Proposal etiquette

Petemccarthy123 wrote:

Hi everyone,

What are the expectations in Vietnamese culture with regards to asking my girlfriend's family for permission to marry? I am planning to engage to my partner soon and am unsure whether or not I should ask her parents before doing so.

If it was solely down to me I probably wouldn't, but I'm more than happy to do so if it's considered the done thing here.

For context she's from a relatively non-traditional family from the south. I have met her parents once, and her siblings often.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Pete

So the two of you are already cohabitating?

Did you ask her parents permission before you did that?

My point is more for the casual reader who is drawn to the topic of your post.

In a very traditional Vietnamese family, the answer to your question would involve the process of courting and not simply a question about an engagement to be married.

But let's say her parents don't have high expectations.

They will still recognize if you go out of your way to honor them.

So somebody else will probably give you more specific advice, but I would think this might be a good time to host a special outing together, perhaps asking her family out to a nice location for coffee.

That's usually part of the courting process, but it definitely couldn't hurt to go out of your way to show them that respect.

Then after that you can follow other people's specific advice about how to approach her parents regarding your intentions.

Although based on my own personal experience with Vietnamese fathers, it wouldn't surprise me if he brings up the subject when you're having coffee together.

Good luck!

Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

Yep we're already cohabitating and have been together for three years. I didn't ask for permission before we moved in together but it has not been a problem - my girlfriend would have told me had it been. As I say, her family is much less traditional than others in Vietnam, hence my uncertainty over whether to ask their permission before the proposal

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Although based on my own personal experience with Vietnamese fathers, it wouldn't surprise me if he brings up the subject when you're having coffee together.

As in her father asking when are you going to quit stalling and get hurry up and get married?      I don't have a living father-in-law but I have often wondered what his attitude would have been as he was a VC and later an NVA soldier.    I do know that my mother-in-law told the neighbors to shut up and mind their own business when they questioned her daughter marrying an American.  Somehow I think she would have similarly handled her husband if he had been alive and had any objections.

Petemccarthy123 wrote:

Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

Yep we're already cohabitating and have been together for three years. I didn't ask for permission before we moved in together but it has not been a problem - my girlfriend would have told me had it been. As I say, her family is much less traditional than others in Vietnam, hence my uncertainty over whether to ask their permission before the proposal

I think maybe they already have the guest list & seating plan ready along with the catering, venue, photographer, wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses, who is going to be the band and are trying to decide on Heineken, Tiger or googling a British beer before ordering your share and are sat waiting for Covid to go away so they can get on with it.

When you can go visit and tell them what date you would like,,,,, After 3 years all you have to do is turn up and smile.

Andybris2020 wrote:

trying to decide on Heineken, Tiger or googling a British beer

I think Heineken would win 75% of the time, even though Tiger or Saigon Special is much better 

WillyBaldy wrote:

Andybris2020 wrote:

trying to decide on Heineken, Tiger or googling a British beer

I think Heineken would win 75% of the time, even though Tiger or Saigon Special is much better 

I expect you know who I vote for.   

THIGV wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

Andybris2020 wrote:

trying to decide on Heineken, Tiger or googling a British beer

I think Heineken would win 75% of the time, even though Tiger or Saigon Special is much better 

I expect you know who I vote for.   

Guinness or Tetleys lol

Andybris2020 wrote:

THIGV wrote:

WillyBaldy wrote:

I think Heineken would win 75% of the time, even though Tiger or Saigon Special is much better 

I expect you know who I vote for.   

Guinness or Tetleys lol

Both taste like fag ash in liquid form..

Carlton Cold or Hahn Premium 😁