Hello everyone. I know this subject has been beaten into the ground but I thought I would raise it again. For conversations sake, let's say the girls name is Bibi and she lives near the Mekong delta and is 14 years younger the me (I am in my 40s). Bibi doesn't speak much English and doesn't have a job, and lives with her family.
I met Bibi's family on a dating app while working, who I only met through a dating app while living in Los Angeles. They told me that they are trying to marry Bibi, who lives in Vietnam and introduced me to her. I connected with Bibi through a messaging app and we chatted for about 6 months. I finally met her and spent about 2 weeks with her in Vietnam and met her family there as well. It seemed like we had a great time although Bibi spent a lot of time sleeping (was she avoiding me?). When I had to return home, I was sad and she said she was said too.
It's been about 2 months now that I've been home. We have spoken like normal in the first month but suddenly, out of nowhere, age said she needes mo ey for school in Vietnam - she never expressed in interest in going to school the entire time we chatted. Initially she said the cost of school was $200 but then said it would be a few thousand dollars because she needs to stay in Saigon so she needs a place to stay food, books, a laptop and school. Remember she doesn't work. I asked her to learn English first (as I've offered the entire time I've known her) but she wants to focus on this other area and says she wants to find a job there. I told her that this was more expensive than I was expecting, having spent 1000s already on this travel to meet her.
The next week, she dramatically cuts back on talking to me. She stopped looking at my messages, snaps and emails. I asked her what's wrong and she says she sad... Then she said she doesn't want to come to USA anymore and says she doesn't trust me, all the while saying I'm too good for her. I told her I was upset at what she had said and now all she messages me sparingly is a hi and a hope you're okay. That's it.
I've asked her to talk to me be she hasn't responded to that request.
So here's my question. Is this a cultural thing in Vietnam? Or is this a scam? I know of many men I've read horror stories about in Asia (and other countries) where men are taken to the dryers with fake interests, financial requests and running away after getting their US visa. I care a lot about this girl - I traveled to meet her - and I think she cares about me since she waited 6 months to meet me. Marriage is potentially on the table... I just don't understand how to move forward from this and if this is a scam (my spidey sense tells me it is, and her family both in Vietnam and in the USA are in on it).
Kindly
Cali
Vietnam Girl Asking For Money
And just to add, we aren't fiances, boyfriend/girlfriend or committed. We have talked for 8 months and spent 2 weeks in person from 1 visit.
RUN
Caliborn wrote:Then she said she doesn't want to come to USA anymore and says she doesn't trust me, all the while saying I'm too good for her. - BELIEVE HER
this is a scam (my spidey sense tells me it is, and her family both in Vietnam and in the USA are in on it). TRUST YOUR GUT
.
It seems to me you've already answered your own questions
Cali, you deserve better.
Don't be deceived, Cali and I will tell you why. But first, I highly encourage you to watch the “Mail order wife documentary” that has been viewed 64,000 times on YouTube. It's only 52 minutes. You will learn a lot about dating/marrying Asian or foreign women while they live in their home country. The knowledge will help you sift through the wheat from the chaffs, spot vampires and opportunists, but also discover the real deal wife—a challenge you will meet many times over.
You sounded like she sacrificed so much. What did she have to loose until you visited like any other American tourist? Did she have several marriage proposals to decide within a month, yet she put it on hold until you had visited? Did she have a travel plan already set, but she also put it off until you had visited? To me, these are what a woman's sacrifice would look like in this case. She was living her normal life whether you visited or not. She got nothing to lose; no sacrifice.
Second, now think about how you met her. Not via her own online profile, but her parents put up a profile to fish gullible White American men who are so hungry to marry Asian women because these men believe that it's only in Asian women reside the true qualities and virtues of a beautiful and ideal wife. Of course, Asian women have enviable qualities that distinguish them from western women—generally consider their non-aggressive but passive aggressive personality. They talk soft, walk slowly, show respect to their men, committed to family, strongly believe in community, etc.
Third, as you will learn from the documentary, most women in Asia, Easter Europe, Central America, and most women you meet in a less developed/poor country will do everything to make you the White American man believe that she loves you. Most of the time, they have one primary goal, like the girl's parents—to bring them to America and give them legal resident paper. This Vietnamese woman knows it well and her parents also know it. Yet it seems that only you don't know it.
Finally, by asking you for money in increments, your Vietnamese woman is playing into the old stereotype held by most Asians. That is, White boyfriend or White husband equals wealth, prosperity, happiness, success, MONEY, etc. It doesn't matter to most Asian and foreign women and their parents, if that White man is homeless in America, a college dropout, or has no job and is living on a monthly welfare check supported by my payroll taxes. It doesn't matter if he is pressed into the ground by the weight of tens of thousand dollars in student loans and credit card debts. It doesn't if the White man is a killer, a convicted felon, or has been estranged from his family for several years.
So, Cali, why do you sound so surprise at your Vietnamese woman being aware of this stereotype and applying it to you in order to accomplish her goal? You may think she's not interested, only because you are unaware of how these women in Asia and poor countries manage and manipulate their gullible White men.
Good luck!
This is how it works. This is how it has always worked:
- The man initiates.
- The man leads.
- The man has self respect.
- The man makes rational decisions.
This is how it doesn't work:
- Girl's scheming family introduces girl to dozens of older internet foreigners.
- A man visits, finds immature girl with no personal life and no job who is practically mute, and sleepy from so many visiting foreigners. Man is flattered by the attention.
- Suddenly, without warning, girl's behavior changes. Starts having ideas. Has needs. Launches 'damsel in distress' gambit to trigger 'white knight' response in lovelorn man. Men, maybe many.
- Man is confused by woman. Has now invested "1000s already on this travel", so of course "marriage is potentially on the table".
Because, investment.
Because, hormones.
Trouble looms because man is not leader, lacks self respect, unable to make rational decisions.
But: Do not blame Vietnamese women. This happens in Los Angeles too. Blame yourself for being inexperienced and ignorant about people from economic-social classes different from yours, and learn.
jucketboy wrote:RUN
FAST
Wadey
As a Vietnam girl. I have to say that is not our cultural thing . This belong to her personality. Consider carefully with any girl who ask your money help from you
This is a classic case. At least the person has an inkling that something is wrong and is reaching out for help. Men for some reason are emotionally underdeveloped compared to women and fall in love easily (and hand over the keys to the castle). Its just the way it is and it can take a man many years to develop whereas women are born into 3rd and 4th gears (probably because they have to mate before a certain age whereas men can mate forever if they are healthy and rich).
Unfortunately some women will take advantage of underdeveloped men. On the flip side men will take advantage of their increased market value in poorer countries.
Men need to take their time with women and look way way deeper than what they see with their eyes...
It's a scam. When they realize you won't just send money without hesitation then you are no longer useful. Hence their indifference and ignoring you. Been there done that. It's very common practice.
It's a scam.
On rare occasions there is a legitimate need that you could consider helping. More often than not it's a scam. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Run!! 
thoatran90 wrote:As a Vietnam girl. I have to say that is not our cultural thing . This belong to her personality. Consider carefully with any girl who ask your money help from you
I am totally agreed with you Tho.... 100%!!!
You will run into these types of people wherever you go or lives! No, It is not a cultural thing in Vietnam!!! There are many good people out there and I hope you will find someone that will love you of who you are and not your pocket....
Caliborn wrote:So here's my question. Is this a cultural thing in Vietnam? Or is this a scam? I know of many men I've read horror stories about in Asia (and other countries) where men are taken to the dryers with fake interests, financial requests and running away after getting their US visa. I care a lot about this girl - I traveled to meet her - and I think she cares about me since she waited 6 months to meet me. Marriage is potentially on the table... I just don't understand how to move forward from this and if this is a scam (my spidey sense tells me it is, and her family both in Vietnam and in the USA are in on it).
Kindly
Cali
Expect these kinds of things in most developing country girls you'll run into
SCAM
I will add my 2ct. It certainly sounds like she's playing you, but for what reason. I highly doubt she wants the money for school. She could be guided by her parents to extract money from you to help support her family.
Pros and cons, if you commit, and actually settle with her, she will probably be very loyal to you. That just tends to be a cultural thing in Asia. She wouldn't want to lose face getting a divorce. Considering she's from the Mekong delta, she's probably from a small village with very little western exposure other than what her family ya feed her.
So be for warned, if you go down that path, it may be an expensive one, unless you can put a cap on it fast.
With that said, I would still advise you to explore a little more before you settle. Theirs plenty of fish, no need to dip your rod into one pond.
Deep inside you already know what's going on. Accept your losses and count it as an expensive lesson learned... or it wii get more expensive!
Big scammer her and her family KEEP WELL AWAY
The "she will be loyal if you get married" isn't guaranteed either. Some girls pick up the bad American ways real quick. And I've heard even worse, in Asia, specifically developed Asia (i.e. Japan & Korea) . The stigma against divorce is still strong so people do things on the side. And somehow that's okay but a divorce isn't.
It's either a scammer or a personality issue. Either way, it's a no go.
My bet is on personality. Since you've had contact with her family in the US and Vietnam I'd leaned more towards even her family has no hope for her and trying to foist her off on you instead of them using her to suck money for themselves.
As to whether this type of behavior is a cultural thing. IT IS. But it's a western meets eastern cultural things. This is not typical behavior for an average eastern girl. However, it's common enough for an eastern girl hooking up with a western dude. All relationships, whether west-west, east-east or east-west needs time together to develop.
Addendum : personally, I've have seen many east-west relationships work. Either the girl from the east was westernized/educated/independent (not material) enough before she married some guy from the west. The other times is when the western guy has lived in the west but is still fobbish. In both cases, the culture clash in minimal. Certainly the opposite of your case here.
Steer clear!
Gorgeous girls are a dime a dozen here and there are many more who don't ask for money and actually tries to pay for meals. What you've spent is sunk cost, don't need to expend more.
There are women here whose job is to meet as many men online as possible and to ask for money.
Walk away.
Man I love these threads, better than an Avengers movie!
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