My veitnam gf refused money from me

"When discussing coming to veitnam she said she was ashamed to have me stay at her house because she felt the conditions would not be comfortable for me"
In my eyes, it's more likely because you are not married to her.

"but she was insulted she told me to keep it"
The way you write it sounds like you gave it like to a beggar...

Omg, you think this is

My intention was good, but I understand what your saying

Are Vietnamese women really that different from other women of the world?

Oh it certainly was not intended to be condescending. Someone you care about gives you the impression that they don't have much and I wanted to help in some small way( until I get to know her better)  I didn't say to her I can live without the 50. I just offered it up. I'd never insult someone because of their financial status..

Just because people don't have much doesn't mean they're needy. Unless people came to you with their hands out, try not to offer a handout.

There are many ways to help while showing your respect -- bring a hostess gift from your corner of the world, inviting the parents out on a simple outing (a local event would be best) as a get to know one another, Whatever you do, always ask first. Respect and knowing boundaries go a long way in every relationship in every part of the world.

Thank you.. I appreciate your insight ill think differently now

If you are a guest in Vietnam, the host is expected to pay for everything.  Conversely, if you invite a guest, you are expected to pay for everything.  Gifts,  however, are welcomed. For example, if meeting your girlfriend's family for the first time, they are likely to appreciate a gift from your country. Other options are a  gift wrapped flowers for the lady of the house, and/or a bottle of French brandy for the man of the house. You may ask your girlfriend if you are unsure of what to give.

Ah thank you very much for the info.. I want to be the perfect guest and impress the family

She comes from a different culture. Offering money is what you do with, ahem, ladies of the night (or so I'm told).

If she's still talking to you ask her if she can suggest some local hotels at, say 20 USD/night. And as Ralph suggested, some presents would go a long way to ensuring good relations.

Thank you for info, as I said, I thought I was doing a good thing.. a lot to learn.. she's such a mystery

No worries.

I hope

And don't forget that any hotel you stay at is unlikely to let her stay in the same room with you (even assuming she is willing) because it is "against the law for men and women who are not married, to stay together".

It's actually bullish*t. There is no such law. There was such a law but it was repealed in 2000 and a new law allowing cohabitation was  brought in during 2005. However both the police and most hotels make money from telling you the law exists. Hotels make you hire two rooms and the police just want a, er, some coffee money.

Just my 2 cents and based on my experiences with VN girls:

1.  Stay in a hotel until you get married.  I never even thought about nor did she or her family even hint at me being able to stay in the family home prior to marriage.  As a matter of fact, I spent very little time at her home, except maybe a lunch or 2.  Even when I would take her home from work, I rarely stayed, dropped her off and said good night.  The times I did stay, it was usually 1 hour or less.  As others stated, ,respect respect respect and just imagine what her neighbors will say!!!!!!!   Remember, most people live in close quarters and they all know each others business so do not even think you can be Casper.  Like others stated, my educated guess is she said no because you are not married and if she lives with the family, absolutely no.

2.  You should not have offered money.  I never did because her and her family have their lives and have lived ok prior to meeting you.  Just because they may not have a lot, it does not mean they need your money or that they are miserable.  I found the contrary.  I see a lot of people in VN that are less economically well off, yet they get up everyday before dawn, cook, clean, go to work, play with their kids or grandkids, smile, laugh, sometimes not, but overall, they are happy people.  Money does not buy happiness, just the power to purchase.  So if you are looking for a serious relationship, keep money out of it for now. 

Consider yourself lucky, VN is not unique, money is important to survive and there are good and bad women in all countries, but she refused and that is a good sign.  Also, you do not need to save her from anything.  She had a life before she met you and treat her like you would any potential mate.  Making her feel needy would turn anybody off, except maybe a gold digger.

Excellent post, Dreamer. 

My now wife stayed at my house when she was just my gf. Not all VN girls are the same. I had two girls tell me the other day that they want to be single mums, because they want to retain their freedom. I have friend who has been with his VN gf for 12 years and never married but have a son.

It would have been less uncomfortable if you had said "I am happy to pay you the money I would have spent at a hotel" but it's ok. And she passed the first test: refusing money is a good sign.

I think she is trying to help you by offering her (or her family's place -
which?) to stay. But like eodmatt suggested, I would definitely stay in a hotel. Which I did, in fact, when I met my friend/future wife, and I didn't even see the inside of her tiny crowded house in a deep District 8 hem for two months.
You might want to take it a little more slowly, there is a lot to adjust to. Social and practical. Last night, because we didn't have any rain during the day, it was 30c at 9pm. In a hotel you know you will have aircon and a relatively soft bed and some space/time for yourself. Tough sleeping on a 2 inch 'mattress' on the floor with just a fan and mysterious things crawling about. Not to mention roosters, karaoke, neighborhood waking up at 5am.

I'm confused. She's your girlfriend but you've never met her nor have you ever been to Vietnam?

I'm not trying to be sarcastic but how do you randomly find girlfriends on Facebook without ever meeting them?

I would tread carefully...

Hundred dollar bills carefully folded and arranged round ur schnazz like a peacocks feathers.  Red ribbon tie.

Nothing less will do.  Shes clearly a class act