Moving Anxiety

Not long after we decided to move to Germany, I started waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing for no apparent reason.  I also started having horrible heart palpitations.  Soon I couldn't sleep at night. It took me a little while to figure out that it might be moving anxiety. 
It might sound a little drastic but I actually had a few therapy sessions (cognitive behavioral) and it was extremely helpful in a very short period of time.  It got me sleeping again and waking up fewer times with a racing heart.  Our minds tend to exaggerate the negative in things we don't know yet, and it helps to train them out of that habit a bit.  I was a certified therapy-hater prior to this, but it worked.
If it helps at all, since I moved I've been like new and had no problems at all.  Reality is probably much better than what you are imagining.  Once the unknown has become known, it will get better.
Good luck!

I think we all have anxiety about the unknown, exams interviews promotions in laws parenting, hitting 30, some worse than others obivously (the in laws for example!!!)  but seriously each move I/We made was probably the same, with the same fears. but you get there, you are busy organising, setlling in, you set up your network and it is the same where eer you are. routine. once you know how to get to the workplace from where you live the school shop doctor etc basically get your bearings. it all falls into place and feels normal. you started the right way, learning the language (we only go to english speaking countries!!!) when you wake up with your heart racing lie on your back, close your eyes, overlap your hands across your stomach and take big deep breaths and smile....

I  always found two things useful when facing a fearful situation.

First, try to narrow down what I am fearful about rather than generalised dread and plan for how I am going to deal with those issues.  This really gives me a feeling that I may be able to cope with what I will have to face.

The second is to remember that most people in most places are actually pretty nice, and they all love their kids and want what is best for them, and that we are all pretty much more the same than we are different. 

Oh, and try to study a bit of the language before you go and get in touch with the International Women's Club for that area, they can probably answer a ton of your questions, and you can pay your annual due in advance and have a group of knowledgeable and helpful people lined up before you even close the door in your old home.

I just moved to Geneva and, although I was concerned about the transition, it didn't really hit until two weeks after we arrive (when we were no longer "on vacation.") I had two nights of disrupted sleep, getting up at 3:30 to see off my child on a flight to Zurich and the US (twice - the taxi didn't arrive in time the first morning)..

I now cannot sleep, and of course an anxious about it. The city and our neighborhood are amazingly beautiful - a view out my study window at Lac Leman (Geneva) and the mountains behind, plus a view of a medieval chateau out the living rooom window. Nice people, work opportunities I didn't have in my previous location.

I visited a counselor, with cathartic results, and slept well naturally that night. Inspired by Heidelbergerin , I'll continue my visits until my srestful leep returns.

I slept extraordinarily well the first two weeks. A woman I met, who described herself as a "professional expat" said that she found that the first few weeks are fine, in vacation mode. But there is a downward slope of frustration (new customs, language and the like) for a period of up to six months, then a happy adjustment (to Geneva in this case). Here's hoping that my adjustment will be on the short end of 1-6 months.

Any helpful comments?

I am what can be called a "serial expat" since I move a lot. I am one of those (lucky) people who love change just for itself  - it beats boredom of any, even the most pleasant and satisfying routine. So I don't remember ever having a moving anxiety, as you describe it here. The first time around I had experienced some nightmares, but the nightmares were that I was back in the home country and about to be arested by secret police ( I managed to escape from a communist regime) and was actually happy I was somewhere else. Also, if you move to a place that - for you - is in some particular way "better" than the place you left, I guess the anxiety would not be pronounced, if any. Especially if you are moving to work, the job is interesting, the new habits and new colleagues intriguing, there is little, if any, space, for a separation anxiety. But for a trailing spouse the situation is tougher: suddenly cut off from familiar surroundings, left to deal with - different ways of going about the mundane matters, offen saddled with a child that limits her freedom of movement, she misses the support of family and friends and known institutions, while the working spouse is busy, and would have been satisfied if the trailing spouse wasn't miserable. It is usually the unhappy trailing spouse that causes companies to be very, very wary of relocations gone wrong, trying to test the level of indepence of the corporate spouse (if she is too dependent, there in most cases will be problems).
Therapy might help and thus is worth trying. It is also worth trying for the relocated working spouse to demand some family support from the company. A spouse's social club, an expat club,  a newcomers club - anywhere people can gather, vent and learn to cope.

I've moved to Italy from US one year ago and am still plagued by general anxiety, some days worse than others (pounding heart/palps, dizzyness).

Docs say its anxiety, but I am actually unaware of what I could be anxious about. I work from home, but when I go into public places, with crowds, it gets worse. I am still not fluent in Italian, so this may also be something.

Wondering how long it will take to get adjusted and start really enjoying life again.

That's a tough one...can you imagine yourself into the situations that make it worse, then imagine yourself into the details about why...not being able to communicate, being misunderstood, being ridiculed....whatever...then try to figure out ways to solve it. 

Do you have many folks you can get together with there?  Maybe build up a bit of a network in the expat community, or the local one? 

Join a gym?  Meet people and work off excess energy that may be fueling anxiety.  If I am good and weary, physically, I have less energy and time to focus on worries?

Hang in there....it should pass. 

Go somewhere beautiful for a weekend?

Good luck.

I think forums such as these are a great anxiety reducer. Sharing experiences helps you know you're not the only one who feels or has felt this way. When I up and moved to Spain from Michigan many years ago, I was young and unattached. It wasn't easy, but it was an adventure. Now, back in the US for 15 years and ready to make another move abroad, I think it's harder to cut ties with the familiar. I guess keeping focused on the many positives is best!

Hello

Moving to a new country is indeed scary, and I think the best way to combat the fear is to gather as much info as you can about your new home, and to start building your social circle quickly in your new city, so you have some people to go out with, and share the anxiety.

Good luck mate

Oded

Hey!  I'm new to the "ex pat blog " and gonna be making the great LEAP very soon. I found this particular thread to be very helpfull...thanks to all who shared.
and
See ya soon!!!

Jimmy

yes some interesting reading.

I guess a bit of moving axiety is perfectly normal. I had it too before moving to the UK. It wasn't anything serious. I guess it was because I knew life here would be much better than in my country of origin. The night before I left, I was feeling a little nervous but I was more looking forward to it.

On the plane, I suddenly remembered how I felt when I was going to Canada all on my own at 18. I was just feeling a little nervous because I knew that, from that moment on, I would have to make sure I get things right. However, it was only at Manchester Airport when I felt somewhat anxious. I was not too sure what to expect when I would get off the train. But I was still more happy and excited than anxious.

When I walked out of the train station, I started off by walking into the exact opposite direct of where I needed to be. So I walked back. From there, it worked quite well for a while because I had a map (a poor one, though). At some point, I was completely lost but I met one of my first friends who helped me find the building I needed to go to to pick up my keys and also walked me home.

My move was definitely the right thing to do although one of my flatmates is a total jerk. It was all going very well during the first three months. By month 4, I was feeling a little blue without even knowing why. I most definitely wasn't homesick. It was really weird. So all I can say is that the woman genevaexpat met is wise woman. I found that, usually, it takes me three months to find out if I love or hate a place. That was true for where I lived before. After three months, I absolutely hated that place and all I wanted was to leave. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to stay for three years.

Here, things are very different. I love my new hometown, although I now feel that it's become a bit too small. It is, however, a good starting point for life in this country. I was seriously in crisis in January and February (months 4 and 5)and even thought about leaving the UK although this is the country I love. In March, after exactly six months in the country, I went to Liverpool for a day and started asking myself what on Earth was wrong with me. It looked so beautiful. And why would I ever leave? I came to my senses in April. I've just been to Scotland and fell in love. That's where I want to move next.

Hi
I am a Bucharest based psychotherapist and I work with English speaking expats. I can tell you from the experience with my clients that moving to a new place and adjusting to a new culture can be hard. Especially for the "serial movers" as somebody named them above.
Sometimes it happens that seemingly perfectly adjusted individuals present anxiety disorders and depression. These are usually the kind of people that manage to cope on a conscious level, by rationalisation to the change. But their unconscious mind feels the rupture, and when they deny it consciously, the unconscious manifests itself through sleep disorders, anxiety and depression. And since from their point of view adapting to this new environment was not a problem, these symptoms scare them because they fail to understand the cause.
Another characteristic of these frequent movers is that at some point they realize that any new meaningful relationship is doomed. At some point they would have to leave and also leave this relationship as well. Some invest at first emotions in these relationships, and when they first have to move they feel like they lost a friend for instance and they feel hurt and disappointed. And so from fear of getting hurt they stop investing emotion in any new relationships, which in time leads to feelings of loneliness, and back to the same symptoms I talked about before.
I am only sharing this so you could get an idea on what the psychological dynamics of these individuals might be. Of course, it is not always the same.
For any questions feel free to e-mail me at victor_chitic@yahoo.com

Hi Everyone!

My boyfriend and I are moving to New Zealand in about a month. For the first few months of anticipating (April - June) it was really exciting and I couldn't wait for the move to occur. Lately, the last month or so, I've been experiencing moderate to severe anxiety regarding the move. Although I can't narrow down to the cause to anything specific I feel very afraid.

I've also noticed that the anxiety has caused some depression. I have seen a therapist a few times and she has recommend that I temporarily use some anti-anxiety medicine to help me through this patch.

I know on a conscious level that everything will be alright (I've heard many extremely wonderful things about Wellington) it's hard to shake this feeling. Perhaps it is just fear of the unknown. 

I was wondering if anyone could give me some tips or tricks to help me through this difficult period. For those of you who experienced this in their move...Did things get better? How soon? Anything would help!

Thanks in advance!
Herbstgirl

Oh, victor, I just LOVE psychotherapists who generalize like you. Not all of us serial expats rationalize the change and  feel anxiety, even depression, and yes, you have been cautious at the beginning and admitted that much, I give you that.

But in the second part of your post you slipped stating with way too much authority that: "another characteristic of these frequent movers is that at some point they realize that any new meaningful relationship is doomed". LOL!
As if short term relationships could not be meaningful, or if a partner, whom we do not want to leave behind could not be persuaded to move with us... or if we could never persuade ourselves that a relationship might be worth staying put.

Victor, open your mind, please, even when you are hunting for expat clients.

Hi Minerva
My intention was not to generalize, I'm sorry it sounded that way to you.Look again at what I said and maybe you will notice:
"adjusting to a new culture can be hard"
"Sometimes it happens"
"...so you could get an idea on what the psychological dynamics of these individuals might be. Of course, it is not always the same."
I didn't say anything about short term relationships. Of course some of them can be meaningful. Having the person we started a relationship with move with us or deciding to change our job or lifestyle in a dramatic way for that relationship is the ideal situation which does not ultimately involve the psychological aspects I was talking about.
Obviously what I referred to were just a few of the aspects of the matter. Other problems that people encounter are kindly illustrated by the users of this discussion forum and others, from their own experience.
Again, my intention was not to generalize, but to share some of the problems my clients encountered.

Moving Anxiety,
I can understand what you are going through! I to went through that and even though I have lived overseas I still go through that due to change. The best thing to do is research. Get hooked up prior to going on facebook or other sites. Reach out just like you are doing and you will be fine. People are very nice and help all over the world. I have found that people love to help!

Thank you for your response.
Cynthia
Expat Living Today

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Yes, be nice and you´ll probably be well receieved !

Hi patmustard

Welcome on Expat.com
Thanks for your contribution!

Regards
Armand

Mouth ulcers, sleepless nights, nausea. So, it's normal right?
Should I get medication? Any home remedies?
I can't wait to start my life with my lovely boyfriend, but now the reality of the distance is kicking in!