How much does a wedding cost in Vietnam?

mikeymyke wrote:

My fiance and I, on Dec 2013, budgeted for this:

$2500 - 24K gold jewellry
$1000 - dowry for parents
$4000 - wedding reception/dinner for 160 guests ($25 per person)
$1000 - photobook
$1000 - renting a car, house decorations, ao dai's for the bridesmaids and men, cake, roasted pig, desserts, etc

Total $9500

P.S. haha omg, you're from Edmonton too?

$1000 dowry?? That's new! I will have to inquire about that one. Not marrying an East Indian girl you know.

NashCat wrote:

mikeymyke wrote:

My fiance and I, on Dec 2013, budgeted for this:

$2500 - 24K gold jewellry
$1000 - dowry for parents
$4000 - wedding reception/dinner for 160 guests ($25 per person)
$1000 - photobook
$1000 - renting a car, house decorations, ao dai's for the bridesmaids and men, cake, roasted pig, desserts, etc

Total $9500

P.S. haha omg, you're from Edmonton too?

$1000 dowry?? That's new! I will have to inquire about that one. Not marrying an East Indian girl you know.

Her dad's Chinese, and the dowry thing is more of a Chinese thing than Vietnamese. 

Actually I wouldn't say its a dowry, cuz that's an Indian term, and its for when a girl gives to groom's parents, its more like an "opposite" dowry

$2500 - 24K gold jewellry
$1000 - dowry for parents
$4000 - wedding reception/dinner for 160 guests ($25 per person)
$1000 - photobook
$1000 - renting a car, house decorations, ao dai's for the bridesmaids and men, cake, roasted pig, desserts, etc

This is way too much unless you of course have money to burn. If her family has money and are willing to help then ok but if they are "poor" then this is just a unnecessary extravaganza. Keep in mind that mostly men pay for weddings in Vietnam. Personally I think that Vietnamese way of having wedding is another not so great tradition that is there just to raise the face of the family(especially if groom is foreigner ) and earn some money.Been to so many weddings and they are all the same concept - it's a business really.Some last less than 3 hours:guests come,give money,they eat,take photos and off they go and the family counts the money they got.. Lots of couples (well,mostly man because he pays) get in debt to have a wedding that everyone is envious at. Way to burden a young couple in the beginning of their life. It's much better in west where families of newlyweds usually take care of everything.

Save the money on jewelry and simply rent it.It will be used only once anyway. Sure, you also keep a bought jewelry but they will most probably keep it so you personally will never see this money again. If the dowry is too high then you know that she has one of those parents, who like to extract the money from you (or it might be her,which is even worse since you are marrying this girl). I guess $1000 is not that much but if you can pay $0 then it is even better (dowry is seen as some kind of compensation for taking her daughter away but this is not really true since she will still take care for them,mostly financially, after she goes away anyway).

You can do a nice wedding for lot less but it depends on the person.

Also keep in mind another important thing: the wedding in Vietnam is really mostly a event to show everyone you are married AND a business event. All guests bring you money so you can get back anywhere from 50% and more. The idea is of course to know how much money (how "rich") your guests are so you plan the wedding costs accordingly. This is normal procesure when couple is Vietnamese but since you are foreigner they might not like this idea - after all what kind of message would they be sending when a daughter married a "poor" foreigner? (Remember the importance of face in Vietnamese culture!). If you are paying for wedding request that you (ok,you and your wife) get this back,otherwise her family will simply pocket it

NashCat,be absolutely sure to inquire about the dowry part. I have seen case when a girl was "in love" with a guy and they even talked about weddings but then came the shock of dowry and the guys refused and guess ,what  - not only was the wedding off, they broke up. If they set a dowry too high and your girlfriend,knowing your situation, still insist and sides with parents (this includes returning all the money earned with wedding back to you and her) ..well,then you will have a insight on what you are marrying

For the end let me just say that if she and her family are a good and reasonable Vietnamese they will have no problems saving your money and doing what is best for you and her.

Tito12 wrote:

$2500 - 24K gold jewellry
$1000 - dowry for parents
$4000 - wedding reception/dinner for 160 guests ($25 per person)
$1000 - photobook
$1000 - renting a car, house decorations, ao dai's for the bridesmaids and men, cake, roasted pig, desserts, etc

This is way too much unless you of course have money to burn. If her family has money and are willing to help then ok but if they are "poor" then this is just a unnecessary extravaganza. Keep in mind that mostly men pay for weddings in Vietnam. Personally I think that Vietnamese way of having wedding is another not so great tradition that is there just to raise the face of the family(especially if groom is foreigner ) and earn some money.Been to so many weddings and they are all the same concept - it's a business really.Some last less than 3 hours:guests come,give money,they eat,take photos and off they go and the family counts the money they got.. Lots of couples (well,mostly man because he pays) get in debt to have a wedding that everyone is envious at. Way to burden a young couple in the beginning of their life. It's much better in west where families of newlyweds usually take care of everything.

Save the money on jewelry and simply rent it.It will be used only once anyway. Sure, you also keep a bought jewelry but they will most probably keep it so you personally will never see this money again. If the dowry is too high then you know that she has one of those parents, who like to extract the money from you (or it might be her,which is even worse since you are marrying this girl). I guess $1000 is not that much but if you can pay $0 then it is even better (dowry is seen as some kind of compensation for taking her daughter away but this is not really true since she will still take care for them,mostly financially, after she goes away anyway).

You can do a nice wedding for lot less.

The biggest expense is the wedding reception, we will have 16 tables, I wanted to pick a high end restaurant, but she wanted a normal one to help save me money.  Don't worry, she's not the type to make me spend so much, and her family is not that type either.  Everything she booked, ordered, spent, she always asked me about it, and tried to get it cheaper, she's even going to borrow her friend's wedding dress

Also, we wanted to do a photobook, which is optional for most people, because we wanted something to remember our wedding by.

The jewellry we decided not to rent because by buying it, at least we can keep it for ourselves.  Having some gold around the house, I mean, it only goes up in value right? 

As for the $1000 "dowry", that was just an amount I thought of myself, it seems reasonable.  Her parents earn a very good living, but I don't mind to do that. 

Besides, most of those costs will be offset by the guests' lucky money, and also my Canadian family will be coming to the wedding and they promised to not skimp on the lucky money for us

And lastly, I do have a relatively good paying job, my fiance does not (compared to a Canadian), so I absolutely don't mind footing the bill for the wedding.  At least $9000K is way better than $30K average in Canada

Wild_1 wrote:

Mikeymyke,

That is a reasonable wedding plan you got there.  Elderly Vietnamese have no safety net, aside from their children, to fall upon.  What you give them goes into their cares, when old age creeps in.  If they don't use need it, it will eventually be turned over to you and your wife, anyhow. 

Best,
Howie

Howie,what you say is partially true but you are forgetting one thing (let me in this case concentrate on the western male/Vietnamese female couple): The daughter will in no way stop caring for parents after she gets married. She might not live with them but the money influx will be much larger than when she was single.You know what they say: you don't marry the girl in SE Asia, you marry her family too. Just remember that girl asking about love with old guy: she wants to do it so she can start sending some money back to her parents. Dowry is just like a cherry on top In fact wife sending and spending husbands money by sending it home is one of the most common reasons why such mixed couples fight. The more daughters they have, the better they will be taken care of after their weddings. Ironically, the so treasured sons are usually the ones who are worthless when it comes to taking care of parents in the old age.

If they don't use need it, it will eventually be turned over to you and your wife, anyhow.

There are some cases like this but it usually isn't. Like ancientpahtos said in another thread: there is the endless line of random relatives that need money for some reason and it usually ends there.Next time it will be them needing money and it will be some relative "borrowing" it. It's the Vietnamese way of helping each other. 

It is not that uncommon for couples to remember who paid how much because you get invited to so many weddings in Vietnam that eventually you pay back everything.I remember once being surprised on how much a couple got at their wedding but the bride told me,half jokingly, that they better put this money aside because it will have to be returned soon when they get invited by the same people now giving the money

khanh44 wrote:

Just spoke to my fiance. Don't know if this is the dowry everyone is mentioning but she said as part of custom I'm to put money in 1 of the 6 gifts. I think gifts is those dinnerware covered in red cloth that they carry to the bride.

The amount is totally up to me. They will open up each gift and some dude will announce what's in each one of them. When he announces the money the father of the daughter will say keep the money for your future family.

My fiance said most family on daughter side would give that money back to the groom but some family keep it too. She said her family won't keep it and I persistently asked her how much I should put in. She said it's up to me and made no mention of how much and no mention of any other money that I have to pay the bride's family.

So I think I'm in the clear.

Though just realized my budget for transportation will hit at least 5k. 2 plane tickets for my mom and dad and renting a bus for my relatives from Can Tho to Bien Hoa.

Factor in honeymoon I think this wedding will have the potential go over $10k.

I'm really curious how this worked out.  Any update?
That you are asking these questions here and not getting this information from your finance makes me wonder about the communication.  The wedding is the easiest part of being married.

Wxx3 wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Just spoke to my fiance. Don't know if this is the dowry everyone is mentioning but she said as part of custom I'm to put money in 1 of the 6 gifts. I think gifts is those dinnerware covered in red cloth that they carry to the bride.

The amount is totally up to me. They will open up each gift and some dude will announce what's in each one of them. When he announces the money the father of the daughter will say keep the money for your future family.

My fiance said most family on daughter side would give that money back to the groom but some family keep it too. She said her family won't keep it and I persistently asked her how much I should put in. She said it's up to me and made no mention of how much and no mention of any other money that I have to pay the bride's family.

So I think I'm in the clear.

Though just realized my budget for transportation will hit at least 5k. 2 plane tickets for my mom and dad and renting a bus for my relatives from Can Tho to Bien Hoa.

Factor in honeymoon I think this wedding will have the potential go over $10k.

I'm really curious how this worked out.  Any update?
That you are asking these questions here and not getting this information from your finance makes me wonder about the communication.  The wedding is the easiest part of being married.

You should check the date next to the posters name, this thread is nearly 3 years old.

Ambush wrote:

When we have had our wedding.... I'll be in a position to give advice on weddings in Vietnam particularly HCMC.

Interested in seeing that post when it happens.

SteinNebraska wrote:

I know this is an old thread but some recent action.  My fiance told me about the gold but she said her family will be covering the party.  Not sure how this will be possible as we are sending money to them every month as they are poor farmers.  Is this something that they would be saving for or will they just borrow it and repay it from the money we send every month?  Her parents are 66 and 72 fwiw.

Usually the money received from the guests will cover the cost of the reception.

colinoscapee wrote:

Usually the money received from the guests will cover the cost of the reception.

I asked her about it last night.  Yes, she said the money from "friends and neighborhood" go to parents to cover reception.  Money and gold from either family goes to bride and groom.