What has been the most difficult thing about becoming an expat?

To deal with a totally different mentality and to the negative feelings. When I have this negative feelings I want to get back home. Deep inside of me I know it is not the way to deal with it.
So, most of the time after a goodnight sleep, the feelings are much less present.

To cope with the arab mentality is "simple" accept the way it is, you can't change it.

In my case it was about integrating with the locals'  i felt more like oil into water.

Trying to learn Chinese.  It's about as different from English as you can get.

yes its true, giving up to your career is the hardest part, most specially if working is on your system like me, since I decided to live with with my boyfriend I give up my job and I'm just staying inside the house,tho where working together with his small business but still sometimes I missed working,and most specially your havng a second thought if you want to buy something for your self because the money that im holding is not mine, unlike when i was working i buy what I want with any thinking cause i earn that money..and one thing more because we have different Culture, I mean he's western and I'm Asian sometimes we have different meal, lol!!

Immigrating to another country is never easy, it involves a lot of very complex issues and is a major life change for anyone involved, moreso for someone who didn't make that decision for themselves, but rather was swept up in the immigration by the decision of a partner or by circumstance.

One of the most common problems is that there are two very different kinds of expats nowadays; those who move to another country for non-monetary reasons mostly centered around lifestyle, climate, the rat race, etc.; the other who decide to move for purely monetary reasons, more money, finding a job that might have been something very difficult for them to do at home, getting rich by investing in a developing nation.

The second group can be very problematic indeed. Some people who immigrate for financial reasons seem to have the unrealistic and misguided notion that one's lifestyle and standard of living should be portable, something we can carry with us from place to place just like another suitcase. This is very unrealistic and patently unfair if one is moving from an affluent developed nation to a developing nation. How one can hold the belief that it's their God given right to maintain their former pampered lifestyle, high wages and receive all the same services in their host country, when the locals are living on a pittance and have no decent services is completely beyond me. But, there are many who do. This attitude flies in the face of reality.

Many of them never stop to think about the fact that they just couldn't find a job "back home" and did find one in their host country. Then to make matters even worse they start complaining that THEY aren't being paid enough, or that the local services, conditions are deplorable. They don't seem to understand that if they're there making a living, even if it's not as much as they might like, they are earning that money at the expense of someone else (i.e. the locals).

Rather than speaking out for better conditions for the local people, which will also improve their own situations, they simply complain that things aren't good enough for them. "Well, it's not like this back home." or "Back home we do it like this..." are the most overused phrases in the expat community worldwide. They, more often than not, are used to preface complaints that would only serve to increase the social inequality should their complaints be addressed, make the gap between the locals and expats even greater and be the ultimate cause of further division between them.

If you moved away from your home country and didn't do your homework carefully; If you weren't aware of the conditions in your host country long before you decided to move there; If you had the misguided notion that all of that should change just because you want it to; then you've got nobody to blame but yourself. Stop whining and complaining; man-up and deal with it.

If things are unfair for everybody, then speak out. Take a strong stand to improve things for the local population, after all it's THEIR country. What's good for them will also be good for you. As expats we shouldn't just walk into a country to exploit it or the population; we should be there also to make it a better place for us and for them too.

If you're in a developing nation and you're locked into the "back home" syndrome ask yourself one question. Did "back home" get to be so damned good overnight? Clearly you will find the answer to that question is NO IT DID NOT. If you aren't patient enough to wait for natural change or if you're not strong enough to stand beside the locals and speak out for change, then you don't have the right to complain just because things are not to your liking.

For me, the most difficult part of being an expat is watching the suffering of the average citizen here in Brazil, a population which is truly beautiful and one that gets it in the neck from their government at every turn.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

I don't want the culture to be the same - but it would be nice if the "American" food wasn't British.

Wjwoodward has said practically everything about the challenges of the realities of living an expat life. One other thing I just like to add concerns all those so-called native English Teachers. These are those that think its fun and also easy to secure a job in a developing country hungry to learn the language English as the locals believe it will bring them a better life. So they come along , having fun, inevitably with naive females and then find things not to their liking. So, they say, enough, let me go to another place. What I am trying to say is, teaching is a very influential job and its not for playing around. The effects you have on a child lasts a life time! So all you out there, search your own conscience before you sign on to be a Teacher! That's the least you can do for humanity as Teaching is actually a Noble profession and not for layabouts!

Teaching English used to be the easy way for foreigners to get jobs without having any particular skills or training - other than coming from an English-speaking country.  I keep hearing that now it's a lot harder to get those easy jobs since schools want people with actual training and certification.

Hailey is right: even here in Jordan you can not be an English teacher if you are not an native speaker and if you are not qualified. Or you must at least studied English at the university before you can teach children English.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do (or do NOT do)
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/when … ns-do.html

..."Teaching is actually a Noble profession and not for layabouts!"
Welcome to Global-Commercialisation. Teaching and Education are separate packages.

..."you can not be an English teacher if you are not an native speaker"
In Oriental Asia, "Native" means white! Doesn't matter if you are Belgium white, German white, Cockney or even Backpack white.

This questions is oftenly asked and mine answer always remains
away from yours home
family
culture

But to have some thing you have to losse something

I think the hardest thing for me was/is the difficulty in fitting in. I think its also being confronted with a bad attitude towards you being there. Some people do honestly have this view that you are 'stealing' locals jobs etc. However, the best thing to do is to take it with a pinch of salt and move on. There's no point dwelling on people you fail to connect with.

I agree with Andy: fitting in can be difficult. Best to ease your way into the local culture in the company of other expats. Alternatively, jump in the deep end and "go native". I have always done the former; my son (in Norway) did the latter. But them he had two Norwegian children; my only child was English.

For me, it has been different in each country I have lived in.

I think the hardest part for me is the loneliness. I have never stayed in a country longer than 1 year except in America. Each time I have had a difficult time making true friendships until I am about the jump on the plane.

As for the varying experiences thus far:
Chile: I LOVED Chile, but I don't think any of my difficulties were related to the culture.

Japan: The language. I went there hardly speaking any Japanese, and spent a large chunk of my time boarded up in the library or my room studying. The city I lived in was a bit depressing and boring as well. Tokyo or Osaka would have been better

Hong Kong: The culture/people. I came here directly from Japan hoping to learn Cantonese, but even when I speak Cantonese most people respond in English. It's always difficult to find people I "click" with, but I'm finding it especially hard here.

I dated a guy from Guangdong for 3 years back in the U.S. and have had plenty of Chinese friends, so thought I would be able to integrate better. I only get calls from lonely guys, but despite also being lonely, I have a long-distance boyfriend so can't go out. Oh, the irony (；Д；).

I think the circumstances in which I came to each country have had dictated a lot of the above, however. I came to Hong Kong with a horrible eye infection, depressed, and then further depressed over the death of my close family member. In Chile, I was in high school so being with a host family and in a homeroom with all-locals helped with the language/relations better. I'm sure my experience would have been much different otherwise, as would my Japanese experience if I had already learned the language proficiently (or at least how to ask for directions haha ) before going.

HKx. Ummm - no disrespect, but your sign-in name might be a little off-putting. Please tell me it's not on your voice-mail.

Finding shoes that fit.

Anyone watched the movie "3 IDIOTS", when i get bored, Homesick, and feeling down... i jaz say "ALL IZZ WELL" and that's it, it makes me smile and the be fine. It's like saying to my self that ALL must be Well for me to survive spiritually&mentally. Sometimes even friends are around you ,you must think always in a positive way that to overcome All these loneliness, homesickness, and all other forms of expat feelings "You" yourself must be always be well...

These replies have been really interesting--thank you to everyone who has replied so far!

I especially love that many of you have thought of solutions to your difficulties.

From reading these responses the main theme seems to be loneliness or isolation, arising from either a language or cultural barrier. I suppose also being new anywhere, even in a different lart of your own country, will make a person feel some sense of isolation.

I also love the observations many of you shared, for example this quote from wjwoodward: "Some people who immigrate for financial reasons seem to have the unrealistic and misguided notion that one's lifestyle and standard of living should be portable, something we can carry with us from place to place just like another suitcase."

And further: "Rather than speaking out for better conditions for the local people, which will also improve their own situations, they simply complain that things aren't good enough for them." I can fully understand how seeing this is frustrating. I can also understand how difficult it must be to watch "the suffering of the average citizen" in many countries.

Thanks again everyone, and I look forward to more discussion here!

Michelle

Missing my hometown food, giving up my career and the loneliness

For me, it was leaving my dog behind, during my two years stay in China.  She is back with me now.

Having to cope with the language barrier from time to time.

Not having the foods you have back home.
Eating sand during the sandstorms

All the matters in previous posts & not understanding the TV,and not having a Yellow Pages in English.

i miss pinoy food

Danish Bacon, real sausages and decent beer and UK size 12 shoes

When I first became an expat - many, many years ago - I found no difficulties at all. It was all a wonderful adventure. And it stayed that way right until I settled down and morphed into an immigrant here on my Caribbean island.

I miss having hot water 24/7.

I miss having water 24/7; electricity, telephone, internet that are out of service half of the time also is a real pain. Public utilities here are a curse. Nothing works reliably.

I can live without the phone & internet from time to time, but water is something I really can't live without.

I think one of the more jarring experiences was the realization that if I get killed whoever killed me will get away with it.

There is no justice in a third world country.

I got over the isolation. I know I will always be an outsider in Belize.

The food was a big adjustment. The lack of selection and choices in stores was clear.

The corruption used to bug me. But now I just stay low profile and it is like I do not exist to the Belize citizens.

No real culture in Belize. I have learned that you can be happy almost anywhere you are, even if you don't like everything.

what sometimes alarms me now is the realization that nowhere is truly "home", countrywise. America is where my roots are but I feel out of place there. Iceland is an adopted homeland that feels very comfortable but I know I'll never fully fit in with since I wasn't born there. And now, I'm in a new country that feels so much like the New England of my childhood but has yet another language. Once you start to realize how big the world is, it's hard to pick just one spot.

I have pondered this subject and decided to post.
There are things I miss but I prefer not to bother about them because I can never visit the past so there's little I can do about getting them back.
Besides that, if I keep looking behind me, I'll probably walk into the lamp post that lights my path to the future.

Following 3 deep posts in a row, I have to say that one of the most difficult things for me is the total lack of tacos.