDN'T move to china or india... I don't think I would enjoy that culture.. I do think I could learn to really enjoy the ecuatorian culture.
if it were boring.... who would want to do it?
i guess health & safety issues are the main ones.. after that it's just a time thing to fit in.
Sounds like most people on this site are either retired or close to it... It doesn't sound like there are alot of people going there setting up shop to develop and maintain business (I could be wrong)
If you're retired or in a similar situation, where you have alot of time on your hands, than the cultural differences should be something you spend your time learning about...
If I moved to ecuador, i would only go if I had enough saved to pay cash for a residence and for retirement... I wouldn't go if I was desperate for money... As such, I would hope that the time spent there would be to enjoy the culture and surroundings.
Learning to speak Spanish, and getting to know a different culture, and to meet people who have been raised in a different culture and think differently than I do has been a lifelong dream of mine, and was the reason I moved to Paraguay, and the reason I am in Ecuador now.
I´ve read the posts in this thread, and don´t really understand the undercurrent of hostility because life is different in other countries.
I can´t imagine that the people of Ecuador are thrilled about the water quality, and they have to deal the expense and trouble of buying bottled water, just like I do. I´m sure they wish traffic was different than it is, too.
Sometimes the logistics and difficulties of getting things done, traffic, and the other inconveniences, account for things not happening at scheduled times. People are people, and I´ve been taken advantage of many times in the US by people who knew they had me at a disadvantage.
However, I love the Latin culture, and I hope, when I find a place that truly grabs me, to spend whatever remaining years I have in Latin American.
My family thinks I´m crazy, and I can´t explain exactly why I like Latin American so much. Maybe just because it´s different than the US, maybe it´s the food, maybe it´s the sensuality of the culture, but I think no matter where you are, if you want to find things you don´t especially like, that´s not difficult to do. Let me tell you about Tennessee... haha
However, I have found so much to love about South American, it´s easy for me to overlook the inconveniences, and in my opinion, that´s all they really are.
I hope I didn't come across as hostile...
I would look at moving to ecuador as an adventure.
I come from Saskatchewan... it's frozen 6 months of the year... I'm sure there are many people who could find problems with that
I am happy that you're really enjoying ecuador... it is a good endorsement for the rest of us who haven't been there.
I love the central historic region, it´s narrow cobble-stoned streets, the constant activity of the sidewalk shops, and there´s no end to the interesting architecture. It´s breathtaking to me to look out my window at the mountains.
There are only two negatives to Quito for me, that would probably rule it out as a permanent place to live, at least for me.
It´s cold here, much colder than I expected to be, and buildings are not well heated. So even though it may only be low of 45F, its probably close to that inside as well. It seems like I´ve been cold ever since I got here, and just can´t get warm.
It´s actually relatively easy to get around, but you can´t walk easily, it´s too hilly. There are major streets that run north-south, but the city is so long and narrow, it simply takes a while to get from where I live now, in the northern part of the city, to the historical center.
Otherwise, what´s not to like about Quito? The people are great, warm, friendly, and relaxed, and that´s the most important thing.
I want to see what the beaches are like, where it´s much warmer. I love the ocean, and I love seafood. I´ve been told that on the coast the seafood is great, and people eat seafood at virtually every meal. It seems there are still places on the ocean that are relatively unpopulated.
Ecuador has so much to offer is such a relatively small country. The beaches, the mountains, the Amazon. I´ve been a little ways outside of Quito, and it´s simply spectacular.
Zollie wrote:It´s cold here, much colder than I expected to be, and buildings are not well heated. So even though it may only be low of 45F, its probably close to that inside as well. It seems like I´ve been cold ever since I got here, and just can´t get warm.
There are few things to do about being cold in Quito
1. NEVER EVER rent or buy apartment on ground floor.
By some reason ground floor is colder.
2. Bring or buy goosedown blanket
3. Buy propane space heater - I saw it in MegaKiwi around $180-190
Did you find my advice hostile? if you did - I don't care!
I am proudly hostile at some points. Some sides of their culture I'll never proudly, again, accept. But I learnt to live with it. I'm here for a reason, I'm sure everybody is. Maybe my reasons will take me someplace else this year. I'll probably miss Ecuador a little more than I miss Afghanistan... But most likely I won't be back here for my retirement.
That's a pretty nice benefit
montyloree wrote:Isn't it nice that we're wealthy enough to have all of these choices of where to live and to be able to critique other countries cultures...
That's a pretty nice benefit
In order to survive and thrive you have to keep your eyes open:
to see negative in life and positive side of life.
It wasnt exactly "critique other countries cultures..." It was stating the facts along with the pointing that Ecuador has a lot of advantages as well.
and ha - you are using sarcasm as well!
Three guys jumped me, intending to rob me. They weren´t armed, and I was able to fight them off. Nothing like that ever happened to me in Asuncion, in over six months, and I´ve traveled all over the US, and never been assaulted.
I guess I could say Ecuador is a violent place, and dangerous. But I don´t know if this was just an isolated event, or not. I´m not anxious to find out, so I´ve been much more cautious since then.
My point is simply that some things are simply personal opinion. Quito is too cold for me, but the climate here might be perfect for someone else. I only mentioned that because a lot that I read described the weather here differently than I have experienced it, and I thought maybe people considering coming her might want to know that.
Others things might be able to be quantified more objectively, such as the relative danger of one place to another. But I don´t know that about Ecuador, and this is the first time I´ve ever been assaulted, so while it was not pleasant, I can´t come to a general conclusion about Quito or Ecuador based on one incident that happened to happen to me.
But this will my last post in the Ecuador forum. This is not the sort of helpful, friendly conversation I´m used to and enjoy. This is too edgy for me. I don´t have anything to prove or defend.
Mr. Zollie, your liking of Ecuador is of a visitor's type... I havn't seen a person who said something bad about Ecuador after a 30 day visit.
I was stating fact...
Agreed Zollie... this is my last post for this thread
Cheers
sarcactic/edgy VS sweet/cooperative -
question is
how can you handle US/Canada cultural VS any country cultural difference?
Essential services for your expat journey
- Tobacco in Ecuador
- GringoVisas
- Which parts of Ecuador can I live where it snows?
- What Car Models are common in Ecuador
- Somewhere warmer than Cuenca
- Online Shopping & Delivery
- Paying bills in Ecuador
- I'm surprised there's not a single topic on dating in Ecuador
- Loja vs Cuenca
- Dog Breeders in Ecuador
- Is Ecuador a Good Place For a Single 60-Year Old Woman?
- Hard to find things in Ecuador
- Anybody living in Vilcabamba or Loja?
- Following fashion in Ecuador
- Golf in Ecuador, where are the places to retire and play golf.
- Why do Clerks Ask for Cedula Numbers at the Grocery Store?
- Let's Get a Massage in Ecuador
- Dog Breeds in Ecuador