15 slightly annoying things that British ex-pats will understand

1. Every time it rains somebody points out that it must remind you of home.

2. People are amazed when you live in a small flat, instead thinking that you must live in an enormous mansion.

3. No matter how well you learn the local language, if you do, people still insist on replying in English, or getting the person from the next shop to interpret because of course you can't buy a bottle of water without third-party assistance.

4. If you stray more than ten metres from the main ex-pat pub people think you are lost.

5. Taxi fares tend to increase five-fold when you flag one down.

6. You get in a taxi and the driver asks you why you don't have your own driver.

7. You get on a bus and somebody politely points out to you that it doesn't go to........ (whichever place tourists always head for).

8. Somebody stops you as you are leaving your house and recommends a good hotel.

9. When you do learn the language, people ask you how many words you know.

10. People ask you when you are going home (when you never actually intend to).

11. You buy cinema tickets using the local language and somebody tells you that the film is not in English.

12. If you pass for a local and somebody stops you to ask for directions, they always ask the next person after you have finished telling them.

13. People ask you if it is your first time in ….............. (wherever you are).

14. You order a taxi and it goes to the nearest big house or luxury restaurant, instead of coming to where you said.

15. People congratulate you whenever there is a Royal Wedding, even though you don't care and didn't even know there was one!

16. You say something in the local language and people are amazed that you have learned a few words in 15 years living there.

17. Everybody thinks you were upset when England lost in the semi-finals of the World Cup, when you didn't even know there was a World Cup going on.