about to marry a jordanian man...

I'm sorry for your situation and what he did to you.
But it's not an excuse to generalise and certainly not an Islamic way to threat you like he did.  You, as a married woman,  have indeed certain rights. Know your rights and smash him around his ears.

I was married in Jordan 15 years ago I lived there for awhile although it's a ok place to visit but I just wouldn't take up a residence there

My husband is jordanian and I am a british citizen. We married in the uk we applied for a fiance visa then married within the 6 month period. We both now live in the uk. I have never met his family we have said a few words via skype but because of the language barrier this poses a problem.  I am not religious at all my husband is muslim but does not pray but his religion is strong and his family is everything. I have no wishes to meet his family but he gets on really well with my very small family.  I am probably the most independent woman you will meet I love laughing singing dancing sunbathing socialising everything happy. My husband is like me and we are two of a kind. I have visited jordan many times where I have been treated like a queen the people are lovely and everyone respects you.  But I could NEVER live there and my husband hates the way of life. It was quite a shock in the uk for him and he could not believe how polite we are and the freedom we have. My advice to you is this firstly learn arabic and this is soooooo important. there is nothing worse than not been able to understand a conversation between families or any arabic speaker. If you are lively and bubbly like me forget Jordan this will destroy you. It is nobodys fault it is their upbringing their religion. My husband is a loving caring gentle man but he has been raised like this all his life. Women have no rights and they accept it. All they do is serve their husband and family. They all live on top of each other. I cannot live like this I love my family but I don't want them living above or below me.  I was horrified to learn his parents have never been to their beach the gorgeous dead sea they never socialise only weddings when they are segregated and believe me this is at least a monthly event lasting 3 days. They usually marry their family i.e. cousins not always but mostly. The older women rarely go out but the younger ones do work and drive etc. The men are not allowed to look at other women but they are allowed to take 4 wifes but only if they can prove they can support them all. Not ALL men do this but it is allowed. There are many rules for the women they lead a very restricted life but they do not see it this way because they have never had anything to compare it to.  But the women are very strong very and I admire them for that. Like some other poster said if you are a submissive person who likes to lead a quiet life who does not want freedom and wants to be ruled then go for it. When you go to the shopping malls in jordan they have large signs displayed NO AFFECTION to be shown inside there no alcohol no smoking which the latter two are acceptable this is just an indication for you how restricted it is.  Me I have worked lived loved laughed all my life and I would never give that up for anyone. But just to reiterate my husband feels the same he wants freedom he likes to live but he also works very hard. He found employment in the uk he earns more in one week than his father does in one month! Yes life is cheaper there but not that much believe me and if you want to purchase a decent car then take plenty of money! My car cost me £3500 in the uk the same car in jordan costs £14000! Jordanian government are just coining it in their import tax they charge you is out of this world! Just please think about what I have said if you enjoy freedom then ask him to live with you in your country. And again MOST importantly learn arabic. I have tried but its the most hardest language in the world and I speak 7 different languages. Good luck to everyone and never forget how hard your ancestors fought for your independence YOU own it nobody else!

Independent woman   I was really amazed to read your post.   You state you have never met your husband's family and have no wish to ever do so.....     I found that really gob smacking!   I have never met anyone who doesn't want to 'meet the fokkers'  seriously....    If your husband was English,  would you feel the same and not want to meet his family or, is it just because the Jordanians are foreigners (and somewhat backward) in your eyes??  I am really curious to understand why..  I'm not criticizing or passing judgement - each is entitled to like or dislike whatever he likes - but I just found your decision somewhat at odds with the rest of the human race.

I mean, what about when you start a family?  Are you not concerned to know about your husband's family - their medical history - looks - levels of intelligence etc ?  And if you have children will you not encourage them to have contact with their Jordanian family?  Would you prevent them from traveling to Jordan to stay with their family?

Your husband may be enjoying the remnants of his honeymoon and fawning at how polite the English are (which is a fallacy)  - I can confirm 100% - they are not all polite !  Like every Nation of people, there are polite and impolite citizens of that nation.  He is clearly blinded by that conditional stay permit and his job where he earns 4 x that of his father...  But one day, he will wake up from that dream to find himself alone, without family -  away from his religion - away from the substance of life we all exist for - our family, extended family etc etc.   

For Arabs - family is very important.  He may have forsaken that for now, due to his 'new life'  but when the novelty wears off, which it will, one day in the future - when he longs for the closeness of his family (whether sophisticated or simple) when he will long for the touch of his mother's hand on his head - the hug of his father - the companionship of his brothers and cousins, the spoiling by his sisters and aunts'  he may turn against you or go off you for indirectly limiting his contact with those he loves, but whom he chooses to criticize and belittle, to please you.  How would you feel if he had no desire to ever meet your 'small' family?  I'm sure you would be hurt - but due to the insular and icy characteristics of the Brits, it probably wouldn't have the same upsetting affect it does with Arabs.

It may take one year 10 years - even 20 - but one day he will seek to return to the comfort zone of his family, his religion his culture and traditions.  I've seen it so many times.  Arabs are gregarious people they like big families and social contact.  They don't like the insular western lifestyle, where people are lone rangers - caring only for themselves.  Where you don't know who lives next door to you, never mind who lives across the road.   

So you were flabbergasted that his mother had never been to the beach ?  So what??   Is that the criteria of evaluation of substance - going to the beach??   Likewise, displays of affection being prohibited in the shopping malls - you found that somewhat hilarious.  Frankly its a matter of opinion and since the majority here in Jordan agree with those rules - then its really up to them how they wish their society to live.  I personally have no complaint about that and prefer that to the horrendous displays of half naked Miss Piggy's strutting around snogging in public and more - especially after being booted out of the pubs completely sloshed at closing time.   But let's not go down that road !

I feel quite sorry for your husband actually, he's clearly going that extra mile for that 'indefinate stay' stamp - nevertheless I do urge you to reconsider not wishing to meet his family.  It could have a detrimental affect eventually on your relationship.    He may go along with all your wishes for a while; until one day; then everything will change.  Take care - and wishing you a long and happy marriage.

That was an excellent post and I couldn't described it better than you!

Its too early to read all your post yet but can I please verify one thing.  He has CHOSEN not to go public with me he has not even told his poor mother he is married he has told nobody apart from his best friend. Nobody knows I exist.

And he is going to visit his family soon for 3 months while I stay in uk. And i am over 20 years older than him so there will be no family and yes he is fully aware and was so from the beginning. He even told me if I was to get pregnant hecwould like me to terminate.  And yes I spent every penny I had on us and getting him to the uk it is not cheap.  I hage never calculated it but I estimate in tge region of 15000 this includes my travel to his country too.

Apologies for my grammar its 6am and no glasses to be found!!!

Your replies said it all 

I have never married before and I take it very seriously. I am a very good wife and I do respect everyone. Given the opportunity I would probably meet his family but at the moment this is not an option because nobody knows the truth. I think maybe one family member knows but the rest presume he is travelling. I have never stopped him seeing his family he speaks or skypes them every day.  I have discussed the issue with him but he says it is none of their business and gets moody if I challenge him. I suppose the proof will be in the pudding when he returns home. We will both have a lot of time to think and maybe he will inform his family of his own accord only time will tell.

I may be out of line here, but have you met his family? You say you were in Jordan.

You talk to his family on Skype - and you know it's his family? Does his family know you as a:  friend, teacher, girlfriend, landlord?

How long did you know each other before you got married? Was he on a student visa?

It sounds like you spent a lot of money on him. Does he do the same for you?

I work with a  Jordanian woman whose brother is in the US looking for a woman to marry him. This guy is currently married in Jordan and has a family, but his local wife is willing to allow him to take an American wife in order to that he get a Green Card because in a few years he will divorce this American woman and bring his real family to the US. His real wife is willing to wait years for her husband to act out this sham of a marriage to a Westerner because the prize is so attractive.

Why not get a hold of some of that money he's been making, if there is anything in a UK account? (Unless he sends his money back to Jordan).

Do you listen or record his conversations or are you fluent in Arabic you understand everything he is saying?

Good luck - just prepare yourself for a divorce once he gets his citizenship. This guy is something else.

Thank you for your reply. I am already on it. I cannot get near his phone he will not let me I would love to add that widget which disappears if they see it. And it sends all the info to the email address you set it up with. But I still would not ve able to read the arabic and google translate is shite. We have separate bank accounts I chose this because I can access my own money.  He gives me housekeeping each week and any money I ask for but I rarely ask I have my own. I will be doing lots if things while he is away all of what you have mentioned. He does nit have a wife there he is only 21and ww speak chat all day when he is in jordan. He did ask me to meet him on his last week there but   I refused he knows I would never change for anyone and even though I accept all cultures my strong personality views would not go down well. Just wait until they see his large tattoos lol with my name . He had one done in jordan but his family have never seen it. I adore him and he would be mortified ti find out I did not trust. It is not him I distrust it is the family their future plans for him because I know at the end of the day they will decide and they would win they always do. I have 5 years in total to make my final decusion he cannot get citizenship without me I am his sponsor he can onky stay if he is married to me and I attend all meetings and agree. This is a good thing the uk introduced it gives you time lots to be absolutely certain. I want it to be real but only time will tell. Feel free to private message me you sound like you have some experience with this. Thank you ❤❤

Dear Independent woman ......  You do know that you being 20 years older than him is .... well a
non starter for a genuine relationship.   His family would only agree on the basis that he will get the passport at some stage and would never entertain you.  Sorry to put it so bluntly.   They would go along with his sham - provided he has some benefit - ie higher wages and a passport in the end.

That's the bottom line...  hence why he is going to visit his family alone...   May I ask from where exactly is his family?   From what you described it sounds like a 'camp' situation'  -  where and how did you meet this individual?     

Consider cutting your losses and potential heartbreak....    for your own sake.

His family live in Amman and we met on social media. I am going to keep my wits about me and keep my own independence. I can only monitor and see what will happen in the future.  My biggest fear is the thought that I have been deceived. I have found it hard to believe right from day one but I have no reason to doubt him and until I can find any evidence that he is tricking me then I have to believe. I do not need him I want him but if forced I can live without him. I would not like to but I can do it. I just dont want to end something that might be genuine because we have something special a connection like I have never known.  I might appear cold but its just the lessons I have learned throughout my life. I have raised a disabled child nearly single handed his father was a drunk and I walked away after 17 years just had enough. I see this as my opportunity to be happy my me time. All my life has been caring for others who I love wouls gate to let something genuine just slip away

No glasses sorry it should say I would hate xx

Oh and just to clarify he failed a module of his degree so he is going back for one semester to retake study this part and come back with a pass. I cannot go with him because of my son but I could join him for one week

I knew him one year before we married and he entered uk on a fiance visa which means you must marry within the next 6 months which we did. We have known each other for 17 months and have talked every day numerous times in all of that time.

Somehow I get the feeling that you not getting right and you defence yourself every time.
Every man who get married  has one big "duty" here and that is to start a family as huge as possible. If he doesn't do that, his family will be sitting on his back and ask several questions.
You said you are at least twenty years older than him and that is not common. Sooner or later he feel the pressure of starting a family and I have the feeling it is not with you. Now its like a honeymoon and when the times come he can apply for citizenship and he will leave you and marry a younger one.

Of course there is also another scenario: he really loves you and hate children and don't want them. Despite what his family say or feel. I do hope for you that your marriage is a long and a happy one.

We should talk privately.  I'm in a very similar position. I'm based in Jordan though for next couple of years.

I've had his background investigated.

Daisy I have sent you a contact request. My solicitor has already checked before marriage that he was single but no other checks regarding family etc.

Hi i want to know how long does it typically take to marry in jordan like a day or two weeks or some months like how longs does it take an where do i have to fo in jordan to marry

Depends if you marry a Jordanian and if you already in Jordan.
And if you are in a hurry or not.

Yes im in jordan yes hes jordanian im muslimah an i have to go back to america to helpnmy mom is sick

If you have all the necessary documents you need maybe a couple of days.
Sorry to hear about your mother.

What papers do i need

I don't want to be rude but this has been discussed several times on the form. If you take more effort to browse through the threads you'll come across the threads you need.

Because i have tonget back home to work an my family an i have to work to help to bring him to the us so he can also work and help me out more than he would be able to if we live in jordan dont get me wrong i would love to stay in jordan but years down the line not now .. now i am trying to better my education and other things in us an staying in jordan would slow me down

My uncle goes to school in jordan his friends nephew an he met him at a friends party an told me about him because um unmarried an only 21 my uncle wanted me to marry now so iwe talk an meet an we like each other were very compatible but i didnt think so much would come with marrying someone

Why do you have a reason

Ok pm me now

If you truly want to sponsor him it woukd be easier and faster most likely to do a fiancee visa rather than get married in jordan. And don't rush the decision, as you are only 21 you say and want to better your education etc why the rush?  I am not saying don't do it, but a lot of people will marry for just a green card.  Be very very clear about your desire to continue your education and work etc to him before you make a decision.  I advise you to talk to a lawyer or at least a trusted family member or someone who has gone threw the process before for your own protection as well as how to accomplish the process properly and make sure you meet the requirements to sponsor someone.