Is having an affair as an expat always inevitable?

83POSTS

14 years ago

I hear that expats always end up getting lonely and having affairs? Is this true? Any confessions or stories to share? I'm new to this all and terrified about the prospect of the dynamics of my marriage changing....

Queenie

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Mostafa1011 Member

11POSTS

14 years ago

It is true that alot of expats are engaging in this kind of relationship. However, i still believe that every person got a choice. If he/she choose to stray they it will most probably happen.

kiwiinkorea Serial expat

385POSTS

14 years ago

I believe this happens quite often. In the previous post there was the mention "you have a choice" and that really says it all. You need to find yourself something to do, be it a hobby, activity or sports etc. But don't sit around thinking about it, if your marriage is important to you then you will not do anything to tarnish it.

Queen of the Suburbs Active member

83POSTS

14 years ago

Very true!

S Hebbar Member

13POSTS

14 years ago

It depends on how strong you are.Not all exparts have affairs when they live alone.

ericwt Serial expat

280POSTS

14 years ago

Seems this has been discussed before on here, but this is my take.

No, having an affair is a conscious choice. Someone has to make that decision.

What I cannot understand is why not take your significant other with you.? Why would you leave them in your home country?

But hey, I understand how I operate, it is the other people in the world I do not understand.

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

14 years ago

You can only cheat if you want to. I once slipped on some garbage in the street and fell on my butt. That wasn't my choice. I've never accidentally fallen into someone's bed.

artistdale New member

4POSTS

14 years ago

if you dont think i can happen then watch hangover movie lol

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

14 years ago

I don't think Jason is going to get me, but there are lots of movies that say otherwise.

huongnguyenprice Member

16POSTS

14 years ago

#10

Trust?
Can we rely on this simple word?
I'm an expat's wife and I'm asking this question over and over...We're moving to HCMC-Vietnam, my hometown, in order to my husband to be based here and don't get me wrong, I'm excited, overlly excited! The only thing that people's been asking me if I'm worried about my tall, handsome, successful husband would run off with some young girl?? Yes, I'm concern about all the attractions and more than once I said to him if he'd like me to change the way I wear my hair, make-up, the way I dress, I would do it because I love him and our family so much but if he's just simply attracted by youth then I can't do anything to get mine back...
I think he knows how much I love him and I know he value our family, daughter, relationship and he's smart man.
I hope this big move is the right thing to do for all of us, including you, stay strong, that's all I'm saying to you and myself. Enjoy what money can do to serve you here. Wish you health, happiness.

HP

ericwt Serial expat

280POSTS

14 years ago

#11

Simply ridiculous...

But let look at your fiction movie.

Choosing to have a Bachelor party....conscious choice

Letting you friends talk you into going to Vegas....conscious choice

Stepping on the plane....conscious choice

Drinking to excess...conscious choice

Being caress when with strangers or friends...conscious choice

Movies are not the real world. They are made up.

In the real world we make our choices.

artistdale wrote:
if you dont think i can happen then watch hangover movie lol

kengirl Member

1POSTS

14 years ago

#12

Cheating whether you're an expat or not is a completely conscious choice...the only people who cheat are the ones who want to cheat, period.

GarethO Active member

27POSTS

14 years ago

#13

I have seen sensible married men fall in love when working away.
I have seen single men walk away from beautiful local women.

It is inevitable that temptation will cross a person's path, it is their personal decision wether to give in to temptation.

You should ask yourself if you want to question your partner's actions when working away - do you really want to know the answer? Would you prefer him to be honest?

@ericwt - all of my work abroad is contract/unaccompanied. My lady has a child in school.

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

14 years ago

#14

It's down to strength of character,the strength of your relationship and your commitment to that relationship.

Having spent most of my working life away from family I have seen what can happen when people fall to temptation.

chicita ViP

218POSTS

14 years ago

#15

HaileyinHongKong wrote:
You can only cheat if you want to. I once slipped on some garbage in the street and fell on my butt. That wasn't my choice. I've never accidentally fallen into someone's bed.

mmmhhh...to cheat or not to cheat??? It is a CHOICE.

It is important to be wise. Dont get yourself in situations that will compromise your marriage. For example,if you are lonely in a new country,dont go looking for friends from the opposite gender to keep you company,look for people of the same gender.

It becomes really important to decide on what kind of friends you will spend time with because there are those who can build you up and those who can help you destroy your marriage or relationship.

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

14 years ago

#16

I don't think there's any need to stay away from other genders. If you're not going to cheat, you're not going to cheat. It doesn't matter who your friends are. If you're going to cheat, not having any friends of the opposite sex won't matter.

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

14 years ago

#17

As my work takes me to many different countries, I must say that the temptation is there but I am happily married and my work hours mean I do not have much time to socialise.

kherington Guest

0POSTS

14 years ago

#18

i agree with KNGIRL.whether or not you are an expat,cheating is obvious.You can be happily married but that doesnot exclude cheating.People cheat because they reach a point i their lifes that i hate monotony.Change is the only think that is constant

chicita ViP

218POSTS

14 years ago

#19

Hailey,
I did not mean not having frineds of the opposite sex. You need to have them,but keep healthy relationships. As human beings,we always know when we are crossing the line,and my idea was to avoid situations that lead to crossing the line.

dubai indian New member

4POSTS

14 years ago

#20

Hi! Frankly if husband and wife are living apart due to work constraints, there is a very good chance it's going to happen at some point. Men/Women are social animals and companionship is vital in the well being of the mental stability for any human being, more so from the opposite sex. The only way out is to move residence and join your respecive spouses which is'nt always possible.

kherington Guest

0POSTS

14 years ago

#21

That's a good question!
Sometimes i feel lonely, but the country where i am now there are not many beautiful women and besides that people do not socialize if you are not from a particular ethnic group so my choice is to get together with other expats as well. expats hang out with other expats in a foreign country.

kherington Guest

0POSTS

14 years ago

#22

Queen of the Suburbs wrote:
I hear that expats always end up getting lonely and having affairs? Is this true? Any confessions or stories to share? I'm new to this all and terrified about the prospect of the dynamics of my marriage changing....

Queenie

That's a good question!
Sometimes i feel lonely, but the country where i am now there are not many beautiful women and besides that people do not socialize if you are not from a particular ethnic group so my choice is to get together with others expats as well. expats hang out with others expats in a foreign country.

ruby7 Member

16POSTS

13 years ago

#23

I don't know whether all men will have affairs. My husband was always the faithful adoring type and I never thought he would do it, but he did. He changed totally, his mates would tell me at one time he would never look at another woman and can't believe what he has done.
Problem in some countries is the call girls, my husband is in Abu Dhabi and these girls actively use the hotels for business.I worry all the time that he will ggo with prostitutes as he told me himself his friend does it regularly.
It all depends on the man I would think.

kherington Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#24

Well it depends, the country where i am most ( if not all)of the girls are not that type that you wanna ask them out, hang out and things along these lines...

Nalinc Member

3POSTS

13 years ago

#25

It does get lonely when you are single and living alone and living in a new country. Its hard to get out there and make friends and start new relationships. Sometimes the friendship turns into something more and sometimes a casual fling turns into a relationship.

Everyone has a choice, sometimes we dont get a choice in whom we like or love.

Brandy2 New member

8POSTS

13 years ago

#26

it's often very difficult for an expat not to fall prey to the social conviction of cheating.Loneliness is a very dangerous situation to find yourseld into.When abroad and far from wife. girlfriend etc, it's not easy to resist having an affair.Youmust have a strong will.Sometimes you don't want to be external factors come in.As some say it's a matter of choice.Loneliness doesnot always leads to having an affair

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

13 years ago

#27

It's willpower that stops a man having an affair.
I'm incredibly handsome and have tackle like a grand national winner, but I've managed not to be naughty with any of the women chasing me around.

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

13 years ago

#28

It is never inevitable. I t never just happens. People enter knowingly into an affair.

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

13 years ago

#29

mas fred wrote:
It's willpower that stops a man having an affair.
I'm incredibly handsome and have tackle like a grand national winner, but I've managed not to be naughty with any of the women chasing me around.

You're a credit to all mankind.

gella8 Active member

40POSTS

13 years ago

#30

dear gueenie, if you're dedicated and committed to your marriage, and of course love your spouse, u will not digress. it's not easy but if u're determined/disciplined, u'll hold on...exhibit self control and resist whatever persuasion. otherwise, u'll join the bandwagon.

be careful, talk with your spouse as often as u can...even text messaging lovely nice words will help; keeping u close while apart.

manos_ Member

18POSTS

13 years ago

#31

No. Cheating depends entirely on the person and the quality of the existing relationship.

El_Jost Serial expat

732POSTS

13 years ago

#32

mas fred wrote:
It's willpower that stops a man having an affair.
I'm incredibly handsome and have tackle like a grand national winner, but I've managed not to be naughty with any of the women chasing me around.

LOL

chicita ViP

218POSTS

13 years ago

#33

HaileyinHongKong wrote:
mas fred wrote:
It's willpower that stops a man having an affair.
I'm incredibly handsome and have tackle like a grand national winner, but I've managed not to be naughty with any of the women chasing me around.

You're a credit to all mankind.

Hahaha!
Incredidly handsome,ha? Anyway,it is good to know yourself and not use your good looks to your advantage. It is good to know that there is someone out there who knows that he is handsome,and does not let that be a license for cheating.

kherington Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#34

It depends on the expat, on and the circumstances. People change you might not be the same person when you travel a lot.

brisbane2012 Member

1POSTS

13 years ago

#35

I think 95 percent of them cheat. I wonder never in a million years thought my husband would leave me and he has , he wont admitt it but hes changed so much in 8 months hes broken my heart

princess sandra Serial expat

270POSTS

13 years ago

#36

its 100% TRUE !!!!!!!!!

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

13 years ago

#37

chicita wrote:
HaileyinHongKong wrote:
mas fred wrote:
It's willpower that stops a man having an affair.
I'm incredibly handsome and have tackle like a grand national winner, but I've managed not to be naughty with any of the women chasing me around.

You're a credit to all mankind.

Hahaha!
Incredidly handsome,ha? Anyway,it is good to know yourself and not use your good looks to your advantage. It is good to know that there is someone out there who knows that he is handsome,and does not let that be a license for cheating.

As luck has it, I'm perfect as well.

James ViP

11272POSTS

13 years ago

#38

Why would having an affair (as an expat) be inevitable?

Fidelity to one's partner and the relationship is done by choice, love, commitment, respect and trust all come into play. If you love and respect your partner, are committed to the relationship, you will make the conscious choice to be faithful out of respect for your partner and more importantly respect for yourself.

Infidelity, is also a choice, while some may claim men are by nature unfaithful it is not true. No more so than saying women are unfaithful. Cheating probably happens more in one's home country than in a foreign country. Even though the opportunity is certainly there, I think a lot of people are intimidated by the fact that infidelity while one is away from home is something that might be suspected so many don't get anywhere near that line, let alone cross it because they will have to account for their actions when they get home if they didn't travel with their life partner.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog Team

HaileyinHongKong ViP

4723POSTS

13 years ago

#39

wjwoodward wrote:
Why would having an affair (as an expat) be inevitable?

Fidelity to one's partner and the relationship is done by choice, love, commitment, respect and trust all come into play. If you love and respect your partner, are committed to the relationship, you will make the conscious choice to be faithful out of respect for your partner and more importantly respect for yourself.

The problem is you're using logic and reason. What you're supposed to do is assume that everyone must cheat if someone cheated on you. That way it was inevitable and not any kind of problem within your relationship.

James ViP

11272POSTS

13 years ago

#40

HaileyinHongKong wrote:
The problem is you're using logic and reason. What you're supposed to do is assume that everyone must cheat if someone cheated on you. That way it was inevitable and not any kind of problem within your relationship.

Hi Hailey,

Sort of strange logic, don't you think?

It kind of reminds me of an old saying a boss I once had told me... "If you assume that everybody else is an A--hole, then you'll never be disappointed, just pleasantly surprised."

I think that everyone must take ultimate responsibility for their own actions and choices in life, no matter what. If you choose not to be faithful then you should never have gotten into a 'mutually exclusive' relationship in the first place. If you love somebody and respect them you don't cheat on them, bottom line.

Cheers,
James