about to marry a jordanian man...

I had arranged marriage forced by my father for my cusin, I expenses her and that it is , it is not love-story marriage , it is arranged marriage , I have been married to my cusin and I have spend on her almost 375000 SAR which around 100'000 USD for alomst 17 months due to our culture , there is no other choices , if the father commanded that by forcing me or bring the gun wanted me to marry at age of 34 yrs old , even iam professional and Iam project engineer and I am holding MBA from NY Tech University , I cousld not control it , but , I adapted , I love american lady and she asked me to come to states, I have applied since 2001 for Green card and I spend over 10'000 USD on many applications and there are no success , what you want me to do , I delayed to start family 10 yrs and there is no success then , I stopped dreaming and I return to my father and tried to contenting him since he is 71 yrs old and he was disappointed to me since he knew I have many trails to be green card holder or live in US. So it is better to live my life and forget about United State selling dreams by collecting Visa fees yearly basis , I have one daughter right now and I have to concentrate on her and I become older and older . I have to forget about it and live my life .

Sad to hear about the stealing. But in a way it is a good message from Allah that things aren't worth anything, and trying to hold onto them is just a road to misery. I have met a few European women here in Scotland, married to Jordanians, wo lived in jordan for a while, and have literally given their husbands ultimatums - live in the West or divorce. Britain is the compromise, a neutral country, so the children are trilingual. But when their husbands travel to Jordan, they always go alone. The wives refuse to go, so goodness knows what happened to them when they lived there.

Hello All...My latest update is the extreme letdown I have experienced from our family here. After a couple of years of living in Jordan, my husband was not able to work his profession (builder in the USA of homes)...and so our money slowly dwindled. He became depressed and angry which only made his treatment to me terrible and deceptive.

He decided to return to the states alone and work again. This did not go as planned as he no longer had me around to do his PR. Now he realizes that it was my contacts that got him work. As a result he has sent us VERY LITTLE money. We are living in his village and have gone months with no money. I had been keeping us afloat by doing graphic design over the internet, but just one month with no work set us back immensley.

Finally I hit rock bottom, down to my last 10jd. I went to his family, his two brothers that have steady income and ones that we have helped financially over the past decade. One is now the head of the family, as their father died at the beginning of the year (very, very sad and now nothing is the way it was!)

I asked for a 200jd loan until my husbands new job paid him.
You know what they said to me? "SORRY! We don't have it." Well, perhaps they really didn't have it in their pocket, but I know the ways here, and they could have gotten it...I explained we had no food...they didn't care...one wife actually smiled as I pleaded my case, which was not easy at all. Finally I stood up and walked away...but before I did I told them exactly what I thought of them!! SHAME!! After the tens of thousands of dollars we have sent to this family and they can't muster up 200jd as a LOAN???? I just could NOT believe what I was hearing. I said to them, "I just cannot believe this. If your sister was living in a foreign country with her little kids and had no food...BET ME people who didn't know you would help!! The Christian church would help!! Anyone, in my family would help FOR SURE!! This is madness!! These are your brothers children!! And you choose to let them go hungry?" After I said that, I walked away. About half hour later, one of the kids brought me 100jd and said that's all they had. I was grateful...but still, sooooo shocked!!

About a month later I was sittiing at the family home with two of his siters  of which were my favorites and I had always trusted. My child had a toothache and his cheek was swollen. We had 1 jd. They asked me why I didn't take him to the doctor. I replied that I only had one jd and didn't know when I would be getting any money next. I burst into tears...not on purpose, but from pure frustration...this game they play that they pretend everything is alright is BS...I told them  the truth about my husband's situation...that their brother was not supporting us like he should that we have gone hungry for months, that it was so bad I couldn't even go to the doctor.

They sat in shock. I thought they would tell me, "Don't worry, we are here, let us take you and your son to the doctor tomorrow, don't worry about the money...we will find a way..it will be ok!" But instead, what did they say?
"It's only a jd!" I replied,"But that's all I have!!" They said NOTHING! I was so embarassed I made them promise NOT to say anything...I had them promise 5 times each and they did.

That night my son was at their home. He heard them telling ALL the family about what had happened earlier. They were laughing!!! Not one person ever contacted me to help us, NOT ONE!

And for Eid...we were all sick...we got some crazy infection and were not well...do you think there was ONE person who called or came by to find out why we weren't at Eid? NOPE...nobody!!

I have found out that apparently they want us to fail. They are happy we are down. They were all jealous when we came from the USA because we came with a 40ft container, a truck and a car. We were building a big beautiful house and it was much grander than any of the brothers and sisters. They never figured in that we'd been sending money for 7 years to build this house. They never considered we were working our butts off...saving and going without so that we could build the house. All they saw was that it was better than theirs and this meant they were no longer the best!! As you may know life is a competition here...This family I am in is all about being the best...they are just hoping we would fail, and when our cash dried up, they were NOWHERE to be found...it is just sick. I can not believe they can call themselves Muslim. I am not trying to start a debate about Islam nor to critize it, but from what I understand, this behavior is NOT what the Prophet Mohammad preached. It is sad...but now I realize more and more why this country is as poor/behind as it is...maybe not in Amman, but certainly in the villages. I always think of the Pink Floyd song...."Together we stand, divided we fall, we fall, we FALL!!"  They don't get this here.

They need a leader. Jordan needs a Sheik who will stand up and talk about this kind of stuff. Everyone passes out the required meat to their sisters on Eid as a duty, yet no one gives a damn if they are sick!! One brother brought us meat and Pepsi. This was a nice gester except that we are vegetarian and they know it as they always talk crap about it to us..."What, you don't eat minsef?" AND we DO NOT drink Pepsi or any other fake beverages filled with chemicals..and they know that too!! So, it is clear, the giving is routine, it is a duty, it is the ego saying, "Look, I gave!!" But really, it means nothing more. He could have brought us a crate of fruit....

Anyway...after this last experience, I GIVE UP!! i realize that no matter how hard I try...I can NEVER  think as they do. I am looking for a way out asap. And you know, it makes me very sad, because really, I love soooo many things about this country. I can only pray that they wake up and rediscover Islam...drop all these side rules...gossiping about who is haram...talking about the younger girls because they wear their hair high under their scarves instead of low....WHO CARES!!! PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY...the ANIMALS are abused and diseased...the EARTH is filled with trash....open your eyes, please!! Set your priorities...help one another...this is the way countries thrive...it is not by praying they will fail so you look better...this is just sad. All that money we sent here to live a nice life with his family...all those dreams destroyed...and the thing is...the money is basically burned. We can never sell our house and land...it is in the family...so there it sits...our house...almost finished...all we needed was doors, windows and floors. It's been at that state now for 2 years. And in that time...the two brothers that work and of whom we financed over the years so they could start their own businesses...well, they are each building another house (next to ours of course)...yes, each one has two!! And one has three!! And a new car!! There other houses their father built them have been fine for the past 10 years...until we came! I would think they'd help us out...lend US money and let us pay it back (something they did not do by the way...they just took it as a gift)...but no...they have to be better.

Part of me prays that my husband and I can somehow pull it together, to get it going back in the USA again and come back and finish our house...and STICK it to them!! But then I  tell myself, "What has happened to YOU?? This is NOT healthy!! Do not let their evil ways corrupt my ways...revenge is certainly unhealthy. And the chances of my husband getting it together are slim. He is now almost mentally disturbed from this betrayal from his family. I really feel sorry for him. All those years of helping to have them let his kids go hungry. This is heavy stuff everyone...I almost think it's better if our cultures don't mix. We are too different and it seems there are just too many big disappointments...too many let downs...and in the end, now my husband is divided...he is Jordanian, but he is also American. Lost between each country, betrayed by his family and now, the country he preferrs assumes he's a terrorist...yes all that negative propaganda does have an affect on him!!

Please, concider all I write...I share my personal stories with you, so that you can REALLY think about what you are about to do...MARRY A JORDANIAN MAN....be careful the road is FULL of bumps, pot holes and massive cracks....although there are beautiful flowers growing along this road that you can see...if you look closely you will also see the trash in between...and yes, you can pick up the trash, but trust me, the next day it will be there again...until the people of this country learn RESPECT. And of course...this does NOT mean everyone is like I talk about...but there are many..especially in the villages.

The more one gives up, the more confidence others gain to pull one down...

I was married to a Jordanian man and I want to know if I can get a Jordanian passport,if yes what are the requirements needed.

Contact the Jordanian Embassy.

You was or you are still married???

If you are still married for more then five years you can start the procedure for the Jordan nationality.


I found a link that gives you more information:
http://images.jordan.gov.jo/wps/wcm/con … structions

JO/EU, I agree it is different if one is able to go to Jordan as a tourist. Or even to be able to afford to live in a nice apartment in West Amman and own and drive a car, - a typical expat lifestyle. In my family, buying food is a struggle and we live one family to a room. Even for us, when we visit, we don't always sleep in a room to ourselves. I've slept on the roof, under the stars when there is no room, i.e. if other people are visiting when we are there.

Peacelovelight, your family don't sound the best, but 200Jd? And on a vegetarian diet? I could feed my family vegetarian food, three meals a day, for 5JD a day, and still have change left over. And hoping for fruit? Fruit is a luxury item in Jordan.

It's really unreasonable of your husband to expect you to ask directly anyway. We did have a time, many years ago, when we ran out of money in Jordan. It was years before I knew who shared their income with us that time, and then only by chance. If your husband doesn't want to share whatever meagre earnings he has back in the States with you and needs his brothers to support his family instead, why can't he go through "proper channels" and arrange this with them, rather than expecting his wife to behave like a beggar?

And what's with your doctor? Isn't he like most doctors and dentists in the poor areas in Jordan, letting you have credit until you can afford to pay? Even when I ran out of money, the doctor and dentist both still treated us. And I know for sure neither bill was settled by the time we left because I settled both of them 4 years later.

Im movn to aqaba citty in October 2013 bope 2 meet u

Damn...I really hope I can meet u...wow...im movn to aqaba cjty in oct.....damn...terrible.

Dont give up on ur dreams ur so young....its ur life u only hve one....u seem like nice trust worthy man...keep that dream alive ok.....

How do I get a resident permit now that im married?

marriage here in Jordan or anywhere has its ups and downs, here ladies get married to give birth to a child or two or three regardless of love or future life.
Guys however Muslims or Christians have the same habits which is a community based not religion based.
And no women do not loose their rights if they merry a Muslim, where di you hear that ?

I have to disagree with most of you, unfortunately as in any culture or country there are "rotten apples" however, I feel like the luckiest girl to have married my husband and partner in this life. He happens to be from Jordan and me from Canada - I spent the 1st six months of our marriage in Jordan and loved it! I look forward to going back every year, spending time with his family and friends.... I guess my question is, where are you finding these men? Are they educated...typically educated individuals tend to have more of an open mind in a relationship. Yes there has been struggles on both side for him and my self with the cultural difference, but it has been an amazing learning experience for both of us and has brought us closer in our relationship. We both knew we were raised with different back grounds but have taken the best from both and have applied it to our lives.
I am sorry to hear most of you have had a bad experience with Jordanian men, I am sure if there was a forum about men in general all of the issues would be relevant doesn't matter where the man is from.
I guess I fall on the complete opposite spectrum as I married, my partner and my best friend - I never thought I could love someone as much as I love him and he feels the same about me. We have a very active life style in Jordan, visiting family and friends, going out to coffee shops. I have never asked my husband to go out, I do respect him and let him know or invite him along but I have never allowed my self or him to get into any type of routine about asking for permission for anything. Like any relationship, there has to be respect, trust and honesty and if any of these are compromised then you relationship can be tainted.
Anyways... just thought I would through this out there as I feel bad for how Jordanian men are being portrayed in this forum. Its easy to me, every culture, every country have good and bad things - if you have the right person for you it doesn't matter where he or she is from.

Thanks

Hi Jocanadian,

Welcome on board to this site and thank your for sharing your experience in this matter.
You are very lucky and I know that many women aren't that fortune as you are. They way how Jordanian men are portrayed on this forum is for some women the truth and they have to deal with it every day.

Even if he's from my country you have to be sure that he loves you and he's a good person to complete your life with him , Best Of luck Dear )

Mmmmm....takes some understanding on my part n his if im going to be truly happy here..if not..I can go..so I guess u can say I can always go when some others can not...so I should be greatful I got that choice..thank u blue usa passport...

are u still in Jordan....962789558452...Shirley is my name...call me sometime peacelovelight

sorry to hear that.

rotten apples are everywhere...so true as well. in the case of

jordan --- jordanian laws don't allow basic human rights to

married females such as leaving the country, working, leaving the

country with her own children and so on --- unless there have

been provisions applied in the marriage contract. though such

provisions remain disputable. how is it possible that people

aren't informed about their own country...living in auditory

illusion? i do have some extensive knowledge regarding legislation.

I guess u can say when ur not from this country its hard to believe the power the man has here its quit insane actually.the man can show affecrion to another man n the streets but not to a women..I mean until u come to this country ur mind cant even understand the deepness of the selfish male culture here..I mean I go omg..wow..are you serious..no way..this is what movies are made of n I am actually in it..I mean who made these rules..the quran...omg no way..im in shock n homesick at the same time..hurry up visa so I can take my husband so he can see real love of a women...not all men here are traditional selfish men...so jst wanna say you got good ones 2...

quote-
I am sorry to hear most of you have had a bad experience with Jordanian men, I am sure if there was a forum about men in general all of the issues would be relevant doesn't matter where the man is from.

>>>are you really sure about what you are saying? it does matter where the guy is from. shariah law or even shariah law with potential though questionable provisions simply

endangers basic human rights of females...let alone of human rights for the average joe linked to an islamic society though a different topic.

people don't have to have a bad experience to figure out what is going on in muslim majority countries in terms of basic human rights.

one girl-friend from america was even once denied to leave the country as she tried to divorce her jord husband for more than one year and after she was divorced she was standing in the street with no rights at all. after all she made her jord husband rich as he married her in the U.S. to start business over there. blah blah blah

Hi guys,

I'm Lil,

Yeah he can do whtever he likes...just dont raise ur children here..not good..beliefs are different an no rights really for women..so its best to marry him an bring him to statea where u both will b happy..so visit jordan but never live here to much of what you know u wont be able to do here as a women an the men have all the rights..so u wont understand how a man can kiss hug hold hands in the street wear nice clothes of their choice but its forgiven to show affection to a women an have her clothes fron head to toes. Jordanian man is nothing like american man they are 2 different creatures  seriously they dont understand the simplest thing an the are blindsided with there beliefs. I love my jordanian husband an he is a piece of art work im tryn to have him see the same beauty an love between both sexes..its a slow process but its working and I have been here 2 months happy to get on my return flight n june and hve him join me in states..so just no emotional they will hve u with all the love u never felt but just plz stay in the states n never move here plz..

well...as i read these posts im sitting here in shock. <3.well anyways, my husband is palestinian from jordan, and i have been to amman jordan a few times now and i LOVE it. we will be moving there in a few months, 2014. we have two boys and my husband is not controlling. we make decisions together...i feel for the women with the bad experiences...but dont blame it on the country. blame it on the up bringing. i had a step father that was a controlling and abusive sob...he was american.  any ways, i love being married to my husband, the culture and the islamic religion. and i have only had the best of times with him and his family in Jordan. i hope that any other woman has the same <3

married for 5.5 years now <3

Welcome on board to this site and soon welcome in Jordan ccmesmar.

Thanks for your positive reaction on this matter.
It is not always bad or wrong to marry a Jordanian husband.
It all depends who that person is.

your finger not like each other in shape so like people you have or you know bad guys and and good one like finger as i mention it in first
like me i love some girl in other country and she afraid from this things but as i told u there is bad one and good one and don't ever never judge about some one before you try it or live with him
thank you so much

Iam arab guy and I will adivse all the maerican ladies not to go for such uncertain relations with arabic men since they are not honest enough and they always look bad to american ladies

Hello my name is Dawn. I am thinking about going to Jordan for a month to marry a wonderful man and then come back to USA. Any thoughts or suggestions??

who in Jordan from USA or UK i am mahmoud i am an accountant i have studied at British council intermediate 2 now  i hope to find anyone practice with me
my phone number : [Moderated: Please send numbers in private]
mah_shaip@yahoo.com

Hi mahmoud accountant,

It seems that you are off-topic.

Why don't you start a new thread with all your questions on the Amman forum for better visibility and interaction.

Thank you,

Hasnaa
Expat.com Team

Just wanted to say Hi !
I'm in Amman until the 25th, and am staying with in-laws. Husband is being a bit of an a** and not fulfilling most of the promises he made about our visit here

Please inbox me

Hi....can you PM me as well? Thanks!! Maybe we can meet up!

This is very true. There are some good men everywhere!! I think for me, commenting on this topic for the past couple of years...is really just to let those considering marriage to a Jordanian man know that they are MUCH different than western men. There are certain signs I think the bad ones seems to be consistent with...if you can identify any of them, this would be your first red flag...but if not, then he could end up being a really great guy!!

For me those flags are:
1. Lying....about anything, if the stories are inconsistent or change, the first thing is to make sure you are understanding each other...because there is a language barrier, MANY problems occur because of this..you may think someone is lying, but really, they understood differently about what you were meaning....BUT, if this is not the case, beware. If they lie, they will lie about EVERYTHING...including that they love you...

2. Jealousy....Every married woman I know who has a bad marriage has this problem. Having a jealous husband does not mean he just loves you more he will be jealous and this also will never change. It means he will fight with you for the smallest little motion to ANY MAN...it doesn't matter if they are old, fat and bald and hooked up to an IV...if you laugh or smile at them you could be in big trouble...and that trouble varies in GREAT degrees.

3. Abused... I fell for this one. My husband told me a little about some abuse he experienced when young. I felt great happiness that he opened up to me. He told me it was the first time he'd talked about it. I in my ignorance,I thought if I just loved him, he would heal those wounds. Well, I had never studied psychology...had no idea I was playing the role of the rescuer, and that no one can rescue anyone.The abuse he experienced came through his personality in a dozen ways. 15 years later, they are still there. My advice...steer clear of anyone who was seriously abused...and realize that MANY kids are abused here...in a variety of ways.

4. No job... Don't fall for this one either!! He might tell you the reason he is unemployed is because Jordan has no jobs. Now, this is true, in a way. Yes, it is MUCH harder to find a job here. However, I can not tell you HOW MANY men I know who end up sitting at home, mooching off whoever will kick them down money for their cigarettes. They don't even LOOK for a job. And if they claim they are too good for the jobs out there, I would also be concerned. It seems that these types of men, which are FAR more than you find in the western world, will most likely NOT be go-getters, which means you will be poor for your life. Unless you also work....pretty much every older woman I know here has some sort of side job that they do in order to buy the kids clothes, pay for their school, etc. While the man sits around smoking cigarettes, visiting with friends and drinking coffee and tea. They might also tell you that once they get to your country they will work...that may be true, but just remember the state of the economy now and the competition, just between nationals.

Those are my 4 red flags.
If you find a guy who is honest, respectful, works and is ok with you being a normal person in public...i.e. having eye contact with men, including the ones you buy from at a store or a falafel shop...he's a good one..

You know, this is really great to hear!! Please keep the post updated on how it goes...are u moving here, or just in the country for a visit? How old are your boys?