Maintaining a long distance relationship as an expat in Kenya

Dear Bhavna,

Difficult, specially if you have a soulmate with lovely kids.... For me, I have kept myself busy with tight schedule of Office and then work outs(Gym), Sunday morning ( often goes to Karura). Made my residence near to office colleagues though with higher rent for bigger accommodation just not to feel lonely in early days.
Not much social life without my family(At least difficult for me).
We try to call each in morning to know everything is fine then in evening make it a point to chat with kids.
Well I would be visiting them after 7 months...  But that's how things move, if kids have study schedule and can not come to see you more frequently. But once in 3 months a short visit might fill the gap.

The biggest challenge comes up when someone is not keeping well in the family and you feel helpless. Though I know that my partner is more capable in handling kids.


Regards

Vivek

Sorry so sad. Could your family come too?

I came to Kenya Decembwe 2009 and fell in love with a Kenyan.. so the long distance was us.. Firstly I had to leave then we tried to find economic way to make it work ~ I got to final interview a few times for Australian sponsored ngo job but not job. I tried a few entrepreneurial projects but.nothing stuck. I tried several attempts living off savings and moving back to London or Australia where I had work permit.  My man had family responsibilities and that was another issue.
Well, we tried breaking up but I kept coming back and we kept calling and now have 3 kids and are back and forth but together.

Issues that are a pain:
1. Telephone calls abroad in Kenya are ridiculously expensive. Maybe UK, India or USA ok but it's like $1 a minute. Which means the person in the other country has to call reinforcing the poor Kenyan mentality if the Kenyan party not been abroad and rich mzungu role.
When my husband was in middle east and we used phone, I had to msg him.and hope he called or use whatsapp or Skype

Using internet
Sure whatsapp is great but.. wifi in Nairobi.drops.out depends where.you are. Would you believe Kakamega has good WhatsApp as mobile towers there less interference and usage. At least that's what safaricom told me.   If you have Zuku super fast broadband on, will say fastest internet ever but power goes off so hence... modem goes off.... so you need bundles or use mall wifi..like cafe such as Java. which goes slow or is off at times too...

The other thing is sending presents to Kenya... like I had a baby...mum wanted to send me some aussie baby clothes... 50% import tax. Same with toys. So.you have to get a y gifts to be valued at just 200 shillings so then the receiver only pays 100 bob fee at the postage lol... I sent .y man a phone i got for 10 euro in Geneva and he had to pay 1000 kes tax at posta.

The other issue is approaches for.romance and sex within Kenya... trust is important as your partner in Kenya even me.when my man was out... gets offers... how lonely are you? As no one could see my husband when we apart months some didnt respect that relationship and I had to be careful how friendly I was with men. When I in Australia and my husband in Kenya..  the other issue is gold diggers trying to mess. Like say they his wife or claim a kid out of him. A certain woman does this or says he didnt stay where he said he was or was seen elsewhere.
This can be true.. but also can be sabotage.... I have learned some local eiken dont like foreigners dating a Kenyan.

Kenyans themselves are often long distance for economic reasons like one goes to the city or the company or tsc transfers... this can leave couples open to affairs.. but not always.

I am done long distance for good it nearly killed me esp after first baby born. When second came and he arrived just days before birth I said no way, we live simply and have time as family as I cant handle it...

"so the long distance was us"

Us too!  We have spent lots of time apart over the years.  I am in a profession where there is no skill shortage, but lots of unemployment in Kenya, so largely as for above, our living patterns have been dictated by my need to work in the UK.

At the risk of sounding old fashioned, there's a huge advantage in getting married.  My partner and I got married quite soon after we met, in 1997 and this has meant that my wife was able to obtain dual nationality, when this was legalised in Kenya.  This has really improved things as she can travel freely in and out of Kenya, meaning that we are now together more than apart.  A married partnership is recognised in Kenya (in immigration terms) and over time, arguably gives more options for living there. 

Never had an issue with WhatsApp, communication on Safaricom.

For phone communication we use our Safaricom lines from the UK, which works out quite cheap, but WhatsApp calling also works very well.  When we were first apart, we could only communicate via landline or fax, so people now don't realise how good they have it!

Relatives sending gifts; we use a freight company which seems to have a work around when it comes to duty.  Using the postal service is just asking for trouble, as far as duty is concerned.

hgi and thank you for your post

i have known my lady for 4 years plus and last month sept i got to meet and spend time with her
she is kenyan im british  so long distance has been hard at times but would not give her up and  now been to all kenyan  immigration offices and plan to marry next year all paper work done  on my visit

please be aware every one  they ask you for  NO IMPEDIMENT  CERTIFICATE  for you to marry in kenya
i tried the british embassy kenya  thats no help either
the no impediment certificate here in uk thats no good have not done this for years 
YOU ASK FOR NO TRACE CERTIFICATE
you have to go to the british registrar  po box 2 southport merseyside pr8 2jd  yes the cost is £50.00 takes about 3 weeks 
then if you email immigration in kenya they  say that the no trace is good  and you will get permission to marry 
hope this helps every one  wanting to marry from uk
robert

Wow. Where to begin.  My significant other was super supportive of my move here to Kenya. At first we did the daily checking on whatsapp or Facebook  and the twice a week phone call.  Then the daily checks dwindled down to 3-4 days a week.  Little by  little I began noticing that unless I made the effort to reach out to her, we hardly communicated.
I went home about 7 months later and she had clearly lost the interest. I still had interest in maintaining the long distance thing. That was the hardest part....realizing she moved on a lot quicker than I did. She even revealed that she had went on a few dates.
I find dating here to be very challenging.  I am an American and I find most of the single American expat women would rather date non American men.
The non American expat women seem to be drawn to either other non American or African men. The African women I encounter don't find me all that appealing so as a consequence, I've spent much of the past 20 months alone.
It was fine for the first year  but I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't get a little lonely. I have awesome colleagues but I don't want to date them.
I've tried Tinder but all I find there are young girls looking for a sugar daddy.
And the occasionl one who is married to a much older man who's looking for something casual.
Any insight or advice on how to navigate dating here in Nairobi would be appreciated.